BRM Reviews the 5/21/2019 Smackdown (terrible)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 5/21/2019 Smackdown (terrible)

Post by Big Red Machine » May 21st, '19, 22:54

SHANE & ELIAS BACKSTAGE- bad
Elias makes excuses for losing to Roman Reigns at MITB, then sucks up to Shane. He says he wants to be in Shane’s corner for his match against Roman at Super Showdown, but Shane says he doesn’t need anyone in his corner because he doesn’t need any help (but he’s bringing Drew McIntyre along, anyway). As far as tonight’s Roman vs. Elias rematch goes, though, Shane will be in Elias’ corner “because you do need my help.” Without that last line this would have been fine, but that last line totally belittles and buries Elias, and for absolutely no reason (yes, I’m certain they’re not turning The Drifter babyface anytime soon). It was purely a McMahon asserting his dominance over the talent, which is something that absolutely has to stop because it is detrimental to the product.

BIG E’S WELCOME BACK CELEBRATION FOR NEW DAY- meh
They had a fake Big E come out just so they could yell at him. The real Big E came out and asked to smell his teammates, making many people- Kofi included- very uncomfortable. Speaking of uncomfortable, they then transition to talking about Big E’s newfound Twitter obsession with Becky Lynch’s mom. Kofi chides them because “they want me to be serious now.” Owens showed up, then Sami Zayn, and insults were traded back and forth. I don’t really care.

CARMELLA IS LOOKING FOR R-TRUTH BACKSTAGE-
The first person she comes across is Drake Maverick, who is not only also looking for Truth, but he’s handing out “have you seen this man?” posters. Maybe I was too hasty to assume that the comedy potential of the 24/7 Title would skew towards my tastes. This is WWE, after all.
She also asked Apollo Crews, who was looking for Truth as well, but unlike Maverick, Crews seemed legitimately pissed at Truth. Carmella found Truth about ten feet away and shouted his name, but apparently Crews was already out of earshot. Truth was wearing a wig and CARRYING THE CHAMPIONSHIP AROUND. Carmella points out to him that his disguise is moronic and doomed to failure.
It turns out Truth is a moron and doesn’t understand how the title works. He thinks that if he remains champion for 24 + 7 hours, he will be allowed to keep the title forever. Carmella explains the actual rules to him. Because I picked this particular nit about exposition with Michael Cole last night, I will point out that this was an example of doing exposition correctly. Carmella is explaining the rules to a character who needs them explained to him, but her doing so also serves the additional purpose of explaining those rules to any fans who might have missed last night’s announcement.
Carmella asks why Truth even showed up to Smackdown tonight. Um... because it’s his job? If the 247 Champion could just stay at home then he/she could hold the title forever, because anyone entering his/her property to come after the title could be charged with trespassing (I assume WWE Superstars all have large homes with very advanced security systems), and that’s assuming some referee is even willing to take time out of his/her life to go with the wrestler to the champion’s house.
Carmella agrees to help Truth hide so off they go. Then Carmella ducks back into frame and pulls down one of Drake Maverick’s posters, as if 1) there weren’t about five of them in the background of the small nook they were talking in and 2) the people looking for Truth don’t know what he looks like.

MUSTAFA ALI vs. ANDRADE “CIEN” ALMAS (w/Zelina Vega)- 6.75/10
Andrade is getting an IC Title shot at Super Showdown so they had him beat the sh*t out of Ali for a long time... and then get rolled up and lose?

CARMELLA TRIES TO DISGUISE R-TRUTH BY DRESSING HIM IN DRAG- As part of this plan, she had him dress in a belly shirt, which leaves his belly exposed. And right across his belly in big honkin’ letters, is a tattoo that says “TRUTH.”

