BRM Reviews the 12/16/2022 Rampage (very bad)

[Big Red Machine]

JON MOXLEY vs. SAMMY GUEVARA (w/Tay Melo)- 6/10
Dainel Garcia was shown watching from backstage so that the announcers could remind us that Jericho ordered him to take Sammy on as a mentor. Shouldn’t he be at ringside for that?
They did stuff, a lot of which involved Moxley cheating just as much as Sammy. They repeated the “rip Moxley’s earring out” spot, so I guess he doesn’t learn.
They were on the outside forever so that they could do a table spot here in this random match on Rampage. Less than forty seconds after getting put through a table, Moxley was standing in the ring and stomping on Sammy’s head. The camera was perfectly positioned to expose just how light these stomps were. CUT TO A DIFFERENT CAMERA!
The finish saw Moxley completely no-sell a Spanish Fly and roll over into his Bulldog Choke finisher and choke Sammy out. For unknown reasons, Justin Roberts chose to announce the result as “the winner of this match is ultimately Jon Moxley.” Daniel Garcia was shown again backstage, shaking his head at Sammy.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- bad
Moxley calls out Adam Page to fight him right now. Excalibur tells us that Page isn’t cleared to wrestle… so is Moxley just being an asshole here?
Anyway, Page came out. You’d think after that promo he cut last week about not being able to remember his son’s name, he would think twice about trying to fight someone when he isn’t medically cleared because of a concussion, but apparently not. This feud, that has come about because Moxley defeated Page by knockout via legitimate means in a wrestling match is so hot that they cannot help but want to fight each other. Meanwhile, Moxley, who made such a big deal about wanting to be “the guy” in AEW a few months ago and made it clear that that meant being the champion, has not even uttered the name of the man who took the world title from him via cheating.
Also, considering that Page isn’t cleared and Moxley had announced that he was going to do this, you’d think that AEW would have had some security at the Gorilla Position to try to stop Page, but apparently not. They came out eventually, well after physicality had already taken place. Here’s an idea: why not just tell Adam Page that he can’t show up until he’s cleared?

BRITT BAKER VS. SARAYA VIDEO PACKAGE- snore
Excalibur pitched to this by claiming that there had been a “shake-up” in the women’s division. By the time this video package was over, I had no idea what he was talking about.

FTR PROMO- bad
They say that they feel like they have disappointed the fans by losing title matches last week. They said lots of good babyface things. Then Dax said that they were upset with the Gunns for stealing their moment where they were trying to make the fans feel something. GRRRRRRR! Is it that hard to just pretend that this sh*t is real?
Anyway, they say they’re going to beat up the Ass Boys and keep calling them that, even though Dax said they weren’t going to in his promo at Final Battle.

JADE CARGILL & THE BADDIES VIDEO PACKAGE/PROMO- snore
More Jade and Bow-wow crap. I have not heard a single person say that they care about this.

SKYE BLUE vs. BRITT BAKER (w/Jamie Hayter & Rebel)- 3/10
This was not good.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- bad
The heels beat up Skye Blue after the match for no reason. Shida came out to make the save… by which I mean she took her time to stroll out onto the ramp and pose first. The heels attacked one at a time, like dumb video game AI. She it was just her and Hayter left, Shida through down her Kendo stick. Fortunately for her, Hayter just decided to pose with the title instead of trying to attack her.
This was one of those segments that feels so orchestrated by the booker to build to a match that it makes everything going on feel fake.

JIM ROSS’ SIT-DOWN INTERVIEW WITH PRESTON VANCE- bad
He says that he was “hand-picked by Brodie Lee,” but the others in Dark Order weren’t. I’m pretty sure they were. He says that LFI are his real brothers because they see the potential in him that the other members of the Dark Order don’t.
Okay… where is the evidence of that? Find me any point where we have been shown that the Dark Order don’t think 10 is as good as Brodie Lee thought. Find me the segment (or, even better, multiple) where they had to pick a team- they had to pick one, not one was just assigned by Tony Khan)- and 10 was left off. If you have two or three of these over the course of three months before the AFO approaches him to try to sign him, that’s called “long-term storytelling.”

He said that Brodie Lee Jr. has become a spoiled brat who needs to grow up, so that the announcers can have something to beat us over the head with about what a monster this man is for being so mean to this poor fatherless child.

WARDLOW vs. EXODUS PRIME- no rating, bad segment
Douchebag Wardlow kept beating up a defeated opponent for no reason. He grabbed a microphone and said he was tired of waiting for a shot at Samoa Joe’s TNT Title. Joe appeared on the TonyTron and yelled a lot. This “King of Television” stuff needs to go. Joe said he would give Wardlow a title shot on 12/28 in Colorado because he doesn’t like Texas.

MARK HENRY INTERVIEWS THE PEOPLE IN THE MAIN EVENT- terrible
The heels were all cartoons. Mark didn’t even want to give the babyfaces a chance to speak, but they cit in just to say that the heels’ promo was dumb. This was atrocious.

KIP SABIAN, TRENT SEVEN, & THE BUTCHER & THE BLADE (w/Penelope Ford & The Bunny) vs. DUSTIN RHODES, BEST FRIENDS, & ORANGE CASSIDY (w/Danhausen)- 4/10
Penelope Ford was ejected from ringside for supposed attacking someone who wasn’t even in the match.
This was a short match that spent way too much time on clown sh*t.

Another terrible episode of Rampage that makes me wonder why I wasted my time watching it. And I’m not one of those people who was wary of Rampage from the get-go because it was “another hour of TV.” Rampage could be a worthwhile show if its time was used wisely. The problem is that instead of being used for necessary segments to stories (like the segments that never happened that would have made the Preston Vance turn work), we get pointless filler like everything involving the All-Atlantic Title or the clowns in this main event, or Britt Baker vs. Skye Blue, or whatever random challenges they set up for the women’s title, TBS Title, TNT Title, or various ROH Titles.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:

1. Jim Ross insisted that this was “one of the most powerful” “star-studded” and “compelling” Rampages ever. On a show with a Wardlow squash, Britt Baker vs. Skye Blue, and an eight-man tag main event full of undercard jamokes.

2. Excalibur reminded us that “the win-loss records reset on January 1st,” and there fore Sammy beating Moxley here would give Sammy “a huge advantage” because of momentum or something like that.
Aren’t arguments about momentum true at every point, then? It’s not like you get a title shot for having the most wins by mid-January, where momentum going into that short window would theoretically help him.
And that, of course, is me being nice by pretending that the win-loss records have been relevant for anything, which they haven’t. Sammy has had more wins than any of the scrubs we’ve seen getting shots at many recent champions.

[XIV]

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:

1. Jim Ross insisted that this was “one of the most powerful” “star-studded” and “compelling” Rampages ever. On a show with a Wardlow squash, Britt Baker vs. Skye Blue, and an eight-man tag main event full of undercard jamokes.

I maintain that JR is stuck in 1999 where every show he was on was indeed star-studded and doesn't know how to just say "we have an intriguing show for you" instead of still performing off the back WWE's everything has to be massive strategy. (Which AEW is completely guilty of also I might add...)