BRM Reviews WWE Royal Rumble 2019 (just... wow. On so many levels and in so many ways)

[Big Red Machine]

WWE Royal Rumble 2019 (1/27/2019)- Phoenix, AZ


PRE-SHOW:
There is something going on where Akam is injured so Vince told Drake Maverick that Rezar would be teaming up with Scott Dawson and if the team won then he would consider putting both teams in title contention or something like that. It’s extremely stupid. Why not just assign Rezar another partner? The panel all then said that this would never work because these teams have no respect for each other and hate each other. Since when? If anything, we’ve seen that these are the two most businesslike teams on the roster and if anyone could work together, I’d think It’d be a member of the AoP and a member of The Revival

CHAD GABLE & BOBBY ROODE vs. SCOTT DAWSON & REZAR (w/Drake Maverick)- 4.5/10
A cameraperson tripped and fell during Roode & Gable’s entrance. The match was fine for the time it got. To put a positive spin on that last bit, I’ll say that at least this match wasn’t interrupted for a commercial. Roode & Gable won clean, with no screw-ups from the mixed team.

Based on where that “Prichard owns Meltzer” sign was, it looks like WWE comped Bruce a pretty good seat this year.

WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: Rusev(c) (w/Lana) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura- 6.5/10
Rusev did Rusev stuff while Nakamura worked over Rusev’s head via strikes. The finish saw Lana get up on the apron to try to tell the referee that Nakamura was taking the turnbuckle pad off. Nakamura got in her face, but when Rusev charged at Nakamura from behind, Nakamura moved and Rusev bumped Lana off the apron. This distracted Rusev, allowing Nakamura to hit a Kinshasa and get the win. Didn’t we do this same “is Lana’s presence at ringside detrimental to Rusev?” story over the summer?
This match, too, was not interrupted for any commercials, but this one got some actual time (well… ten minutes, but that’s pretty good for a pre-show match). This means that either they’ve finally stopped that obnoxious habit, or their purposely luring me onto a false sense of security and they’re going to stick three matches’ worth of commercial into the Cruiserweight Title match just to spite me. Both seem equally likely.

NIKKI CROSS PROMO- awesome

POST-SHOW INCIDENT FROM TAKEOVER: PHOENIX: Both Adam Cole and The Velveteen Dream came out to bother the champions. Also, Aleister Black came up the stage. They spilled backstage and were broken up by. Also, Ricochet was here. Hunter yelled a lot. The result of this is the return of Halftime Heat, which will feature Cole, Ciampa, & Gargano vs. TVD, Ricochet, & Black in a six-man tag. Why not just do this on NXT TV? The only reason I can think of that would really justify this in my mind is if this was the only way they could fit it in to the time frame the various stories require… which should mean that we’re in for some solid booking on NXT for the next few weeks, so that’s something to look forward to.

WWE CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Buddy Murphy(c) vs. Hideo Itami vs. Kalisto vs. Akira Tozawa- 8.25/10
This was an awesome four-[way using the standard four-way story, plus a little bit peppered in at times about Itami coming up with ways to capitalize on things other did while “conserving his energy” (as Nigel put it). This was certainly spotty, but it was a well-paced spotfest and they did a great job making the spots not feel so choreographed. If you want to see matches like this every week, you need to start watching 205 Live.



MAIN SHOW:

WWE SMACKDOWN WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Asuka(c) vs. Becky Lynch- 8.75/10
Well… that sure was a fantastic way to open the show! This match had that epic Tokyo Dome/WrestleMania main event feeling form the beginning. They took a lot of big bumps and did an excellent job of making everything they did mean something. They both pulled out some new stuff here, which was cool, and pretty every nearfall felt like it had a real possibility of ending the match. Do yourself a favor and GO WATCH THIS MATCH NOW. Not just because it was awesome, but because I have a sneaking suspicion that I’ll be forced to spoil the finish later on in this review.


HOLY F*CK THERE IS NO WRESTLEMANIA SIGN!

WWE SMACKDOWN TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Sheamus & Cesaro(c) vs. Shane McMahon & The Miz- 5.75/10
Miz dressing like Shane and doing Shane’s dance was funny. Miz was the babyface in peril and got his midsection worked over. He made the hot tag to Shane McMahon, who beat the heels up on his own, despite being forty-nine years old. It’s like being the promoter’s son gives you superpowers or something.
By the time the heels started to get real offense in on Shane (meaning not a big swing), Miz had already recovered and was right there to help Shane out. Shane kicked out of their finish, got saved from being hit with a Brogue Kick by Miz pushing Cesaro into the way, then hit a Shooting Star Press on Cesaro (where he actually missed the area of Cesaro’s body he was aiming for) for the pin, because apparently Shane McMahon needs to be a champion. And no, it doesn’t matter what story they tell with them as champions to get to the Miz/Shane split that we all know is coming in time for WrestleMania; I’m certain I’ll be able to find a way to get them to the exact same point without winning the belts. They celebrated with Miz’s dad afterwards to play into that part of the story (remember that some sob story about not wanting to disappoint his father is what finally convinced Shane to team with Miz).

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS SASHA BANKS- fine
Charly says that “people have been saying” (Wikipedia weasel words if I’ve ever heard them) that Sasha is going to lose because she can’t keep her emotions in check. Wasn’t the point of the clip they just showed us of the go-home segment to show that it was Ronda who was having trouble keeping her emotions in check and that Sasha was doing a good job of getting under Ronda’s skin?
Sasha basically said this was all BS and that she would win.

Okay… I REALLY don’t like these 3-D graphics that they project in the air for the Network. They’re weird. Maybe they’ve replaced the WrestleMania sign with a 3-D graphic that will only appear when someone is supposed to be pointing at it.

WWE RAW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Ronda Rousey(c) vs. Sasha Banks- 9.25/10
So… yeah. I F*CKING LOVED THIS MATCH. It was a combination of Bryan Danielson vs. Roderick Strong from ROH Vendetta and the AMAZING Johnny Gargano s. Ricochet match from last night’s TakeOver. This was the personal dislike and submission-based viciousness from Dragon vs. Roddy mixed with the “you’re so well prepared for my usual stuff so I need to come up with new stuff on the fly” from Ricochet vs. Gargano. These two women did not like and each and really wanted to hurt each other… but without ever forgetting that their chief objective was to win this championship bout. The pacing was excellent, the reversals and resulting momentum changes were designed wonderfully, the crowd extremely hot and the false finishes convincing enough that at several points they even had me thinking that Sasha Banks was about to make Ronda Rousey tap out clean in the middle of the ring.
The pinfall finish was an interesting choice that seems designed for Submission Match as the return match, but I’m not quite sure how they get Sasha right back up into title contention so quickly. I didn’t like the post-match show of respect (after a match like this I’d rather they stay angry at each other), and I doubly disliked it when they kinda-sorta undid it a few moments later on the ramp with Sasha walking off and flashing the Horsemen/women symbol and walking off instead of shaking Ronda’s hand. They already hugged! Why did Ronda need a handshake after that?

