BRM Reviews the 1/8/2020 Dynamite

[Big Red Machine]

Dave Brown has joined the usual three on commentary.

PRIVATE PARTY vs. ADAM PAGE & KENNY OMEGA- 7/10
A great start to the show. They combined the expected athleticism with the story of Page and Omega accidentally hitting each other or screwing each other up a few times, leaving you waiting for things to explode but they never did, because the story was not about the break-up of a team but rather Kenny and Page’s ability to be professionals and understand that accidents happen.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- TIME TRAVEL!
Pac appeared on the screen, with Michael Nakazawa locked in the Brutalizer and several referees trying to pull him off. He eventually relinquished the hold and warned Omega that such things will continue to happen until Kenny gives him his rematch. This felt like something that was taped for that the Dec. 18 show that they forgot to air that night.
Kenny ran off to help his buddy, while Adam Page received and drank beers from enablers at ringside. They’re clearly not fans, or else they’d want Adam Page to get some help for his problem, not enable him! The announcers criticized Page for not running to help Nakazawa, but I don’t think that’s a fair criticism. The attack is over. Nakazawa is not in any imminent danger, and medical personnel are surely on their way to help him. It’s not like Nakazawa is Page’s best friend, so why are they expecting Page to react like Kenny?

AEW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Riho(c) vs. Kris Statlander- 4.5/10
Brandi Rhodes replaced Dave Brown on commentary. She immediately asserted that Kris Statlander is a normal human woman and criticized the announcers for playing into this “space alien” silliness. She’s not wrong. Throughout the match she was an excellent heel, being mean to Excalibur and completely changing her tune on Statlander’s abilities now that Statlander has turned her down.
Britt Baker and Hikaru Shida were shown watching from ringside. During Sakura’s entrance they showed a “2020 record” as well as a career record.
We immediately start out with Statlander hitting a shoulder block and then going down for a pin where she wasn’t even close to touching Riho, making it obvious that this was a planned spot so that Riho could do her flexible sliding out of the pin spot. Things got a little better from there, but they never once did anything to make me actually care who won.
The Nightmare Collective came out to ruin the match. They attacked each woman when the referee’s back was turned. Luther (described by Excalibur as a “Japanese deathmatch legend”) debuted by coming out under the ring behind Statlander when Brandi had Statlander distracted, and this deathmatch legend… just held Statlander in place so Awesome Kong could give her a clothesline. Huh. I was expecting something more intense from a “deathmatch legend.
The heels eventually helped Riho win. Despite being attacked by them earlier and attacking them when they later tried to help her, Riho took the help, as I don’t think there is any possible way she could have not figured out what happened as it was happening.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- fine, I guess
Kong attacked Statlander after the match. Riho tried to make the save but was attacked by Melanie Cruise (who was only referred to as “Mel” so maybe that’s her official AEW name?). Hikaru Shida jumped the guardrail to make the save. We were supposed to focus on Dr. Britt Baker DMD not choosing to help, but all I could focus on was this supposed deathmatch legend standing in the background making goofy faces instead of going to help his allies in a fight. Big Swoll and Sonny Kiss also came out to… well… I’ll give them credit for coming out to help defend Riho and Statlander, because Shida had pretty much wrapped the fighting up on her own.

KID SABIAN & PENELOPE FORD VIDEO PACKAGE- meh
I guess “we’re looking to bring some sex appeal to this loser-infested company” counts as a mission statement, but this really didn’t do much tell us about them or give us a reason to care about them.

SAMMY GUEVARA vs. CHRISTOPHER DANIELS- 4.5/10
They did stuff for a bit. It was fine. Then Pentagon Jr. came out and asked Daniels to “show me” something. Excalibur somehow gleaned from this that Pentagon Jr. wanted to see Daniels do an Arabian Moonsault, which Daniels messed up a few weeks ago, and then apparently thought about doing on Dark but chose not to. This distracted led to Daniels’ defeat via superkick to the back of the head.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- fine
The Dark Order of Evil Uno, Grayson, the Beaver Boys (who apparently don’t have to wear Creeper masks anymore), and two Creepers came out. Uno tried to recruit Daniels by telling him that the fans don’t believe in him anymore. Meanwhile, the Beaver Boys put on some Creeper masks. Why not just wear them to the ring in the first place?
Daniels rejected their offer so he got beaten down. SCU and the Young Bucks came out to make the save. Dustin Rhodes did not come out to make the save because, as we all clearly saw, he wasn’t actually hurt in the beat-down.

