BRM Reviews the 3/25/2020 Dynamite (embarassing)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 3/25/2020 Dynamite (embarassing)

Post by Big Red Machine » Mar 29th, '20, 20:43

Our commentary team tonight appears to be Tony Schiavone, Kenny Omega, & Cody Rhodes.

CODY RHODES vs. JIMMY HAVOC- 6/10
According to Cody before he left the commentary booth, Jimmy Havoc is 3-0. I believe this is his first match on Dynamite since the end of November. Maybe if you’re building a guy up at least give him one win on the main show while you’re doing it? It doesn’t have to be much. Just a thirty-second squash.
A bunch of random heels backstage. Unless something is actually going to come out of this “gambling” angle (at which point I’ll be forced to ask why no one has made any effort to put a stop to it), showing them at all was completely unnecessary and does nothing but open up the question of why there is a camera in their locker room. If I were doing something that could theoretically get me suspended from my job, I sure as well wouldn’t want a camera that broadcasts it on national TV anywhere near me when I’m doing anything even related to the illegal activity.
Oh my G-d they KEEP cutting to these heels! Once or twice should be enough to get your point across. In this match they did it at least six times.
The count-out rules are, of course, not being enforced, because we absolutely HAD to brawl over to the commentary area so that Havoc could put a headset on and talk into it. Then they went right back tot the ring. Other than that one spot, this wasn’t bad. It was a little disjointed, but that actually kind of worked for it. Cody hit the CrossRhodes, then decided he had to hit it again for the win. This played into something Omega had said earlier about the Elite emphasizing “keeping a cool head,” but I’m not really sure what they have to be angry about. I can see the need for that between Matt Jackson and Adam Page, but why is Cody angry?
Also, there goes Jimmy Havoc’s winning streak. Is there some reason we couldn’t have had someone else do this job? Hell, just looking at who is in the building for this show, I’d much rather have had Cody beat Marshall and use the cache that Havoc’s streak has theoretically built up to put Brodie Lee over.

JAKE ROBERTS PROMO- meh
If I understood this right (Jake was a little ramble-y a times), both Jake and Archer are annoyed that no one contacted them when AEW was being started and so they’re angry at Cody. Also, Archer wants a match with Cody. That’s all nice and fine and makes sense (I mean… I assume they didn’t talk to Archer because he was under contract to NJPW, but Archer is a heel and thus allowed to be unreasonable and be angry at them about this).
Now why the hell did this need to be a two-camera shoot? I mean really! I know this sounds like a small thing, but it makes it feel overproduced when you cut between cameras just for the sake of cutting between cameras, and that’s exactly what this was. Please explain to me what occasionally seeing Jake in profile instead of straight on add to this promo?

Kenny was replaced on commentary by Cody at this point.

CODY RESPONDS TO JAKE’S VIDEO- bad
First let me say that I liked that they immediately had Cody address this rather than ignoring it until whatever mysterious force decided that we had reached the point of the show where Cody should respond to Jake’s promo.
What I didn’t like was the content of Cody’s promo. He came off as an arrogant douchebag with the whole “you don’t start at me; you start at the bottom and work your way up” thing. I’m not saying there isn’t a logic behind it, but I think that Cody came across like a high and mighty douchebag instead of coming across like the “ready for anything” top babyface he seems to want to be.
Cody then officially announced that Lance Archer would be allowed to debut next week. This is significant because it’s the first time we’ve actually seen one of the EVPs make a booking decision. We’ve now acknowledged that these guys having booking power. Now AEW has to live with that fact in all of their storylines. It also makes it a little problematic when The Elite and their friends get matches they want (like there is an incident one week and then the logical resulting match is booked for the next week) when that doesn’t have for other people, no matter how logical the match is.

DARBY ALLIN VIDEO- good
He’s going to make Kip Sabian “a sacrifice for the sins of the Inner Circle.”

