BRM Reviews the 7/8/2019 Raw (ONE OF THE WORST EVER!)
Posted: Jul 8th, '19, 22:11
They start up the show by hyping up a match later tonight where Shane McMahon & Drew McIntyre will take on Roman Reigns (wildcard #1) and a partner of Shane’s choosing. In other words “everyone tune in to see the babyface get a gang-beating.” Yeah. I’m sure that will encourage people to stick around.
MIXED TAG TEAM ELIMINATOR MATCH: Seth Rollins & Becky Lynch vs. Andrade “Cien” Almas & Zelina Vega- 4/10
Vega and Almas are wildcard #2, or possibly 2 and 3.
It appears that all they can think of to do with Seth and Becky to build up to their mixed tag at the PPV is to stick them in random mixed tags on TV. This one is also randomly an elimination match. How much do you want to bet that they cut to a commercial and do a rest period in between falls to avoid having any wrestling during the even though they’ve never had a rest period between falls in an elimination match before?
And here’s a question for you: If, as Michael Cole said, we are only allowed to have “the men face the men and the women face the women,” what are you going to do if Becky beats Vega but then Andrade beats Seth? THIS IS SOOOOOOO DUMB.
And what’s even worse than that is how painfully transparent it is. The reasoning behind this silly “no wrestling during commercials” directive is that real sports don’t have action during the commercials and thus not having any action during the commercials will make WWE feel more real. And yet the way in which they have chosen to achieve this goal (all of the restarts and post-match angles leading to another match and gimmick matches they feel like they can insert a rest period into) are so forced that they make the show feel like it has been chopped up into little pieces specifically designed to fit between commercial, making the whole thing feel less real instead of more real.
And yeah. Exactly what I predicted happened. Becky made Vega tap out, and then we headed to a rest period between falls even though we’ve never had one before in an elimination match. Also, AFTER Becky had already eliminated Vega, Lacey Evans showed up in the crowd for no reason. Becky then went to fight her for no reason, and Seth tried to stop her, also seemingly for no reason.
After the break, Becky just had to stand there on the apron. What if Seth tagged her in? What would happen?
They did a spot where Becky accidentally got bumped to try to show that Seth checking on her could cost him the match but he won anyway so the point was moot. Between the elimination stipulation and the lack of no DQs stip like we’ll see at the PPV, this didn’t even serve to hype up the PPV by giving us a taste of the gimmick match we’ll get. This whole thing was dumb and never should have made it on the air.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- snore
Corbin attacked Rollins from behind on the stage. Becky went after Corbin but Lacey showed up and knocked her out with the big punch. This was a completely pathetic go-home segment for the likely main event of your PPV.
BARON CORBIN & LACEY EVANS BACKSTAGE PROMO- bad
Even though we saw Heyman walking down the ramp before the commercial, we come back with a recap and then this. They cut a bad, hackneyed promo trying to convince us that Seth and Becky caring about each other would be their downfall, even though that didn’t even lead to their downfall in the previous segment. It was the attacks from behind that did them in.
PAUL HEYMAN PROMO- pointless
He tells us that Brock will cash in at Extreme Rules, using the “that’s not a prediction; that’s a spoiler” line. Then he proceeded to explain to us how he has built up a lot of credibility with that line, so that if he wanted to use it to fool people right now, he could do so. Thanks for the booking lesson, Paul, but on principle I think it’s never a good idea for the magician to stand in front of the crowd and tell them “sometimes I use the big flourishing movements of my cape to draw your eyes away from something I don’t want you to be looking at.” Even if the purpose of this trick is to use that to misdirect the audience’s attention, it’s still something that you probably don’t want to plant in their minds because they might remember it during future tricks.
The kayfabe question I have coming out of this how it benefits Paul Heyman to say any of this. He tried to claim that he is screwing with Seth and Kofi’s heads, but even if he is screwing with their heads, how does that help him? If Brock really is going to show up, just putting the thought in their minds blows the element of surprise. I guess he could establish a long series of crying wolf without having Brock show up to get them to let their guard down, but wouldn’t it just be easier to not say anything, then have Brock hide at the arena and jump whichever champion after his match? Heyman already cup a promo a few weeks ago saying that Brock may or may not be at every show from now on, waiting to cash in MITB.