MANDY ROSE (w/Sonya Deville) vs. CARMELLA (w/R-Truth)- no rating, bad segment
Mandy came out to the ring and then we went to commercial, and when we came back... Tom Phillips pitched a video package about Lars Sullivan beating people up. WWE has this little trick they like to employ in situations like this when an entrance happens right before a commercial where they make sure to have the wrestler’s entrance music playing when we get back to the ring from the commercial or recap package or backstage segment or whatever so that it looks like the music has been playing continuously, but what really happens is that they shut the music off when the commercial starts, then turn it on again right before we cut back to the ring. Well this time those idiots f*cked up and exposed their own trick by coming back from commercial and showing us the announcers as Phillips pitched to the video package... and in the background they had the Smackdown theme playing rather than Mandy’s music, but when the video package ended, Mandy’s music was playing again. Dumbasses.
Truth was in his Carmella disguise, but still wearing the title. Thankfully, Graves and Phillips immediately called out the stupidity of all of this instead of playing along with it, while Saxton (possibly going into business for himself by doing so, and if that’s the case then good for him!) responded to seeing Truth by acknowledging him and then literally saying “I’m going to pretend I don’t see you” so he didn’t have to look like either he was a moron or he thought all of us were morons by constantly telling everyone that this person was not R-Truth when even a kindergartener would not have been fooled.
If Sonya was the one who screwed Carmella out of MITB then shouldn’t Carmella be wrestling Sonya tonight instead of Mandy?
They did a spot or two before an army of undercard wrestlers came out after R-Truth. They all ran through the ring, which caused the referee to just throw the match out. Carmella hopped on Truth’s back and he carried her piggyback while running away from everyone, which probably slowed him down quite a bit. He ran through the crowd and they (plus a referee, so at least they got that right this time) all chased him. Included in this gaggle were Brian Kendrick, Tozawa, and I believe I also saw Ariya Daivari and Noam Dar, all of whom are on 205 Live (or maybe still technically on Raw), so they should all count towards the Wildcard Rule, bringing tonight’s count already over the limit even if I turn out to be wrong about those last two (Zayn, Becky, Lacey, Kendrick, and Tozawa is already five). So they violated their own rule just to have extra bodies in a comedy segment.

KAYLA BRAXTON INTERVIEWS BAYLEY- Bayley cut a decent babyface promo, but where near as good as the one she cut at the PPV. The important line here was that “Bayley has moved past the hugs.”

TRUTH & CARMELLA RUN AWAY BACKSTAGE- Drake Maverick has found the gaggle, but has a cramp. They run past Sami Zayn, who snickers at how dumb this is.

THE DRIFTER STRUMS HIS GUITAR IN THE PARKING LOT- We are told that he is “waiting for Roman Reigns to arrive.” The show started forty-five minutes ago! Why the hell isn’t Roman here yet?

SAMI ZAYN vs. KOFI KINGSTON- 6.75/10
We got a “the Wildcard Rule is in effect tonight!” from Tom Phillips when Sami came out for his entrance. They really need to stop saying this. We know it’s in effect because it’s a f*cking standing rule that is in effect all the time. Saying that is like saying “the three-second pin rule is in effect!” or the “no eye-gouging rule is in effect!”
They f*cked up and gave Sami a Smackdown graphic even though he is on Raw and they have been giving people the graphic of their home show. After Sami’s graphic they cut backstage where Kevin Owens had apparently taken out Big E’s knee. Xavier told Kofi to go “handle Sami
while he stayed backstage with Big E. Kofi came down to the ring and immediately went after Zayn.
The match was good for the time it got, but disappointingly short. Kofi won.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- odd
Paul Heyman came out with the MITB briefcase to distract Kofi so that DOLPH ZIGGLER could come out of the crowd and attack Kofi. No word on if Dolph’s appearance is yet another over the limit Wildcard Rule appearance, or if the Superstar Shake-up is still on-going. This is also a heel turn for Dolph, which I think has to be some sort of record in terms of fewest on-camera appearances between two turns.
They did explain during the match that neither Xavier nor Big E. are here because Xavier took Big E to the hospital (and I believe they did use “hospital” instead of “local medical facility” for the second night in a row, so maybe “hospital” is off the ban-list). What they didn’t explain is why it took so long for anyone else to come out and try to pull Dolph off of Kofi. Eventually some referees did, but Dolph had pretty well brutalized Kofi by that point, including a big chair around the neck spot. After getting pulled off and appearing calm, Dolph went right back and Pillmanizered Kofi’s neck as the referees just stood there waved their arms for him to stop rather than trying t physically restrain him like they had been doing LESS THAN A MINUTE AGO.
Kofi did a stretcher job, but the idiots didn’t actually restrain him, which we learned when Kofi fought his way off the stretcher and walked the last fifteen feet or so the back.

ROMAN REIGNS SHOWS UP AT THE ARENA- completely ridiculous. Roman shows up to work well over an hour late, and no one seems to care. Roman also didn’t appear to be in any way concerned about having shown up so late. Then we heard guitar music and Roan began to look around... and it turns out that The Drifter had climbed up on top of one of the production trucks. Silly me assumed that he was waiting for Roman in the parking lot so that he could assault him, but apparently he just wanted to sing a promo at Roman.

KAYLA BRAXTON INTERVIEWS BECKY LYNCH & BAYLEY- bad
Bayley says she is thinking of being “Bayley two-belts,” which was a pointlessly antagonistic comment. Becky responded in kind. If these two don’t get along during their match then it is entirely Bayley’s fault.

