BRM Reviews CHIKARA Throwing Life’s Instructions Away

[Big Red Machine]

CHIKARA Throwing Life’s Instructions Away (11/21/2009)- Easton, PA


HALLOWICKED vs. OPHIDIAN- 7/10
These two are pretty much a can’t-miss combination. In this match they had a tremendous struggle over the Ophidian Death Grip, with Hallowicked getting out of it with a wonderful counter that Ophidian had to position himself for perfectly in order to make it work and he did. A great opener that got the crowd into things.

BADD BOYS PROMO- meh
For those who don’t know, the Badd Boys are 2.0 denying that they were ever 2.0 and acting like dough guys, dressed in denim. They’re talking in deeper voices, too. It’s pretty funny, but in a “laugh at them, not with them” kind of way.
The comedy continued, making fun of Lincé Dorado and Helios for hiding their identities… and then took a startlingly non-CHIKARA turn into left field when Scott Parker- sorry, “Chad Badd”- called their opponents “a couple of flaming fa-“ and was quickly cut off by Shane Matthews. Sorry, “Brad Badd.”

THE FUTURE IS NOW (Lincé Dorado & Helios) vs. THE BADD BOYS- 5/10
The Badds jumped the bell on TFIN. They worked a fast-paced and extremely exciting five minutes. TFIN came across like real stars in the making, and if you had told me this would be the last match they would wrestle as a team in CHIKARA I would have thought you were mad. In hindsight it makes… um… the choice to do what CHIKARA does with this team in the that happens very soon (it’s such a big thing I wouldn’t want to spoil it for anyone only now discovering CHIKARA and ruin the amazing wonderland ahead) seem all the more gutsy on Quack’s part.

AMASIS vs. CARPENTER ANT- 0.75/10
This went less than five minutes. Carpenter Ant had a total heel attitude and eventually got DQed for not breaking in the corner despite multiple warnings in other corners. He pushed the referee and cornered him, but Amasis made the save.
This was a tough one for me to decide whether to rate as a match or segment, as it was clearly intended to foreshadow a… component, let’s say, of the You Know What, and they kept it short for that reason, so rating it as a match doesn’t seem fair. On the other hand, knowing what’s coming, I can say with full confidence that this didn’t actually enhance anything so much as just foreshadowed something, and thus maybe it should be rated as a match because what they did hear wasn’t actually necessary for the story to get to… the Big Thing.
In the end, I do like to try my best to pretend I don’t know what’s coming, someone who doesn’t know what’s coming would almost certainly see this as a match rather than a segment, so that’s what I’ve gone with. If I were to rate this as a segment, though, I’d rate it as a bad one because, as I said, I don’t think it enhances the upcoming Big Thing at all. I guess maybe you could say it draws more attention o the fact that something is up with Carpenter Ant, which they already drew attention to with the segment with Quack at the end of the previous show so maybe it does play a role, but I think a better way to handle this would have been to have Carpenter Ant once again win with the Inverted CHIKARA Special, bringing that point back to our minds, rather than to do a rather needless foreshadowing that doesn’t actually enhance things artistically.

PLAYER DOS vs. YUJIRO KUSHIDA- 7.25/10
Yup. That KUSHIDA. I bet he’d love to get his hands on that DeLorean that 3.0 and Archibald Peck showed up in at National Pro Wrestling Day 2014.
Heel KUSHIDA is weird. So is a KUSHIDA who doesn’t work the arm. These two put together a match that built extremely well, culminating in quite the series of highspots at the end.

MIKE QUACKENBUSH, CLAUDIO CASTAGNOLI, & HORAGE “SKAYDE” RIVERA vs. ORDER OF THE NEO-SOLAR TEMPLE (UltraMantis Black, Crossbones, & Delirious)- 6.5/10
Solid trios action (though it got a bit sloppy towards the end) with a finish that saw Claudio first accidentally hit Skayde, and the accidentally hit Quack. And both times he was aiming for UltraMantis Black. Huh. I don’t it make much sense that this would factor into You Know What, but at the same time, that’s an awfully specific finish, and this is CHIKARA. The babyfaces argued a little bit after the match, but all posed together in the end.

THROWBACKS PROMO- fine, although I could have done without Sugar Dunkerton’s goofy comedy phone call from his mother.

THE THROWBACKS vs. F.I.S.T. (Chuck Taylor & Icarus)- 5.5/10
There was a lot of gaga here, and Dasher went a little too heavy on the baseball spots for what’s supposed to be a grudge match in his mind. I was not a fan of babyface Sugar Dunkerton cheating by chucking a basketball at Chuck Taylor when Chuck dove onto him. It didn’t affect the finish at all (while that was happening, Dasher won with a roll-up), but it certainly was not something a babyface should have done.

TIM DONST PROMO- GREAT!

LOSER LEAVES CHIKARA: Tim Donst vs. Hydra- 4.5/10
Donst worked over Hydra’s back. He also unzipped his muscle suit. In the world of CHIKARA, what does that mean? Does Hydra now become a weakling? Am I supposed to look at it like he’s ripping Hydra’s flesh off? Or is he just removing a thing that gives Hydra’s back some padding? It seems like it’s that last one, but it’s CHIKARA, so I’m not totally sure.
This match just didn’t do it for me. It felt like an undercard match instead of a big grudge match with someone’s career on the line. I also HATED Donst having to cheat to win. If Hydra is leaving and not coming back, have the guy put Donst over CLEAN.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- hated it
Hydra did a “farewell speech” which was a riff on Lou Gehrig’s famous “Today I Consider Myself the Luckiest Man on the Face of the Earth” speech. They even had Dasher Hatfield come out and stand at attention for it. It took something that should be an emotional moment and turned it into a joke.

THE COLONY (Green Ant, Fire Ant, & Solider Ant) vs. THE UNSTABLE (Vin Gerard, Colin Delaney, & STIGMA)- 7.75/10
GREAT trios action!

GRAN AKUMA vs. JIGSAW- 8.5/10
Both men came into the match with nagging injuries (Jigsaw’s knee, Akuma’s neck) so those got targeted. Jigsaw’s selling here was beautiful and the last five minutes or so were excellent. There was one terrifying moment where Akuma was trying to hit a super exploder suplex and seemed to fall on his head, but the smoothness of everything that followed (him rolling through and winding up on his knees with his back to Jigsaw, allowing Jigsaw to charge in with a sliding forearm to the back of the head had me convinced that he just has the most phenomenal body control I’ve ever seen.



This was a good show from CHIKARA. It definitely had its misses (Donst vs. Hydra being the biggest), but it had its hits, too (particularly the main event). For a show that was essentially a B-show for the season finale, this definitely exceeded expectations. And tomorrow night… well…