DARBY ALLIN vs. KIP SABIAN (w/Penelope Ford)- 6.5/10
Last week Kip Sabian had a physical confrontation with Colt Cabana… so of course this week he is booked against Darby Allin instead of the guy he had the actual incident with.
The first thing Cody says on commentary is to ask Tony Schiavone if Darby Allin gives him a “young Sting vibe.” WHAT? It’s not that Cody’s points weren’t coherent (he said that they bot have painted faces and connect with a younger generation and are a bit odd), but those things manifest themselves in such different ways for Sting and for Darby that I don’t think anyone would ever have looked at Darby Allin and said “he reminds me of a young Sting.” It made Cody feel like he was the booker trying WAY too hard to get Darby over rather than like the announcer he’s supposed to be.
Cody claimed that AEW was the only promotion that uses the “bike rack” style of guardrails. Well that’s almost certainly not true, so why the f*ck would you say it? To take the shot at WWE for using a “foam wall” a course. But let’s examine this for a second? Doesn’t the fact that WWE is using a “foam wall” which has a lot more padding than AEW’s “bike rack” covered by a “piece of cloth” just mean that WWE cares more about its wrestlers than AEW does? If you know the wrestlers are going to go into the barricades, shouldn’t you add more padding so as to reduce the chance of injury?
(Also, on personal note, if you have a foam wall covering the metal then you can do the angle where the heel maliciously rips the protective covering off of the wall before slamming the babyface onto it to put the babyface out of action. If you just have the metal wall with a thin covering to make it not look low-rent, you can’t do that angle because every bump someone takes into the guardrails is that bump).
Cody also at one point put Sabian over for working on a specific body part. This would have been good except that the way he said it made him (and many others) sound like an idiot. He said that “the old timers will say ‘pick a body part. Pick a body part,’ and all of us always roll our eyes and don’t realize the value of it.” Are you f*cking kidding me? I figured that wrestlers on their first day in the business understand the benefit to working a targeting a single body part. It’s pretty f*cking obvious, isn’t it? You want to keep working over the same body part to disable to increase your chances of winning via submission as well as remove any offense requiring that body part from your opponent’s arsenal. It’s f*cking rocket science. How dumb are/were Cody and his pals that they didn’t understand this even after being told over and over?
For no f*cking reason, we cut to a camera coming out of the entrance tunnel. Well… at least we could see the ring the whole time, as opposed to ROH where they’ll randomly cut to the big screen just to pan down to the ring.
Penelope Ford interfered a bunch of times. Instead of being outraged by this, Cody put her and Kip over for it. Later on, he would say that “at this point Darby can absolutely make a complaint to management about Paul Turner.” Here’s an idea, Cody. Seeing as how you’re clearly part of management and have booking power, why don’t you GET UP OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND EJECT PENELOPE FROM RINGSIDE! Also not doing anything to stop Penelope’s interference was the man who complained about it last week, Colt Cabana, so I guess he doesn’t care, either.
They told their stories (Penelope’s interference and Darby’s missing and hurting himself) well. Darby overcame the interference and won with the Last Supper.

JAKE HAGER VIDEO PACKAGE- good
I liked them using some Bellator footage. That being said, this did expose the fact that they don’t yet seem to have any footage of Hager using his actual finisher.

JAKE HAGER vs. CHICO ADAMS- squash

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- didn’t like it
Moxley showed up, at which point the commentary was either completely snake-bitten or just was sucky on purpose. First Tony quoted Moxley’s “I’ll always be in your blind spot” comment was Moxley was coming right at Hager, FROM THE FRONT. That’s the opposite of a blind-spot. That one was just Tony being dumb.
They fought for a few moments until Moxley hit the Double-Arm DDT, but it was the one he used in WWE rather than the elevated Death Rider/Paradigm Shift he’s been using as a finisher since leaving WWE. Cody started to go on and on about how nobody ever gets up from the Paradigm Shift. Then Hager got up from the Paradigm Shift. He picked Moxley’s ankle and grabbed an ankle lock, but Moxley threw him off. Hager tried to come back but Moxley swung the belt at him so Hager backed down. I figure that either this was supposed to be an actual Paradigm Shift but Moxley couldn’t get Hager up, in which case I don’t like the idea behind the angle, or it wasn’t supposed to be the Paradigm Shift and the commentators can’t tell the difference between an elevated and non-elevated version of a double-arm DDT, and Cody basically shot his own angle on commentary, which made Moxley’s finisher look bad because someone got right back up from it. Either way, this was no good, and the commentary saying “no one gets up from that” and then someone getting right up from the aforementioned that made them look like over the top buffoons.
Also, Cody really needs to stop referring to the title belt as “Big Platinum.” The belt doesn’t need a f*cking nickname. It’s a WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP.
At the end of this, Cody was yapping away about how much he’d love to see these two guys wrestle. Well… you’re got the booking power, Cody. If you want to see the match, JUST BOOK IT.

