BRM Reviews the 9/23/2013 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- interesting.
I laughed my ass off at Steph getting the cheap pop by saying “we’re so excited to be here in Chicago!”
Hunter and Steph try to turn the rebels against Dragon, and try to convince them that, deep down, they are really just angry at The Shield rather than fighting for Dragon. Anyway, Hunter books an elimination handicap match for later tonight, pitting the ten rebels and Dragon against The Shield… and when he said this all three Shield guys gave him a look that said “what the hell are you doing?”
Steph then tells us that the WWE Universe will be allowed to vote to see who will face Randy Orton tonight. She runs off the three choices (R-Truth, Ziggler, and RVD), which each get pops… and then when Steph says that in order to vote all you need to do is download the WWE App, the arena erupted in chorus of boos. This made me laugh even harder than Steph’s going right for the cheap pop in the beginning of this segment.

ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. KOFI KINGSTON- 7.25/10
I guess someone in the production meeting just suggested “Hey! Let’s put on a fifteen minute opener between two great workers. I’m sure the crowd will like that.” This was a great match. They had me buying into Kofi’s nearfalls and scared that they would actually job Del Rio out for no reason here. Kofi sold very well, which is an extremely important trait for a babyface.
We got a loud and sustained “COLT CABANA!” chant here, as well as an “OLÉ OLÉ” chant, which I can only assume is in support of Los Matadores because El Generico is not employed by WWE.
TRIPLE H & THE MIZ BACKSTAGE- Hunter tells Miz that he can’t let him wrestle Orton tonight “because there’s no telling what he’d do to you in your condition” (Miz did not appear to be have any injuries that would prevent him from wrestling) because it is his job as COO to look out for Miz’s welfare. That was just fantastic heel stuff. Hunter then says that Chicago wants Miz TV (Chicago raucously booed this),and he books Big Show as Miz’s guest.

Anyone else find it weird that Bray Wyatt lights his lantern specifically for the purpose of blowing it out, then comes out with another lit lantern? Why not just use the first one?

THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS vs. THE WYATT FAMILY (w/Bray Wyatt)- 4.25/10
Harper pins Titus for the win. After the match Darren went to check on Titus but was jumped by Bray Wyatt and hit with Sister Abigail.

MIZ TV SEGMENT- FANTASTIC!
I really liked Miz’s fiery speech to the Big Show. I hadn’t even connected the Big Show angle and the rebellion angle. Dusty all of a sudden being a “father figure” to Big Show was completely out of nowhere, though. Then Steph came out and was also great. She really laid it into Miz good. Show not even hesitating when it came to KOing Miz is also interesting.

RANDY ORTON vs. ROB VAN DAM (w/Ricardo Rodriguez)- 6.25/10
Orton lets his vicious side out, purposely taking a double count-out to just beat the crap out of RVD on the outside. At the end of his beatdown, right before he did his hanging DDT using the top turnbuckle instead of the middle rope, Orton let out this ridiculous fake laugh which must be heard to be believed.

LOS MATADORES WILL DEBUT NEXT WEEK ON RAW- I don’t know who in WWE thought this was a good idea, but this gimmick will go absolutely nowhere. That being said, it will totally be worth it if either one of the following two things happen:
1) WWE brings Rhino in for a match which consists entirely of one of Los Matadores dodging Gores until Rhino gets tired.
2) They have a handicap match against Mantaur.

ORTON & THE BELLAS BACKSTAGE- Orton intimidates Brie and tells her that she should be with him instead of with Dragon. If they were going to start acknowledging this relationship on the air, why didn’t they do it in the Dragon vs. Cena buildup? And why the hell would Dragon be with a jerk like Brie? And why would Cena be with a jerk like Nikki? DOES NOT KAYFABE COMPUTE!

AJ & STEPH BACKSTAGE- okay.

SANTINO MARELLA vs. FANDANGO (w/Summer Rae)- 3.5/10
So both Jack Swagger and Mr. Money in the Bank Damien Sandow jobs to Santino… but Fandango beats him? WTF?!

CM PUNK PROMO- This was pretty good (though they had to censor Punk at times, for "damn" and "bitch." I wonder how that will go over backstage). Then Paul Heyman came out (on a motor-scooter and singing "New York, New York") and this got completely awesome. After a lengthy exchange, Punk goes to kill Heyman but wound up getting ambushed by Axel and Ryback, with Ryback managing to put Punk down after a valiant fight.

AJ LEE, ALICIA FOX, AKSANA, LAYLA, & TAMINA vs. THE BELLA TWINS, THE FUNKADACTYLS, & NATALYA (w/Eva Marie & JoJo)- 0.75/10
Ridiculously short, and most of the women served no purpose in the match at all. At least let them set SOMETHING in with some sort of clusterduck spot.

SHIELD PROMO- good

DANIEL BRYAN PROMO- Dragon finally addresses the fact that he was accused of conspiring to fix a match. Good.

CODY & GOLDUST JUMP THE SHIELD!

