Drew McIntyre comes out and cuts the “I’m the champion now” babyface promos. I don’t like this new versions of Drew. He just gets a little too cutesy at times trying to be funny, whereas the old Drew was straight badass, with no nonsense. He eventually gets interrupted by Zelina Vega * Andrade. Vega sent me over the over edge by telling us that Drew had “two WrestleMania moments in one night!” I know that the “every little thing you do is now a WrestleMania Moment™” complaint is nothing new, but this managed to add a new dimension to it, because in this case, one of those supposed WrestleMania Moments™ (the win over Big Show) happened AFTER WRESTLEMANIA WENT OFF THE AIR! The graphic they put up on the screen when they were recapping it for us literally read “after the show.” Well if that counts as a WrestleMania Moment™ then why not something that happened on the next day’s Raw? That’s also WrestleMania follow-up, and often happens on the same day that WrestleMania ended, because the show usually goes so damn long.
Anyway, the important points here were Drew saying that anyone who deserves a title shot will get one, Vega pointing out that Andrade was supposed to have a title shot at Mania (at the tag titles) but missed out on it due to injury, and that the last time these two fought, Andrade took McIntyre’s NXT Title and put him on the shelf for six months. A match is agreed to for later tonight.
They announced three women’s MITB qualifiers for later tonight, Asuka vs. Ruby Riot (which should rock) vs. Sarah Logan vs. Shayna Baszler (just in case you didn’t get your fill of Sarah Logan jobbing to female MMA fighters during Ronda’s run), and Kairi Sane vs. Nia Jax, because I guess they figured that, being the lightest woman on the roster, Kairi will be at the least risk because she’ll hit the ground with less force if the big klutz drops her.
Today’s crowd is made up of ladders, because MITB. They won’t b as loud as the wrestlers in the crowd on AEW, but at least they’re not going to interfere in the matches right in front of the referee and have it not lead to a DQ.
MONEY IN THE BANK QUALIFIER: Asuka vs. Ruby Riott- 7/10
Asuka mocking Ruby’s entrance music by dancing to it was great. The match was also great. Funny how two great workers will do that for you.
POST-MATCH INTERVIEW- meh
Following up on her post-WrestleMania “most yellow shirt I have ever seen,” today Charly Caruso has chosen to wear the most pink tank-top I have ever seen. Charly asked Asuka if she would agree with the comments that have been made that recently we have seen a more aggressive side of Asuka. Asuka then cut a promo where the only words she chose to emphasize in English were “Money in the Bank” and pointed up at the
Tom Phillips noted that the past two women’s MITB winners have both cashed in that same night. It seems like there is an opportunity to tell a story off of that with friends mistrusting each other, but I haven’t put the thought into the specifics to come up with something. Also, “friends mistrusting each other” has been done so often in the women’s division that I’d be more than a little wary of going back to it for a long while.
THE VIP LOUNGE WITH MVP- didn’t like it at all. I’ll even go so far as to call it bad, even though that had nothing to do with the performance of MVP himself.
This “VIP Lounge” is just the regular interview set but with a purple theme, a table, and a bucket with one- yes, just one- bottle of Champaign. Was this really the best they could do? I’ll bet you anything that they would have come out better if they just shipped a camera to MVP’s house and let him arrange his own furniture. Most egregiously, though, this VIP lounge has ZERO CHAIRS. Worst VIP lounge ever! Hell… can something even qualify as a “lounge” if there is nothing to lounge on?
The purpose of going to what is usually a talk-show segment was to have MVP announce some MITB qualifiers. But first, MVP had to explain how MITB works. I normally wouldn’t have a problem with this, but having it come right after Tom Phillips explained it to us several times during the thirteen minutes of the Asuka vs. Ruby match (including commercials), it’s a little annoying to hear it explained AGAIN. Why not do the talking segment first, the pitch to MVP and have him announce both the women’s matches (taking place this week) and the men’s matches (taking place next week), THEN to the Asuka vs. Ruby match so that we get the detailed explanation from MVP first, and Tom’s comments during the course of the match are more reinforcement (and those of us who aren’t tuning in for the first time that exact minute can tune them out and just pay attention to the action)?
Anyway, next week’s men’s MITB qualifiers will be Rey Mysterio vs. Buddy Murphy, Aleister Black vs. Austin Theory, and Apollo Crews vs. MVP. MVP put that last guy over huge.