2019 WOMEN’S ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH- 7.25/10
I think the way I’m going to handle these this year is that I’m give a one-sentence blurb that should give you something of a feeling of why I gave the match the rating I did, then give you my stream of consciousness thoughts (edited together to make them easier to read), then give my real “review” thoughts afterwards. So… here we go:
BLURB: There was good to great action at times, but the booking made this SUCH A MESS.
- Lacey Evans was entrant #1 and cut promo telling us she was here to clean up the women’s division.
- Nattie is #2. Lacey botched kipping up in what was supposed to be a mirror spot. Not a good start to her main roster career. We’ve seen what Vince will do to your career if you make an embarrassing mistake he finds funny. She also missed a moonsault soon afterwards. Now Vince is definitely getting ideas (although the heel who goes to the top rope and always misses is pretty funny).
- Mandy Rose in at #3, Liv Morgan was in at #4, then quickly eliminated. It then occurred to me that the first three entrants were all blonde, and the fourth spent most of her career as a blonde as well. I would laugh so hard if all the blondes came in, then all the brunettes, etc., and WWE never brought it up on screen at all.
- Okay. Here’s a brunette with Mickie James at #5. She worked with Mandy Rose and it… didn’t go very well (probably Mandy’s fault). Ember Moon is in next.
- #7 is Billie Kay, who refuses to get into the ring until Peyton Royce shows up. Renee asked if there was anything in the rules that prohibited this behavior and she was told that there isn’t. Okay… now that this loophole has been exposed, it’d be nice if we could get some sort of announcement tomorrow on Raw that such nonsense will not be allowed next year. Next was Nikki Cross, who attacked Billie in the aisle and then ran wild on everyone. Billie Kay finally got into the ring in order to get revenge on her. Just to mock Billie Kay, fate decided that Peyton Royce should be #9. The IIconics worked together.
Tamina is #10. She runs wild with Samoan Drops until Nikki Cross starts to get the better of her, but then Nikki gets superkicked, the squished by a Superfly Splash from Tamina. Aww… what a nice tribute to her deceased father (who we don’t talk about because he’s a murderer).
- Xia Li comes out at #11 and took it to Tamina. Now it’s KICKS FOR EVERYBODY!
- #12 is Sarah Logan. She runs wild on everyone and almost eliminates Ember Moon, but then the random pairing of Nikki Cross and Tamina randomly helped Ember out.
- Nikki is eliminated by The IIconics, who immediately start fighting. They eventually got eliminated at the same time by Lacey Evans in some weird spot that the camera missed most of.
- #13 is Charlotte
- #13 is Kairi Sane as a surprise NXT entrant. For the second year in a row. She takes it to Charlotte, too, hits an elbow drop on someone, and helps Nattie eliminate someone
- #15 is Maria Kanellis. Basically everything she did felt like the opposite of what the devious manager Maria Kanellis that we watch on 205 Live would do. Her attempt to mock Ember Moon for being from Texas went over the heads of the announcers and the crowd.
- #16 is Naomi, who eliminates Mandy Rose, after which Mandy’s attempt to come back and eliminate Naomi was used to cleverly and logically set up for Naomi to do this year’s Kofi spot… and then Mandy just pushed Naomi down and eliminated her anyway. They brawled. If they’re waiting for a PPV to blow this feud off then the Mandy/Sonya team won’t be in the Elimination Chamber match to crowd the WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions.
- Charlotte eliminated Lacey. Then mystery music hit and Candice LeRae came out.
- #18 was Alicia Fox. Maria tried to form an alliance with her. Maria then ended the alliance for no reason by stomping on Fox’s hat. Fox through a temper tantrum and attacked Maria. There are about eight women in the ring right now and the only one WWE has put any effort into making me want to see win this match is Charlotte (arguably Nattie, too, I guess).
- KACY F*CKING CATANZARO!
- #20 is Zelina Vega. I popped for her Street Fighter reference.
- #21 is Ruby Riott… and Liv and Sarah come out with her. They pull Charlotte under the rope and beat her up on the outside. They pull others to the outside and beat them up, too. The camera made sure to show us Zelina Vega crawling under the ring. Ruby eliminated Fox on her own, then Candice after her buddies powerbombed her into the apron.
- #22 is Dana Brooke. It’d be hilarious if she eliminated Kairi for the second straight year. Dana ran wild until she got pulled under the bottom rope and beaten up. Ruby tossed Kairi out and she landed on her face. On second viewing, it actually looked pretty controlled to me. Damn that Kairi Sane is good.
- Io Shirai came out at 23 just in time to save Kairi from the Riott Squad. Io did the big moonsault press to the floor, but she had never been in the ring so she isn’t eliminated.
- Vega keeps popping her head out and pulling back in… but I’m not sure what she’s actually looking for as it’s not like she’s looking up into the ring to see what the landscape looks like. I mean… shouldn’t she just hide under the ring on the side with the ramp and count the pairs of boots that walk to the back, or keep track by occasionally poking her head out on that side to look at the TitanTron and see what’s going on?
- #24 is Rhea Ripley. At this point I realized that this stuff with the Riott Squad has cuased me to completely lose track of who is still alive.
- Kacy did an even cooler Kofi spot, but hers also involved an even more egregious abuse of the rules (her butt was on the ground but not her feet). You shouldn’t be doing two Kofi spots in the same year. Rhea eliminated Kacy right afterwards. Then Sonya Deville came in and punished Rhea for eliminating Kacy by kicking her right in the face.
- Rhea eliminated Dana. Vega popped out from under the ring to laugh at her. Then Hornswoggle also showed up. Vega was scared of him for some reason. She ran away from him… and right into the ring, even though she could have gone in any direction. Rhea eliminated her, and then Hornswoggle chased her up the ramp. This was completely moronic. Do they think we WANT to see things like this?
- #26 is ALEXA F*CKING BLISS! Biggest pop so far. She runs wild until Charlotte cuts her off but Alexa reverses things with a Glitter Blizzard. Now Sonya is beating on Alexa but Alexa got her onto the apron and knocked her off with the big punch.
- #27 is Bayley. She got to eliminate both Ruby and Rhea
- #28 is Lana, who can barely walk. Who the hell cleared her to compete? The doctors come out to check on her as the fans chant for Becky.
- #29 is Nia, who beats Lana up for no reason and attacks her ankle even more. She then eliminated Io Shirai.
- Carmella came in at #30 as advertised. There were no dancing shenanigans of any kind.
- Then Becky came in and tried to convince Finlay to let her take Lana’s spot. Who died and left Finlay in charge? So yeah. Becky got to be in the Rumble even though she already wrestled tonight and lost.
- Alexa and Ember had an AWESOME sequence on the apron, ending with Alexa eliminating Ember.
- Ember was in for OVER FIFTY-THREE MINUTES… wound up with a grand total of ZERO eliminations. Ouch.
- Of the thirty entrants, FOURTEEN did not record a single elimination. The only person with more than three was Charlotte at five. Four others had three (Ruby, Rhea, Bayley, and Nia), four more had two (Alexa, Nattie, Lacey, Becky), and eight people had one. I kind of like the idea of occasionally doing a year where the number of eliminations is kept relatively close. That being said, when you show me Rhea Ripley being a dominant monster (she wasn’t in there for too long, I’m almost certain it was less than ten minutes) and get the second-highest number of eliminations in the whole match (and only two back from the leader) while NINE women from the main roster (37.5% of the main roster field) couldn’t get a single one, it just makes me wonder why the hell Rhea Ripley isn’t the one on the main roster and Dana Brooke or Sonya Deville aren’t the ones in developmental.
- Bayley and Carmella teamed up to eliminate Alexa. F*ck Bayley and Carmella.
- We’re down to Charlotte, Nia, and Becky… and now we’re down to just Charlotte and Becky when Becky yanks Nia off the apron from behind. Are they dumb?! Why give Becky such a cowardly way of eliminating Nia?
Well… if you’re WWE, the reason is that you think you need to have Nia shove Becky off the stairs so she her falls and hurts her knee. Because the fans would never have gotten behind BECKY LYNCH without a match-halting injury angle. Is a third person going to run out and replace Becky now like Becky did to Lana? Of course not.
- Becky and Charlotte have their big struggle and Becky sold very well and they had some very good elimination teases, but Becky eventually go the win and everyone cheered.

