BRM Reviews the 3/22/2021 Raw (Fastlane: Redux)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 3/22/2021 Raw (Fastlane: Redux)

Post by Big Red Machine » Mar 23rd, '21, 21:55

SHEAMUS vs. BOBBY LASHLEY (w/the Hurt Business)- 7/10
I don’t understand why they think anyone would care about seeing this match again. We just saw it last week with a clean finish, and since then Sheamus has wrestled a violent No DQs match- just last night, so he’s clearly not going to be 100%- and he lost that match, too, so it’s not like he’s gone on some hot-streak since losing to Lashley last week to make us think that he might have a chance at winning now. Sure, last week’s match got great reviews, but if you want to make the rematch mean something, you need to rebuild Sheamus first.
This was a great brawl, but the booking was absolutely baffling.
Lashley just beat Sheamus clean last week. Why does he need interference here? This is SOOOOO backwards.
At one point Lashley caught Cedric trying to interfere and yelled at him, resulting in Sheamus taking control. Why are we teasing a Hurt Business break-up and why are we actively doing things to make Lashley feel like a babyface? Does Raw even have any top heels anymore? The closest two seem to be Orton and The Fiend, and they’re feuding with each other in their own separate idiotic world of magical bullsh*t.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- meh
Shelton & Cedric attacked Sheamus after the match. Drew McIntyre came out to make the save. This felt very forced. It felt like something booked to allow us to end the opening match with Drew and Lashley having a shouting match and MVP trying to keep them apart rather than an organic occurrence that just happened to result in that situation.

Does someone want to tell WWE that “almighty” only has one L?

They’re hyping that Randy Orton will be “summoning” The Fiend tonight. This will surely be another terrible, pointless segment, but I think it might be entertaining if they go all out and have Randy dress in black robes and draw a pentagram and sacrifice a goat and stuff like that.

HURT BUSINESS BACKSTAGE- Lashley is angry at Cedric and Shelton. More turning Lashley babyface. And since when are Shelton and Cedric the two on the same page? MVP scolded them and told them to think about how they are going to make it up to Lashley for making it seem like he needed help to beat Sheamus.
Everyone played their roles well here (especially MVP, who also explained the booking logic behind an interference finish in a kayfabe way, which I appreciated), but as I said above, I am completely baffled as to why they would want to turn Lashley babyface.


PEYTON ROYCE vs. ASUKA- 3.5/10
The story here was that Peyton worked over Asuka’s neck but so much of Peyton’s offense on the neck looked bad and thus it was hard to buy into the story. And oh my G-d was that hook kick on the apron SOOOOO slow. They aired a clip from Raw Talk two weeks ago of Peyton talking about how her “talents were being hidden behind the opinions of others” and said that tonight she would finally be able to go out there and show what she could do and… well… she asked for the ball so they threw it to her, and she dropped the pass.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- decent
Rhea Ripley came out and said she wants a title shot. In doing so, she also criticized Charlotte for calling Asuka out when Asuka was injured, so that’s planting some seems for the inevitable Rhea vs. Charlotte match. Asuka accepted the challenge. I don’t really like Rhea immediately getting a title shot without having won a match on the main roster. I’m tempted to give them a pass due to Charlotte having COVID, but they clearly knew about Charlotte’s COVID before tonight’s show, so there is no reason Rhea couldn’t have debut and won some matches (even if it was just one last week and one tonight) before making her challenge.
Also, if you’re going to advertise someone as “debuting” tonight, you really shouldn’t have their only appearance be a supposedly unplanned interruption.

ADAM PEARCE & DREW MCINTYRE BACKSTAGE- didn’t like it
Pearce tells Drew that Cedric and Shelton have challenged him to a handicap match tonight. Pearce says there is no logical reason why he should sanction the match… but he wants to ask Drew first anyway. That’s dumb.
Drew says that he’ll take the match if a stipulation is added that if he wins, Shelton and Cedric are barred from ringside a WrestleMania. Why just Shelton and Cedric? Why not MVP, too, if Drew is concerned about Lashley (and, by extension, his pals) doing “whatever it takes” to retain the title at Mania.