HANDICAP ELIMINATION MATCH: The Shield vs. Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, R-Truth, Rob Van Dam, the Prime Time Players, the Usos, Kofi Kingston, Justin Gabriel, & Zack Ryder- no rating.
I thought it would have made more sense for RVD to tap to a submission targeting his taped-up ribs. Same for Kofi’s arm.
The staredown between Titus and Reigns got a good pop. Having Gabriel eliminated so quickly made him look like a total chump. Same for Ryder. I know that some people have to look weak for others to look strong, but if you are giving them this little mini-push, actually give them a mini-push. Do something to build up a tag title match for them against The Shield (at Hell in a Cell, so PTP can have their big challenge for the belts at Survivor Series, which is a major PPV).
The problem with this match was that it was almost impossible for The Shield to get any heat because they were so outnumbered that they felt like valiant babyfaces fighting back against an unfair match that a heel authority figure had put them in. That spot at the end where Dragon, Ziggler, and the Usos all surrounded the lone Seth Rollins, came at him from different sides and then stomped the hell out of him? That’s heel 101 right there.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. As an homage to his former broadcast partner, Cole misused the term “sacrificial lamb.” This was even more annoying that Taz’s misuse of the term because he could have said that The Shield was a sacrificial lamb for the McMahon-Helmsley Regime and he would have been correct.

[badnewzxl]

SANTINO MARELLA vs. FANDANGO (w/Summer Rae)- 3.5/10
So both Jack Swagger and Mr. Money in the Bank Damien Sandow jobs to Santino… but Fandango beats him? WTF?!

THIS! Cesaro jobbed as well. I was thinking Fandango would just walk out on the match to avoid the cobra. I do hope this leads to a feud; very funny segment

[cero2k]

ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. KOFI KINGSTON- 7.25/10
I guess someone in the production meeting just suggested “Hey! Let’s put on a fifteen minute opener between two great workers. I’m sure the crowd will like that.” This was a great match. They had me buying into Kofi’s nearfalls and scared that they would actually job Del Rio out for no reason here. Kofi sold very well, which is an extremely important trait for a babyface.
We got a loud and sustained “COLT CABANA!” chant here, as well as an “OLÉ OLÉ” chant, which I can only assume is in support of Los Matadores because El Generico is not employed by WWE.

nor is Colt Cabana, we can chant Ole with hopes generico will one day come and brainbust the hell out of the great khali

Anyone else find it weird that Bray Wyatt lights his lantern specifically for the purpose of blowing it out, then comes out with another lit lantern? Why not just use the first one?

i've hated this since day 2

LOS MATADORES WILL DEBUT NEXT WEEK ON RAW- I don’t know who in WWE thought this was a good idea, but this gimmick will go absolutely nowhere. That being said, it will totally be worth it if either one of the following two things happen:
1) WWE brings Rhino in for a match which consists entirely of one of Los Matadores dodging Gores until Rhino gets tired.
2) They have a handicap match against Mantaur.

they'll debut defeating Tito Santana to earn the gimmick, then they'll start feuding with the team of Bull Nakano and Bull Buchanan

ORTON & THE BELLAS BACKSTAGE- Orton intimidates Brie and tells her that she should be with him instead of with Dragon. If they were going to start acknowledging this relationship on the air, why didn’t they do it in the Dragon vs. Cena buildup? And why the hell would Dragon be with a jerk like Brie? And why would Cena be with a jerk like Nikki? DOES NOT KAYFABE COMPUTE!

Tits. Computes perfectly.

CM PUNK PROMO- This was pretty good (though they had to censor Punk at times, for "damn" and "bitch." I wonder how that will go over backstage).

it's the small hint that Punk is not 'good for business'

[Big Red Machine]

ORTON & THE BELLAS BACKSTAGE- Orton intimidates Brie and tells her that she should be with him instead of with Dragon. If they were going to start acknowledging this relationship on the air, why didn’t they do it in the Dragon vs. Cena buildup? And why the hell would Dragon be with a jerk like Brie? And why would Cena be with a jerk like Nikki? DOES NOT KAYFABE COMPUTE!

Tits. Computes perfectly.

No it doesn't. There are many women out there who are both bustier and more virtuous.

CM PUNK PROMO- This was pretty good (though they had to censor Punk at times, for "damn" and "bitch." I wonder how that will go over backstage).

it's the small hint that Punk is not 'good for business'

If this was their intention, then that is utterly genius.

[cero2k]

ORTON & THE BELLAS BACKSTAGE- Orton intimidates Brie and tells her that she should be with him instead of with Dragon. If they were going to start acknowledging this relationship on the air, why didn’t they do it in the Dragon vs. Cena buildup? And why the hell would Dragon be with a jerk like Brie? And why would Cena be with a jerk like Nikki? DOES NOT KAYFABE COMPUTE!

Tits. Computes perfectly.

No it doesn't. There are many women out there who are both bustier and more virtuous.
.

aside from Kaitling, all the faces have boyfriends now, and we all know Kaitlin likes men with mustaches. Dragon would have to shave, and Cena would need to grow one.

[Big Red Machine]

Tits. Computes perfectly.

No it doesn't. There are many women out there who are both bustier and more virtuous.
.

aside from Kaitling, all the faces have boyfriends now, and we all know Kaitlin likes men with mustaches. Dragon would have to shave, and Cena would need to grow one.