CHARLOTTE FLAIR & LACEY EVANS vs. BECKY LYNCH & BAYLEY- 6.75/10
Oh great. This means that Roman vs. The Drifter is the main event. How the hell is that the main event over this? The match was very good, and probably would have been pretty darn great if given another seven minutes or so. I really liked the way they played off of the previous “pull the partner off the apron to prevent the tag” spot when the hot tag was finally made. Bayley pinned Charlotte by roll-up.

CARMELLA AND TRUTH ARE STILL RUNNING AROUND- Truth avoided getting pinned via roll-up by Rusev. Bo Dallas seemed like he had Truth pinned but Curtis Axel pulled him off and they argued, allowing Truth and Carmella to escape into the night. I don’t care about any of this.

SARAH SCHREIBER INTERVIEWS DOLPH ZIGGLER- odd segment
She specifically mentioned that Dolph had been “MIA from Smackdown Live” for months. So do they not even realize that Dolph is actually a member of the Raw roster, or are they just lying and hoping we won’t remember that. That seems pretty foolish of them, considering that he had multiple title reigns. Instead of answering her question, Dolph says that instead of giving his answer to Sarah, he is going to give his answer to the fans. Then he takes her microphone and heads out in front of the fans. Umm... Dolph? You do realize that this interview is being broadcast on TV and on the TitanTron, right? The fans can hear you just as well right now as they could if you went out to the ring.

DOLPH ZIGGLER PROMO- painfully bad
Oh dear Lord that overdramatic Dolph voice is such a turn-off. He’s the Calculon of the WWE. Actually, that’s not fair. At least Calculon could do multiple emotions. The only one Dolph has is anguish, and his dial doesn’t go any lower than 8/10. Dolph probably hasn’t been talking for a full minute yet and it already feels like an eternity. Dolph is anguished over seeing Kofi succeed and be respected by the fans while he himself has not been successful nor earned their respect. So basically it’s every Dolph Ziggler heel turn.
He is apparently getting a shot at Kofi’s WWE World Heavyweight Title at Super Showdown even though he hasn’t won a match in almost six months. Making this announcement also seems to pretty much kill all of the suspense for Brock’s big announcement of which champion he is cashing MITB in on that they have hyped up for next week’s Raw, doesn’t it?

TRIPLE H VS. RANDY ORTON HISTORY VIDEO PACKAGE- This match is also happening at Super Showdown and someone thought we needed to know all of their history for it, as if anyone in the world is tuning in to see this random match with zero consequences.

ROMAN REIGNS vs. “THE DRIFTER” ELIAS SAMPSON- 5.75/10
Roman won a match that went nine and a half minutes, over a third of which took place during a commercial. That was your main event. Roman overcame all of Shane’s interference, and even got a shot in on Shane as well. Shane tried to attack Roman after the match but Roan thwarted him again. Finally Drew McIntyre came out of the crowd and beat Roman up. Drew was at least the sixth wrestler from a different from to appear on the show (possibly as high as ninth if I was right about the other two cruiserweights and if Dolph is technically still on Raw).

This was a terrible episode of Smackdown, and one that managed to kill the small bit of optimism that I came out of last night’s Raw with. They continue to violate the Wildcard Rule with an even greater number of wrestlers per show, and the f*cking thing hasn’t even been around for a month. We also wasted a bunch of time on the same non-joke over and over again with the 24/7 Title. Meanwhile, not appearing on tonight’s show were Intercontinental Champion Finn Balor, Smackdown Tag Team Champions Daniel Bryan & Erick Rowan, plus a bunch of other very talented workers who this should could really use right now like Aleister Black, Shinsuke Nakamura, Asuka, Kairi Sane, Buddy Murphy, Randy Orton, Ember Moon, Mickie James, and Chad Gable. The build to Super Showdown was poor, and the wrestling on the show was very disappointing. That will teach me to ever be optimistic about the main roster again without several reliable sources telling me that Triple H is running things.


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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/21/2019 Smackdown (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » May 22nd, '19, 09:27

AGAIN SD's not up on Hulu at It's usual time. I wanna say NXT has been having this same issue as well as of late...
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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/21/2019 Smackdown (terrible)

Post by cero2k » May 22nd, '19, 09:51

according to WOR, Ziggler is the new contender because Owens (canadian) and Bryan both declined going to Saudi.