MIZ TV- boring
He and Morrison talked a lot. Miz has challenged Bad Bunny to a match at WrestleMania. I REALLY hope they keep that short. I also hope that they turn it into a tag match involving Morrison and Damian Priest so that Priest can get an actual rub from Bad Bunny (if such a thing even exists, as the ratings don’t seem to indicate that this guy is bringing any new viewers).
Also, they promised next week to air their new song, and showed us a preview of it, which had them hopping around in full-body bunny suits. I dread having to watch that.

THE MIZ vs. JEFF HARDY- 3.5/10
Miz sent Morrison to the back before the match. Then The Miz beat Jeff Hardy cleanly… because we’ve got to build Miz up with clean wins to face non-wrestler Bad Bunny, but when it comes to other titles, we don’t do this. Yeah… this company is stupid.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- meh
Bad Bunny hit Miz from behind with a guitar was revenge for last week. Then he called Miz a bitch and accepted his challenge. Whatever. This doesn’t make me want t see the match any more than I did before (which wasn’t much).

MATT RIDDLE IS A DORK BACKSTAGE- AJ Styles saw this and used it to cut a promo on New Day. At least Riddle being a goof was a slightly productive this week.

AJ STYLES & NEW DAY PROMOS- meh
AJ cut a fine promo to build up to him and Omos challenging New Day for the tag titles. New Day came out and were annoying. Well, to be fair, it was mostly Kofi being annoying. I also didn’t like New Day trying to drive a wedge between AJ and Omos. I understand the point they were trying to make, but the things they were asking were just silly. Of my closest friends, I don’t know any of their favorite colors of flavors of ice cream either. And the reason for that is that those are things that Kindergarten friends ask each other, not adult friends, or even teenage friends.

ERIC BISCHOFF IS GOING INTO THE WWE HALL OF FAME- So I guess the question now is which wrestling personality will be AEW’s new go-to when they need someone to randomly show up and ask questions in bad segments.

AJ STYLES (w/Omos) vs. KOFI KINGSTON (w/Xavier Woods)- 7.25/10
A great match ruined by the babyfaces cheating to win via a distraction of Woods playing his trombone. This is the sort of thing they would do when New Day were heels. Why would they do this now.

THE NEW GUY INTERVIEWS SHEAMUS- mostly great… until Matt Riddle showed up.
I don’t like the idea of this Drew/Sheamus feud continuing, but other than that, this started out great. Sheamus was very good and this new interviewer appears to be allowed to ask intelligent questions and press for follow-ups.
Then Matt Riddle ruined this segment. He showed up and asked questions that started off as annoying and grew to being borderline racist (“are Leprechauns real?”). Sheamus yelled at Riddle, then asked he if could see his scooter. Sheamus hit Riddle in the stomach with the scooter, then broke it. Riddle is so annoying that I popped for both of these things, even though the canned reaction we got here reveals that WWE intended the opposite.

HANDICAP MATCH IN WHICH IF DREW MCINTYRE WINS, CEDRIC ALEXANDER & SHELTON BENJAMIN ARE BARRED FROM RINGSIDE AT WRESTLEMANIA: Drew McIntyre vs. the Hurt Business (Cedric Alexander & Shelton Benjamin) (w/MVP)- 6.75/10
Well… at least Vince took the tag titles off of them before having them lose to one guy. Don’t get me wrong: the match itself was very good. But this knocked Cedric and Shelton right back to down to the level they had been at before they joined the Hurt Business and became winners.

MVP AND LASHLEY YELL AT CEDRIC & SHELTON- mostly good
MVP yelled at them for being failures until Lashley interrupted him to yell at them some more, which felt big. Lashley said he would find someone who could get the job done, then walked into the locker room and told the wrestlers in there that he would give a title shot to anyone who could take Drew out before WrestleMania.
The acting here was good, but now Lashley is acting like a heel again despite seeming to head in more of a babyface direction earlier in the show.

