BRM Reviews the 8/3/2020 Raw (TERRIBLE. And desperate)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 8/3/2020 Raw (TERRIBLE. And desperate)

Post by Big Red Machine » Aug 5th, '20, 01:51

If you want to convince me that he lights dimming was a shoot production screw-up, you either need to cut ALL of the power, or keep the music going. Why would the music and the lights be on the same switch/cable/whatever?


WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: Apollo Crews(c) vs. MVP (w/the Hurt Business)- 4.5/10
Apollo won clean in a match that wasn’t very exciting. Lashley tried to attack Crews after the match but Crews slipped out of the Full Nelson before Lashley could lock it in.

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS APOLLO CREWS- fine
He’s going to keep MVP’s new, ugly US Title belt and hang the old one in his children’s bedroom. I forgot to mention this in my review of Smackdown when I got my first good like at the new IC Title, but whoever made the decision to replace the classic titles with these pieces of crap should be flogged.

MVP PROMO- Now a microphone doesn’t work. MVP is calling attention to these production problems, so clearly something is coming. MVP cut a typically great MVP promo. He’s the only person who has a prayer of challenging Taz for best promos this year. He wants his rematch at SummerSlam.

SHANE MCMAHON IS DOING… SOMETHING-
Yes, Shane McMahon. He’s back, apparently. Didn’t he lose a match to Kevin Owens last summer with the stipulation that if he lost he would have to leave WWE?
Anyway, there’s poorly-lit hallway and some sort of bouncer standing outside of a room with the Raw logo on it, and then something else taped up underneath it. We can hear some kid of club music playing. The announcers “have no idea” what it is.

SHAYNA BASZLER LSAVES US FROM AN ANNOYING SASHA BANKS & BAYLEY INTERVIEW- Once Baszler showed up, Sarah Schreiber left, and she took her microphone with her… and yet we could still hear everything just as clearly as when the microphone was still there. Baszler slapped Sasha.

THE IICONICS WANT ASK KEVIN OWENS IF THEY CAN BE ON THE KO SHOW- He tells them he already has guests lined up.

THE KO SHOW, WITH SPECIAL GUESTS RUBY RIOTTAND LIV MORGAN- dull
Owens is also having problems with his mic. Also, Ruby got to say “bullsh*t” (though it was bleeped). More evidence to support my theory that they’re trying to be edgier in a desperate attempt for ratings, not realizing that you can’t be edgy when you put so much effort into making your product painfully polished, overproduced, and industrialized.
The IIconics interrupted this interview, because apparently this terrible feud must continue. No one gives a sh*t about anything the IIconics do, and no one gives a sh*t about a Riott Squad reunion as babyfaces. Stop wasting Ruby Riott’s time and give her something good to do.
Any claim that Liv Morgan is “thriving” is utterly ridiculous, seeing as how she’s barely on TV, and wins even less often than that, and actually found myself agreeing with the IIconics that Ruby came off like a needy loser for constantly posting about how “emotional” this one win over Peyton Royce is. I mean…come on! Peyton’s a total f*cking jobber. Being proud and emotional about beating her makes Ruby out to be barely better than a jobber.
That being said, Kevin Owens did a fantastic job as being a credible messenger that these two should make up and be friends. Ruby was a little overdramatic, but it’s probably something that wouldn’t have bothered me as much in a company where we don’t see so much overacting on a regular basis.
More technical difficulties happened. Owens made fun of the IIconics for that, so they slapped him. The babyfaces jumped in to fight for him since the censors will frown on someone the size of Kevin Owens retaliating against two women who don’t weight as much as he does combined, even if he does have legitimate legal grounds for self-defense. We went to a commercial break, and when we returned, we were, predictably ready for the bell for…

SHANE’S BOUNCER SCARES SOMEONE AWAY- yeah. Because it makes sense to show us this instead of going right to…

THE IICONICS vs. RUBY RIOTT & LIV MORGAN- no rating, okay segment
Kevin Owens was on commentary for this match. The match went two minutes and a half minutes and was very blah. Liv got a pin via roll-up, then got jumped by the IIconics but Ruby made the save for her and they hit a double-team move. Like I said above, the list of things I care about less than a Riott Squad reunion is pretty short, but I will give them credit for doing the right thing to move the story along, and for not wasting time before getting to the point. The point of this match was the post-match segment, and the non-Ruby participants are not very good, so just get in there, do your finish (which is a roll-up so it doesn’t bury anyone for being put down in just two minutes), and then get to the important part, which was the post-match segment.

