BRM Reviews ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3

Post by Big Red Machine » Dec 11th, '21, 16:07

ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3 (9/8/2019)- Milwaukee, WI


THE BOUNCERS vs. VILLAIN ENTERPRISES (Brody King & PCO)- 4.75/10
This was big men running into each other and clobbering each other. That might sound good on paper, but in practice, this one just didn’t work very well. It just wasn’t exciting. Milonas in particular looked like he didn’t belong in an ROH ring. They fought on the outside forever and weren’t counted out. Vinny Marseglia came out to interfere on behalf of Villain Enterprises because he’s feuding with the Bouncers. Both members of Villain Enterprises were pinning Milonas on the finish, which you’d think should be a clear sign to the referee that this pin is illegal, but apparently not.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- The Bouncers drank beer after the match, because I guess winning and losing doesn’t matter and they apparently don’t care that they got screwed by their sworn enemy interfering in the match, because G-d forbid we don’t get our hometown pop in for the Beer City Bruiser.

ROH WORLD TV TITLE MATCH IN WHICH DYSFUNCTION WILL IN WIN THE TITLE IF HE MERELY LASTS FIVE MINUTES AGAINST TAYLOR: Shane Taylor(c) vs. Dysfunction- -2/10
Ah yes, the Delirious Special: An outsider getting a title shot for absolutely no reason, and where no one thinks there is any chance of the title changing hands. Having had to put up with this for years, I actually found myself amazed that a whole new reason why this was terrible occurred to me just now: It buries the ROH roster if these random people can come in and get a title shot, but a random ROH guy who Is getting something of a push (let’s say at this point, Mark Haskins or Silas Young or Bandido) isn’t worthy of a title shot. This guy is a “local legend?” So what. That’s what the pre-show is for (if you have to book the guy at all… which you really don’t).
Anyway, this got even dumber when Shane Taylor, for NO F*CKING REASON, offered to have the title change hands if he doesn’t beat Dysfunction within five minutes. Yes, I listened to Taylor’s promo, and no, “I’ve had a really frustrating tour” is not a reason. Making this even worse, I looked back at my notes for the previous two shows, and I’m not really sure what Taylor has to be frustrated about.
So the match starts, and Dysfunction immediately slides to the outside to try to stall out the five minutes to win the title rather than try to actually earn it by beating the champion… and the fans CHEERED. In RING OF HONOR, fans cheered for the idea of a guy stalling out a short time-limit to win a title instead of trying to beat the champion cleanly. I’m glad that almost certainly seems like it will have been the last ROH show Milwaukee ever gets, because clearly the fans there don’t understand what ROH is supposed to be.
Hell, it’s not just ROH. Say what you will about the fanbases of AEW and WWE (and I’ve said a lot), but they want to see action. What complaint will show up in one of my reviews on the most consistent basis, almost regardless of the promotion (WWE, NXT, and wXw being the major exceptions, and in the first two because they tell their referees to call it like a shoot): “They fought for way too long on the outside without being counted out” or something “should have been a DQ but wasn’t.” And the explanation that the commentators and the promotions’ defenders give (when they bother to give one) is that “we wouldn’t want a match this important to end with a disqualification/count-out.” And as I’ve said many times, that’s f*cking stupid. But it’s illustrative of the fact that modern wrestling fans don’t want to see count-outs, to the point where many of them are willing to forgo logic and the basic premise that this is a sporting contest with rules just so they don’t have to worry about a match ending via count-out. So how the f*ck did ROH wind up drawing a bunch of people who would be HAPPY to see someone WIN A TITLE via STALLING ON THE OUTSIDE?!
So this guy runs around on the outside, even pointing to his wrist to let everyone know what bullsh*t he is engaging in. Taylor starts to chase him around… and even though both competitors are on the outside, Tod Sinclair makes no effort to count them out.
Taylor eventually got annoyed and grabbed a mic and scolded Dysfunction for this bullsh*t, telling him that he gave him this match because he wanted to fight him. Well if that’s the case then you shouldn’t have offered him a stipulation that encourages him to stall, should you, dumbass?
Taylor accused Dysfunction of “running like a little bitch,” at which point Colt Cabana, on commentary, said “WHO CARES?!” So now we have a babyface announcer (two, actually, as Ian was backing him up) advocating that someone stall out the clock to win a championship instead of trying to beat the champion and earn it the right way.
To get him back into the ring, Taylor offers Dysfunction a ten-count of free shots. Dysfunction took it and got a few good shots in, but Taylor decided he was tired of this, started ducking some punches, and then headbutted Dysfunction at eight. He then hit a knee to the head and Welcome To The Land for the pin.
There were no botches in this match. In fact, the actual moves that were hit all looked pretty good, but I had to go negative on this just for the sheer idiocy of the whole situation. Shane Taylor might be the worst-booked character in ROH history. I know everyone loves him now, and I do, too, but the fact that he has succeeded the way he has is purely because of his talents. He got over I spite of the booking, not because of it.
This match is a perfect microcosm of everything that has gone wrong with the way Taylor has been booked since becoming a singles wrestler. He is supposed to be a heel. He has been complaining that he hasn’t been put on the posters and hasn’t booked in Mexico like all of ROH’s other champions have. The problem with that is that he actually has a legitimate point (and, to make things worse, his stated motivation for being promoted better is so he can make more money to give his child a better life. How selfish of him).
Taylor, the heel, volunteers to give an apparent local babyface hero a title shot where the stipulations are ridiculously stacked in said babyface’s favor. Said babyface then tries to win the title not through the spirit of Taylor’s offer, but by exploiting a loophole to try to win in the most cowardly bullsh*t way possible. In order to get this coward to actually fight, Taylor offers him free shots, and even actually takes some free shots to the head, but he toughs his way through most of it and finally decides he’s had enough and starts to fight back… and I’m supposed to be angry at Taylor for not giving the guy the full promised ten-count of free shots? F*CK NO! I was happy when Taylor started ducking the punches and popped when he threw that headbutt, because I didn’t want this unworthy coward to be the champion, and Shane Taylor was doing what was necessary to prevent it. Taylor was under no real obligation to give the guy ANY of the free shots he did.
And that has been the story of Shane Taylor’s entire run in ROH. He’s a heel… except every time the booker tried to give him any sort of motivation for his heelishness, he came off like a total babyface because of the booker’s incompetence, and yet the announcers were forced to treat him like a heel (the only exception to this was the Rebellion, where he was a heel because he was whining about his push and doing other generic Delirious-booked undercard heel crap, while having one long feud that went absolutely nowhere).