DANA BROOKE & MANDY ROSE vs. SHAYNA BASZLER & NIA JAX (w/Reginald)- 0.5/10
Why is this Reginald f*cking still on my TV? Naomi and Lana were on commentary for this match. Why are they still involved with Nia and Shayna didn’t that feud end? They added nothing.
Nia distracted herself by flirting with Reginald. I wish them a very happy life together FAR AWAY from my TV. Reginald distracted Dana to help Nia win. Naomi and Lana want a rematch. I’m not sure why they think they deserve one.

ALEXA BLISS! PROMO- This was probably the thing in this feud I have enjoyed the most, because 99% of it felt like a normal promo without any dumb magical bullsh*t. Said bullsh*t was limited to the very end, when they used the horror movie voice for Alexa saying “LET ME IN!”

SHANE MCMAHON AND THE DRIFTER SING A SONG ABOUT HOW DUMB BRAUN STROWMAN IS- terrible
Ironically, many of their own lyrics were stupid (Braun’s “IQ has been diluted” was probably the worst of it).

BRAUN STROWMAN RESPONDS- AWESOME! This was Braun showing a flash of the babyface ass-kicker we all loved a few years ago.

BRAUN STROWMAN vs. “THE DRIFTER” ELIAS SAMPSON (w/Jaxson Ryker & Shane McMahon)- DUD!
So… the same barely-competitive match we saw last night on the PPV is the final wrestling match on tonight’s show, which is being main evented by another magical busllsh*t segment. Do they WANT to get a bad rating?
Apparently some moron with pull backstage saw last night’s match and said “you know what would make this even better? If we played train sounds when Braun run around the ring!” This is the sort of thing that, when pitched, should immediately result in the person being fired, and the details of the firing being leaked so that no other wrestling promotion hires the person, either.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- meh
Shane hits Braun with the crutch, revealing that he was faking his injury. Braun no-sells it, but instead of chasing Shane, he just cuts a promo on him, challenging him to a match at WrestleMania. What is Braun going to do if Shane refuses? Attack him, I guess?
This wouldn’t have been so bad if this was it. I wouldn’t have even minded Shane accepting if the idea was that he was later going to f*ck with Braun by controlling the stipulations, but instead he agreed to “any match you want,” giving Braun control of the stipulations. Couldn’t Braun ask for a match in his own gym with its own armed guards surrounding a cage so that Shane can’t have anyone else interfere?

RANDY ORTON SUMMONS THE FIEND-
Earlier in the night, Tom Phillips hyped this up as “Randy Orton will summon this Fiend from the depths of hell,” but after watching it, it didn’t feel like it was The Fiend being summoned up from hell so much as the audience being transported down to into it.
Randy came out with a black bag and cut a promo. Alexa came out and played her Jack in the Box. Then the lights went out. When they came back on, Kane’s pyro went off and The Fiend was in the ring, behind Randy. Randy pulled out a can of gasoline and threw some on The Fiend.
1) Burning him alive didn’t work before, so why does Randy think it will work now?
2) If you’re trying to kill the dude, why go through the trouble of burning him to death? Why not get a gun? It’s not like there are fans in the building that you might accidentally hit if you miss.
Anyway, The Fiend let Randy throw gasoline on him. Randy went to light a match. The Fiend charged at him, but Randy caught him with an RKO. Alexa tried to attack Randy from behind but he saw her coming. Randy started at her. The Fiend got back up and gave Randy the Mandible Claw. Alexa skipped around the ring and pointed to the f*cking sign while pyro happened. The Fiend then hit Sister Abigail.
This was boring, and was essentially the same segment as last night’s PPV (Randy makes a challenge, magic happens, and the end result is The Fiend and Alexa standing tall), but this time a challenge has been made for WrestleMania. Why didn’t they just make the Mania challenge last night, too, and save us having to sit through the same thing twice? You might also notice that redoing the same thing that happened at the PPV but then adding a WrestleMania challenge at the end is the same thing is they did in the previous segment.


I give this episode of a Raw a thumbs down. There was some good wrestling here, but it was overshadowed by things that were bad or repetitive, and the booking was quite bad. This felt like a show put together by people who have seen two or three wrestling shows and think they know how things work. It was a show with things that are “supposed to happen on a wrestling show,” but without any idea of how said things work in practice or how they are used in the context of telling a story (repeating last night’s segments, mixed up face/heel stuff, etc.).
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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