BRM Reviews 3PW A Funkin' Classic

[Big Red Machine]

3PW A Funkin’ Classic (5/3/2003)- Philadelphia, PA

TRENT ACID vs. RIC BLADE- 6.75/10

A great opener in front of a sh*tty crowd. The crowd really pissed me off in this match. The match started off with a few awesome Matrix Minute-esque sequences, during which the crowd was almost silent… but the second Trent slips a bit on the top rope, they break out in a loud “YOU F*CKED UP!” chant. Show some damn respect.

During this match, one of the announcers incorrectly says that this is Ric Blade’s 3PW debut. He had actually wrestled on the first show… in the semi-main event.

DA HIT SQUAD vs. THE ROCKIN’ REBEL & JEFF ROCKER- 0.5/10
An entirely unexciting, mostly one-sided match that dragged on for WAY too long. The only reason I’m not giving this a dud is because of the VAN MACKINATOR. After the match, the Rebel beats up Rocker a bit.

KID KASH vs. HOMICIDE- 7.5/10

BALLS MAHONEY vs. IAN ROTTEN- 3/10
They slice and stab each other with scissors, then use a chair, then try to sodomize each other with the scissors before going back to the chair. After the match, they hug… because trying to sodomize each other with scissors was just friendly competition.

JOSH DANIELS vs. CHRIS CHETTI vs. DAMIAN ADAMS- 5.5/10
Good match. All three men looked good and Daniels’ small push continues.


Before the match Mini Meanie talks barely coherently and jumps around like an idiot, then mentions something about Blue Meanie and Roadkill being the first 3PW Tag Team Champions. I don’t understand why this character is still around. He doesn’t help any angle in any way and he constantly gets “BORING!” chants.
ROADKILL & THE BLUE MEANIE (w/Mini Meanie) vs. CHRISTIAN YORK & JOEY MATTHEWS- 6/10
Some good comedy followed by some good wrestling. Meanie becomes the second regular tag partner of Roadkill’s to encourage the “YOU F*CK SHEEP!” chants. Roadkill really needs to make some new friends.

MISS 3PW BEAUTY PAGENT- pointless and skippable. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If I wanted something to masturbate to, I’d be watching porn, not wrestling.

3PW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: “Pitbull” Gary Wolfe(c) vs. Kevin Sullivan- DUD!
They fight all over the arena without doing anything particularly impressive. Then they make it back to the ring and have one of the lamest looking refbumps ever (everyone’s speed here was just ridiculously slows). Now that the ref is down (after Sully falls down embarrassingly) the Pitbull locks in an abdominal stretch… and Sully taps right away. Pitbull goes to try to wake the ref, leading to Sully getting the advantage. Sully hit some of his trademark offense, then delivered ridiculously weak chairshots. Pitbull then reached up and gave Sully a sack tap, which caused Sully to faint and Pitbull got the win. The fans sh*t on this, and rightly so.

TERRY FUNK vs. JERRY LAWLER- 7.75/10
Funk sells beautifully and Lawler is an amazing heel. This match was straight out of 1978 (well, except for the weapon use and people kicked out of piledrivers). Match of the night. The only thing I didn’t like here was the roll-up finish.

After the match, Funk offers to bury the hatchet but Lawler flips him off.

Overall… I wouldn’t call this a “good” show, but there was a lot more good stuff on it than you usually find at a 3PW show.