Just in case you actually thought last week’s big angle was going to be a major injury angle to write Braun off for a significant length of time, Michael Cole announces Bobby Lashley vs. Braun Strowman in a last man standing match at the PPV.
Before the commercial break we saw Miz heading out to the ring for a match, but of course when we come back we get...
SHANE MCMAHON & DREW MCINTYRE TALK TO A GARGABE MAN- They want him to be Roman’s partner for tonight.
2 OUT OF 3 FALLS MATCH: The Miz & The Usos vs. The Revival & “The Drifter” Elias Sampson- 3.75/10
Miz entered before the commercial break, then, apparently during the commercial and the Shane/Drew/garbage man segment, all three heels got their entrances, and then the Usos came out, seemingly just to make me punch a hole in my wall.
On their way to the ring the Usos cut a promo to hype up their tag title shot at The Revival at the PPV. Renee Young told us that The Revival have been “wearing $400 sunglasses and spending thousands of dollars at Starbucks” since becoming the tag champs rather than focusing on defending their titles. Did a miss a series of vignette where The Revival turned into goofs, or is Renee just pulling this out of nowhere or talking about something from social media (which is the same as pulling it out of nowhere if you don’t show it to us on TV.
Revival pinned Jimmy after a Shatter Machine to win the first fall in three minutes, because having the challengers get pinned cleanly by the champions in three minutes is definitely a good way to build up a title match. Cue predictable commercial break.
After the commercial break we learn it’s even worse, as Elias walked out on his partners because he didn’t want to fight Miz anymore, so now the heels are wrestling at a disadvantage. Not only did the babyfaces use this advantage to win, but while the babyfaces got an entire 3:30 commercial break to recover after losing the first fall, the heels got mere seconds after the second fall (you know... because there was no commercial break) and the babyfaces attacked them during this time. The babyfaces then won a horribly tainted victory when the Usos got the earlier pin back on The Revival, making them even because it was Miz who won the first fall for their team. Completely sh*tty booking.
DUMB DRAKE MAVERICK CRAP- It’s the exact same joke (Maverick is happier to be 24/7 Champion than to be with his wife, much to her annoyance) over and over and over and over again. She really should just dump him.
Dumb stuff happened backstage. He vowed that after tonight’s show he would show her what a great husband he was and also what a great 24/7 Champion he is. She fell for it again. She suggests that they could consummate their marriage at that point, which caused Drake to shout in joy. This shout drew the attention of the gaggle, who happened to be nearby and chased after Drake. Of course, because WWE doesn’t think things through, the referee is in the gaggle and not with the champion, which would make a lot more sense. Also, it would avoid the visual of these great athletes that are the WWE Superstars™ running after the champion at supposedly top speed and yet this little referee is able to keep up with them with no problem.
DREW & SHANE TRY TO RECRUIT THE BEER GUY- dumb
Why are they looking at these dorks to be Roman’s partner. Why not just ask some heel to do it so they can beat Roman up three-on-one?
Also, FIFTEEN DOLLARS FOR A CUP OF BEER?! Are you f*cking kidding me? A mixed drink at Madison Square Garden is cheap than that!
REY MYSTERIO JR. ISSUES AN OPEN CHALLENGE- It results in...
REY MYSTERIO JR. vs. BOBBY LASHLEY- no rating, terrible segment.
Both Rey and the announcers had emphasized that Rey is totally recovered and at 100%. And he lost in under a minute to a guy who almost got blown up last week and the announcers told us almost certainly wasn’t at 100%. And that is ignoring the fact that Rey jumped the bell on Lashley. And Lashley beat Rey up after the match, just because. Basically, Rey got completely buried here.
Lashley teased throwing Rey into the LED board but instead threw him onto the referee that came out to stop him. Lashley then cut a promo to build up to his PPV match with Strowman. It was a two-line promo and he managed to flub the first one.
CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS THE CLUB- They tell her to f*ck off
CESARO vs. NO WAY JOSE (w/his Conga line)- squash
Cesaro has new music. Cole informs us that Cesaro is called both “the Swiss Superman” and “the Swiss cyborg.” I think I’ll combine the two and refer to him as “the Swiss Hank Henshaw.”
The Conga line ran away from Cesaro, as they should. This was supposed to lead to Jose diving through the ropes onto Cesaro but he got caught up in them. And I don’t just mean his feet. He tried to do some sort of sideways tope and bounced right off of the ropes, at which point Cesaro basically just pulled him out of the ring and set gave Jose a reversal spot to punch him. Once the actual match started, Cesaro beat the s*t out of Jose and squashed him like a bug.
THE STREET PROFITS HYPE UP ROMAN REIGNS’ MATCH AT THE PPV- Yeah. This is what they’re doing with the Street Profits on the main roster. F*ck this company.
THE KANELLISES BACKSTAGE- Mike tries to apologize to Maria with food she likes but she gets offended because he bought her low-fat ice cream. This was no fun to watch.
NIKKI CROSS & BAYLEY SPLIT SCREEN INTERVIEW- This was the same segment we’ve been getting for weeks with a female babyface telling Nikki that Alexa is using her but Nikki won’t listen. Nikki was actually pretty great here.
These two will be involved in a beat the clock challenge tonight where if Bayley wins she gets to pick the stipulations of her title defense at Extreme Rules against Alexa Bliss!, but if Nikki wins then Alexa gets to pick the stip. Cole told them that Nikki would face Dana Brooke and Bayley would face Sarah Logan. Bayley cut a dull promo in which she referred to Logan as a “former member of the Riott Squad.” Did they break-up off-screen? Nikki Cross cut an excellent babyface promo about her match with Dana. Nikki Cross’ promo skills have been BY FAR the best thing on this show so far.
R-TRUTH AND CARMELLA WERE DUMB BACKSTAGE- The gaggle ran by. Truth ran off after them, giving Carmella a piggy back ride for no reason.
THE VIKING RAIDERS vs. COLIN JUSTIN & DEVIN JUSTIN- DUD!
I’m tired of these guys wrestling squashes and going nowhere. They’ve been on the main roster for three months now.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- pointless
The gaggle ran by ringside and Truth got in the ring with the War Raiders. Nothing happened.
CHARLY CARSUO INTERVIEWS ROMAN REIGNS- Roman said nothing of note. There was a weird rattling noise in the background.
RICOCHET PROMO- good babyface stuff
Then AJ Styles came out and cut a promo on Ricochet... and then he threw us to a video package recapping the events of last week’s show. The placement of this was very forced.
RICOCHET vs. LUKE GALLOWS (w/the Club)- 3/10
Ricochet won a match that was good for the time it got but also frustratingly short. AJ Styles then cut a promo to set up (after the conveniently-timed commercial break of course)...
RICOCHET vs. KARL ANDERSON (w/the Club)- 4/10
Great for the short amount of time it got. Ricochet overcame all of the interference and got the win.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- meh
The Club beat Ricochet up again. AJ was going to hit Ricochet with a Styles Clash from the second rope but decided not to so that Ricochet would have “no excuses” when AJ wins the title from him at the PPV. This was a meh angle made even worse by the fact that their dumb “no wrestling during commercials” rule meant that they had to beat both Gallows AND Anderson to set this up when they really should have had to only beat one of them (or, even better, just do a DQ with the heels running in to attack the babyface).
EVOLVE 131 PLUG- great (would it have killed them to announce some matches, though?)
The words “professional wrestling” were spoken and the pro wrestling” appeared on the screen.
MORE DUMB 24/7 TITLE SH*T- dumb
SHANE & DREW SPOT A JANITOR WITH A LIMP- “that’s our guy,”
They pay him $5,000 to just stand there. Also, they’re going to get him a mask to wear. You can see where this is going.
BEAT THE CLOCK CHALLENGE MATCH: Bayley vs. Sarah Logan- 3/10
Sarah Logan howled before her match, which was a big mistake on her part because you know Vince is going to see this and try to turn her into Sheila the She-Wolf. The crowd cared so much about this match that they chanted “CM PUNK!”