THE ALLURE vs. STACY SHADOWS & KELLY KLEIN- 4.75/10
Generic shine-heat-hot tag-comeback stuff. Kelly Klein got the clean pin on Angelina Love… who is her challenger on the PPV that is the next show. Because G-d forbid we pin Mandy Leon or even- GASP- let Angelina get the clean pin on Stacy Shadows.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- meh
Kelly posed with the belt in front of Angelina, but Mandy sprayed her in the eyes, allowing Angelina to hit Lights Out. Angelina posed with the belt. This was paint-by-numbers “lets do something to get heat going into the PPV” stuff, and it was a poor alternative to actually building the challenger up as a credible threat to the champ.

HOLY F*CK, IT’S A BACKSTAGE SEGMENT!- fine
This happened earlier today. It would have been nice to get a graphic at the beginning that told us that. Caprice Coleman compliments Rhett Titus on his effort against Mark Haskins. Haskins then came by and they were all chummy. Then Kenny King came out and mocked the idea of people congratulating each other on having a “great match.” He said that Rhett tapped out, and cited this as evidence that Rhett had become soft, noting that when they were teaming together, Rhett would have rather passed out than tap out (and did). Kenny asked if Rhett should be at home breast-feeding his son. Rhett replied by mocking Kenny for getting knocked out by a “cameraman,” (Kenny bumped his head on a camera last night) then left. This would set up a forgettable feud that resulted in a match on the pre-show of Final Battle 2019 before it was swallowed up in the endless, dead-end feud that was LFI vs. the Foundation. I think this might have been the only backstage segment on a non-TV show in years.

MARTY SCURLL vs. JOE HENDRY- 6.5/10
Hendry had things well in hand, but Dalton Castle came out onto the stage (being carried by some Boys), distracting Hendry and allowing Scurll to lock in the Crossface Chicken-wing for the victory.

BRIAN JOHNSON IS UPSET BECAUSE HE’S WASN’T BOOKED- idiotic segment
He yells a lot and deludedly claims to have built the company. Unlike with most people, when Johnson says something the company doesn’t like, they just cut his mic off. He started to throw his gear into the crowd. Maria Manic came out. Security went to get between them, and Maria beat up security. Again.
So ROH hires this pro wrestler Maria Manic. They never actually book her in matches, but they keep flying her around the country to every show. At some point on the show she’ll come out of her own volition, and the company clearly approves of this or else the production crew wouldn’t be doing all of the stuff they do with the lights… but then, when she comes out, they don’t actually want her to touch anyone, so they send security out to stop her, and she always beats the security up. And they just keep doing this, show after show. THIS IS SOOOOOO F*CKING STUPID! If you want her on the show, book her in matches. If you don’t want her on the show, DON’T BOOK HER.

