BRM Reviews the 5/13/2022 Rampage

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 5/13/2022 Rampage

Post by Big Red Machine » May 14th, '22, 22:14

DEATH TRIANGLE (w/Alex Abrahantes) vs. ANDRADE FAMILY OFFICE (The Butcher, The Blade, & Marq Quen) (w/The Bunny)- 6.75/10
Good to see that Abrahantes actually went back to his normal mode of dress.
Action happened. The team we all expected to win won. Kyle ‘Reilly was shown watching in the stand because he will face Fenix in an Owen Hart Tournament match on Wednesday.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- dumb
The lights went off and the House of Black appeared in the ring. Then they went off again and the House of Black disappeared because Tony Khan wants us to remember that this feud is happening but doesn’t want to do anything to actually move it forward at the moment and is too lazy to come up with any sort of reason for why the heels aren’t trying to take revenge on the babyfaces MIND GAMES!

SHAWN SPEARS vs. BEAR BOULDER- 3/10
Spears beat the large man. This was necessary.

LEXI INTERVIEWS MARK STERLING & TONY NESE- bad
Sterling is in a neck brace and using a crutch to sell the beating he took from Wardlow. She tells them that they will be facing Hook and Danhausen on the pre-show for Double or Nothing 2022. Sterling says what I was thinking, which is that he’s a manager, not a wrestler. Lexi says that management had told him that this would happen if he put his hands on another wrestler. Oh my G-d.
1. When the f*ck did this happen? That’s the sort of thing you need to have said ON-SCREEN!
2. If the idea here is that I’m supposed to want to see Sterling get his comeuppance for interfering, they already shot their wad on that two days ago when we all saw him get powerbombed by Wardlow.
3. Of all the heel managers in this promotion, Sterling is probably the one who gets involved the least. Why the hell was stipulation never made for Rebel or Vickie Guerrero or Jose the Assistant or Dan Lambert or Don Callis?
Tony Nese says this is fine because he’s sure he can beat both Danhausen and Hook on his own. All this statement will do is result in Nese needlessly looking like an idiot at the end of this.

OWEN HART FOUNDATION WOMEN’S TOURNAMENT QUARTERFINAL MATCH: Ruby Soho vs. Riho- 7/10
Ruby won clean.

GUNN CLUB & THE ACCLAIMED BACKSTAGE- HORRENDOUS!
Billy wants them to come up with catchphrases and hand signals. The Gunns are now calling Billy “daddy” like and acting like eight-year-olds. They’re suggestions are all DX things, which Billy buries. The Acclaimed suggest the stuff that they already do, and Billy loves it. Billy says that he got them a match. They excitedly asked if it was on Dynamite or Rampage or at the PPV. Billy said it was on Elevation, and they all cheered. This was WWE-level destroying people in one bad segment.

TONY SCHIAVONE INTERVIEWS JADE CARGILL & THE BADDIES-
Tony announces that Hikaru Shida was injured in her match against Serena Deb and thus can’t compete in her scheduled Owen Hart Foundation Tournament match against Red Velvet.
Jade started to talk about his, but stopped when she finally noticed that Mark Sterling was injured. She asked him “what happened to you?” How has it taken two days for her to find out that her manager was injured? When he started to talk, she told him no one cares. Why did she ask, then? Why is she being a jerk to her own manager for no reason? All this did was make me feel bad for Sterling… who I’m supposed to want to see get beat up, so why would they do this?
Tony announces that the replacement will be determined in a qualifying match on Elevation. Nah. I’m just kidding. That would be the sports-like way to handle it. Instead, they just gave the spot Kris Statlander.

MARK HENRY INTERVIEWS THE PEOPLE IN THE MAIN EVENT- bad
Ethan Page questions why Kaz is being given a title shot, so Sky turns and yells at him. When they pipe up again, he tells them to stay in the back. The lack of motivation for Sky’s face turn makes all of this heavy-handed crap so frustrating. When Sky says stuff like “the word of the TNT Champion is going to mean something around here!” all I can hear is “I’ve randomly decided to be a good guy now!”

AEW TNT TITLE MATCH: Scorpio Sky(c) vs. Frankie Kazarian- 7.25/10
Excalibur reminded us that these two have “nearly a twenty-year friendship.” If they had a twenty-year friendship, you’d think Kaz would have said something to Sky when he randomly turned heel, but NOPE. Never happened. It’s funny how these long-term friendships in AEW only seem to exist when the booker needs them to.
Sammy Guevara and Tay Conti were shown watching the match in the crowd, carrying whatever the AAA intergender tag titles are called.
Apparently a Chicken Wing is one of Kaz’s finishers. Excalibur said he “has won so many matches” with it, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him use it before.
These two told a good story of “they know each other so well,” and I’ll give them credit for coming up with a clever way for Page and Lambert to interfere without Sky realizing it.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- dumb
Kaz tries to tell Sky what happened. Sky questions Page and Lambert. Page admits it and asks Sky whose team he is on, at which point Sky hits Kaz with the title and Lambert says “I love it when a plan comes together!” In other words, a Russo-Swerve™. Why do all of this to lull Kaz into a false sense of security or whatever if doing so creates the risk that Kaz could get a roll-up and win while Lambert and Page were still in the back and wouldn’t be able to break it up?
The heels started to beat on Page, while Lambert taunted Sammy Guevara and called Tay Conti “Whorehausen.” Sammy got a chair and made the save for Sky. Are we certain that AEW thinks Sammy is a heel?


There was some good wrestling on this show, but the ending was baffling. That was sh*t TNA would do.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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