LUCHA BROS. vs. THE BROTHERHOOD (Dustin Rhodes & Cody Rhodes) (w/Arn Anderson)- 6.5/10
Jim Ross referred to this as “a battle of the brothers.” Fine. Then he felt the need to clarify that he was talking about “blood brothers. Not wrestling brothers. Real brothers.” Hey, Jim? How about we don’t go out of our way to say things that use “real” as an opposite for “wrestling,” okay?
And really… coming from JIM ROSS. I’m sorry, but you don’t get to be the guy who complains about people’s selling on the air, and then say something like this.
Anyway, the match was good, but nothing particularly great. The Brotherhood won clan when Dustin pinned Fenix.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- didn’t like it
Tony Schiavone goes to asks Cody if he will accept MJF’s stipulations for a match with him. Arn jumps in before Cody can say anything and says that these stipulations are preposterous, but he and Cody will talk about it this week and give us an answer next week. You’ll talk about it this week? How the hell have they not talked about this already? We’re supposed to think that the entire wrestling world has been talking about this for the past week, but the guy who needs to give an answer hasn’t discussed it with his new mentor yet?

ALEX MARVEZ INTERVIEWS LANNY POFFO- fine
He put over the product while they panned across a shot of the ring (presumably from earlier today) with a shot of all of the Memphis legends in the ring. They plugged this week’s Dark, where more Memphis stuff will be happening. How about is we use that time on Dark for AEW stuff instead?

MJF & DDP SEGMENT-
MJF comes out to the ring and calls Cody a coward for not agreeing to his stipulations to have a match with him. He calls Cody names and gives him multiple chances to come out and face him but Cody doesn’t show up. Senile Old J.R. said he did think Cody was here, which is ridiculous given that we just saw Cody standing in the ring not more than seven minutes ago.
Instead of Cody he eventually gets DDP… who starts to cut a promo completely ignoring MJF and instead talking into the camera or staring out at the crowd where the hard-cam would be. I was hoping that MJF would make this old fool pay for his stupidity and just jump him right then.
DDP droned on forever, talking about Yoga and being back on TNT after nineteen years (because drawing a connection between yourself and WCW is definitely a good idea), and getting the fans to chant “AEW!”
OH MY G-D, STOP LOOKING AT THJE F*CKING CAMERA AND START LOOKING AT THE PERSON YOU’RE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING TO!
DDP says people have been asking him about one more match, so MJF brings out The Butcher & The Blade (& The Bunny) to intimidate him. He gives DDP two options: kiss the ring and leave, or get beaten to death and then let MJF have sex with one of his daughters. Page started a fight, so I guess it’s the latter.
Or not. The Butcher and The Blade attacked him one at a time like dumb AI in a video game, they each ate Diamond Cutters one at a time, basically killing their credibility. The Bunny then distracted Page to MJF could sneak up on him but Page saw it coming and went for a Diamond Cutter which MJF reversed, then kicked Page in the nuts when Page was looking at Wardlow.
MJF said h was about to do something terrible to Page but the heels were scared off by… Q.T. Marshall and some referees? REALLY?
Oh. Dustin is there, too. Actually… so what? They’ve still got a numbers advantage and Wardlow is f*cking huge. Just beat Dustin up, too.

THE JUNGLE EXPRESS vs. BEST FRIENDS & ORANGE CASSIDY- 5/10
Stuff happened. Orange Cassidy was involved so why should I care if he doesn’t?
Yes, this functions as a fine win to give the Jungle Express to build up to their just-announced match against Jericho & LAX in two weeks, but it really should have been shorter. And have less Orange Cassidy in it. And fewer goofy hugging spots.
Announced for next week is Darby Allin vs. Pac, MJF, Butcher, & Blade vs. Dustin, Q.T. Marshall, and DPP, and Hiraku Shida & Kris Statlander vs. the Nightmare Collective of Awesome Kong and Mel, the untrained fan, who jumped out of the crowd to join Darby.

WILL JON MOXLEY JOIN THE INNER CIRCLE- great segment
Moxley initially said yes and everyone was waiting and waiting and waiting for him to pull the rug out from under Jericho and eventually he did. This could have easily been hurt by how long they waited, but Jericho and Moxley were so entertaining that the segment never felt like it was dragging.

An okay show from AEW. We’re basically seeing the same strong points and weak points each week. This was probably the show so far in the ring, but it was enjoyable enough and easy to sit through.