Bayley won in 4:32. Graves tried to tell us that Nikki beating this time would be “a lot easier said than done,” despite the previous five matches all being shorter than this time, as well as two of the falls in the 2 out of 3 falls match.
BEAT THE CLOCK CHALLENGE MATCH: Nikki Cross vs. Dana Brooke- 1/10
Dana Brooke, who is supposed to be a babyface, was stalling on the outside like a cowardly heel. Renee Young claimed that this was “smart” because Dana “has nothing to lose.” Personally I think it’s stupid because while Dana has nothing to lose, she also has nothing to gain from a draw, so she might was well try to win because a loss won’t hurt her and a win is the only thing that will help her.
Now Dana is high-fiving and hugging Bayley on the outside like heels congratulating themselves for being so smart. Nikki won anyway, with a 1:50 to spare.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- meh
Nikki called Bayley into the ring and said she would show Bayley what real friendship is when Alexa lets her makes the PPV match a handicap match and helps Alexa win the title. Nikki told Bayoley that she should find a friend to slap some sense into her so Bayley slapped Nikki. Nikki charged at Bayley so Bayley hit her with a Belly-to-Bayley and a diving elbow drop. The crowd booed Bayley. Cole (and the graphics team) are considering this handicap match stipulation official, even though the stipulation of the beat the clock challenge was that Alexa would get to pick the stip, not Nikki, and even the wording of Nikki’s won promo here lines up with this idea.
MORE CRAP WITH THE KANELLISES BACKSTAGE- this is now getting uncomfortable to watch.
COREY GRAVES INTERVIEWS SETH ROLLINS & BECKY LYNCH- bad
Why is Graves doing a backstage interview instead of Charly or Kayla? They hit on the same f*cking points they’ve been hitting on for weeks now, and not in ways that add any sort of spin on it.
THE STREET PROFITS HYPE UP THE PPV- bad
Dawkins picked Joe to beat Kofi because he doesn’t want Joe to choke him out. This man is supposed to be a champion.
IF THE UNDERTAKER INTERFERES HE IS OUT OF THE MATCH AT EXTREME RULES: Shane McMahon & Drew McIntyre vs. Roman Reigns & GARY “THE GOAT” GARBUTT- DUD!
If the powers that be are so biased towards Shane that they can make a stip like this where Shane got to pick Roman’s partner and say that if Taker interferes he is out of the match at the PPV, why didn’t they just book a handicap match at the PPV in the first place?
Shane cut a long boring promo introducing Gary The Goat before cutting to commercial. After then commercial, the match started. Gary The Goat was wearing not just a mask but also a full body suit, which should make you immediately suspicious. Via my powers of deduction I am going to guess that it’s Cedric Alexander under that mask, seeing as how there are only two African-American babyfaces on Raw, and this guy is nowhere near tall enough to be Titus O’Neil.
The Goat accidentally got tagged in while Drew was beating up Roman. Shane tried to beat up the Goat by the Goat started to do athletic spots (although he almost slipped on a springboard). The Goat ran wild until he ate Claymore Kick from Drew and Shane made the cover for the win. The match didn’t go more than two minutes.
Roman hit Drew with a Superman Punch after the match, and Shane and Drew retreated up the ramp. Gary The Goat unmasked to reveal himself to be Cedric Alexander. Renee Young got all excited and said “the Age of Alexander is here” while Cole told us that the babyfaces were “pulling one over on Shane and Drew here tonight” and Graves told me that Cedric gave an “impressive effort.”
HE LOST IN TWO F*CKING MINUTES! At least if there had been a “the heels screw Roman” thing it could theoretically have gotten some heat but instead the fans all happily chanted for Gary The Goat and Roman’s team lost fair and square.
This was an all-time TERRIBLE episode of Raw. The matches sucked, the PPV build sucked, the promo almost all sucked, and almost nothing relevant happened. I think Heyman’s actual power has been greatly exaggerated, as rather than feeling like a follow-up to last week’s show, this mostly felt like an undoing of last week’s show, with the big injury angle washed away so that we could get a gimmick match at the PPV in a feud that no one cares about, and all of Vince’s dumb comedy bullsh*t at the forefront. F*ck this company.
