BRM Reviews AEW Rampage Grand Slam (both parts)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews AEW Rampage Grand Slam (both parts)

Post by Big Red Machine » Sep 25th, '22, 10:50

NO DISQUALIFICATIONS MATCH: Sting & Darby Allin vs. House of Black (Brody King & Buddy Matthews) (w/Julia Hart)- 2/10 (and that’s being generous)
I didn’t like Sting and Darby jumping them from behind. This feud… well… feels like it ended already, and the heat just isn’t there for the babyfaces to do that.
Jericho was completely insufferable on commentary, and everyone else trying to play into him made them all worse, too.
They did stuff and took big bumps. The heels handcuffed Sting in the ring. When they came back to him, Buddy Matthews took forever to hit him with the bat. The whole time I kept asking “why doesn’t Sting just use his magical powers and save himself?”
Then, lo and behold, the lights went off!
But it wasn’t Sting using his magic. It was the promotion, apparently f*cking with the House of Black by choosing this moment to announce that the Great Muta was here. Muta shambled out onto the stage. Meanwhile, about sixty feet away in the ring. Buddy Matthews continued to not hit Sting with the bat, despite having ample time to do so.
When Muta finally got down to the ring, Buddy was terrified of him, despite having about thirty years on Muta and also being the one with the baseball bat. Then, with a quick cut of the camera, the baseball bat disappeared. Buddy moved out of the way, apparently thinking that the man who chose to make his surprising entrance when Sting was handcuffed to a chair about to be hit with a baseball bat had come here to hurt Sting instead of help him.
Muta bumped Buddy, then missed him. He bumped into Julia Hart, who had climbed up onto the apron. Julia mostly missed the table she was supposed to go through, and appeared to hit her head on the exposed cement (or whatever). Sting then broke free of the handcuffs that had had him trapped for the past five minutes, hit the Scorpion Death Drop, and won. Then Sting and Muta hugged, because apparently that’s something people care about in 2022.
This was REALLY bad. It was so damn slow whenever Darby Allin wasn’t involved, Sting looked his age for the first time in AEW (even before he got his possible concussion), Buddy wound up looking like an idiot, and we got a f*ck finish in the form of the babyfaces being saved by an old-fart-ex-machina, so this stupid feud will continue.

Standard tag team stuff. The babyfaces won. Bronson looked fine.

MARK STERLING PROMO- He insists that Wardlow won’t powerbomb him tonight.

SAMOA JOE & WARDLOW vs. TONY NESE & JOSH WOODS (w/Mark Sterling)- 4.5/10
Some stuff happened. Joe pinned Nese cleanly after a Muscle Buster.

Josh Woods attacked Joe. Wardlow made the save. He went for a powerbomb on Woods, but Sterling attacked him. Wardlow no-sold it and went after Sterling instead, and Wardlow was finally able to powerbomb Sterling, getting revenge for Sterling… well… not doing anything to him, really. Wardlow was the one who started this. Then Wardlow powerbombed Sterling two more times, even though the dude was already down. All this did was make Joe look like an asshole for helping Wardlow.

This was good babyface stuff… except that that’s not what he needs to be doing right now. His supposed best friend who he has known since he was eight years old just turned on him… and he has no desire to get revenge.

JUNGLE BOY vs. REY FENIX (w/Alex Abrahantes)- 7.5/10
They did lots of big moves and athletic spots. Jungle Boy won with a roll-up.

Christian came out onto the stage. Then Luchasaurus’ music played and he had come through the crowd… although playing his music let Jungle Boy know that something was up, so he saw it coming. What an idiot Christian is. Fortunately for Christian, Luchasaurus was still able to beat Jungle Boy up. Luchasaurus stood on Jungle Boy’s head while Chrisitan cut a promo on him. Luchasaurus chokeslammed Jungle Boy at the end. It’s just more of the same.

Jericho was loud. His guys poured champagne on Marvez. Jericho said they were going to party now, and that they would have another official celebration on Dynamite next week. Garcia said he had something important to tell Jericho, but Jericho told him not now.