JON MOXLEY PROMO- great!
He tells Hager that when they meet in the ring, “you’re going to be carted out on a stretcher, or I’ll die trying.” The only thing I didn’t like here was Moxley randomly throwing out that their match, whenever it happens, will be a title match.

BRODIE LEE YELLS AT HIS MINIONS FOR SMALL INFRACTIONS- I hated this. It made him into a cartoon villain. Kicking someone out of the room and not letting them eat dinner for sneezing at the dinner table? Really?
Yes, we learned that he’s a mean guy who mistreats his minions by making them wait until he’s done eating to eat, but you just showed me a video of him beating up SCU last week. Him being mean to his minions isn’t going to make me think he’s any worse of a dude.

On commentary, we got the following exchange:
Cody: We love the word “cult” around here, and that’s what that is.
Tony: My G-d! It is!

Your babyface announcer, ladies and gentlemen. Slow to party.

Q.T. MARSHALL vs. BRODIE LEE (w/a creeper)- no rating, bad squash
Again… Brodie Lee beats up SCU… and so the next week, he is booked against Q.T. Marshall. AEW’s VPs are kayfabe terrible bookers.
Dasha Gonzalez is hanging out with the heels, apparently. Also, so is Austin Gunn. Appearing randomly in a backstage gaggle. Yeah. That’s a good way for him to make his debut.
Cody described Brodie Lee as having a “Kevin Nash-like agility.” Considering that Brodie managed to run without tearing a quad, I think Cody is vastly underestimating Brodie.
The match itself was mostly fine, if a little long. Then the finish came, which was a discus lariat that did not look good at all.

TONY TRIES TO PITCH TO A MEDICAL UPDATE ON NICK JACKSON- and f*cking Cody starts minimizing the whole thing, yelling at Keith Mitchell for choosing a pick of Nick from the attack two weeks ago where he was injured and telling us that it wasn’t very bad and Nick is going to be just fine. So the guy in charge of the show (both in kayfabe and not) went on commentary and did THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THE RIGHT THING TO DO! F*cking idiot.

And, just to show us all how serious this situation is, they pitch us to an update on Nick from “West Coast Correspondent Vanguard 1.” Yeah. That makes it look serious. Said update was just some red-filtered clips of Nick working out.

AAA MEGACAMPIONATO MATCH: Kenny Omega(c) vs. Sammy Guevara- 7.25/10
The match itself was great, but nowhere near as good as I’d expect from a Kenny Omega match that went over twenty-three minutes.
Sammy had a picture of Brandi on a chair wishing him luck. Cody didn’t even seem to notice this, despite seeing all of the other pictures Sammy had there. He eventually made some sort of noise when Sammy started to make out with the Brandi picture in the middle of the match.
Billy Gunn is also apparently in the room of gambling heels. He and Austin started to attack Shawn Spears for some reason or another. This fight looked terrible.
Cody told us that he thinks that Kenny’s hand is %100 healthy even though Kenny is still wearing a cast. Either Cody is a moron, or Kenny is a cheater. That’s definitely what you want out of your top babyfaces.
The commentators also tried to tell me that after being a pro wrestler for nine years, they don’t think Sammy Guevara knows how to do a Cobra Clutch.

Cody claimed to be a “Star Trek guy” and asked Schiavone who his favorite captain was. Then Cody had the gall to make a dismissive sound when Tony answered the question with the correct answer, which is Sisko. Then Cody shamed himself even more by incorrectly stating that Sisko only became a captain “when they got the Defiant.” Any REAL Trekker (a word Cody never used, by the way) would know that they got the Defiant in the beginning of season 3, and Sisko got promoted at the end of the season. Then again, I probably shouldn’t be surprised that Cody doesn’t like the Star Trek series that took the most intelligent and nuanced approach to storytelling.