CHARLY CARUSO REPORTS ON A LOUD NOISE BACKSTAGE- terrible
Also, an equipment case has been overturned. OH NO!
Look… Charly is not an investigative reporter. She’s an interviewer on a wrestling show. When some thing suspicious happens during a Yankees game, they don’t Meredith Marakovitz to go investigate. That’s what professional security is for.
Charly says that no one was nearby when they fell, but that there are rumors going around among various wrestlers and production staff the boxes falling was “deliberate.” How would anyone know that if there was no one around when they fell?
Also, there are rumors that a box falling has something to do with the power outages. Come the f*ck on! If someone is trying to f*ck with the show and has the capability to temporarily turn off the lights or people’s mics, why would they waste their time pushing over boxes backstage?
MVP showed up and scolded Charly for wasting her time on this stupid crap instead of conducting an…

MVP INTERVIEW- fine
He’s upset because he lost the US Title due to these lighting issues. I don’t remember that happening at any point other than on Crews’ obligatory pre-commercial dive, but no one has called MVP on this, so maybe I missed something?
Charly says that she was going to come find MVP after doing this report because she was also ordered to tell him that Apollo Crews has accepted his challenge for a rematch at SummerSlam.
Shelton Benjamin then showed up and told MVP that someone stole his 24/7 Title. MVP vows that they will hunt down the culprit.

DREW MCINTYRE & RANDY ORTON GO FACE TO FACE- meh
There were some good lines here (I laughed at Drew saying the company had cleaned up Randy’s “literal crap”), but I HATED the kayfabe breaking stuff. On the whole, I’m really not excited for this feud. I’m sure the match will be great, but until then, it feels like they’re just going to talk in circles and say the same crap week after week.

RIC FLAIR & KEVIN OWENS BACKSTAGE- EXCELLENT!
Owens is getting the Riott Squad to make up, but Flair asks them to leave so he can talk to Owens alone. Flair wants Owens to stop being nice to others and start looking out for himself. The result was Owens vs. Orton being set up for next week.

NIA JAX SAYS MORE MEAN THINGS TO PAT BUCK- bad
He’s out here in the ring with her because he thinks he’s getting an apology. Nia insults him and challenges him to a match instead. Is this guy even a wrestler? She keeps trying to bully him into a match, so he suspends her. Nia then attacked him with the worst headbutt ever. It was so bad I’m not even sure it was supposed to be a headbutt. Nia starts kicking this downed company official, and not one person came out to help.
As this segment was winding down, R-Truth ran down to the ring with the 24/7 Title. You didn’t think they’d actually not have the obvious person be the culprit, did you? Truth was being chased by Tozawa and this ninjas, and Shelton Benjamin also ran out. It was very nice of them to give us a warning that this is coming so that we can change the channel.
I really wish I wasn’t such a completist that I could bring myself to skip this.


WWE 24/7 TITLE MATCH: Shelton Benjamin(c) (w/the Hurt Business) vs. R-Truth vs. Akira Tozawa- 1/10
Byron Saxton is, of course, telling us that R-Truth just “borrowed” the title. I hope Byron wakes up tomorrow to find that someone has “borrowed” all of the money in his bank account so he will know how poor Shelton feels to be the victim of a crime like this.
Stuff happened. Tozawa got obliterated by a powerbomb from Shelton. One of the ninjas attacked Shelton, so MVP and Lashley beat up the ninjas. While this was happening, Tozawa hit a senton on Truth and pinned him to win the title.

SHANE MCMAHON IS HAS SET UP A FIGHT-CLUB BACKSTAGE- weird
There is a ring with no ropes. We’ve got people right up to the ring and pounding on it during the match. They’re doing fake MMA-style, so that’s cool.
Shane then hops in front of the camera and cuts a promo while they fight in the background. That’s pretty douchy right there. Shane tells us to tune in for “Raw Underground” at 10 pm. If you want me to tune in for this, how about you tell me what it is?

SARAH SCHREIBER INTERVIEWS DOMINIK MYSTERIO- very good
Dominik was very good. He tells us he’s going to challenge Seth Rollins to a match at SummerSlam.

SHAYNA BASZLER vs. SASHA BANKS (w/Bayley)- 6/10
Even while being desperate for ratings, I still can’t believe they’re giving this first-time-ever match away for free on TV, with an hour of build. They had a match that was good, but they were clearly holding back. If you’re wondering how they got out of giving us a finish, well… Asuka ran out and attacked Bayley… and then the referee called for the bell, even though neither of those two is a legal competitor. SO. F*CKING. DUMB.

RAW WOMEN’S TITLE SEGMENT- meh
Charly Caruso is interviewing Asuka, who says she wants a rematch with Sasha at SummerSlam. Shayna Baszler (who was also still at ringside) said she was going to be rooting for Asuka so that she could win the title from her. Sasha and Bayley came out and Sasha told Asuka she would give her a rematch if she could beat Bayley next week. They’re pushing the idea that Bayley isn’t happy with this, which completely ignores the fact that Sasha has no power to make this match, so it’s not official. If Steph decides that Asuka just deserves a rematch straight up, then Asuka won’t need to wrestle Bayley.
The only good part of this was Baszler, but I am looking forward to the possibility of either Baszler vs. Asuka or Baszler vs. Banks.

