BRM Reviews the 3/29/2023 Dynamite (Russo-Swerve Alert!)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 3/29/2023 Dynamite (Russo-Swerve Alert!)

Post by Big Red Machine » Mar 30th, '23, 20:25

“JUNGLE BOY” JACK PERRY vs. MATT HARDY (w/Ethan Page)- 5.75/10
A match with Matt Hardy doesn’t feel anywhere near as important to Jungle Boy as the announcers are telling me it is. His matches with Kenny Omega, MJF, and the matches with Christian have all felt a lot more important.
Apparently Matt Hardy and Ethan Page are now pals and on the same page. Good job telling that story there, Tony. If he’s a heel now that makes four turns in three years in the company.
We were shown Darby Allin and Sammy Guevara watching this match backstage. Sammy was spending an equal amount of time paying attention to the match as he way making out with Tay Melo. Tony Schiavone criticized him for this. Why? He’s got a DVR he can record it on, and if he didn’t set it to record, the show is available on demand in a few days, and he’ll watch it when his wife isn’t horny. And it’s not like Sammy even has a match scheduled against Jungle Boy, either.
Aubrey Edwards watched Ethan Page get involved multiple times but didn’t eject him from ringside. This is the same woman who has preemptively ejected people from ringside. Because Aubrey is so bad at her job, Hook decided to come out and remove Page from ringside for her. Matt tried to help Page but accidentally got punched by him, which also should have been a DQ but wasn’t. Jungle Boy won. They showed us Darby Allin still watching from backstage, so he kind of looks like a douche for seeing Ethan Page break the rules but not try to do anything about it.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- meh
The end result of Jungle Boy laying out MJF was good, but I didn’t like the route they took to get there at all. They started off by spending a long time cutting promos establishing things about these characters’ personalities that we already know. Then the trigger came when MJF claimed that Jungle Boy’s girlfriend Anna Jay told him that Jungle Boy is bad in bed. And while everyone in the building was going “OOOH!” and was intrigued because MJF brought this real-life relationship into things, I’m sitting here and wondering why this wonderful person that is Jungle Boy is dating a heel.

ALEX MARVEZ INTERVIEWS KENNY OMEGA & Don CALLIS- amazing
Holy f*ck! Don Callis managed to build a bridge right over last week’s giant gaping plot-hole!
He said “Hangman Page is a really strong guy, when he yanked his wrist away, it threw me off balance and I fell. But, Kenny, what does it say about your relationship with him that you automatically assumed he attacked me?” Genius.

VIDEO OF 2.0, BILLY GUNN, JAKE HAGER, & THE ACCLAIMED BEING CLOWNS- bad

DALTON CASTLE & THE BOYS vs. BLACKPOOL COMBAT CLUB (Jon Moxley, Claudio Castagnoli, & Wheeler YUTA)- squash
The BCC jumped Dalton & the Boys from behind on the way to the ring. I’m still waiting for an explanation for why they have turned heel.

KENNY OMEGA VS. JEFF COBB VIDEO PACKAGE- fine
They fixed the embarrassing error from Friday.

ALEX MARVEZ INTERVIEWS THE ADAM PAGE- hmmm
Page is certain that the BCC attacked the Young Bucks last week. Don Callis came up to Adam Page to “apologize” to him here, but that allowed the BCC to jump Page from behind. Then they beat up Callis, too. He bled.

IWGP UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: Kenny Omega(c) vs. Jeff Cobb- 8/10
Right before the match, Tony Schiavone went and told Omega that Page and Callis had been attacked.
Is every single clip in Kenny’s entrance video from New Japan?
Omega’s injured ribs were the story. He won cleanly.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- dumb
The BCC surrounded the ring, but didn’t move in on a clearly injured Omega. Bryan Danielson made his big return by Russo-Swerving Omega into trust him and then attacking him. Tony Khan is not Paul Heyman or Gabe Sapolsky. Tony Khan is what would happen if Vince Russo grew up reading Meltzer’s reviews of 90’s All Japan.
Only once the big beat-down started did anyone come to try to help Kenny. No one came out while he was merely being threatened because then they couldn’t have done the big swerve, and that irritates me because it makes the story feel fake. Adam Page was nowhere to be found in this, either. He survived that f*cking deathmatch with Moxley, but this week, a few good shots have him down for twenty minutes.

FTR VS. GUNN CLUB VIDEO PACKAGE- a good video package, but it doesn’t explain why FTR would make this offer in the first place?

