BRM Reviews the 11/12/2021 Rampage (bad)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 11/12/2021 Rampage (bad)

Post by Big Red Machine » Nov 13th, '21, 16:34

BOBBY FISH vs. JUNGLE BOY- 6.5/10
Jungle Boy won cleanly.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- fine
Cole attacked Jungle Boy after the match. He and Fish set up to give Jungle Boy a Con-Chair-To, but Luchasaurus and Christian Cage made the save. Cole ran away, leaving Fish to get beaten up. The Young Bucks and Brandon Cutler also came out onto the ramp with Cole. Taz used the term “sacrificial lamb” correctly.

THE SUPER-KLIQ’S PROMO IS INTERRUPTED BY ADAM PAGE- good
He wants to talk to Matt and Nick. And he couldn’t have waited until they were done with their promo? What a jerk.
Cole insists that anything that Page has to say to the Bucks can be said to him as well. Page insists on talking to them alone, and they tell Cole it’s okay, so he leaves.
Page says he knows the Bucks had nothing to do with Don Callis and Kenny Omega attacking him during their contract signing two days ago. Page finally manned up and apologized to the Bucks for costing them a shot at the tag titles last year and for ruining their friendship. He then noted that they had cost him a title shot in the ten-man tag in July, so they were now even, and warned them to stay out of the world title match at the PPV.

SANTANA GARRETT vs. JADE CARGILL (w/Mark Sterling)- squash
Jade jawed with Red Velvet, who was sitting in the crowd. Wrestlers sitting in the crowd is weird. You’d think she’d be allowed to sit in the ringside area if she’s scouting.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- terrible
Mark Sterling has baked Jade a cake for the one-year anniversary of her signing with AEW. FOR NO F*CKING REASON, Red Velvet jumped the guardrail and attacked Jade, then she smashed the cake (which the announcers kept telling us that Sterling baked himself) into Sterling’s face. What a bitch! Jade got back up and they brawled until referees came out to separate them. Red Velvet has this f*cking smirk on her face like she has gotten revenge for something. For what? For Jade talking trash o you? GROW THE F*CK UP!
Unless the goal of this segment was a double-turn (and I’m pretty sure it’s not), this was f*cking terrible!

DANTE MARTIN vs. ARIYA DAIVARI- 6/10
They both got big hometown babyface reactions. I didn’t think they should have given Daivari anywhere near so much when they’re trying to build Martin up.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- meh
Team Taz offered Martin a contract. Lio Rush wasn’t at ringside because… um… reasons.

TAY CONTI VS. BRITT BAKER VIDEO PACKAGE- not so good
They had these earlier for Dragon vs. Miro and Punk vs. Kingston, but there was nothing worth saying about them, so I didn’t say anything. This one, though…
They shot a talking head of Jim Ross saying “It takes three seconds to win a match. In Tay Conti’s situaton, it takes three seconds to become the champion, but I don’t know that’s going to happen.” If this useless drivel is the best he can do, DON’T INCLUDE IT.
We also had Taz talking about the “credibility” that Tay Conti brings. You know… because she did martial arts and everyone else is fake.

MARK HENRY INTERVIEWS THE PEOPLE IN THE MAIN EVENT- bad
The only thing close to useful that anyone said that Orange Cassidy deciding that this match, which had pretty much no build and has no reason for being a Lumberjack match, will be the blow-off.

LUMBERJACK MATCH: Matt Hardy vs. Orange Cassidy- 3/10
Orange Cassidy’s ribs are taped up. Remember last week when he barely sold them?
Matt offered to pay any of the lumberjacks $20,000 if they knocked Orange Cassidy out. You’d think that the few unscrupulous people who would be interested in this deal would have charged into the ring to get OC, but instead they ran around to where the babyface lumberjacks were and started to fight with them.
Jericho said that the rules of a Lumberjack match are that anyone can just beat you up if you go to the outside, which is absolutely wrong. They are only supposed to throw you back into the ring. They are not supposed to punch or stomp on you!
OC got tossed to the outside, and instead of just getting back into the ring, he stared at and then started to chase Isaiah Kassidy, so of course he got attacked from behind and got his ass kicked.
The heels beat him up for a while until his friends were able to help him. The idiots decided that of all of them, the one who should do the assisted dive onto the group of heels on the outside was Orange Cassidy with his injured ribs. Morons.
OC went to the top. Matt tried to escape to the floor but Wheeler YUTA threw him back in. OC then hit the move he had been looking to hit, nailing Matt with a big crossbody off the top, the move that previously broke Matt’s nose and kicked this feud off… and then Matt just got up and hit OC with a Side Effect. Psychology. And, of course, OC was back in control after kicking out of the pin.
OC went to the top again. The referee clearly saw Isaiah Kassidy shove him off the top rope but didn’t call for a DQ because… um…
Anyway, The Blade hit OC with brass knuckles to allow Matt to get the pin… so we’re back to where we were in July. “Long-term storytelling,” I guess.


A bad episode of Rampage.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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