WE’RE BACK TO HAVING DISSENSION BETWEEN ANDRADE AND ANGEL GARZA- He got the number of the chick from The Bachelor. Andrade is not happy with this for some reason, and Zelina is even more annoyed by it. This story has been going on for three months now and hasn’t moved forward one bit. I have ceased caring.

SOMEONE WINS ONE OF SHANE’S FIGHTS VIA REFEREE STOPPAGE- Also, he’s got hot chicks dancing on a stage… while the f*cking match is going on. Dude… people can only pay attention to one thing at a time.

RAW UNDERGROUND FIGHT: Dabba Kato vs. a jobber- squash
Dava Kato is Babatunde. We were told absolutely no rules. There were lots of camera cuts. The idiot ringing the bell waited WAY too long after the referee signaled for the end of the right. We got another squash

STREET PROFITS PROMO- okay

ANGELO DAWKINS (w/Montez Ford) vs. ANGEL GARZA (w/Zelina Vega & Andrade “Cien” Almas)- 4/10
Demi from The Bachelor was seen watching backstage. They had a short match that ended when Montez mysteriously collapsed at ringside, causing Dawkins to become distracted and lose. Dude… just put someone over clean for once.

MONTEZ FORD (w/Angelo Dawkins) vs. ANDRADE “CIEN” ALMAS (w/Zelina Vega & Angel Garza)- 4.5/10
Montez might have mysteriously collapsed moments ago, but apparently we’re going to clear him to wrestle. Lo and behold, he really wasn’t okay to wrestle. He eventually collapsed, and a doctor had to be called.

SETH ROLLINS & BUDDY MURPHY BACKSTAGE- pointless and boring

RAW UNDERGROUND FIGHT: Erik vs. a jobber- squash
This is the sort of thing that would have worked a lot better if you hadn’t spent the past few months treating him like a total goof.

CHARLY CARUSO REPORTS ON MONTEZ FORD’S CONDITION FROM OUTSIDE THE TRAINER’S ROOM-
She is interrupted by Angel Garza hitting on her. Zelina and Andrade show up and Zelina feigns concern before starting to cut a promo.
Angelo Dawkins comes out of the trainers’ room using what I guess is his shoot voice and tells us that the doctors think Montez was POINSONED. Bianca Belair comes out and demands to know what Zelina did to her husband. Zelina points out that poisoning Montez would put her team’s title shot in jeopardy, but Bianca doesn’t believe her and starts a fight that the dudes break up.

SECURITY CAMERA FOOTAGE OF NINJAS RUNNING AROUND THE PARKING LOT-
There is some sort of big box set up with wires plugged into it. The ninjas throw Molotov cocktails at it and it catches fire. Is this supposed to be the cause of the electrical issues? DUDE… this f*cking thing has been ON FIRE in your own damn parking lot for HOURS and you idiots didn’t realize it until now?

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS THE HURT BUSINESS- They think the sabotage has something to do with the Raw Underground. They’re going to Raw Underground, where I assume Lashley will single-handedly massacre everyone, including Shane.

SETH ROLLINS PROMO- very good
Rollins going after Tom Phillips and Joe standing up for him is something I can care about because Seth is being a bully, as opposed to when Seth stand sin the ring and talk s about sacrifices and other mumbo-jumbo. This went through a commercial break, at which point Dominik ran out and got the best of Seth and Murphy. Seth accepted Dominik’s challenge to a match at SummerSlam.

RAW UNDERGROUND FIGHT: Dolph Ziggler vs. a jobber- squash
I’m already tired of these squashes. They’re not doing anything that they couldn’t do right in the usual ring set-up.

THE HURT BUSINESS SHOWS UP AT RAW UNDERGROUND- snore
I’m exceedingly disappointed that we didn’t get to seem them entering via Lashley spearing the bouncer through the door.
MVP shows up and announces that he is now running Raw Underground. They all got to wrestle squashes. For MVP, though found a short guy for Shelton to bully into the ring. Also, we go some gratuitous shots of the dancers. Now they’re just attacking dudes. Shane seems to have no problem with any of this.

So yeah. The main event segment of this show was a bunch of squashes set to music.