CHRIS JERICHO CONFRONTS MATT HARDY- Everything I was worried it would be
Jericho becomes the first pro wrestler to embrace the technology of handless microphones. That seems like it’d be something more wrestlers would embrace in a sport where confrontations where someone is holding a microphone result in brawls relatively often.
Jericho gives a grand speech demanding that Matt come out. Instead he gets Vanguard 1, so he cuts a promo on it. This made Jericho look like a joke, railing against the f*cking drone’s political beliefs and then trying to recruit it to join the Inner Circle. The drone flew away and Jericho got angry. This was moronic and pointless.
Then Matt Hardy’s music played and Matt appeared way up in the upper level of the arena. Then we got an obvious camera cut and he teleported down a level. They did this sort of thing a few more times. Jericho did a good job of staying still for whenever they took these shots earlier today, but there were still one or two where it was obvious that these were camera cuts, which made the whole thing look corny and fake. Making this even worse was Kenny Omega calling it Matt Hardy having “psycho power.”
The announcers (at this point all three of them) told me that there was a “storied history” between Matt Hardy and Chris Jericho, but I racked by brain and can’t really recall them feuding at all. Just to make sure I wasn’t wrong, I went to CageMatch.net and did some research and came up with the following:
1. These two have not been in the same match (either teaming or on opposing sides) in OVER A DECADE.
2. They have only had six televised singles matches EVER (eight total), plus a three-way including Hunter, so that’s nine singles match if you want to be generous, and none of them were on a PPV.
3. They have actually only ever faced off fourteen times in any sort of televised match. That number goes down to just ten if you exclude Royal Rumbles and battle royales.
4. In fact, they’ve only had three matches against each other in a three month span ONE TIME.
5. Neither man has ever won or lost a championship from the other. The only title matches they’ve ever even been in together were a random IC Title match and then TLC III.

In conclusion, don’t tell me there is a “storied history” between two guys who there isn’t any sort of history between! It makes you come off like your full of sh*t, just like the WWE that you’re trying so hard not to be like.

Eventually Matt was down at the bottom. Jericho tried to talk to him but Matt was his goofy “Broken” Matt Hardy self. Matt says that he is here because he owes the Bucks a “debt” because they “resurrected Broken Matt Hardy.” Okay… but based on what Matt Jackson said last week, they called Matt Hardy because Matt owed them a favor, which means that this resurrecting Broken Matt isn’t simply giving Matt an AEW contract and letting him be Broken Matt again because then Matt wouldn’t have owed a debt at the time the Bucks called him. This means that the Bucks somehow revived Broken Matt before this. I want to know why they did this, and through what mystical means they had the power to do so. And if AEW doesn’t want people asking questions like this, then they shouldn’t have Matt say that he owed the Bucks a debt for resurrecting him.
And yes, they could have easily not said that and had things make sense. Matt’s second reason for opposing Jericho (because Jericho wants to dominate the “paradise” that Matt sees AEW as) is more than sufficient to explain why he would side with The Elite and against the Inner Circle.
Jericho gives Matt another chance to join him but Matt tells Jericho that he is no longer Matt Hardy but rather Matt Hardy is just the vessel for “Damascus.” Damascus is apparently 3,000 years old and is a creator of chaos and brutality and violence and stuff like that. When you put it like that, Damascus seems like he’s probably an evil entity, and if the Bucks brought him back into the world when he had been sealed away, that doesn’t seem like it was a very smart thing for them to do.
Jericho asks Matt if he is Inner Circle or Elite, to which Matt responds by shouting “DELETE!” We got them yelling “DELETE!” and “ELITE!” at each other, which was very annoying. Matt Hardy tells us all that he was betrayed by Judas Iscariot. Um… so is Matt Hardy supposed to be Jesus? Or is Matt saying that Jesus of Nazareth was actually inhabited by the spirit of this Damascus and the religion that I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the majority of this show’s viewers believe in is actually wrong.
Matt starting singing the “Obsolete” song, screaming out the last word. Then he started babbling on about Abraham Lincoln and MLK being in the room. I, meanwhile, was praying that none of the people in the next room over would walk into the den and see me watching this embarrassment.
Jericho eventually gets annoyed and slaps Matt so Matt punches him and knocks him down. Jericho puts Matt over for knocking him down with one punch, then called in Sammy Guevara to ambush Matt. Kenny and Cody ran down from the commentary position with chairs to make the save. Jericho and Sammy retreated to the ramp, then got scared by some pyro. Then they stumbled around from pyro box to pyro box, getting scared as each one went off. We could clearly see the boxes, so this wasn’t some sort of special effect. It was just pyro going off, and I guess the idea was that Matt was controlling them and trying to burn the heels to death. Okay… but there are still boxes of pyro there. Am I supposed to believe that Matt teleported twenty big boxes of pyro onto the stage and no on noticed until now? Or are these boxes that were already there for some sort of AEW purpose, in which case I have to wonder what that purpose was because we already had our main event and this was pushed as the last thing on the show.

