BRM Reviews the 12/3/2016 ROH

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 12/3/2016 ROH

Post by Big Red Machine » Dec 12th, '16, 01:56

Kevin Kelly & Nigel McGuinness are on commentary.

THE TEMPURA BOYZ vs. WILL FERRARA & CHEESEBURGER (w/Joey Diesel Daddiego)- 4.75/10 (and it probably would have been even better if we got to see the whole thing without the commercial break).
Joey Daddiego was on commentary for this match as well. He was annoying as hell, talking about the dietary help he has been giving Cheeseburger. Also, he was annoying because of his New York accent… and this is coming from the son of two New Yorkers.
For some reason it was decided that the Tempura Boyz would need to rely on heel tactics to take on these two chumps.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- why is this even happening?
For no reason whatsoever, Prince Nana directed Donovan Dijak to come out and attack all of these men. Nana’s actual instructions were for Dijak to both “murder them” as well as “end their careers.” That second one will probably be unnecessary once you’ve done the first.
Dijak wasn’t happy about it, but started to beat them up anyway. Then Joey Daddiego got went to defend Cheeseburger and Ferrara, telling Dijak that “they’re not just my training partners; they’re my family.” Yes. From adversaries to “family,” all completely off-screen. Because that’s how Delirious does things.
Daddiego wanted a match, so we got…

JOEY “DIESEL” DADDIEGO vs. DONOVAN DIJAK (w/Prince Nana)- 1/10
Then they had a short match in which Dijak needed Nana’s help to win. Nana walked off angrily, shouting at Dijak “that’s how you win a match.” Kevin Kelly tried to sell that Dijak was in “personal turmoil” for some reason after this and some other recent losses. I really didn’t see that here at all.

IAN RICCABONI GIVES US AN UPDATE ON THE CABINET’S NEW “REBELLION” GIMMICK (see my review of SOTF Night 2 for more detail on these events).

SULLIVAN/CORINO/WHITMER/MARTINEZ BULLSH*T PROMO/VIDEO PACKAGE- annoying.
And now I’ve got to sit though more of this crap.

WAR MACHINE vs. BJ WHITMER & PUNISHMENT MARTINEZ (w/Kevin Sullivan)- DUD!
For the first time in the six months that this intolerable angle has been going on, someone asks when Whitmer started to become influenced by Kevin Sullivan- which is a darn good question, as a reasonable answer to this would explain how the BJ Whitmer who started 2016 as a normal heel leading The Decade has suddenly transformed into the type of guy who hangs around with Kevin Sullivan and talks about the 13th step of the 13th pyramid in the Caves of Androzani or whatever.
The answer we were given here is that Kevin Sullivan visited BJ when he was in the hospital a few years ago after almost breaking his neck in a match. This is what I like to call a “Delirious Special;” an explanation or angle that Delirious goes back to time and time again. Here’s the problem: THEY ALREADY DID THAT ANGLE WITH THIS SAME NECK INJURY. This was the same neck injury in which Jimmy Jacobs was supposedly the only one who called BJ, which led to them founding The Decade. If this happened when they claim it did, then why was Whitmer normal for almost three years after it!
Even worse, Kevin Kelly said that he got this information via “rumors” which would make no sense because who would have this information to give away? Even worse than that, Kevin said that “speculation is abound” as to whether Sullivan was really there or Whitmer was just hallucination him while on painkillers. How would Sullivan have known to start influencing BJ if what BJ was seeing were hallucinations? The only explanation is that BJ went to Sullivan after hallucinating him, which begs the question why BJ would do that because when he was hallucinating he was sedated (according to Kevin Kelly) and when he was no longer sedated he would have been smart enough to realize that it was just a hallucination.

The match itself was a brawl that you could tell from the very beginning was going to end in some sort of non-finish so you were just sitting there waiting for it to happen. It eventually happened after a commercial break when Whitmer attacked the referee for literally no reason. Also, Martinez put Rowe through a table. If these two teams aren’t going to feud (which I doubt that they will because the Corino thing is still going on and stuff like this is routinely never followed up on in ROH under Delirious, especially where War Machine is concerned) then there was no reason for any of this to happen. If they are going to feud, there were a million better ways to set it up than this.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Then Kevin Sullivan cut a promo on “Todd.” Todd is Hanson. Apparently Kevin Sullivan used to pick him up and take him to wrestling matches and let Hanson carry his title belts around. Then he claimed that early in his career, Hanson would dye his hair blond and call himself “New School Steve Corino” (the internet has no knowledge of this). Where the f*ck is ANY of this coming from?! And the last thing we need is more people being drawn into this stupid bullsh*t (Taeler Hendrix and Mandy Leon have apparently been, too, which is even more annoying because if you need a female heel to fit into this stupid crap, Whitmer’s protégé Kelly Klein makes infinitely more sense).
Sullivan then started talking about “two bodies occupying the same time and space” or something like that and then called out Boozar Mookan, which is what he calls Steve Corino. Steve came out. They let him have a face-to-face with Hanson while they walked away. Then ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED! At this point there is absolutely no denying that continuing this sh*t past Best in the World and bringing Kevin Sullivan into it have to be the worst decision made by any booker in ROH history (and yes, I am including “The Larry Sweeney Show with Allison Danger” and the Joey Matthews fake overdose).

THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS, LIO RUSH, & JAY WHITE vs. THE BRISCOES, SILAS YOUNG, & JAY LETHAL- 7.75/10
This match might seem random, (and on one level there is nothing wrong with that) but the real purpose of this match was to put over the idea of guys like White and Rush working closely with MCMG (and particularly Alex Shelley).
The Revolution came out to watch this math from the ramp. As if their presence wasn’t annoying enough, the director decided it was necessary to cut to a close-up of them EVERY THIRTY SECONDS. Obviously this is way too often and of course we missed the action going on in the ring every time, but the most infuriating part of this was that cutting to a close-up of them at all was completely unnecessary because WE COULD SEE THEM JUST FINE FROM THE F*CKING HARD-CAM!
I should have known that with so many good episodes of ROH in a row, there was bound to be one that was chock full of terrible sh*t coming up, and this was it. I don’t know why I figured the main event would be immune to it, but I was hoping we’d just get a nice fifteen-minute main event eight-man tag with a clean finish, but this show was the result of all of the good vibes over the past few weeks being brought back into balance, so I couldn’t even get that.
And then they just disappeared and we got the clean match I was hoping for. Hooray! Jay White picks up the win here. With the number of wins he’s gotten so far, it’s completely ridiculous that he hasn’t been granted a shot at a singles title.
This was a very frustrating show because of all of the bullsh*t on the first two thirds of it, but the main event was worth watching if you have fifteen minutes.

Next week is one of their Women of Honor shows. This was pushed as many times as the replay for Final Battle… which was only one. How the hell do you only plug the replay of your biggest PPV of the year ONCE?
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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