MIXED TAG TEAM ELIMINATOR MATCH: Seth Rollins & Becky Lynch vs. Andrade “Cien” Almas & Zelina Vega- 4/10
Vega and Almas are wildcard #2, or possibly 2 and 3.
It appears that all they can think of to do with Seth and Becky to build up to their mixed tag at the PPV is to stick them in random mixed tags on TV. This one is also randomly an elimination match. How much do you want to bet that they cut to a commercial and do a rest period in between falls to avoid having any wrestling during the even though they’ve never had a rest period between falls in an elimination match before?
And here’s a question for you: If, as Michael Cole said, we are only allowed to have “the men face the men and the women face the women,” what are you going to do if Becky beats Vega but then Andrade beats Seth? THIS IS SOOOOOOO DUMB.
And what’s even worse than that is how painfully transparent it is. The reasoning behind this silly “no wrestling during commercials” directive is that real sports don’t have action during the commercials and thus not having any action during the commercials will make WWE feel more real. And yet the way in which they have chosen to achieve this goal (all of the restarts and post-match angles leading to another match and gimmick matches they feel like they can insert a rest period into) are so forced that they make the show feel like it has been chopped up into little pieces specifically designed to fit between commercial, making the whole thing feel less real instead of more real.
And yeah. Exactly what I predicted happened. Becky made Vega tap out, and then we headed to a rest period between falls even though we’ve never had one before in an elimination match. Also, AFTER Becky had already eliminated Vega, Lacey Evans showed up in the crowd for no reason. Becky then went to fight her for no reason, and Seth tried to stop her, also seemingly for no reason.
After the break, Becky just had to stand there on the apron. What if Seth tagged her in? What would happen?
They did a spot where Becky accidentally got bumped to try to show that Seth checking on her could cost him the match but he won anyway so the point was moot. Between the elimination stipulation and the lack of no DQs stip like we’ll see at the PPV, this didn’t even serve to hype up the PPV by giving us a taste of the gimmick match we’ll get. This whole thing was dumb and never should have made it on the air.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- snore
Corbin attacked Rollins from behind on the stage. Becky went after Corbin but Lacey showed up and knocked her out with the big punch. This was a completely pathetic go-home segment for the likely main event of your PPV.
BARON CORBIN & LACEY EVANS BACKSTAGE PROMO- bad
Even though we saw Heyman walking down the ramp before the commercial, we come back with a recap and then this. They cut a bad, hackneyed promo trying to convince us that Seth and Becky caring about each other would be their downfall, even though that didn’t even lead to their downfall in the previous segment. It was the attacks from behind that did them in.
PAUL HEYMAN PROMO- pointless
He tells us that Brock will cash in at Extreme Rules, using the “that’s not a prediction; that’s a spoiler” line. Then he proceeded to explain to us how he has built up a lot of credibility with that line, so that if he wanted to use it to fool people right now, he could do so. Thanks for the booking lesson, Paul, but on principle I think it’s never a good idea for the magician to stand in front of the crowd and tell them “sometimes I use the big flourishing movements of my cape to draw your eyes away from something I don’t want you to be looking at.” Even if the purpose of this trick is to use that to misdirect the audience’s attention, it’s still something that you probably don’t want to plant in their minds because they might remember it during future tricks.
The kayfabe question I have coming out of this how it benefits Paul Heyman to say any of this. He tried to claim that he is screwing with Seth and Kofi’s heads, but even if he is screwing with their heads, how does that help him? If Brock really is going to show up, just putting the thought in their minds blows the element of surprise. I guess he could establish a long series of crying wolf without having Brock show up to get them to let their guard down, but wouldn’t it just be easier to not say anything, then have Brock hide at the arena and jump whichever champion after his match? Heyman already cup a promo a few weeks ago saying that Brock may or may not be at every show from now on, waiting to cash in MITB.