Rosa Mendes?

And even so, surely there a busty heel divas who are less despicable than the Bellas. Layla.? Aksana?

Or how about Emma?

[cero2k]

CM PUNK PROMO- This was pretty good (though they had to censor Punk at times, for "damn" and "bitch." I wonder how that will go over backstage).

it's the small hint that Punk is not 'good for business'

If this was their intention, then that is utterly genius.

at this point i wouldn't be surprised, look at how the Miz is getting worked with Steph's promo. at this point, it now makes perfect sense that Miz was the 'guest host' of summerslam

[Rabid619]

Are you all completely unaware that Generico is going by the name Sami Zayn on NXT? I don't know if he's got the mask anymore because i don't watch any wrestling but he is employed by WWE just not under the Generico name.

[cero2k]

Are you all completely unaware that Generico is going by the name Sami Zayn on NXT? I don't know if he's got the mask anymore because i don't watch any wrestling but he is employed by WWE just not under the Generico name.

yeah, of course, but swerves can happen, look at Brodus Clay and Fandango. It's what's good for business

[Rabid619]

yeah, of course, but swerves can happen, look at Brodus Clay and Fandango. It's what's good for business

Swerves? I just mentioned the multiple times people have mentioned that El Generico doesn't work for WWE which is false. His ring name is Sami Zayn. Is everyone on something when it comes to Generico like they don't want to believe he's working for WWE under a different name. I'll prove my point, google Sami Zayn.

[badnewzxl]

yeah, of course, but swerves can happen, look at Brodus Clay and Fandango. It's what's good for business

Swerves? I just mentioned the multiple times people have mentioned that El Generico doesn't work for WWE which is false. His ring name is Sami Zayn. Is everyone on something when it comes to Generico like they don't want to believe he's working for WWE under a different name. I'll prove my point, google Sami Zayn.

you're an idiot; take a look around the site before commenting about stuff. They are referring to the fact that WWE is using "Ole" as a part of the debut of Los Matadors and how cool it would be if WWE swerved us all and gave us El Generico; the swerve being not only that the guys advertised weren't debuting, but also that they're debuting a guy under the name very name they changed when he signed. It's wishful thinking. If you'd been watching over the last few weeks/months/howeverlongyou'vebeengone you'd prolly get it.

Don't pop up just to pop off and start arguments about things you're ignorant to; it's annoying as hell.

Here's an idea; if you don't have time for wrestling, remain in the "Non-Wrestling Related Talk" section and let us do our thing over here....jabroni....

[Rabid619]

you're an idiot; take a look around the site before commenting about stuff. They are referring to the fact that WWE is using "Ole" as a part of the debut of Los Matadors and how cool it would be if WWE swerved us all and gave us El Generico; the swerve being not only that the guys advertised weren't debuting, but also that they're debuting a guy under the name very name they changed when he signed. It's wishful thinking. If you'd been watching over the last few weeks/months/howeverlongyou'vebeengone you'd prolly get it.

Don't pop up just to pop off and start arguments about things you're ignorant to; it's annoying as hell.

Here's an idea; if you don't have time for wrestling, remain in the "Non-Wrestling Related Talk" section and let us do our thing over here....jabroni....

First off, please don't call me an idiot. Second, i was pointing out that Generico is with WWE at this point. That's what i was saying since more then a few people have been saying he's not but he is. That's all.

[Big Red Machine]

Are you all completely unaware that Generico is going by the name Sami Zayn on NXT? I don't know if he's got the mask anymore because i don't watch any wrestling but he is employed by WWE just not under the Generico name.

If you watch no other wrestling, you NEED to watch NXT. It is F*CKING AMAZING!

And you're wrong about Sami Zayn, BTW. Sami speaks English and Arabic. Generico can only speak Spanish.

[badnewzxl]

Mick Foley was signed to WWE as Mankind; didn't stop him from becoming Cactus Jack again when the moment arose. Booker T reprised his G.I. Bro gimmick from GWF or USWA in WCW when the MIA needed his help; I don't think it's a ridiculous idea to WISH Sami Zayn would revert back to being El Generico when Los Matadors are being hyped. Especially when we're entertaining the possiblity ONLY in fantasy; no one is arguing that it's gonna happen and you look clueless trying to shoot the idea down....

[Rabid619]

And you're wrong about Sami Zayn, BTW. Sami speaks English and Arabic. Generico can only speak Spanish.

Correction you're wrong. Sami Zayn is El Generico you know the guy who had the awesome feud with Steen. Idk if you're all being idiots or what but i'm right and you're ALL wrong. I may not watch much wrestling these days but that doesn't mean i'm wrong.

[Big Red Machine]

And you're wrong about Sami Zayn, BTW. Sami speaks English and Arabic. Generico can only speak Spanish.

Correction you're wrong. Sami Zayn is El Generico you know the guy who had the awesome feud with Steen. Idk if you're all being idiots or what but i'm right and you're ALL wrong. I may not watch much wrestling these days but that doesn't mean i'm wrong.

Clearly you haven't been paying attention to any wrestling-based websites at all (or PWG) or else you would get the joke.