BRM Reviews the 12/30/2022 Rampage (bad)

[Big Red Machine]

Big Show is on commentary tonight.

AEW ALL-ATLANTIC TITLE MATCH: Orange Cassidy(c) (w/Danhausen) vs. Trent Baretta (w/Chuck Taylor)- DUD!
Kip Sabian was on commentary for this match. They did a spot where Trent dove at OC but OC moved and he hit Chuck Taylor instead… but instead of going flying or going down like people usually do, Chuck moved back about a step, stayed on his feet, and hugged Trent. Well… now that they have exposed dives, I guess we’ll never see any again in AEW, right?
The announcers played it up like it was some kind of moral dilemma for Trent, saying he had “to decide if he wants to be the one to take the All-Atlantic Championship from his friend.” If he wasn’t willing to win the title from the guy, he shouldn’t have accepted the title shot when Orange offered it. And now Trent is looking all conflicted about hurting his friend. F*CK OFF! YOU’RE A PROFESSIONAL COMBAT ATHLETE, AND SO IS HE! IF YOU’RE NOT WILLING TO HURT EACH OTHER, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN INTO THE RING TOGETHER! And it’s not like they wound up facing each other because of random circumstance. They booked this match themselves!
After a commercial break, Excalibur tells us that “this match has turned increasingly physical.” Meanwhile, in the ring, Orange Cassidy is doing his stupid slow-motion bullsh*t. Then he threw a real chop, Trent fired back and OC hit a superkick. Trent hit a lariat, and after some reversals, OC had the chance to go for the Orange Punch… but he’s hesitating because he doesn’t want to hurt his friend. The same friend whom in the last fifteen seconds he has had no problem kicking full force in the chin and dropping on his head. Again… F*CK OFF. Then, after agonizing about throwing a punch, OR picks his friend up with the intention of dropping him on his head with the Beach Break. Yet again… F*CK OFF.
Excalibur says that OC might be “more concerned about preserving his friendship than his championship,” to which I say “if Trent can’t accept you beating him fair and square without it damaging your friendship, is he really your friend?
Kip Sabian asked if Trent would appreciate OC taking it easy on him, to which Excalibur replied that “Trent wants the best out of any opponent,” and yet just minutes before, we saw Trent doing the exact same thing Excalibur is now saying that Trent would hate it if OC did.
At one point when Trent had the advantage, Penelope Ford came down to ringside to distract him because… um…
OC won soon after that.
This was terrible. It was a bunch of spots (albeit almost all targeting the head), interrupted by occasional bouts of inconsistent “DRAMA!” that can only exist if the characters involve are not f*cking grown adults. Hell… f*cking middle-schoolers understand that if your friend beats you fairly in a competition, you should still be friends. In other words, this drama is painfully and pathetically fake.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- meh
Chuck and Trent appear to be upset with OC for taking advantage of Penelope’s distraction. I think that’s fair of them, but it feels a lot less genuine after the phony over-dramatic bullsh*t we got between these same people right before. The announcers speculate on whether this has ruined their entire friendship, which seems ridiculous- especially in a company where it seems like OC can just offer Trent another title shot as a make-good and the promoter is glad to make it official.

AFTER DYNAMITE, TONY SCHIAVONE INTERVIEWED DARBY ALLIN & STING- baffling
It was during this interview that I remembered that a few weeks ago they had actually done some big angle where Samoa Joe attacked Darby Allin, and once I thought back to that, I remembered that it happened after a TNT Title match where SAMOA JOE BEAT DARBY ALLIN CLEANLY. Since then, Darby has won ZERO matches. Why is he getting another title shot? And good job following up on that angle at any point in the past three weeks, Tony.
Anyway, Darby cut a promo talking about how everyone growing up doubted him but he listened to himself and now he is going back to his home town to show them that he is a pro wrestler and to win this title… and once again there was no mention of Joe’s vicious assault of him after a match.
Then Darby went crazy, doubting if everyone, including the fans and even Sting believed him in. Sting gave an AWESOME mentor speech saying that he won’t say he believes in Darby because if he does, Darby will lose the chip on his shoulder that he needs to motivate him to beat Joe, but even as great as Sting’s speech was, this whole idea of Darby not thinking people believe in him and worrying about that and needing to be told to stop caring what other people think has come completely out of nowhere.

Also, I guess the fact that Joe is wrestling next week means he wasn’t suspended for assaulting referees. I guess only women get suspended for assaulting referees. So which is it, Mr. Booker of the Year? Is your kayfabe company sexist, or are you just a hack?

ABITA vs. KIP SABIAN (w/Penelope Ford)- squash
Apparently Penelope Ford stole Orange Cassidy’s elbow pad. She gave it to Kip so that he could put it on and then take it off before doing an Orange Punch, because this supposedly constitutes psychological warfare. All it did for me was make me wonder why Orange Cassidy removes his elbow pad to throw a running punch.