This was an absolutely terrible episode of AEW. Yes, I understand the circumstances, but the problems here were not due to those. The problems here were all execution and decision-making. I’ve gone into why I didn’t like the things I didn’t like, but there is one more thing I need to bring up, which is the cuts to the room of heels during the matches. The heels overacting backstage made everything come off like a joke, and that was only made more frustrating by the fact that showing them to us accomplished nothing (you still could have used the gambling to start a Gunns vs. Spears feud and set up whatever Dasha is doing hanging out with the heels some other way) and only opened up plot holes (why are we cutting to a camera back there and why the hell are the heels allowing there to be a camera filming them bet on matches in their own promotion?).
So yeah. This show sucked, and if they ran the same show in an arena full of fans, it still would have sucked.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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Re: BRM Reviews the 3/25/2020 Dynamite (embarassing)

Post by NWK2000 » Mar 30th, '20, 21:30

I think an arena full of fans would make the Hardy stuff even worse. The empty arena era is only adding to the Matt Hardy character. He's just this lone wolf schizophrenic wizard who's obsessed with Jericho for some reason. A bunch of schlubs going "DELETE" "DELETE" would've made it like, unbearable.

Also "Brodie Lee is a cartoon villain." So, the guy who controls slightly more important masked henchmen who have their own tier of masked henchmen ISN'T just Super Shredder?
NWK Reviews is closed for business for now.

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Re: BRM Reviews the 3/25/2020 Dynamite (embarassing)

Post by Thelone » Mar 31st, '20, 02:55

Big Red Machine wrote: Mar 29th, '20, 20:43JAKE ROBERTS PROMO- meh
...
Now why the hell did this need to be a two-camera shoot? I mean really! I know this sounds like a small thing, but it makes it feel overproduced when you cut between cameras just for the sake of cutting between cameras, and that’s exactly what this was. Please explain to me what occasionally seeing Jake in profile instead of straight on add to this promo?
I didn't know you were Brian Last.
CODY RESPONDS TO JAKE’S VIDEO- bad
First let me say that I liked that they immediately had Cody address this rather than ignoring it until whatever mysterious force decided that we had reached the point of the show where Cody should respond to Jake’s promo.
What I didn’t like was the content of Cody’s promo. He came off as an arrogant douchebag with the whole “you don’t start at me; you start at the bottom and work your way up” thing. I’m not saying there isn’t a logic behind it, but I think that Cody came across like a high and mighty douchebag instead of coming across like the “ready for anything” top babyface he seems to want to be.
Cody doesn't know what his character is supposed to be and/or how to portray it consistantly. In other news, the sky is blue and water is wet.
BRODIE LEE YELLS AT HIS MINIONS FOR SMALL INFRACTIONS- I hated this. It made him into a cartoon villain. Kicking someone out of the room and not letting them eat dinner for sneezing at the dinner table? Really?
Yes, we learned that he’s a mean guy who mistreats his minions by making them wait until he’s done eating to eat, but you just showed me a video of him beating up SCU last week. Him being mean to his minions isn’t going to make me think he’s any worse of a dude.
Allegedly, this was a knock on Vince. Maybe this week, he'll force one of his slaves to speak in a terrible southern accent or "to go for the brass ring", just in case you didn't get it the first time *winkwinknudgenudge*
AAA MEGACAMPIONATO MATCH: Kenny Omega(c) vs. Sammy Guevara- 7.25/10
The match itself was great, but nowhere near as good as I’d expect from a Kenny Omega match that went over twenty-three minutes.
You see, you're angry because they used multiple angles in that Jake promo, I'm more bothered by the fact that this match went 23 minutes. Omega is supposedly a top star while Guevara is the lowest henchman in the IC, so why does he need so long to beat him? Oh yeah, Omega thinks long = epic and can't live with a 12-15 minute match because HIS ART!!!
CHRIS JERICHO CONFRONTS MATT HARDY- Everything I was worried it would be
For all this talk about how Hardy is this creative genius, his Broken character sure hasn't evolved much since 2015 or 16.