Okay… actual review time.
The feeling I was left with at the end of this match was a sort of stunned disbelief. I mean… they can’t even put Becky over the right way! If you wanted Becky Lynch to win the Royal Rumble then WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST BOOK HER TO BE PART OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!
In the past five weeks I’ve seen countless different people come up with this same basic outline for what WWE should do with Becky Lynch- the hottest star in the company right now who is riding a wave of support unseen since Daniel Bryan in 2014- for her road to this year’s WrestleMania:
1. Becky wins Royal Rumble and wants to challenge Ronda Rousey.
2. Some sort of situation is created whereby in order to do, she must first defeat Nia Jax at a Road to WrestleMania PPV, which she does (my preferred method would have been some sort of Rock/Big Show Royal Rumble 2000 scenario whereby Becky is the winner in the building but Nia brings some sort of evidence that allows her to claim it was a tie. Becky gets feud up with Nia’s weeks of complaining so at Elimination Chamber she calls Nia out and offers to put her title shot on the line at Fastlane).
3. Becky Lynch vs. Ronda Rousey at WrestleMania.

Pretty basic and obvious, right?
But WWE can’t do that. No no no no no. First they have to put Becky in a match for the other title and BEAT HER CLEANLY. Then have her get into the Royal Rumble due to an injury to someone else (Becky sure is lucky that Lana landed badly, otherwise she’s be screwed, wouldn’t she?). Then do a big injury angle with her so that when she does win, they can pat themselves on the back and talk about how well their injury angle with Becky worked because the fans all went crazy for Becky’s win. Because they can’t seem to accept the idea that fans want Becky Lynch to be our big babyface star over their objections, so they first have her lose, and then do this completely pointless Nia attack and injury angle with Becky that makes an already too-long show even longer, just so they can pretend that it’s THEIR angle that got her over.
That rampant egotism is the only possible explanation. Becky certainly didn’t need the help to get over, and clearly didn’t surprise anyone because the minute Lana came out limping the fans were all chanting “WE WANT BECKY!”

As for the rest of this... I’m willing to forgive so many NXT entrants because they just plain don’t have enough women on the main roster (I’d argue that maybe you shouldn’t be doing a Royal Rumble if you don’t have enough people to put in it, but that’s a lost cause at this point), but the lack of cameo entrants was a shock. I know I usually rail against those, but I think someone like a Sara Del Rey would make for a nice moment, or finding someone who could have genuinely cool moments facing off against some of the current talent (like Trish had last year) would actually help the match (as opposed to someone like Godfather or The Hurricane or whoever randomly showing up, getting their sh*t in, and leaving. My guess is that Michelle McCool will turn into the female version of is in a few years). That being said, I’m not quite sure who that woman could have been this year, so it’s hard to fault them for not thinking of anyone, either.
Back to my original thought there, the NXT entrants are okay, but using Kairi Sane two years in a row really didn’t work for me, and like I hinted at with the Rhea Ripley comment, having then run so wild while many of the women on the main roster aren’t getting much of anything kind of rubs in the idea that NXT call-ups have nothing to do with your kayfabe skill and more to do with whether the Powers That Be want you there or not, which is a vibe your wrestling company should always avoid giving off whenever possible.

Also I would suggest that in the future WWE book one of the Royal Rumbles as the opener and the other very late in the show. After his one I feel completely and totally drained, and the only remaining matches are the men’s Royal Rumble and the two men’s world title matches. I absolutely should not feel that way when you’ve got three major matches left (and I think some of the lack of crowd response in AJ vs. Bryan was due to this as well). This would be hard in any type of show, but on a show you’re planning for SEVEN HOURS- including a FIVE-HOUR MAIN SHOW, getting through one of the Rumbles early and giving us a chance to recharge our batteries is going to be important.


WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Daniel Bryan(c) vs. AJ Styles- 7/10
This was shaping up to be a really great match with AJ working the knee and Dragon working the arm, and just when they hit the point when you think they’re about to kick it up into that next gear, Erick Rowan wandered down to ringside in his street clothes. Oh goody. You’re making me sit through twenty-five minutes just to give me a f*ck finish.
And here’s the ref bump. Styles Clash… and Rowan attacks AJ and hits him with a face-claw chokeslam… and then Bryan makes the cover for the pin. Rowan then picked AJ up and held him so Bryan could hit the Busaiku Knee and they left together.
I can’t believe WWE has gotten me to the point where I’m complaining about AJ Styles and Bryan Danielson feuding over the world title, but this feud has been doing nothing for me, and that was how I felt SIX WEEKS AGO before their previous title match. And now they gave us this match again, and instead of letting it be epic, they told us that they are not only going to be continuing this feud, but now it’s going to have interference in it. Do they think we’re actually going to be excited by the idea of the Wyatt Family running in on WWE World Heavyweight Title matches? What is going through these people’s heads?!


WWE UNIVERSAL TITLE MATCH: Brock Lesnar(c) (w/Paul Heyman) vs. Finn Balor- 7/10
Balor is just regular Balor. No demon anywhere in sight. Not even Kane. Brock used his strength to throw Finn around a bunch. Finn worked over the midsection, which Brock sold extremely well. Finn eventually managed to hit the Coup de Grace but Brock kicked out and immediately caught Finn in a Kimura for the win. Then he beat Finn up after the match, too. If you’re going to keep hitting moves on the guy afterwards for no reason then why didn’t you just make the match longer instead? Do they think we like these nine-minute title matches?