Just in case you actually thought last week’s big angle was going to be a major injury angle to write Braun off for a significant length of time, Michael Cole announces Bobby Lashley vs. Braun Strowman in a last man standing match at the PPV.
Before the commercial break we saw Miz heading out to the ring for a match, but of course when we come back we get...
SHANE MCMAHON & DREW MCINTYRE TALK TO A GARGABE MAN- They want him to be Roman’s partner for tonight.
2 OUT OF 3 FALLS MATCH: The Miz & The Usos vs. The Revival & “The Drifter” Elias Sampson- 3.75/10
Miz entered before the commercial break, then, apparently during the commercial and the Shane/Drew/garbage man segment, all three heels got their entrances, and then the Usos came out, seemingly just to make me punch a hole in my wall.
On their way to the ring the Usos cut a promo to hype up their tag title shot at The Revival at the PPV. Renee Young told us that The Revival have been “wearing $400 sunglasses and spending thousands of dollars at Starbucks” since becoming the tag champs rather than focusing on defending their titles. Did a miss a series of vignette where The Revival turned into goofs, or is Renee just pulling this out of nowhere or talking about something from social media (which is the same as pulling it out of nowhere if you don’t show it to us on TV.
Revival pinned Jimmy after a Shatter Machine to win the first fall in three minutes, because having the challengers get pinned cleanly by the champions in three minutes is definitely a good way to build up a title match. Cue predictable commercial break.
After the commercial break we learn it’s even worse, as Elias walked out on his partners because he didn’t want to fight Miz anymore, so now the heels are wrestling at a disadvantage. Not only did the babyfaces use this advantage to win, but while the babyfaces got an entire 3:30 commercial break to recover after losing the first fall, the heels got mere seconds after the second fall (you know... because there was no commercial break) and the babyfaces attacked them during this time. The babyfaces then won a horribly tainted victory when the Usos got the earlier pin back on The Revival, making them even because it was Miz who won the first fall for their team. Completely sh*tty booking.
DUMB DRAKE MAVERICK CRAP- It’s the exact same joke (Maverick is happier to be 24/7 Champion than to be with his wife, much to her annoyance) over and over and over and over again. She really should just dump him.
Dumb stuff happened backstage. He vowed that after tonight’s show he would show her what a great husband he was and also what a great 24/7 Champion he is. She fell for it again. She suggests that they could consummate their marriage at that point, which caused Drake to shout in joy. This shout drew the attention of the gaggle, who happened to be nearby and chased after Drake. Of course, because WWE doesn’t think things through, the referee is in the gaggle and not with the champion, which would make a lot more sense. Also, it would avoid the visual of these great athletes that are the WWE Superstars™ running after the champion at supposedly top speed and yet this little referee is able to keep up with them with no problem.
DREW & SHANE TRY TO RECRUIT THE BEER GUY- dumb
Why are they looking at these dorks to be Roman’s partner. Why not just ask some heel to do it so they can beat Roman up three-on-one?
Also, FIFTEEN DOLLARS FOR A CUP OF BEER?! Are you f*cking kidding me? A mixed drink at Madison Square Garden is cheap than that!
REY MYSTERIO JR. ISSUES AN OPEN CHALLENGE- It results in...
REY MYSTERIO JR. vs. BOBBY LASHLEY- no rating, terrible segment.
Both Rey and the announcers had emphasized that Rey is totally recovered and at 100%. And he lost in under a minute to a guy who almost got blown up last week and the announcers told us almost certainly wasn’t at 100%. And that is ignoring the fact that Rey jumped the bell on Lashley. And Lashley beat Rey up after the match, just because. Basically, Rey got completely buried here.
Lashley teased throwing Rey into the LED board but instead threw him onto the referee that came out to stop him. Lashley then cut a promo to build up to his PPV match with Strowman. It was a two-line promo and he managed to flub the first one.
CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS THE CLUB- They tell her to f*ck off
CESARO vs. NO WAY JOSE (w/his Conga line)- squash
Cesaro has new music. Cole informs us that Cesaro is called both “the Swiss Superman” and “the Swiss cyborg.” I think I’ll combine the two and refer to him as “the Swiss Hank Henshaw.”