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Re: BRM Reviews the 3/25/2020 Dynamite (embarassing)

Post by Big Red Machine » Mar 31st, '20, 06:42

NWK2000 wrote: Mar 30th, '20, 21:30 I think an arena full of fans would make the Hardy stuff even worse. The empty arena era is only adding to the Matt Hardy character. He's just this lone wolf schizophrenic wizard who's obsessed with Jericho for some reason. A bunch of schlubs going "DELETE" "DELETE" would've made it like, unbearable.

Also "Brodie Lee is a cartoon villain." So, the guy who controls slightly more important masked henchmen who have their own tier of masked henchmen ISN'T just Super Shredder?
He's not supposed to be one, no.

Then again, Cody did compare him to Kevin Nash, so maybe he is supposed to be Super Shredder.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 3/25/2020 Dynamite (embarassing)

Post by Big Red Machine » Mar 31st, '20, 06:55

Thelone wrote: Mar 31st, '20, 02:55
Big Red Machine wrote: Mar 29th, '20, 20:43BRODIE LEE YELLS AT HIS MINIONS FOR SMALL INFRACTIONS- I hated this. It made him into a cartoon villain. Kicking someone out of the room and not letting them eat dinner for sneezing at the dinner table? Really?
Yes, we learned that he’s a mean guy who mistreats his minions by making them wait until he’s done eating to eat, but you just showed me a video of him beating up SCU last week. Him being mean to his minions isn’t going to make me think he’s any worse of a dude.

Allegedly, this was a knock on Vince. Maybe this week, he'll force one of his slaves to speak in a terrible southern accent or "to go for the brass ring", just in case you didn't get it the first time *winkwinknudgenudge*
I got the sneezing joke. I just REALLY hope that's not where they're going with this. So f*cking petty.
Thelone wrote: Mar 31st, '20, 02:55
Big Red Machine wrote: Mar 29th, '20, 20:43AAA MEGACAMPIONATO MATCH: Kenny Omega(c) vs. Sammy Guevara- 7.25/10
The match itself was great, but nowhere near as good as I’d expect from a Kenny Omega match that went over twenty-three minutes.
You see, you're angry because they used multiple angles in that Jake promo, I'm more bothered by the fact that this match went 23 minutes. Omega is supposedly a top star while Guevara is the lowest henchman in the IC, so why does he need so long to beat him? Oh yeah, Omega thinks long = epic and can't live with a 12-15 minute match because HIS ART!!!
I think the point of having it go long is to elevate Guevara a bit with the loss. It's exactly the sort of thing I've been calling for ROH to do for years now.
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Re: BRM Reviews the 3/25/2020 Dynamite (embarassing)

Post by Thelone » Apr 1st, '20, 16:48

Big Red Machine wrote: Mar 31st, '20, 06:55I got the sneezing joke. I just REALLY hope that's not where they're going with this. So f*cking petty.
I mean, it's been barely two weeks and he made some kind of reference to Vince every time he spoke so far. He'd better get it out of his system soon or he'll come off as just another disgruntled former WWE guy who's more busy bitching about EVIL VINCE or whatever than anything else.

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