THE DRIFTER SINGS- WHY IS THIS HAPPENING! You’re the first entrant in the Royal Rumble. That doesn’t mean you come to the ring with your stool and your guitar and cut a promo. Even Corey Graves told him to hurry up and just start the match, to which one of the other announcers (presumably on direction from Vince) immediately said “don’t rush Picasso.”
Before Elias could actually starting singing, he was interrupted by the second entrant: Jeff Jarrett. Is it time for the match to start? No. MORE TALKING! WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS TO US?!
Jeff Jarrett claims to be the “the world’s greatest singer.” My assumption is that Jeff has grown so old that he is now senile and doesn’t remember that we all know that The Roadie sang With My Baby Tonight and not him. The Drifter wants to sing with Jeff, so I guess he forgot, too. For the record: Corey Graves has also forgotten, but JERRY LAWLER of all people did not, and made a lip-synching joke. They talk more until The Drifter, who is supposed to be a babyface, sucker-punches Jeff for no reason.

2019 MEN’S ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH- 6.25/10
For details on this format, see the women’s Royal Rumble.
BLURB: I’m having A LOT of trouble caring who wins.
- Drifter beats Jeff up, gives him the El Kabong and eliminates him. Nakamura comes in at #3 even though he already wrestled tonight. And this wasn’t even an injury situation like with Becky. He was the guy that WWE booked in this spot.
- #4 is Kurt Angle. If Kurt is going to come back then shouldn’t they have saved him for a time when Drew is in the ring so Drew can give us the big look of shock and maybe a little fear? Instead we got Kurt coming out randomly here, being in for a few minutes, then getting eliminated by Nakamura before Drew was ever in the match.
- #5 is Big E. He runs wild. #6 is Johnny Gargano. He runs wild, too.
- #7 is Jinder, who runs wild on all of the non-jobbers. The Singh Brothers came out with him so they could grab at Elias and Big E. for no reason. Gargano eliminated Jinder, then Big E. and Elias pulled the Singhs into the ring and beat them up. Also, Big E. pulled pancakes out of his tights.
- #8 is Joe, who eliminates Big E., putting a halt to this pancake-based bullsh*t.
- #9 is Curt Hawkins. So an NXT guy can get a spot and the single biggest loser in the company can get a spot in the Royal Rumble but the Singh Brothers can’t?
- Hawkins was in the ring for a bit but wound up on the floor and hid under the ring. Because apparently we need to see this spot in BOTH Royal Rumbles.
- #10 is Seth Rollins. He had a clever way of elimination The Drifter, but The Drifter is a babyface and what they did kind of made him look like a goof. Speaking of goofs…
- #11 is Titus O’Neil. Everyone talked about him tripping. He ran, almost tripped, but caught himself. He then saw Hawkins under the ring and went to chase him for some reason. They crawled across, got into the ring, Hawkins eliminated Titus, then immediately got eliminated by Joe.
- #12 is Kofi Kingston. They announcers talk about his many Royal Rumble feats of daring. JBL informed us that he has “defied the laws of physics at times.” Yeah. Do you guys remember back in 2014 when Kofi knew both his exact momentum and his exact location at the same moment? Good times.
- #13 is Mustafa Ali. He got to eliminate Nakamura, so I guess that will be a US Title feud going forward.
- Yeah. There is absolutely no way these intervals are 90 seconds.
- #14 is Dean Ambrose. He eliminated Gargano.
- Kofi’s big “feat” this year was the same abuse of the rules that Kacy Catanzaro used, but he didn’t even do anything impressive to get back to a standing position. I think we need to put a moratorium on these spots until someone has an idea that doesn’t make the rules feel like a total joke.
- #15 is No Way Jose, who I had completely forgotten was on the main roster. He danced out with his conga line, was immediately eliminated by Samoa Joe, and just danced his way to the back like he didn’t give a sh*t that he missed out on a chance to challenge for the world title in the main event of WrestleMania. For this crime, he and his buddies were destroyed by #16, Drew McIntyre.
- DREW VS. JOE!
- #17 is Xavier Woods. Even before he got into the ring they did a goofy spot so he could save Kofi again. We have now had four of those spots on this one show. These people feel like heels for circumventing the rules with their cheap bullsh*t. I popped when Drew immediately eliminated both of them.
- #18 is Pete Dunne. PETE DUNNE VS. SAMOA JOE! PETE DUNNE VS. DREW MCINTYRE!
- #19 is Almas. Now in the ring we have Almas, Ali, Joe, Drew, Dunne, Rollins, and Ambrose. At least they’re doing a good job of keeping the goofs out of the ring.
- #20 is Apollo Crews, who is no longer a goof.
- #21 is Aleister Black. He gets to eliminate Dean Ambrose.
- JOE VS. ALESITER BLACK!
- #22 is Shelton Benjamin, who I also forgot was still employed.
- Ali eliminates Joe, continuing their feud.
- Someone told us that Joe had been in for 24:05. If he came in at #8 and lasted until right before #23 came out and they’re supposedly using ninety-second intervals then he longest he could have been in the match for is 22:30. Maybe the time is legit because the intervals aren’t legit (rather than the announcers just pulling the times out of their asses), but if that’s the case then don’t give me times if they don’t make sense. I will never understand why they work the intervals. Why tell a lie that you don’t have to tell? If you want to make the match shorter then just have shorter intervals, or don’t go so long past the final entrance. Twenty-eight waiting periods at ninety seconds each is only forty-two minutes. The men’s Royal Rumble went fifteen minutes longer than this, while the women’s one when a whopping HALF HOUR past it (seriously… it was 5:20 shorter than the one they did in Saudi Arabia, which had 166% more entrants!)
- #23 is Corbin, #24 is Jeff Hardy, 25 is Rey Mysterio Jr.
- Drew eliminates Dunne
#26 is Lashley. He quickly gets eliminated by Rollins so he pulls Rollins under the bottom ropes and attacks him, then puts him through an announcers’ table.
#27 is Braun. He runs wild, eliminating Corbin, Shelton, and Jeff.
- #28 is Dolph. Drew starts to jaw-jack with him. Strowman comes up from behind and eliminates Drew. Then Dolph got laid out. I really don’t want to see Drew wasted on Dolph Ziggler. If he’s not beating Brock, Strowman, or Cena this year at Mania, he should be beating Kurt Angle.
- #29 is Randy Orton. We know that R-Truth is next, which means we got absolutely ZERO of the big returns from injury everyone assumed we were getting (like Owens and Zayn, who they aired “returning soon” commercials for over a month ago and we’ve seen neither hide nor hair of them yet).
- A Tower of Doom spot happened. Braun speared the ringpost and tumbled out through the second rope, so now we’ve got TWO babyface on the outside.
- #30 is R-Truth, but he gets beaten up by Nia Jax and I guess she’s just allowed to take his spot even though it’s a MEN’S Royal Rumble and she doesn’t have a Y chromosome. Also, unlike Becky earlier, Nia didn’t even get anyone’s permission. Here’s a fun gimmick idea. Next year we can have a genderfluid wrestler win both Royal Rumbles. That will erase the stink of that Saudi blood money, Vince. Trust me.
- Nia eliminated Ali. Now she’s having a stare-down with Randy Orton, countering an RKO, and beating him up. Does she have pictures of Hunter, Vince, and Steph touching underage farm animals or something? Why is she even in here?! All her presence is going to do is create logic issues and cause PR problems when some dude gets to fight back and inevitably has to hit her. Yes, I know it’s self-defense and that this is a kayfabe professional combat event and that Nia is about the same size as many of the men in this match and even bigger than some), but such logical factors have never stopped professional wrestling’s critics from attacking it on those grounds in the past, and in today’s social climate, I’m not inclined to think that things will in any way get better.
Nia is about to attack Rey when Dolph kicks her in the face and Randy hits her with an RKO. Rey and Orton work together against her with Rey finally getting the credit for it. Wasn’t this the company that told people to never, ever, ever do intergender wrestling if they wanted to get hired?
- Orton eliminates Rey, then Andrade eliminates Orton. Andrade Almas and Dolph Ziggler are the last two left in the ring… but of course Seth and Braun are still down on the outside. This getting annoying and I just want this stupid match to end.
- Braun comes back and beats Dolph and Andrade up, then goes to the outside beat Seth up. He rolls Seth back into the ring so now all of the remaining competitors are in the ring. They gang up on Braun and hit him with their big moves.
- Braun eliminates Almas. Braun eliminates Dolph. Drama, drama, Rollins eliminates Braun. Whatever. That last bit was actually really good, but I’m so tired of this show right now that I can’t bring myself to care.