The Conga line ran away from Cesaro, as they should. This was supposed to lead to Jose diving through the ropes onto Cesaro but he got caught up in them. And I don’t just mean his feet. He tried to do some sort of sideways tope and bounced right off of the ropes, at which point Cesaro basically just pulled him out of the ring and set gave Jose a reversal spot to punch him. Once the actual match started, Cesaro beat the s*t out of Jose and squashed him like a bug.
THE STREET PROFITS HYPE UP ROMAN REIGNS’ MATCH AT THE PPV- Yeah. This is what they’re doing with the Street Profits on the main roster. F*ck this company.
THE KANELLISES BACKSTAGE- Mike tries to apologize to Maria with food she likes but she gets offended because he bought her low-fat ice cream. This was no fun to watch.
NIKKI CROSS & BAYLEY SPLIT SCREEN INTERVIEW- This was the same segment we’ve been getting for weeks with a female babyface telling Nikki that Alexa is using her but Nikki won’t listen. Nikki was actually pretty great here.
These two will be involved in a beat the clock challenge tonight where if Bayley wins she gets to pick the stipulations of her title defense at Extreme Rules against Alexa Bliss!, but if Nikki wins then Alexa gets to pick the stip. Cole told them that Nikki would face Dana Brooke and Bayley would face Sarah Logan. Bayley cut a dull promo in which she referred to Logan as a “former member of the Riott Squad.” Did they break-up off-screen? Nikki Cross cut an excellent babyface promo about her match with Dana. Nikki Cross’ promo skills have been BY FAR the best thing on this show so far.
R-TRUTH AND CARMELLA WERE DUMB BACKSTAGE- The gaggle ran by. Truth ran off after them, giving Carmella a piggy back ride for no reason.
THE VIKING RAIDERS vs. COLIN JUSTIN & DEVIN JUSTIN- DUD!
I’m tired of these guys wrestling squashes and going nowhere. They’ve been on the main roster for three months now.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- pointless
The gaggle ran by ringside and Truth got in the ring with the War Raiders. Nothing happened.
CHARLY CARSUO INTERVIEWS ROMAN REIGNS- Roman said nothing of note. There was a weird rattling noise in the background.
RICOCHET PROMO- good babyface stuff
Then AJ Styles came out and cut a promo on Ricochet... and then he threw us to a video package recapping the events of last week’s show. The placement of this was very forced.
RICOCHET vs. LUKE GALLOWS (w/the Club)- 3/10
Ricochet won a match that was good for the time it got but also frustratingly short. AJ Styles then cut a promo to set up (after the conveniently-timed commercial break of course)...
RICOCHET vs. KARL ANDERSON (w/the Club)- 4/10
Great for the short amount of time it got. Ricochet overcame all of the interference and got the win.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- meh
The Club beat Ricochet up again. AJ was going to hit Ricochet with a Styles Clash from the second rope but decided not to so that Ricochet would have “no excuses” when AJ wins the title from him at the PPV. This was a meh angle made even worse by the fact that their dumb “no wrestling during commercials” rule meant that they had to beat both Gallows AND Anderson to set this up when they really should have had to only beat one of them (or, even better, just do a DQ with the heels running in to attack the babyface).
EVOLVE 131 PLUG- great (would it have killed them to announce some matches, though?)
The words “professional wrestling” were spoken and the pro wrestling” appeared on the screen.
MORE DUMB 24/7 TITLE SH*T- dumb
SHANE & DREW SPOT A JANITOR WITH A LIMP- “that’s our guy,”
They pay him $5,000 to just stand there. Also, they’re going to get him a mask to wear. You can see where this is going.
BEAT THE CLOCK CHALLENGE MATCH: Bayley vs. Sarah Logan- 3/10
Sarah Logan howled before her match, which was a big mistake on her part because you know Vince is going to see this and try to turn her into Sheila the She-Wolf. The crowd cared so much about this match that they chanted “CM PUNK!”