JOSH WOODS & SILAS YOUNG vs. JAY LETHAL & JONATHAN GRESHAM- 8.25/10
Woods and Lethal had a TREMENDOUS segment together earlier on. That was followed by a great segment between Silas and Gresham (thought not as great as Lethal and Woods were).
I loved the contrast between these two veteran-mentor pairings, with Gresham being more heelish than his mentor would like, and Woods being more strait laced than his mentor would like. Hey did an absolutely wonderful job using the tensions between the various combinations (including between the partners) and the lack thereof between Woods and Lethal to play into both the story of the match and the stories of the various wrestlers.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- excellent
Lethal and Gresham continued their on-going argument about whether it is okay to cheat if the other team tries to cheat first (in this case spurred on by Lethal refusing to use a chair that Gresham had slid him when the referee was distracted trying to get a chair away from Silas). I love that it doesn’t feel like they are characters cutting pro wrestling promos here. It feels like a real argument between real people… and like sometimes happens between real people who have been arguing a lot, this time the argument devolved into shoving and then punching (and, because Jonathan Gresham was involved in it, a double-leg takedown). Gresham was clearly on top when the referees and security got out there to pull them apart.
The referees eventually let the get close to each other to talk again, which wouldn’t work in 99% of cases, but it felt like it made sense here, given the personalities involved, which made the referees not look quite so stupid when Gresham responded to Lethal’s verbal overture by punching him. This also helps to cement Gresham as the heel, as this time, he clearly started it when Lethal was trying to deescalate.

P.J. BLACK vs. FLIP GORDON vs. TRITON- 6.75/10
This was a three-way action match. Flip at one point faked an injury to conserve his energy. The big moment in the match was Flip trying to use a chair but Tracy Williams coming out and snatching it away from him and chasing him to the back. Unfortunately, this moment was marred by Flip needing o walk all the way around Black before raising the chair to hit him so that he would be in a position where his back was to the entrance ramp and thus wouldn’t see Tracy coming. Black and Triton did a bit more action after that before going to the finish.

STUKA JR., VOLADOR JR., & CARISTICO vs. HECHICERO, OKAMURA, & REY BUCANERO- 6.75/10
Fine Lucha Libre.

SILAS YOUNG & JOSH WOODS SEGMENT- good
Silas says that due to their perfect 3-0 record on this tour, Josh Woods has earned a rare “attaboy.” The fans all cheered.

SILAS YOUNG, JOSH WOODS, & THE BOUNCERS SEGMENT- meh
Silas then called out The Bouncers because Beer City Bruiser is also from Milwaukee. Silas tells the Bouncers he respects them again and is glad that they are in ROH. BCB takes this opportunity to have the crowd sing “Happy Birthday” to Silas. The fans sang and through streamers. Silas got annoyed and jumped BCB. This was supposed to be heelish, but when he was out earlier, Silas made it clear that he didn’t want his birthday acknowledged, so BCB was being a dick by not acceding to Silas’ stated wishes. If someone doesn’t want a big deal made about their birthday, DON’T MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT! It’s not that hard!
Milonas turned around and stared at Silas, at which point Vinny Marseglia ran out with a chair and attacked Milonas. Woods stood around, not knowing what to do, as the other two attacked the Bouncers. Eventually he tried to get Silas to stop. Silas tied Milonas to the ringpost with zip-ties and made him watch while Vinny began torturing BCB with a big wrench. Finally some referees came out to stop this. That took WAY too long.
I understand that they needed to do something to create a reason for someone (in this case, Silas) to get involved in the Bouncers vs. Kingdom feud as a replacement for T.K. O’Ryan, who seems to have decided to leave ROH to heal up injuries at some point during this tour (and obviously ROH World Champion Matt Taven wasn’t an option because he was already booked at the PPV). The problem is in the way they set this up. As I said above, I thought Bruiser came off as kind of a dick here. Yes, this was clearly pre-meditated, and Silas would have found some reason to attack no matter what, but that doesn’t change the fact that BCB came off poorly. I also thought this was a little too much for Woods to just stand by and watch, given the “oh golly shucks” nature of his character.

THE BRISCOES & BARBARO CAVERNARIO vs. LIFEBLOOD (Tracy Williams, Bandido, & Mark Haskins)- 7.75/10
Great Dragon Gate-style action… although, unfortunately, they didn’t ever tell us that this match was being contested using Lucha tag rules, so it came across like they basically decided to ignore the more important rules of tag team wrestling.

JEFF COBB & RUSH vs. THE KINGDOM (Matt Taven & Vinny Marseglia)- 6.75/10
They were two geeks in the front row chanting “WE ARE MELVINS!” and Taven just buried them by simply saying “that’s very true.” I hate stupid fans like this who are proud to be identified by an insult a wrestler they like uses. If you want to show the heel some support, how about do what he/she/they want you to do and TAKE OFFENSE to being insulted.
A bland main event that just barely reaches the minimum acceptable level for a TV main event in my mind… which is a not below a minimum acceptable for a main event in a company that prides itself on work-rate. At least the finish was good.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- fine build for Rush vs. Taven, which was the main event of the next show. Taven’s little promo was the highlight, but the other stuff wasn’t bad, either.


This show was yet another painful example of what was going wrong in ROH. Good wrestlers either not being given the time to deliver, or having their matches robbed of any consequences (and thus of any emotional investment from fans) by stories that meandered around aimlessly (if they existed at all). It’s no coincidence that the best match on the show by a wide margin was the match that not only got the most time, but was also the match with the most storyline interest. Everything else was at best paint-by-numbers, but mostly bland, and in some cases actively quite bad. I’m getting the feeling that finishing up watching these last few shows before there is no reason for me to keep my Honor Club subscription is going to be a lot more disheartening than I thought.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3

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