I think this match had two main problems. The first was that it was mostly just a bunch of stuff. There was no real story of any sort being told with anything. Guys were just in there until they were out. There were small little moments (usually all based around the eliminations, like Ali eliminating Joe or Drew’s elimination coming because he was distracted while trash-talking with Dolph), but nothing really felt like it had any meaning behind it. Even most of the eliminations felt like they were more about getting people out of the match than about paying something off or setting something up or even just continuing something already on-going. It was like booting up a Royal Rumble in a video game and just letting it play out.
The other major problem this match had was that so many of the big names were out well before the end. I tried to do the match to figure out how long before the finish some of the top names were out but this once again revealed the problems with their BS intervals, as based on his entry position and the time is he listed as being in the ring, Rey Mysterio, who eliminated Nia Jax, was eliminated from the match before the #30 wrestler should have even entered the match. But even without that, before wrestler #30 even entered the match, Drew McIntyre, Jeff Hardy, Dean Ambrose, Bobby Lashley, Samoa Joe, and Shinsuke Nakamura were all long-gone. By the time we were down to the final eight, only Strowman and Rollins felt like they had a real chance of winning, with there being a small outside chance that they would randomly decide to go with Orton just because he’s Orton, so the rest of the match became a waiting game until it would come down to just Seth and Braun (or until one of them would otherwise be eliminated, making the winner obvious), rather than an exciting journey, like last year’s final four in the men’s match was, or even like the final three in tonight’s women’s Royal Rumble was where even if we all knew Becky was going to win, Nia and Charlotte at least seemed like theoretically credible threats of winning.
Another problem this had was that they really didn’t give us too much to get excited about. Kurt Angle made his big return… and was then quickly eliminated. There was no big return from injury for Owens or Zayn or Matt Hardy, no EC III debut or Lars Sullivan, no return from Creative Limbo for Bray Wyatt, no one-off appearance Undertaker to signal to us that he might be appearing at WrestleMania this year, or wacky, fun one-off appearance from a DDP or RVD or someone like that. No Batista return to follow up on the seeds laid for the supposed Hunter vs. Batista Mania match. Nothing.
Well… there was Jeff Jarrett, but he overstayed his welcome with pointless talking segment with The Drifter and was eliminated right away anyway. Ditto for Kurt, who was put in spot where he had no meaning in the match and gone less than four minutes later.
The only thing they had like that was the NXT entrants, and as for those…
I REALLY don’t like these NXT entrants. As I said above, I excuse them in the women’s Royal Rumble because the women’s division on the main roster simply isn’t big enough, but the men’s side definitely is, so there is no reason for them to be in there. Furthermore, the fact that some NXT guys can get a spot in the Royal Rumble but some people on the main roster can’t is a little silly, and as I said above, it becomes even sillier when total losers like Curt Hawkins and No Way Jose can get spots but former singles champions like Rhyno or even Curtis Axel can’t. And, quite frankly, can’t we throw guys like the Singh Brothers some sort of bone here by at least showing them the respect of putting them in the Royal Rumble and giving them individual entrances (and especially they’re going to be taking bumps in the match anyway)?
The other reason that I don’t like the NXT participation is that when you come down to it, all it is is a cheap pop. It never means anything in the end. Maybe an NXT guy gets an elimination and maybe they don’t but no one cares who eliminates who in the Royal Rumble nowadays, and if they get eliminated relatively quickly then that makes them look bad, and if last for a half an hour they just lost in the shuffle with everyone else who lasts for half an hour. It just waters down the idea of making main roster debut.

This was bad show from WWE. It was an overbooked turd that was mind-numbing to sit through. And the fact that I’m saying that about a show that started off with matches at the level of the Cruiserweight Title match and the two women’s title matches, which also featured TWO Royal Rumbles and Bryan Danielson and AJ Styles going twenty-five minutes in a world title match is a real f*cking indictment of WWE. There ABSOLUTELY NO REASON for AJ and Bryan to go twenty-five minutes when they were just going to give us a f*ck finish in the end, no reason for the women’s Royal Rumble to go as long as it did, and the men’s Royal Rumble definitely would have benefitted from just letting Truth be in the match, get his sh*tin and get eliminated than that awkward, awful, logic-defying few minutes where the match ground to a halt so that we could focus on Nia Jax. Both Rumbles- but especially the men’s one- felt rather soulless. I have a few ideas as to why that is. You can read some of them in the column I wrote last year entitled “How to Make the Royal Rumble Truly Great Again” (available in the editorials section of the main website or in the blogs/columns/rants subforum of the message board). Others, which centering around what I believe is a major flaw in the way WWE approaches putting the Royal Rumble together, you will be able to read in a column I post sometime this week (hopefully tomorrow. And I swear I really will write a column this time).
So, to recap: Watch the women’s title matches and the Cruiserweight Title match. Watch the Universal Title match and the Women’s Royal Rumble if you really want to, but for everything else you should just save yourself the time. But seriously… MAKE SURE YOU WATCH THE TWO WOMEN’S TITLE MATCHES!