Bayley won in 4:32. Graves tried to tell us that Nikki beating this time would be “a lot easier said than done,” despite the previous five matches all being shorter than this time, as well as two of the falls in the 2 out of 3 falls match.
BEAT THE CLOCK CHALLENGE MATCH: Nikki Cross vs. Dana Brooke- 1/10
Dana Brooke, who is supposed to be a babyface, was stalling on the outside like a cowardly heel. Renee Young claimed that this was “smart” because Dana “has nothing to lose.” Personally I think it’s stupid because while Dana has nothing to lose, she also has nothing to gain from a draw, so she might was well try to win because a loss won’t hurt her and a win is the only thing that will help her.
Now Dana is high-fiving and hugging Bayley on the outside like heels congratulating themselves for being so smart. Nikki won anyway, with a 1:50 to spare.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- meh
Nikki called Bayley into the ring and said she would show Bayley what real friendship is when Alexa lets her makes the PPV match a handicap match and helps Alexa win the title. Nikki told Bayoley that she should find a friend to slap some sense into her so Bayley slapped Nikki. Nikki charged at Bayley so Bayley hit her with a Belly-to-Bayley and a diving elbow drop. The crowd booed Bayley. Cole (and the graphics team) are considering this handicap match stipulation official, even though the stipulation of the beat the clock challenge was that Alexa would get to pick the stip, not Nikki, and even the wording of Nikki’s won promo here lines up with this idea.
MORE CRAP WITH THE KANELLISES BACKSTAGE- this is now getting uncomfortable to watch.
COREY GRAVES INTERVIEWS SETH ROLLINS & BECKY LYNCH- bad
Why is Graves doing a backstage interview instead of Charly or Kayla? They hit on the same f*cking points they’ve been hitting on for weeks now, and not in ways that add any sort of spin on it.
THE STREET PROFITS HYPE UP THE PPV- bad
Dawkins picked Joe to beat Kofi because he doesn’t want Joe to choke him out. This man is supposed to be a champion.
IF THE UNDERTAKER INTERFERES HE IS OUT OF THE MATCH AT EXTREME RULES: Shane McMahon & Drew McIntyre vs. Roman Reigns & GARY “THE GOAT” GARBUTT- DUD!
If the powers that be are so biased towards Shane that they can make a stip like this where Shane got to pick Roman’s partner and say that if Taker interferes he is out of the match at the PPV, why didn’t they just book a handicap match at the PPV in the first place?
Shane cut a long boring promo introducing Gary The Goat before cutting to commercial. After then commercial, the match started. Gary The Goat was wearing not just a mask but also a full body suit, which should make you immediately suspicious. Via my powers of deduction I am going to guess that it’s Cedric Alexander under that mask, seeing as how there are only two African-American babyfaces on Raw, and this guy is nowhere near tall enough to be Titus O’Neil.
The Goat accidentally got tagged in while Drew was beating up Roman. Shane tried to beat up the Goat by the Goat started to do athletic spots (although he almost slipped on a springboard). The Goat ran wild until he ate Claymore Kick from Drew and Shane made the cover for the win. The match didn’t go more than two minutes.
Roman hit Drew with a Superman Punch after the match, and Shane and Drew retreated up the ramp. Gary The Goat unmasked to reveal himself to be Cedric Alexander. Renee Young got all excited and said “the Age of Alexander is here” while Cole told us that the babyfaces were “pulling one over on Shane and Drew here tonight” and Graves told me that Cedric gave an “impressive effort.”
HE LOST IN TWO F*CKING MINUTES! At least if there had been a “the heels screw Roman” thing it could theoretically have gotten some heat but instead the fans all happily chanted for Gary The Goat and Roman’s team lost fair and square.
This was an all-time TERRIBLE episode of Raw. The matches sucked, the PPV build sucked, the promo almost all sucked, and almost nothing relevant happened. I think Heyman’s actual power has been greatly exaggerated, as rather than feeling like a follow-up to last week’s show, this mostly felt like an undoing of last week’s show, with the big injury angle washed away so that we could get a gimmick match at the PPV in a feud that no one cares about, and all of Vince’s dumb comedy bullsh*t at the forefront. F*ck this company.