GUNN CLUB INTERVIEW- great

AEW INTERNATIONAL TITLE MATCH: Orange Cassidy(c) vs. The Butcher- 5/10
What the Butcher did to earn a title shot remains to be ascertained. For those wondering, his last televised victory occurred on Thanksgiving weekend. The one before that, which is also his last singles victory in AEW on any show, Dark or not, occurred April 17th. His last singles win against a non-jobber in AEW occurred… NEVER.
The announcers keep telling me what a hot streak OC is on, so why isn’t he getting a world title shot?
Butcher & Blade jumped OC before the match. Blade wanted to hit him with a crowbar, but the referee ordered him to go to the back, so he did. WHY? The match hasn’t started, so he can’t DQ Butcher. Why not just hit OC with the weapon?
And, of course, at no point during this beat-down did Best Friends come out to help OC like you’d think they would, because… umm…
Having been viciously assaulted from behind but insisting that he can still fight and giving his opponent an intense “COME GET SOME!” gesture, I’m sure you won’t be surprised to know that within forty seconds of the bell ringing, OC was doing his stupid soft kicks bullsh*t.
The Blade eventually came back out and hit OC in the base of the spine with a crowbar, but he kicked out. Only after the kick-out did Chuck Taylor come down to ringside to get rid of him. The Butcher saw Chuck and Trent at ringside, but instead of press his advantage on OC, his grabbed the referee and threw him down FOR NO REASON then went to the outside so that Best Friends could attack him with the Crowbar. They then tossed him back into the ring so that OC could hit his big moves and get the pin.
Excalibur told us that OC got the win but “resorted to some uncharacteristic tactics” and wondered if OC’s schedule was catching up to him. Are you kidding me? Moxley cheats for MONTHS in the summer of 2022 and the announcers don’t bat an eyelash, but other people cheat on OC’s behalf in a situation where they were really just evening the odds, and OC gets called out for it?

JADE CARILL VIDEO PACKAGE/PROMO ON TAYA VALKYRIE- Jade good, everyone else bad
Mark Sterling now has his own stooge. They’re still pushing this dumb sh*t threatening to sue Taya for using a similar move to Jade’s. If Mark Sterling is supposed to be the ambulance-chaser we’re supposed to think he is, shouldn’t he be suing everyone for using a dropkick?

JUICE ROBINSON PROMO- bad
He tried to build up his match with match with Action Andretti on Rampage and against Ricky Starks. He doesn’t seem to know that the UBS Arena is not in New York City. Also, he sounds like a moron.

WILLOW NIGHTNGALE vs. RUBY SOHO (w/the Outcasts)-5/10
Willow did a great job of actually portraying the “mixed emotions” the announcers claimed she was feeling. Lots of cheating by the heels to get the win.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- snore
Another post-match attack. The babyfaces come out to make the save. They get beaten up so that Jamie Hayter can make the big save after her completely unexplained absence from it for the past two weeks. During all of this was the first time we were told about Riho getting a title shot next week. Hayter hates these three heels so much that she stopped pursuing them in order to have a respectful little faceoff with Riho. Then she took off after them again.

It's been only two or three weeks since the “Re-Bar Mitzvah,” and now we’re already getting another MJF’s special day next week with “MJF Day.”

WILL HOBBS VIDEO PACKAGE/PROMO- mostly good
He claims that last week was “Will Hobbs Day.” Could we really not avoid saying that the week before you’re doing “MJF Day?”

ADAM COLE vs. DANIEL GARCIA- 7.75/10
Cole overcame the work on his head to get the win. They dropped streamers for him. Did they have some for Garcia if he would have won?
Britt Baker came out to celebrate with him, which felt like a plug for All Access more than it did something that belonged here.
Chris Jericho came out to check on Garcia. The announcers said that Jericho “wouldn’t even look at Cole,” which doesn’t make any sense at all. When has Jericho ever done that before. Personally, I thought Jericho was contemplating attacking Garcia. The idea that his facial expressions had anything to do with Cole didn’t even cross my mind.


This was another bad episode of Dynamite, despite some great matches and an ingenious promo from Callis. The storytelling and logic continue to be pathetically bad. Hire Gabe, dammit.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

Upcoming Reviews:
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
DGUSA Open the Ultimate Gate 2013
ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3

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Thelone
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Joined: Jul 9th, '19, 16:22

Re: BRM Reviews the 10/29/2023 Dynamite (Russo-Swerve Alert!)

Post by Thelone » Mar 31st, '23, 04:29

Hire Gabe, dammit.
He's been rehired by WWE, no?

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Big Red Machine
Posts: 27378
Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 15:12

Re: BRM Reviews the 10/29/2023 Dynamite (Russo-Swerve Alert!)

Post by Big Red Machine » Apr 1st, '23, 19:16

Thelone wrote: Mar 31st, '23, 04:29
Hire Gabe, dammit.
He's been rehired by WWE, no?
Kind of.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

Upcoming Reviews:
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
DGUSA Open the Ultimate Gate 2013
ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3

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