BRM Reviews the 10/22/2016 ROH

[Big Red Machine]

THE TEMPURA BOYZ (Yo & Sho) vs. COLT CABANA & DALTON CASTLE (w/the Boys)- 2.5/10
“Yo & Sho” would be New Japan’s former young boys Sho Tanaka & Yohei Komatsu on their excursion. Yes, in Mexico they get to be “Raijin and Fujin,” named after the Japanese gods of thunder and wind. In the US, they get to be named after a way to ruin sushi.

Kevin Kelly told everyone that Colt and Dalton would get the tag title shot they earned at All-Star Extravaganza VIII and next Friday’s TV tapings in Baltimore, so all of you fans in the Baltimore area should totally go if you want to see that match.
Well, as it turns out, by the time this aired, that match had already taken place the previous weekend in Dearborn as an awkward and confusing ending to the annual Champions vs. All-Stars match. Why? Because it turned out that the Bucks were scheduled for a tour of New Japan on October 29th. Whoopsie! So either there was bad communication between ROH and New Japan or ROH didn’t bother to check first. I guess it’s also possible that New Japan insisted that the Bucks stay for the whole tour at a later point, but whenever that point was, it would have had to be before the 10/15 Champions vs. All-Stars show. No matter whether the scenario was a screw up on the part of ROH, New Japan, the Bucks themselves, or New Japan being jerks, the fact remains that this change was known about A FULL WEEK before this show aired… and yet still ROH did nothing to correct the fact that their TV show was falsely advertising a title match that they knew would not be able to take place, and they did nothing to stop it. There is no excuse for not getting Kevin Kelly to come in to the office and re-do this one line of audio… or even just mute Kevin Kelly when he gives the date and just give us the crown reacting to Dalton’s entrance. I know that if I were a fan and I bought a ticket to next week’s TV tapings in Baltimore to see the title match that Kevin Kelly plugged on ROH’s national TV show and then that match didn’t happen, I’d be pretty damn annoyed.

Colt and Dalton dominated the match. Any jobbers could have been stuck in this role. This felt like a huge waste of Kamatsu and Tanaka.

BRISCOES PROMO- Apparently they had a stare-down with Colt and Dalton on their way up the ramp. They cut a promo announcing that they are getting the tag title shot at Final Battle. They deserve it because, “in recent weeks” they have beaten both Castle & Cabana and the Young Bucks, which is frustratingly-typical Delirious booking for the tag division. Booking like this essentially results in title shots being given out based on the results of one match that happened months ago instead of an impressive streak of victories (in other words, the results of those other matches don’t matter much, if it at all)… and the sad part is that the Briscoes actually are on such a streak. As a tag team in ROH they have won five of their last seven matches, including not only the aforementioned win over Colt and Dalton, but also a win in a four-way involving Silas & BCB, ANX, and War Machine, and a three-way in the first round of Tag Wars over reDRagon and Roddy & Lethal (and while they didn’t win the finals of Tag Wars, they weren’t pinned, either). Their only loss came in a tag title match they had to wrestle right after earning it by winning a gauntlet match, and they only lost that match because of interference by the Young Bucks. That last bit right there alone should mean they are owed a title shot (and while we’re at it, let’s throw in that Mark did pin Kazarian in a Four Corner Survival match while Kaz was still one half of the ROH World Tag Team Champions). And that isn’t even counting their run in New Japan where they have been the IWGP Heavyweight Champions for several months, so they’ve been winning a lot there, too (including the aforementioned win over the Young Bucks). All of this should be brought up when talking about why the Briscoes are getting a tag title shot, but instead it’s just two random matches that matter, and the rest of the results might as well have never happened.
With that out of the way, what the Briscoes themselves actually said was good (though Mark fumbled at times).

COLE & LETHAL PROMO- I really didn’t like the way they cut back and forth between these two promos. It felt like something that was supposed to be a video package but ROH was so low rent that they couldn’t afford to make it into a video package so they just cut back and forth between the footage. They both cut decent promos hyping up their ROH World Title match in London.

KYLE O’REILLY PROMO- very good.
He wants to prove he can beat Lethal after so many close calls and controversial finishes and he also wants revenge on Adam Cole, so he is happy no matter who leaves the UK with the belt.

Kevin Kelly said the following:
“One of my most favorite matches in 2016 was recently on the Reloaded Tour in Pittsburgh- and it’s available now at ROHWrestling.com- when Johnathan Gresham wrestled Delirious.” Steve Corino then called the match “an instant classic.”
I am highly incredulous.
Corino also called the match “a pure pro wrestling display that hasn’t been seen here in years.” That right there is a statement that should NEVER be uttered in Ring of Honor, because if you’ve strayed that far from “pure pro wrestling” you’ve completely lost what Ring of Honor is about.