[Serujuunin]

So, my mom and I watched this ppv together, and both of us felt like Brock didn’t so much beat Finn as survive him. Finn had Brock the whole match until suddenly a submission. I don’t like the submission finish, but the post match beat down I get. Brock is pissed that Finn had him beat and it’s being a petulant child about it. I feel like if you wanted a Lesnar win to come out of nowhere it should have been a high impact move and a pin, but Finn pops up right after. It probably depends on what happens tonight on RAW, but for all the good that match did for Finn, the finish kind of hurt it.

And in my opinion (and my mom’s haha), the women outperformed the men pretty solidly the whole night (on the main show anyway, we didn’t watch the kickoff). But, there feels like a pretty significant skill gap between people like Asuka, Becky, Charlotte, Ronda and Sasha and everyone else. A lot of the main roster women just felt like they were bodies because not very many of them were credible enough to be winners, where with the men’s rumble, if I wasn’t almost 100% sure who was going to win, I would have believed that so many of them had the possibility of it. They seem like they’re giving the usual suspects in the women’s division the time to be amazing because they always are, but no one else is really getting the chance to step up.

[cero2k]

This was my first WWE show in a long long time, and boy I have some thoughts on this show

Based on where that “Prichard owns Meltzer” sign was, it looks like WWE comped Bruce a pretty good seat this year.

isn't Prichard's show part of the network?

WWE RAW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Ronda Rousey(c) vs. Sasha Banks- 9.25/10

This was my real first time watching of a Ronda wrestling match, I kept laughing because she has a weird combination of being extremely fake and extremely real at times, making it all come of as super fake. Her expressions, her raccoon makeup. I did think that Sasha looked great, her execution of moves was spot on. I'd give it more of a 7


2019 WOMEN’S ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH- 7.25/10
- Lacey Evans was entrant #1 and cut promo telling us she was here to clean up the women’s division.
I still don't understand why this lady dresses up as a 50's pin up.

- Xia Li comes out at #11 and took it to Tamina. Now it’s KICKS FOR EVERYBODY!
Stereotypical gimmick/moveset to a foreign wrestler. Oh WWE, never change.

- #15 is Maria Kanellis. Basically everything she did felt like the opposite of what the devious manager Maria Kanellis that we watch on 205 Live would do. Her attempt to mock Ember Moon for being from Texas went over the heads of the announcers and the crowd.
- #18 was Alicia Fox. Maria tried to form an alliance with her. Maria then ended the alliance for no reason by stomping on Fox’s hat. Fox through a temper tantrum and attacked Maria. There are about eight women in the ring right now and the only one WWE has put any effort into making me want to see win this match is Charlotte (arguably Nattie, too, I guess).
Remember when Maria led the Kingdom and was cutting amazing promos on Impact? I remember. Now she dances like a cowgirl and stomps on hats.

- KACY F*CKING CATANZARO!
I've seen two two gifs of her, she did those spots here. She's a spot monkey.

- #20 is Zelina Vega. I popped for her Street Fighter reference.
- The camera made sure to show us Zelina Vega crawling under the ring.
- Vega keeps popping her head out and pulling back in… but I’m not sure what she’s actually looking for as it’s not like she’s looking up into the ring to see what the landscape looks like. I mean… shouldn’t she just hide under the ring on the side with the ramp and count the pairs of boots that walk to the back, or keep track by occasionally poking her head out on that side to look at the TitanTron and see what’s going on?
Is everything fucking comedy here? Bad comedy at that?

- #24 is Rhea Ripley. At this point I realized that this stuff with the Riott Squad has cuased me to completely lose track of who is still alive.
Rhea was the only respectable wrestler in the match that didn't make me cringe

- Kacy did an even cooler Kofi spot, but hers also involved an even more egregious abuse of the rules (her butt was on the ground but not her feet). You shouldn’t be doing two Kofi spots in the same year. Rhea eliminated Kacy right afterwards. Then Sonya Deville came in and punished Rhea for eliminating Kacy by kicking her right in the face.
In 2020, this is still likely to be my 'Throw the remote to the tv award", I fucking hated this, it is increadibly stupid how the Rumble has devolved into just allowing whatever for the sake of spots. People like to shit on the indies for being spot monkeys, everyone should look at this shit. Kacy is straight up on her ass on the floor and ...



Are you fucking kidding me! Her ass was thrown over the top rope to the floor. that's it! I can ignore someone landing on their hands or being put on the barricade by someone else, hell even being catched by someone outside, but now you only need to be careful enough to land on your ass and keep your feet up!? FUCK YOU WWE FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU!

- Rhea eliminated Dana. Vega popped out from under the ring to laugh at her. Then Hornswoggle also showed up. Vega was scared of him for some reason. She ran away from him… and right into the ring, even though she could have gone in any direction. Rhea eliminated her, and then Hornswoggle chased her up the ramp. This was completely moronic. Do they think we WANT to see things like this?
UUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHH

- Then Becky came in and tried to convince Finlay to let her take Lana’s spot. Who died and left Finlay in charge? So yeah. Becky got to be in the Rumble even though she already wrestled tonight and lost.
I actually do love Becky's presence, she looked like a big star. I didn't particularly liked that after losing the opener, she had to beg for a chance, it made her seem like she gets more opportunities than the rest. I would had love for Lana to grant Becky her spot, big babyface from Lana, Becky gets revenge for herself and for Lana's attack by Nia.

- Bayley and Carmella teamed up to eliminate Alexa. F*ck Bayley and Carmella.
Baymella forever. You called it on the bingo

WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Daniel Bryan(c) vs. AJ Styles- 7/10
I liked this match, but I was kinda drained from the Rumble and I had to mute commentary, so i ended up just watching the action without any emotion from the crowd.

WWE UNIVERSAL TITLE MATCH: Brock Lesnar(c) (w/Paul Heyman) vs. Finn Balor- 7/10
I like to call these reverse squashes, where one guy dominates the match, and then they lose with one move. I really would had love if Balor at least escaped the kimura once and then tap at the second. anything.

THE DRIFTER SINGS- WHY IS THIS HAPPENING! You’re the first entrant in the Royal Rumble. That doesn’t mean you come to the ring with your stool and your guitar and cut a promo. Even Corey Graves told him to hurry up and just start the match, to which one of the other announcers (presumably on direction from Vince) immediately said “don’t rush Picasso.”
Before Elias could actually starting singing, he was interrupted by the second entrant: Jeff Jarrett. Is it time for the match to start? No. MORE TALKING! WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS TO US?!
Jeff Jarrett claims to be the “the world’s greatest singer.” My assumption is that Jeff has grown so old that he is now senile and doesn’t remember that we all know that The Roadie sang With My Baby Tonight and not him. The Drifter wants to sing with Jeff, so I guess he forgot, too. For the record: Corey Graves has also forgotten, but JERRY LAWLER of all people did not, and made a lip-synching joke. They talk more until The Drifter, who is supposed to be a babyface, sucker-punches Jeff for no reason.
Red, is this the type of shit you watch every week? You don't have to do this to yourself my friend

2019 MEN’S ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH- 6.25/10
WHERE ARE MY FACTS VIDEO!!?

- Drifter beats Jeff up, gives him the El Kabong and eliminates him. Nakamura comes in at #3 even though he already wrestled tonight. And this wasn’t even an injury situation like with Becky. He was the guy that WWE booked in this spot.
why is Nakamura wrestling in Dalton Castle's attire? What has WWE done to the King of Strong Style?