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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/21/2019 Smackdown (terrible)

Post by Big Red Machine » May 22nd, '19, 09:53

cero2k wrote:
May 22nd, '19, 09:51
according to WOR, Ziggler is the new contender because Owens (canadian) and Bryan both declined going to Saudi.
Can we talk about the logic issue here of WWE wanting those two guys to be contenders to Kofi but then having Kofi beat them cleanly for the title in the month before?
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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/21/2019 Smackdown (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » May 22nd, '19, 09:55

Big Red Machine wrote:
May 22nd, '19, 09:53
cero2k wrote:
May 22nd, '19, 09:51
according to WOR, Ziggler is the new contender because Owens (canadian) and Bryan both declined going to Saudi.
Can we talk about the logic issue here of WWE wanting those two guys to be contenders to Kofi but then having Kofi beat them cleanly for the title in the month before?
Since Ziggler is OBVIOUSLY CLEARLY the next best choice in line....ALL OF THAT BOOKING LOGIC IS REMARKABLE!
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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/21/2019 Smackdown (terrible)

Post by Serujuunin » May 22nd, '19, 11:10

cero2k wrote:
May 22nd, '19, 09:51
according to WOR, Ziggler is the new contender because Owens (canadian) and Bryan both declined going to Saudi.
I feel like this should be looked at a little deeper.

Two top guys in the company declined a shot at being the WWE Champion because it meant having the match in Saudi Arabia... They declined one of the top prizes in the company because of where the match would take place...

This is a huge issue.

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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/21/2019 Smackdown (terrible)

Post by cero2k » May 22nd, '19, 11:27

Serujuunin wrote:
May 22nd, '19, 11:10
cero2k wrote:
May 22nd, '19, 09:51
according to WOR, Ziggler is the new contender because Owens (canadian) and Bryan both declined going to Saudi.
I feel like this should be looked at a little deeper.

Two top guys in the company declined a shot at being the WWE Champion because it meant having the match in Saudi Arabia... They declined one of the top prizes in the company because of where the match would take place...

This is a huge issue.
some people have morals, some people like money. it's the world we live in

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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/21/2019 Smackdown (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » May 22nd, '19, 12:35

Serujuunin wrote:
May 22nd, '19, 11:10
cero2k wrote:
May 22nd, '19, 09:51
according to WOR, Ziggler is the new contender because Owens (canadian) and Bryan both declined going to Saudi.
I feel like this should be looked at a little deeper.

Two top guys in the company declined a shot at being the WWE Champion because it meant having the match in Saudi Arabia... They declined one of the top prizes in the company because of where the match would take place...

This is a huge issue.
Cut out the heavy-handed negativity.
When they come, they'll come at what you love.

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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/21/2019 Smackdown (terrible)

Post by cero2k » May 22nd, '19, 13:48

KILLdozer wrote:
May 22nd, '19, 12:35

Cut out the heavy-handed negativity.
what are you? part of The New Day!?

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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/21/2019 Smackdown (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » May 22nd, '19, 14:05

cero2k wrote:
May 22nd, '19, 13:48
KILLdozer wrote:
May 22nd, '19, 12:35

Cut out the heavy-handed negativity.
what are you? part of The New Day!?
Pancakes are great, but I'm more the Aleister Black type, dressing in lots of black. Those outfits...Bwah!
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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/21/2019 Smackdown (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » May 22nd, '19, 14:19

I mean...give me a leather vest with spikes any day over the neon...ice cream and unicorn obnoxiousnes.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/21/2019 Smackdown (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » May 23rd, '19, 11:05

Ok...Dolph Ziggler-what a fuckin dumbass lmao. So ARE WE GONNA COMPLETELY IGNORE THE FACT THAT...."ALI GOT HURT AND KOFI KINGSTON......ETC THAT SHOULD BE ME!!!"

But you were on RAW so that doesn't involve you at all so there's really nothing to go off here lol.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/21/2019 Smackdown (terrible)

Post by Big Red Machine » May 23rd, '19, 11:25

KILLdozer wrote:
May 23rd, '19, 11:05
Ok...Dolph Ziggler-what a fuckin dumbass lmao. So ARE WE GONNA COMPLETELY IGNORE THE FACT THAT...."ALI GOT HURT AND KOFI KINGSTON......ETC THAT SHOULD BE ME!!!"

But you were on RAW so that doesn't involve you at all so there's really nothing to go off here lol.
Not only was he on Raw, but he was taking time off from the company to do his stand-up act.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 5/21/2019 Smackdown (terrible)

Post by KILLdozer » May 24th, '19, 11:04

Big Red Machine wrote:
May 23rd, '19, 11:25
KILLdozer wrote:
May 23rd, '19, 11:05
Ok...Dolph Ziggler-what a fuckin dumbass lmao. So ARE WE GONNA COMPLETELY IGNORE THE FACT THAT...."ALI GOT HURT AND KOFI KINGSTON......ETC THAT SHOULD BE ME!!!"

But you were on RAW so that doesn't involve you at all so there's really nothing to go off here lol.
Not only was he on Raw, but he was taking time off from the company to do his stand-up act.
Hey, here's an idea, smart guy! "Fantasy book Dolph Ziggler into NOT being a complete idiot and absolute dumbass!"

See ya in 3 months.
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