BRM Reviews the 7/15/2022 Rampage

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 7/15/2022 Rampage

Post by Big Red Machine » Jul 17th, '22, 14:52

THE DARK ORDER (Alex Reynolds & John Silver) vs. THE KINGS OF THE BLACK THRONE (w/Julia Hart)- 6/10
Am I the only one who thought this was going to be a six-man tag (with Page on the Dork Order side)?
This was a very good match, but if the House of Black are going to be a threat, they can’t be going fifty-fifty with clowns like the Dark Order.
On a related note, apparently the Dark Order were ranked #4, despite not wrestling on TV forever.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- started good, then turned bad
As the heels were leaving, Darby Allin dove off of the entrance tunnel onto Brody King. Sting came out -of the other one to… have a dumb stare-down with Malakai Black, which we spent more time paying attention to than Darby Allin and Brody King actually fighting. They did MIND GAMES with each other, like “not wanting to give the other one the satisfaction of being the one to back down.” I’m not saying that that can’t work ever, but it certainly doesn’t work when your partners are already fighting each other.

MIRO PROMO- good
He wonders whether G-d sent the “Pagan” House of Black to destroy him or to recruit him. If he thinks that G-d maybe wants him to join them, that explains why he’s not fighting them, even though he thinks Malakai Black cost him a title.

ROH WORLD TITLE MATCH WITH A SPECIAL TWENTY-MINUTE TIME LIMIT: Jonathan Gresham(c) (w/Tully Blanchard) vs. Lee Moriarty (w/Matt Sydal)- 7.25/10
They told the story of Moriarity going for a knock-out. Guest commentator Caprice Coleman connected this to Gresham spending so much time in Pure Rules matches, where you can’t punch in the face, but that didn’t work for me because it’s literally just closed-fist strikes to the face that aren’t legal in pure matches (and in others, either, by the way). All other strikes to the face are totally legal.
They mixed the striking story in with their usual technical greatness. Gresham won (mostly cleanly). There was a ball-tap early on.

Jericho complemented them for wrestling a match where “everything means something,” which makes no sense in kayfabe.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Gresham good; production/logic bad
Tony Schiavone interviewed Gresham, who cut a promo about how he was the best, so he was going to beat all of our favorites. This brought out Claudio Castagnoli… and I guess Excalibur knew that Claudio wasn’t going to say or do anything, because he pitched to a pre-taped promo that Christopher Daniels had cut on Jay Lethal, Sonjay Dutt, & Satnam Singh.

CHRISTOPHER DANIELS PROMO- didn’t like it
He’s going to defend Samoa Joe’s honor from the group of heels bad-mouthing Joe when Joe isn’t around. He says he will do this because he and Joe have been “best friends” for “over twenty years.” So I guess we’re just supposed to ignore all of the time they were feuding with each other in both ROH and TNA?

KRIS STATLANDER & ATHENA vs. THE RENEGADE TWINS- squash
Because why book these two against the people they’ve been having problems with for almost two months now when you can book them against tomato cans instead?

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- dull
Leyla Grey was watching from ringside. Like an idiot, she started a fight with the babyfaces, so she got beaten up. Jade Cargill and Kiera Hogan came out to make the heel save. Jade and Hogan yelled at Grey.

LEXI NAIR’S INTERVIEW WITH LEE MORIARTY & MATT SYDAL IS INTERRUPTED BY STOKELY HATHAWAY- decent
Stokely asks Sydal can possibly give Moriarty… and at this point, I’ve got to side with Stokely. What has Sydal done for anyone? Lee can sign up with Stokely and still wrestle cleanly (like Timothy Thatcher did in EVOLVE). Sydal tells Moriarty not to listen to Stokely because he has “the opportunity of a lifetime” for him, which is a match against Dante Martin- someone who won’t cheat.
Dante going with Stokely seems to make the most sense here.

TONY SCHIAVOE INTERVIEWS GUNN CLUB-
This happened in the ring. The Acclaimed interrupted them before Billy could say anything informative. The Acclaimed came out here, ready to fight (no rapping). Billy offered to scissor them to make peace and “we can go our own separate ways,” but the Acclaimed attacked him. This just made Billy look dumb for thinking that would work.
The Acclaimed cleared the ring… and then rapped. At least it was short and was challenging Gunn Club to keep fighting instead of retreating. One of the Gunns asked the crowd if they wanted to see a match right now, but as I’m sure you can guess, this was just to tease them.

MARK HENRY INTERVIEWS THE PEOPLE IN THE MAIN EVENT- meh

PRIVATE PARTY (w/Andrade el Idolo and Jose the Assistant) vs. LUCHA BROS (w/Alex Abrahantes)- 6/10
Excalibur said that this was the Andrade Family Office reuniting, “if only for one night.” When did they break up?
The announcers kept telling us how angry Fenix and Penta have been about having their masks stolen. If they’re s angry about it, why did they wait until right before this match to cut a promo about it?
They did their flips and stuff. Fenix got taken out, so Penta had to wrestle most of the match alone. Even with a two-on-one advantage, he beat up Private Party so badly that Rush had t come out and interfere. Rush hit Penta in the back of the head… and within five seconds of that, Penta had hit Quenn with a Canadian Destroyer. Fenix got tagged in and hit his finisher, so within ten seconds of the heels getting help from interference, the babyfaces won. This pretty much buried Private Party.
Private Party argued with the Ingobernables after the match, so I guess they’re the next team Private Party will lose to.
Private Party doesn’t get talked about enough as an act that AEW has completely screwed up with. Their offense almost entirely consists of babyface moves, and they have tons of natural charisma… and yet AEW turned them heel, and then did nothing with them.


Another meh episode of Rampage.


STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Excalibur used the phrase “kinetic offense.”
What offense in pro wrestling isn’t kinetic?
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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