In the opening match, the babyfaces attacked the heels on the ramp, and the bell rang to start the match, even though no one had been in the ring yet. In this match, Sammy grabbed a mic and called Eddie a “fat piece of sh*t,” so Eddie attacked him inside the ring… but this time, the bell didn’t ring, so that they could fight on the outside for a while, which mostly consisted of Eddie doing illegal things like going to the eyes or fishhooking Sammy. Is it really that hard to follow the rules and be consistent?
The announcers acted like the match had already started, but I went back to check, and there was never a bell. If there was, I rescind my criticism about inconsistency with the rules, and I replace with one about them just not f*cking following the rules, because they were outside forever without getting counted out, and Kingston did all manner of illegal things to Sammy.
They had a good grudge match. Tay interfered at times, but Kingston overcame it to get the win. Jericho, doing his annoying, over-the-top heel schtick, demanded that Kingston be disqualified for hitting his finisher. J.R. demanded to know “for what?” That got me thinking: Isn’t Kingston’s spinning backfist technically a closed-fist punch? Shouldn’t it be illegal? Is that even a rule in AEW? It certainly a rule in other promotions he has been in.
Kingston won with two Backfists to the Future and then a Stretch Plum. He refused to relinquish the hold despite the referee and Jerry Lynn telling him to do so, so Senior Referee Paul Turner overturned the decision and awarded Sammy Guevara the match on the grounds of excessive punishment. Tony Schiavone told us that this was because Tony Khan as “challenged” Paul Turner to “tighten up” the officiating due to Chris Jericho cheating to win the ROH World Title.
Yes, really. YEARS of nobody following the rules, and Tony doesn’t give a sh*t, but now Jericho cheats to win the ROH World Title, and all of a sudden the rules must be enforced. Kingston was unhappy with the result of the match being changed, so he started attacking the security guards. Seemingly trying to one-up Schiavone, Excalibur said that Kingston would be lucky if was not “facing fines or suspensions for laying his hands on the security team.” Yes, really. A few months ago, Wardlow was attacking security for no reason, and we were supposed to think it was awesome, but now all of a sudden you get fined for doing it. Meanwhile, the JAS can go around and assault people backstage and not get in trouble at all.

AEW TBS TITLE MATCH: Jade Cargill(c) (w/the Baddies) vs. Diamante (w/Trina)- 4.25/10
Chris Jericho claimed that Diamante was a “big star.” Yes, such a big star is she that before this match, she has wrestled exactly ONE match on TV or PPV on the past TWO YEARS… and that was a battle royale.
Jade won a short match.

Diamante’s rapper friend turned on her with a very weak slap.

Adam Page got jumped from behind by the AFO on his way to the ring. Dark Order came out to make the save. During a commercial break, everyone else came out, too, including a bunch of ROH people
Paul Wight joined the commentary team for some reason. He was like having a second Jericho on commentary.
Dalton Castle and the Boys did one of those dumb “I’m not technically eliminated” spots that everyone hates when WWE does them.
Matt Hardy and Private Party had a reunion that would have been a lot better if there had been more than one segment of build to it.
Adam Page won, after very impressively holding on at the end.


LIGHTS OUT MATCH: Will Hobbs vs. Ricky Starks-
Ricky Starks got a fancy video before his entrance. It was really stupid. It was a classic example of trying too hard.
The idea behind the “Lights Out” match is that “AEW wants nothing to do with the ramifications of what they might do to each other.” Okay… then why does AEW book big cage matches where people can get thrown off the top? Hell, Eddie Kingston tried to light Chris Jericho on fire earlier this year, and AEW kept booking them in no DQs matches, but never a Lights Out match. STOP BOOKING THIS STUPID STIPULATION!
They used a bunch of weapons and Hobbs worked over Starks’ neck. Starks got the win… but it’s in a match where it doesn’t count, so why should I care? And it’s not like that stipulation has ever come back to matter in a storyline, either, so STOP BOOKING IT!

This was a bad show from AEW, constantly underdelivering. The Muta thing was completely baffling as to why they thought it would be a good idea.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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