- #4 is Kurt Angle. If Kurt is going to come back then shouldn’t they have saved him for a time when Drew is in the ring so Drew can give us the big look of shock and maybe a little fear? Instead we got Kurt coming out randomly here, being in for a few minutes, then getting eliminated by Nakamura before Drew was ever in the match.
Angle looked terrible here, like physically looked aged.

- #5 is Big E. He runs wild. #6 is Johnny Gargano. He runs wild, too.
I didn't like how they handled Gargano. He felt really different from NXT and he didn't look as the big deal he is in NXT, like he came in and immediatly botched a spot with Big E. His big time moves didn't look impactful here. I think Gargano was hurt by debuting randomly in a random rumble.

- #9 is Curt Hawkins. So an NXT guy can get a spot and the single biggest loser in the company can get a spot in the Royal Rumble but the Singh Brothers can’t?
- Hawkins was in the ring for a bit but wound up on the floor and hid under the ring. Because apparently we need to see this spot in BOTH Royal Rumbles.
Is this shit Zelina Vega all over again!? FUCK! Here we go again.

- #14 is Dean Ambrose. He eliminated Gargano.
I popped for Steiner, then was disappointed.

- #15 is No Way Jose, who I had completely forgotten was on the main roster. He danced out with his conga line, was immediately eliminated by Samoa Joe, and just danced his way to the back like he didn’t give a sh*t that he missed out on a chance to challenge for the world title in the main event of WrestleMania. For this crime, he and his buddies were destroyed by #16, Drew McIntyre.
I think i'm developing a tumor watching this match. You mentioned that Hawkins got a spot in the rumble, well, at least he showed a small sign of wanting to win the match, this fuck got eliminated in seconds and went back to partying. Half of this roster are goofs that don't care about winning at all. Can we get some Penis Druids here to give this show a hint of seriousness?

- #17 is Xavier Woods. Even before he got into the ring they did a goofy spot so he could save Kofi again. We have now had four of those spots on this one show. These people feel like heels for circumventing the rules with their cheap bullsh*t. I popped when Drew immediately eliminated both of them.
It's probably mentioned every year, if you make a huge save like this, you should go in and at least make it matter, everyone always gets eliminated a second later. Spot Monkey Federation. Furthermore, I think these spots happened what? 5 times this show? just do it once, make it matter, this is like a 13 yr old boy that just discovered masturbation and can't stop himself.

- #18 is Pete Dunne. PETE DUNNE VS. SAMOA JOE! PETE DUNNE VS. DREW MCINTYRE!
Dunne was awesome. Question, did he straight up stole Scrull's finger break spot?

- #22 is Shelton Benjamin, who I also forgot was still employed.
I said the same thing

#26 is Lashley. He quickly gets eliminated by Rollins so he pulls Rollins under the bottom ropes and attacks him, then puts him through an announcers’ table.
I don't know why there is this need to have this 'we forgot he/she wasn't eliminated!' spot every year now. Remember when people didn't leave the ring at all? Just change the rules to Aztec Warfare if you want to have people all over the place

The only thing they had like that was the NXT entrants, and as for those…
I REALLY don’t like these NXT entrants. As I said above, I excuse them in the women’s Royal Rumble because the women’s division on the main roster simply isn’t big enough, but the men’s side definitely is, so there is no reason for them to be in there. Furthermore, the fact that some NXT guys can get a spot in the Royal Rumble but some people on the main roster can’t is a little silly, and as I said above, it becomes even sillier when total losers like Curt Hawkins and No Way Jose can get spots but former singles champions like Rhyno or even Curtis Axel can’t. And, quite frankly, can’t we throw guys like the Singh Brothers some sort of bone here by at least showing them the respect of putting them in the Royal Rumble and giving them individual entrances (and especially they’re going to be taking bumps in the match anyway)?
The other reason that I don’t like the NXT participation is that when you come down to it, all it is is a cheap pop. It never means anything in the end. Maybe an NXT guy gets an elimination and maybe they don’t but no one cares who eliminates who in the Royal Rumble nowadays, and if they get eliminated relatively quickly then that makes them look bad, and if last for a half an hour they just lost in the shuffle with everyone else who lasts for half an hour. It just waters down the idea of making main roster debut.

In addition, why didn't they debut ECIII here? I think that if you're the champ in another sub-promotion, you have a legit reason to be in the rumble, but why Gargano and not Ciampa? Why Kairi/Io and not Shayna. I don't mind taking some spots for NXT (NXT UK really), but make better choices, realize that some characters get hurt for debuting in random battle royals. Aleister's debut should be rising from the underworld thing, not walking out at a rumble.

At the end of the day, I liked the women's rumble more than the men's and that is saying A LOT. I think Bryan vs AJ was the best match of the night, but i just didn't care for it.

[Big Red Machine]

So, my mom and I watched this ppv together, and both of us felt like Brock didn’t so much beat Finn as survive him. Finn had Brock the whole match until suddenly a submission. I don’t like the submission finish, but the post match beat down I get. Brock is pissed that Finn had him beat and it’s being a petulant child about it. I feel like if you wanted a Lesnar win to come out of nowhere it should have been a high impact move and a pin, but Finn pops up right after. It probably depends on what happens tonight on RAW, but for all the good that match did for Finn, the finish kind of hurt it.

I just think that to do a post-match beating like that without their being some kind of pay-off (either a return match or someone coming out to save Balor to set up for Brock's next match) hurts Balor and kind of feels like a waste of time. We already know Brock is petulant. They've been pushing that for two years by not having him show up to work ever.

And in my opinion (and my mom’s haha), the women outperformed the men pretty solidly the whole night (on the main show anyway, we didn’t watch the kickoff). But, there feels like a pretty significant skill gap between people like Asuka, Becky, Charlotte, Ronda and Sasha and everyone else. A lot of the main roster women just felt like they were bodies because not very many of them were credible enough to be winners, where with the men’s rumble, if I wasn’t almost 100% sure who was going to win, I would have believed that so many of them had the possibility of it. They seem like they’re giving the usual suspects in the women’s division the time to be amazing because they always are, but no one else is really getting the chance to step up.