I don’t know what the f*ck this show was. Actually, that’s not true. I do know what it was: Desperate. That “Raw Underground” stuff was just ridiculous. It might have been the most sad, desperate thing I’ve seen to try to get attention since I stopped watching Impact a few years ago. And these people can’t figure out why their ratings are in the sh*tter.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/3/2020 Raw (TERRIBLE. And desperate)

Post by Big Red Machine » Aug 5th, '20, 09:22

So apparently the people throwing the Molotov cocktails in the parking lot who I assumed were Tozawa's ninjas were actually a new faction WWE has been teasing. If you're going to tease a new faction it's best to have them debut in a way where people realize that it's a new faction and not a bunch of jobber goofs.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/3/2020 Raw (TERRIBLE. And desperate)

Post by cero2k » Aug 5th, '20, 11:44

Big Red Machine wrote: Aug 5th, '20, 09:22 So apparently the people throwing the Molotov cocktails in the parking lot who I assumed were Tozawa's ninjas were actually a new faction WWE has been teasing. If you're going to tease a new faction it's best to have them debut in a way where people realize that it's a new faction and not a bunch of jobber goofs.
this was promoted like crazy before the show, the arrival of a new 'faction'. I figured you'd be annoyed that they promoted a faction and they only showed a bunch of geeks throwing molotovs to empty boxes.

Also, the faction is called 'RETRIBUTION' all caps
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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/3/2020 Raw (TERRIBLE. And desperate)

Post by Big Red Machine » Aug 5th, '20, 11:54

cero2k wrote: Aug 5th, '20, 11:44
Big Red Machine wrote: Aug 5th, '20, 09:22 So apparently the people throwing the Molotov cocktails in the parking lot who I assumed were Tozawa's ninjas were actually a new faction WWE has been teasing. If you're going to tease a new faction it's best to have them debut in a way where people realize that it's a new faction and not a bunch of jobber goofs.
this was promoted like crazy before the show, the arrival of a new 'faction'. I figured you'd be annoyed that they promoted a faction and they only showed a bunch of geeks throwing molotovs to empty boxes.

Also, the faction is called 'RETRIBUTION' all caps
I had no idea. I had heard something about a new faction, but figured it was Shane, Dolph, the Viking Raiders and Babatunde for being in the fight club.

If they hyped this up big-time and this was all they did, that's completely idiotic. If you're worried about the ratings, the absolute worst thing you can do is a bait-and-switch, and I think hyping something up as a big deal and not delivering on it certainly qualifies.

In their defense, the box wasn't empty. It clearly had wires coming out of it. But, as a I said in my review, this opens up a whole host of problems to the point where it would have been better if it was just an empty box.


There was just SOOOOO much they did wrong with this it's not even funny.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/3/2020 Raw (TERRIBLE. And desperate)

Post by cero2k » Aug 5th, '20, 15:02

Big Red Machine wrote: Aug 5th, '20, 11:54
I had no idea. I had heard something about a new faction, but figured it was Shane, Dolph, the Viking Raiders and Babatunde for being in the fight club.

If they hyped this up big-time and this was all they did, that's completely idiotic. If you're worried about the ratings, the absolute worst thing you can do is a bait-and-switch, and I think hyping something up as a big deal and not delivering on it certainly qualifies.

In their defense, the box wasn't empty. It clearly had wires coming out of it. But, as a I said in my review, this opens up a whole host of problems to the point where it would have been better if it was just an empty box.


There was just SOOOOO much they did wrong with this it's not even funny.
I don't think you were in the minority, if you're teasing an 'invasion' and Shane's return, and they turn out to be completely different angles and you don't really reveal the faction at all, I don't blame anyone getting confused here. And this isn't even getting into the whole lot of questions that come from promoting that a faction is invading you, tonight at 8ET.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 8/3/2020 Raw (TERRIBLE. And desperate)

Post by Big Red Machine » Aug 5th, '20, 15:13

cero2k wrote: Aug 5th, '20, 15:02
Big Red Machine wrote: Aug 5th, '20, 11:54
I had no idea. I had heard something about a new faction, but figured it was Shane, Dolph, the Viking Raiders and Babatunde for being in the fight club.

If they hyped this up big-time and this was all they did, that's completely idiotic. If you're worried about the ratings, the absolute worst thing you can do is a bait-and-switch, and I think hyping something up as a big deal and not delivering on it certainly qualifies.

In their defense, the box wasn't empty. It clearly had wires coming out of it. But, as a I said in my review, this opens up a whole host of problems to the point where it would have been better if it was just an empty box.


There was just SOOOOO much they did wrong with this it's not even funny.
I don't think you were in the minority, if you're teasing an 'invasion' and Shane's return, and they turn out to be completely different angles and you don't really reveal the faction at all, I don't blame anyone getting confused here. And this isn't even getting into the whole lot of questions that come from promoting that a faction is invading you, tonight at 8ET.
If the faction was Shane's faction it could make some sense, but yeah, they've clearly lost track of how to promote wrestling rather than just beg with buzzwords.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

Upcoming Reviews:
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