KYLE O’REILLY vs. JONATHAN GRESHAM- 6.5/10
Good, old-fashioned, technical wrestling.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- good segment.
Adam Page attacks Kyle O’Reilly, going after his injured shoulder (which Gresham also worked over during the match). Bobby Fish came out to make the save and he brawled with Page until Adam Cole came out and joined the fray. Kyle got back up but Page took his shoulder out, then he hit Fish in the ribs with a chair a bunch of times until security showed up to put a stop to this.
CORINO/WHITMER/SULLIVAN BULLSH*T VIDEO PACKAGE- this was completely pointless. It was short and served absolutely no purpose.

CHEESEBURGER & WILL FERRARA PROMO- good.
They’re angry that BJ Whitmer and Punishment Martinez jumped them recently, so they want a match with them.

WILL FERRARA & CHEESEBURGER vs. BJ WHITMER & PUNISHMENT MARTINEZ (w/Kevin Sullivan)-
Sullivan went to do commentary. My latest attempt at transcribing the silly name Sullivan is calling Corino is “Boozah Moo-can.” He tells Corino that if he would watch this match then maybe he would understand where he truly belongs. Ironically, while Sullivan was saying this, we the viewers were unable to watch this match because the camera randomly cut to showing us the announcers sitting there talking instead of showing us the wrestling match. They would continue to constantly cut back to the announcers, so we didn’t get to see Punishment Martinez hit most of his cool moves. I’m sure that will help him get over.
Ah. Apparently the name is “Boozar Moo-can” but Kevin Sullivan’s accent got in the way.
The commentary during this match was something else. I know I’ve been claiming to have no idea what is going on in this angle, and when they start talking about bullsh*t like being on top of the thirteen dark pyramid or whatever, I do largely feel lost. But I understand the general thrust of the story: That Steve Corino and BJ Whitmer were mentored by Kevin Sullivan early in their careers and Sullivan wanted them both to follow him down his path of evil (because, as everyone who knows about wrestling from thirty-five years ago in Florida knows), Kevin Sullivan is an evil devil-worshipper. Corino at some point (presumably his most recent face turn in ROH, or possibly going back to his “rehab from being evil” angle in 2011), strayed from this path and became a family man, which angered Sullivan so Sullivan, with Whitmer’s help, is trying to coerce Steve into joining them by having Punishment Martinez beat people up until Steve does. On commentary, neither Corino nor Kevin Kelly seem to be able to figure this out- Corino because he is coming off like a naïve child and Kevin Kelly because he’s just incredibly dense.
Also annoying was Corino’s insistence that Sullivan was doing some sort of wrong by letting these two wrestle this match. Ferrara and Cheeseburger were the ones who made the challenge, and this match was wrestled in a 100% sporting manner, with no cheating going on whatsoever, so Steve came off as both silly and melodramatic, (which I guess is pretty much impossible not to in this angle, no matter what you say or do).
In terms of actual development, we might have had something here. There was apparently one decision that Corino made that angered Sullivan enough to get involved at Best in the World, which was “sending him away.” We’re not sure who this “him” is. The immediate possibility that spring to mind is obviously Colby (who hasn’t been seen in ROH since shortly before the PPV), and I can’t really think of anyone else who would fit). Corino insists that he did what he thought was the right thing to do.
After the match, Sullivan whispered something to Corino, which made him run down to the ring to save Cheeseburger from getting chokeslammed after the match.
When we came back from the commercial, we were given a recap of Corino standing over Ferrara and Cheeseburger about to stab them with the golden spike but he decided not to. Why does everything important in this feud happen during a commercial break? (Also, I have it on good authority that “the golden spike” is what Dustin Runnells calls his penis).

MCMG PROMO- great babyface promo

MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS vs. LOS INGOBERNABLES DE JAPON (Tetsuya Naito & EVIL)- 6/10
Yeah, I know the Guns are really banged up, but if they’re banged up and can only do a ten minute match, then don’t make it the main event!

Next week we’re getting Addiction vs. Briscoes and a semi-final in the Six Man Tag Team Titles Tournament pitting The Cabinet against White, KUSHIDA, & ACH. That’s kind of unusual to do one semi-final before any of the first-round matches on the other side of the bracket.

An okay show from ROH. At least I didn’t start throwing things at the Whitmer/Corino/Sullivan bullsh*t. I didn’t even drop a single F bomb. That means the product is improving, right?