BRM Gives Up on the 4/30/2019 Smackdown (in record time!)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Gives Up on the 4/30/2019 Smackdown (in record time!)

Post by Big Red Machine » Apr 30th, '19, 20:18

OPENING SEGMENT-
Michael Cole is randomly on Smackdown and standing in the ring. He asks us to welcome “the new WWE Champion Kofi Kingston.” Did he drop it and then win it back at this weekend’s house shows or something? Because otherwise he’s not the “new” champion. He’s had the felt for almost a month now!
Kofi got (as Byron Saxton put it) “stabbed in the back” on last week and his little buddy Xavier got injured by said traitor… and this week he comes out on TV all smiley and happy and dancing and throwing pancakes around. Byron Saxton tried to defend this stupidity by saying that it shows how strong Kofi is that he is still able to come out and throw pancakes around even though he was betrayed and a man he considers to be as close to him as a brother was put on the shelf by the traitor. Maybe this argument would hold some water if they showed up Kofi being very upset backstage before he came out, then telling himself he has to put on a brave, happy face and do his shtick so that he doesn’t disappoint the WWE Universe, but that’s not what we saw. All we saw was Kofi skipping down the ramp and jovially distributing pancakes like he always does.
Michael Cole starts off by congratulating Kofi on becoming WWE World Heavyweight Champion and telling us all about how Kofi had been in WWE for eleven years and never gotten a one-on-one match for the WWE World Heavyweight Title and had to overcome “insurmountable odds” to get a title shot at WrestleMania and blah blah blah, and now they’re showing replays of him at Elimination Chamber and him in the second gauntlet match on Smackdown. STOP IT! JUST STOP ALREADY! We do not need to hear this same thing EVERY F*CKING TIME KOFI IS NEAR A MICROPHONE!
This is the FOURTH episode of Smackdown after WrestleMania. At the end of last week’s show Kevin Owens turned on Kofi Kingston, assaulted him, and injured his “brother” Xavier Woods… and Michael Cole’s first question to Kofi is “after events like we just witnessed {in the video package about his road to Mania} transpired, did you ever believe that you would get your WWE Championship match at WrestleMania?” ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?!
Then Kofi responded to Cole by cutting a promo about fighting hard to win the title and how about how Big E. and Xavier helped him through the tough times and stood up for him, and by the time he had finished talking, Kofi had mentioned Kevin Owens turning on him last week a grand total of zero times.
Michael Cole then told us that he thought Kofi’s moment at WrestleMania was so magical because “there are very few Superstars™ in the history of WWE who have ever had that WrestleMania Moment™.” Really, Cole? Because several weekends ago I had the displeasure of sitting through seven and a half mind-numbing hours of you and those under your purview declaring just about everything that happened to be a “WrestleMania Moment™,” up to and including Dana Brooke randomly getting cheered for doing nothing of note in a completely pointless undercard battle royale. You don’t get to spend every WrestleMania declaring every little thing no matter how insignificant to be a “WrestleMania Moment™” and then come out here and try to tell me that a WrestleMania Moment™ is a rare and scarce thing that very few WWE Superstars™ ever get to have.
Cole tells Kofi he thinks Kofi’s WretleMania Moment™ was the greatest one ever, because this company has absolutely no idea how to tell us that something was special without shouting from the rooftops that it was the greatest thing ever… which will, of course, be superseded by the next thing that they decide they want to push as the greatest thing ever… which will probably take about two weeks. I want to see Becky Lynch come out right now and ask Cole if he thinks her being the first person to beat Ronda Rousey in WWE and winning both titles at the same time in the first ever women’s main event of WrestleMania was the greatest thing ever, just to see Cole’s brain explode like one of those computers in an old sci-fi movie that you have to destroy by asking it if G-d is capable of creating a rock so heavy that not even G-d can lift it.
Now we pitch to a video package of the finish of the match and Kofi celebrating with New Day and his kids. The fans are chanting “YOU DESERVE IT!” at Kofi because they’re too dumb to realize that they are currently being ripped off, as they came to Smackdown expecting to see something NEW happen and instead they’re being shown replays and hearing promos we’ve seen and heard so many f*cking times over the past few weeks that they are starting to make me regret ever rooting for Kofi.
Now Kofi is talking about how happy he was to get to share his victory with his family… which he has said about a million times already. Then Cole tells him that being champion means now “you have a target on your back,” which is exactly the same thing that Triple H told Seth Rollins last week and that Becky Lynch has said about herself multiple times since becoming champion at WrestleMania.
You know what? F*ck it. I’m not watching this show anymore. The only thing they’ve built up is who will be in the MITB matches and I’m sure I can just find those announcements on the internet, and we know Bayley isn’t beating Becky so I’m done with the show for this week. I’m off to a magical land called 205 Live where the wrestling is always good and everything makes sense and they don’t waste my time. You should come join me!


Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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XIV
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Re: BRM Gives Up on the 4/30/2019 Smackdown (in record time!)

Post by XIV » Apr 30th, '19, 23:40

Oh, this is a shame. Because you missed the treat that is the Iiconics on commentary for a women’s tag match.
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Re: BRM Gives Up on the 4/30/2019 Smackdown (in record time!)

Post by KILLdozer » Apr 30th, '19, 23:46

The only thing good about 205 is Murphy, BRM.

The others? Horrible shape!
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Re: BRM Gives Up on the 4/30/2019 Smackdown (in record time!)

Post by Big Red Machine » Apr 30th, '19, 23:51

KILLdozer wrote:
Apr 30th, '19, 23:46
The only thing good about 205 is Murphy, BRM.

The others? Horrible shape!
You mean excellent shape. You just can't accept that if the muscles aren't bursting out like 2000 Scott Steiner. Take your steroid fetish and go back to the Hulkamania Era.
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Re: BRM Gives Up on the 4/30/2019 Smackdown (in record time!)

Post by cero2k » May 1st, '19, 08:21

KILLdozer wrote:
Apr 30th, '19, 23:46
The only thing good about 205 is Murphy, BRM.

The others? Horrible shape!
have you seen Tony Neese?

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Re: BRM Gives Up on the 4/30/2019 Smackdown (in record time!)

Post by KILLdozer » May 1st, '19, 10:31

Big Red Machine wrote:
Apr 30th, '19, 23:51
KILLdozer wrote:
Apr 30th, '19, 23:46
The only thing good about 205 is Murphy, BRM.

The others? Horrible shape!
You mean excellent shape. You just can't accept that if the muscles aren't bursting out like 2000 Scott Steiner. Take your steroid fetish and go back to the Hulkamania Era.
Muscle envy is ok, brother. *rips shirt off. Rips BRM's shirt off too*
When they come, they'll come at what you love.

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Re: BRM Gives Up on the 4/30/2019 Smackdown (in record time!)

Post by KILLdozer » May 1st, '19, 10:31

cero2k wrote:
May 1st, '19, 08:21
KILLdozer wrote:
Apr 30th, '19, 23:46
The only thing good about 205 is Murphy, BRM.

The others? Horrible shape!
have you seen Tony Neese?
Yeah, but I didn't wanna say more than one guy lol.
When they come, they'll come at what you love.

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Re: BRM Gives Up on the 4/30/2019 Smackdown (in record time!)

Post by KILLdozer » May 1st, '19, 10:37

I'M going to eventually be watching this show though.
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Re: BRM Gives Up on the 4/30/2019 Smackdown (in record time!)

Post by KILLdozer » May 1st, '19, 10:41



That should totally be a gimmick in WWE...I just don't know who lol...
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Re: BRM Gives Up on the 4/30/2019 Smackdown (in record time!)

Post by KILLdozer » May 1st, '19, 11:18

Ok...here goes...yeah I of course said the literal same thing about the opening line. Just stupid shit. He's not the new champion.
When they come, they'll come at what you love.

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