LEXI NAIR INTERVIEWS PRESTON VANCE (& JOSE THE ASSISTANT)- fine
Preston informs everyone that he would like to be known by his new name, “Perro Peligroso.” Whatever floats your boat, buddy.
Lexi reveals that she hasn’t been paying any attention to the product by asking Perro Peligroso if he feels any remorse for turning on the Dark Order.
He says that he was “forced to wear some stupid mask and do some stupid hand-gestures.” Forced by who?
He says “belittled a child on national television. If that was all I had to do to get the spotlight, I would have done that sh*t three years ago.” That made me laugh. He also said that he was without remorse enough times to make me wonder if Tony Khan was going to use some of that juicy ROH IP he bought and bring back the No Remorse Corps.

TONY SCHIAVONE INTERVIEWS JON MOXLEY IN THE RING- bad
Moxley seems to be under the impression that if someone can’t get medically cleared by the doctors, that person is a baby. He says he will face Page in LA in two weeks if Page can get cleared.

They announced Jeff Jarrett and Jay Lethal getting an AEW World Tag Team Title shot on Dynamite.

TEAM TNA PROMO- bad
Lethal and Sonjay were yelling cartoonishly and jumping around, to the point where I started lowering the volume out of fear that someone else in the house would come in and see me watching with cartoonish dreck. Jeff claimed he was going to end Max Castor’s career for the crime of saying mean thigs about him in a video.

AEW TBS TITLE MATCH: Jade Cargill(c) (w/the Baddies) vs. Kiera Hogan- 5/10
We were told that Kiera Hogan was 8-2 in her last ten matches. Even if you were willing to ignore the fact that none of these wins have come over anyone with any credibility and wanted to argue that a record like that is sufficient to earn a title shot, this still wouldn’t make sense because her most recent match was an ROH Women’s World Title match (which she lost), she already cashed in all of the cache from those wins to get a title shot (which, again, she lost).
The referee clearly saw Leila Grey holding Hogan’s arm behind her back on the outside… and did absolutely nothing. Jade went to slap the restrained Hogan, but Red Velvet blocked it. She is apparently upset with Jade for unknown reasons. She gave Jade a mean look after a match three weeks ago that was so insignificant that I had completely forgotten about it until they showed it in a video package before this match saying that the Baddies were having troubles.
Jade won a decent match (other than the referee ignoring the rules so that their big storyline spot could happen). Red Velvet stormed off to the back instead of celebrating with Jade. This breakup of the Baddies is some vintage Tony Khan “storytelling” here.

JAMIE HAYTER VIDEO PACKAGE/PROMO- okay
She doesn’t care who Saraya finds to be her partner on the LA show in two weeks because she and Dr. Britt Baker, DMD will win anyway.

LEXI NAIR INTERVIEWS MARK STERLING & THE VARSITY ATHLETES- snore
Because he is associated with MJF, he is sending Tony Nese after Bryan Danielson. This felt like exactly what it was: Tony Khan wanted to start the build to Danielson vs. MJF a few weeks ago but the PPV is still over two months away, so an artificial barrier is created for Danielson to stall until it’s time to kick the build into high gear.

MARK HENRY INTERVIEWS THE PEOPLE IN THE MAIN EVENT & THEIR FRIENDS- meh
No one said anything interesting.

They advertised that MJF “is contractually obligated to appear” in Seattle on next week’s show. So what? He appeared on this week’s show, and all he did was sit in a skybox.

They need to get rid of the NBA on TNA theme during the run-downs. It makes them feel second-rate for using something else’s music (and especially with it being from a non-combat sport).
There is a Battle of the Belts next Friday.

WHEELER YUTA vs. SHANE STRICKLAND (w/Parker Boudreaux & “the Mystery Tattooed Man”)- 7/10
So they’ve let this guy into the building and let him come to ringside, but they can’t find out his name? How does it even benefit him (or Swerve) to keep his name a secret? If he’s a wanted criminal, nationwide TV isn’t the best place to hide.
Also, wasn’t Parker Boudreaux in Ari Daivari’s group? When did he leave them?
Despite being with him in the interview segment. Claudio Castagnoli and Jon Moxley did not come down to ringside with YUTA, even though Swerve’s guys were at ringside. Why not? You know they’re going to cheat, so why not be right there to counter it? This doesn’t make YUTA look brave. It makes Claudio and Moxley look either callous or stupid.
I hope Wardlow was paying attention to how to sell a leg. YUTA’s selling was great. Strickland won after a low blow.


Another bad episode of Rampage, despite the great main event.