ALEISTER BLACK vs. ONEY LORCAN- 6.5/10
If, as Tom Phillips has told us for weeks now, Aleister Black’s record has been “nearly unblemished for almost nine months,” then why the hell hasn’t he been given a title shot yet?
Very good for the time it got. And I don’t want to hear anyone complaining that it took Black so long to beat Lorcan. I’ll grant that is a fair criticism of going almost half an hour against Apollo Crews (with the caveat that if they follow up with Crews the right way, it will turn it into a plus for Crews instead of a negative for Aleister), but it is not a fair criticism of going ten minutes with Oney Lorcan, who is always portrayed as dangerous and credible. It’s not my fault that you don’t watch 205 Live, a magical land where the stories all make sense, wrestling is taken seriously, and everyone is portrayed as credible.
SARAH SCHREIBER INTERVIEWS ALEISTER BLACK- She asked him what his game-plan for next week will be. He said it would be to win, which is what he should say, because why would he give away his strategy and thus give Theory time to develop a counter-strategy?
BECKY LYNCH PROMO- good… and interesting
Someone’s been reading the internet… and handling it appropriately. Becky said that all of the behavior that has been rankling some people (myself included) for the past few months where she has come off like an arrogant dickhead was all a ploy of Becky’s to get Shayna to think she was overconfident and thus underestimate her, which Becky says worked. Becky framed this as if she was talking to Shayna, but the subtext was clear: They have heard our criticism and are going to pivot accordingly, and have found a kayfabe acceptable explanation for the behavior that many of us have found disagreeable. Good.
She also dated the MITB winner to cash in on her. I think it might have been better if these had been two separate promos (or, at the very least, doing this as one promo this week and one promo next week would allow them two weeks of Becky just talking and not wrestling where she is doing something constructive instead of them sending her out there to either wrestle a random match or to repeat things she has previously said), but it still worked the way they did it.
CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS ANDRADE “CIEN” ALMAS & ZELINA VEGA- this was fine. It felt like they thought that Andrade’s part in the earlier segment wasn’t good so they let him and Vega cut another promo to create some soundbites from him that they can stick in a video package.
SARAH SCHREIBER INTERVIEWS SHAYNA BASZLER- This was Sarah Schreiber’s question: “You come from the same background as Ronda Rousey. Have you her recent comments? The Derogatory remarks she’s made? Do you have any comment?”
It took me a moment to remember that this was about Ronda burying fans and using the word “fake” to describe the business, and I’m someone who writes reviews on a wrestling website. If it took me a moment to figure out what Sarah was referring to without the context being given, how much more confused to you think a casual fan was?
Baszler ignored her.
MONEY IN THE BANK QUALIFIER: Shayna Baszler vs. Sarah Logan- no rating, great squa- wait! WHAT THE F*CK?!
Baszler dominated. The ref made her back off and she did, then she came in and did the Dakota Kai arm-ruiner (which I am hereby officially naming the Dakotafier, along the lines of Pillmanizer). Logan was crying in pain. The ref asked her if she could continue but she just kept crying so the ref called for the bell and Baszler wins by ref stoppage. Right now you’re probably thinking what I was thinking, which was “what a great squash!” Unfortunately, that’s not actually what happened. It turned out that the referee ordered the bell rung and Shayna was disqualified. FOR WHAT?! Hitting a downed opponent? That’s not even illegal! And don’t say it’s because she didn’t back off, because she did back off, and waited for the referee to get out of the way before going back and hitting the Dakotafier!
Even the announcers seemed confused, as they were saying that they thought that Baszler should have won by stoppage, but based on what the ring announcer announced, there is no other way to interpret it other than Sarah Logan winning by DQ (that’s literally what the ring announcer said). Did the ring announcer say the wrong thing (that’s what the announcers seem to think, too)? Either way, they did a good job with the injury, but the whole thing was weird.
SETH ROLLINS PROMO- He was completely dispassionate, talking about losing to Owens at Mania. I thought this might be the start of something interesting with being broken by his reaction to the loss. When he said that final line, though, I knew that whatever this was, it was not going to be good. Said final line was “once again, my career has been crucified.”
After a commercial, they confirmed that it was a mistake by the ring announcer.
AUSTIN THEORY vs. AKIRA TOZAWA- 6/10
Zelina Vega was on commentary for this match. She was very good. Theory’s finisher is now a TKO instead of Gataxia and is now called the “ATL” instead of the Theory KO because apparently referencing the city he is from, which is going to be completely irrelevant to his character, is more important than getting over his arrogance by including his own name in his finisher and implying that it will always beat his opponents by knocking them out.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- The rest of Vega’s crew came out and beat Tozawa down. No babyfaces came out to make the save.
CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS REY MYSTERIO JR.- AWESOME!
Rey builds up MITB by using history in a very personal way- by reminding us of something that actually happened to him and then making it clear to us how that made him feel. That last part of often missing in WWE today in a way that feels real and natural.
SETH ROLLINS TALKS AGAIN- I guess he hasn’t moved in an hour. Now he’s telling us that “your messiah has truly risen.” I guess they’re taking the Jesus thing to the next level. It’s a wonder they didn’t have him get in the Jesus pose to get his by Owens’ big dive and then have Owens poke him in the side with something before pinning him.
ANGEL GARZA vs. TEHUTI MILES- fine squash
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- fine
Zelina and the rest of her crew came out and again attached their defeated opponent. Andrade hit Miles with the same rope-hung hammerlock DDT that won the NXT Title Drew McIntyre and put him on the shelf. Again, no babyface came out to make the save.
SARAH SCHREIBER INTERVIEWS THE KABUKI WARRIORS- terrible
This gimmick of theirs where they’re purposely acting like these total goofs to play into a stereotype does not work for me on any level.
CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS DREW MCINTYRE- GREAT!
This is the Drew McIntyre I want to see!
MONEY IN THE BANK QUALIFIER: Kairi Sane vs. Nia Jax- no rating, frustrating squash
Nia was a fairly dominant big woman over the smaller woman. So yeah. Vince was booking. It was basically a squash. Her finisher is now called the “Annihilator.”
CHARLOTTE FLAIR PROMO- great heel stuff, but it felt like a promo that would have made a lot more sense for her to cut on NXT rather than here on Raw. You can argue that her running her mouth the way she did when no one from NXT was around is a sign that she is cowardly, but I don’t see Charlotte’s character as a coward. Her personality defect is her arrogance.
NO WAY JOSE vs. BOBBY LASHLEY (w/Lana)- no rating, fine segment
No entrance at all for Jose. Not even an introduction as “already in the ring.” Even Tehuti Miles got an intro, and he has only had about three televised matches total.
Lashley squash NWJ. He told Lana to shut up at one point, and you could tell from there on afterwards that Lana was angry, even as she tried to smile some of the time and play the role of the happy wife and manager.
SETH ROLLINS TALKED AGAIN- Well… he was less like a robot here. He says that “tonight, I stomp out all doubt,” so I’m guessing we’re getting a f*ck finish in the main event.
THE VIKING RAIDERS vs. CEDRIC ALEXANDER & RICOCHET- 6.75/10
CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS BIANCA BELAIR & THE STREET PROFITS- good
The Street Profits were being goofs. Bianca pointed out that they have never beaten the Viking Raiders before (the Viking Raiders have apparently sent a message that they want the titles), so they need to stop goofing around and take this challenge seriously.
DREW MCINTYRE vs. ANDRADE “CIEN” ALMAS (w/Zelina Vega, Angel Garza, & Austin Theory)- 4/10
They played off of the arm injury a little bit, but not much. Probably because they were only given FIVE AND A HALF MINUTES. IN A CHAMPION VS. CHAMPION MAIN EVENT. This basically killed Andrade and his US Title, and probably also the rest of Vega’s crew by extension.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- very disheartening
Seth Rollins’ music plays. Garza uses this distraction to chop-block Drew… but then just leaves, allowing Rollins to take advantage of it with a superkick, followed by several stomps. Sure, they’re been doing a good job of building up Vega and her crew, who would be fresh faces in the main event, and sure Seth Rollins lost to Kevin Owens at WrestleMania TWICE eight nights ago… but it’s f*cking Seth who is getting the next title shot. I’m not saying the match won’t be great. I’m saying let’s give Drew and Almas some real time on PPV to have a world title match (we know they can have an awesome match together) and actually second some time rebuilding before giving him a title shot so that the concept of wins and losses when titles aren’t on the line actually feels important.
This was a disappointing episode of Raw, despite some great promos. It was mainly the in-ring that failed, and booking wasn’t anything to write home about, either.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Lawler was outraged that Baszler Dakotafying Sarah Logan’s arm was “obviously intentional.”
Yes, how dare Shayna try to incapacitate her opponent during a wrestling match where the objective is to make your opponent unable to continue through the pain or get his/her shoulder up by the count of three.