Yes the women outperformed the men, but I think a key component of that was the positioning of the match (the crowd was dead by the time the women's Rumble ended, which was before any of the big men's matches went on) and because of the fact that they were allowed to have clean finishes. Nothing will kill an already drained crowd like making them sit through twenty-five minutes of wrestling just to get a f*ck finish in a world title match. If you cut ten minutes off of Bryan/AJ and give it to Balor/Brock, the conversation might be a little bit different (especially if you watched the pre-show).

Your comment about them giving time to "the usual suspects" in the women's division is an interesting one. It kind of echoes back to the late 2000s and Vince seeming to automatically/instinctively revert back to Hunter, Cena, Orton, Batista, and Edge as top guys. If you look at who they've pushed since the Divas'/Women's R/Evolution began, it has been the same core of Charlotte, Sasha, Asuka, Bliss, and a final spot that has been either Becky or Bayley. Plus there is Rousey who they basically have to push and there is Nia hanging out on the periphery. On the one hand, not everyone can be pushed because there are only so many top spots, but on the other hand, when I see someone like Ember Moon or Ruby Riott get brought up and just completely wasted, it makes me wonder why they insist on going back to the Horsewomen all the time instead of giving someone like this a chance to gain some actual momentum and see how it goes.

[KILLdozer]

Rey Mysterio did NOT give Mia Jax an Rko. Can we get proof reading in here please?

[cero2k]

Rey Mysterio did NOT give Mia Jax an Rko. Can we get proof reading in here please?

you just did it. Thanks dozer!

[Serujuunin]

Rey Mysterio did NOT give Mia Jax an Rko. Can we get proof reading in here please?

But you made a typo doing it!

[KILLdozer]

Well obviously I'm right...he did NOT give MIA Jax an Rko either...whoever that is...

[KILLdozer]

Rey Mysterio did NOT give Mia Jax an Rko. Can we get proof reading in here please?

But you made a typo doing it!

No I did not! I clearly was just stating the obvious.

[Big Red Machine]

This was my first WWE show in a long long time, and boy I have some thoughts on this show

Based on where that “Prichard owns Meltzer” sign was, it looks like WWE comped Bruce a pretty good seat this year.

isn't Prichard's show part of the network?

Yes. Hence my joke that Bruce is such a lackey tha tthney they only pay him in mediocre comp tickets.



2019 WOMEN’S ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH- 7.25/10
- Lacey Evans was entrant #1 and cut promo telling us she was here to clean up the women’s division.
I still don't understand why this lady dresses up as a 50's pin up.
She's an old-fashioned classy southern belle.

- Xia Li comes out at #11 and took it to Tamina. Now it’s KICKS FOR EVERYBODY!
Stereotypical gimmick/moveset to a foreign wrestler. Oh WWE, never change.
Look... is it stereotypical? Yes. You can call it that if you want. But it's also a far cry from Tajiri's stereotypical Japanese stuff. She has a moveset and a gimmick and they work for her. This is what she has a background in! Are you really going to tell her that she can't do any of her marital arts moves because letting her do them would be stereotypical?

- #15 is Maria Kanellis. Basically everything she did felt like the opposite of what the devious manager Maria Kanellis that we watch on 205 Live would do. Her attempt to mock Ember Moon for being from Texas went over the heads of the announcers and the crowd.
- #18 was Alicia Fox. Maria tried to form an alliance with her. Maria then ended the alliance for no reason by stomping on Fox’s hat. Fox through a temper tantrum and attacked Maria. There are about eight women in the ring right now and the only one WWE has put any effort into making me want to see win this match is Charlotte (arguably Nattie, too, I guess).
Remember when Maria led the Kingdom and was cutting amazing promos on Impact? I remember. Now she dances like a cowgirl and stomps on hats.
Like I said, this is the first time she has done anything like this since coming back, and it was extremity out of character.

- KACY F*CKING CATANZARO!
I've seen two two gifs of her, she did those spots here. She's a spot monkey.
Someone clearly didn't watch the Mae Young Classic.
Also, this is her third televised match, so there really isn't much gif material to choose from.



- #24 is Rhea Ripley. At this point I realized that this stuff with the Riott Squad has cuased me to completely lose track of who is still alive.
Rhea was the only respectable wrestler in the match that didn't make me cringe
Candice? Io? Kairi? Charlotte? Bliss? Ember Moon? Becky? Nattie? Mickie James? Nikki Cross? Ruby Riott? Sarah Logan?


- Kacy did an even cooler Kofi spot, but hers also involved an even more egregious abuse of the rules (her butt was on the ground but not her feet). You shouldn’t be doing two Kofi spots in the same year. Rhea eliminated Kacy right afterwards. Then Sonya Deville came in and punished Rhea for eliminating Kacy by kicking her right in the face.
In 2020, this is still likely to be my 'Throw the remote to the tv award", I fucking hated this, it is increadibly stupid how the Rumble has devolved into just allowing whatever for the sake of spots. People like to shit on the indies for being spot monkeys, everyone should look at this shit. Kacy is straight up on her ass on the floor and ...



Are you fucking kidding me! Her ass was thrown over the top rope to the floor. that's it! I can ignore someone landing on their hands or being put on the barricade by someone else, hell even being catched by someone outside, but now you only need to be careful enough to land on your ass and keep your feet up!? FUCK YOU WWE FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU!
Yes. The spot is dead and needs to go away forever.
But I don't see how this is that much worse than other things no one complains about, like three-ways inherently being no count-outs and no DQs just because we wouldn't know who to award the match to.
And this is STILL better than referees refusing to count people out or call for DQs because "we sure wouldn't want this important match to end on a count-out/DQ." If people are okay with the referee IGNORING the rules in order to make the match more fun/exciting then surely those people shouldn't have a problem with the referee choosing to specifically enforce the rules the way they are written in order to make the match more fun/exciting.



- Then Becky came in and tried to convince Finlay to let her take Lana’s spot. Who died and left Finlay in charge? So yeah. Becky got to be in the Rumble even though she already wrestled tonight and lost.
I actually do love Becky's presence, she looked like a big star. I didn't particularly liked that after losing the opener, she had to beg for a chance, it made her seem like she gets more opportunities than the rest. I would had love for Lana to grant Becky her spot, big babyface from Lana, Becky gets revenge for herself and for Lana's attack by Nia.
Why should she be given any chance? She f*cking lost. This booking absolutely indefensible.



THE DRIFTER SINGS- WHY IS THIS HAPPENING! You’re the first entrant in the Royal Rumble. That doesn’t mean you come to the ring with your stool and your guitar and cut a promo. Even Corey Graves told him to hurry up and just start the match, to which one of the other announcers (presumably on direction from Vince) immediately said “don’t rush Picasso.”
Before Elias could actually starting singing, he was interrupted by the second entrant: Jeff Jarrett. Is it time for the match to start? No. MORE TALKING! WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS TO US?!
Jeff Jarrett claims to be the “the world’s greatest singer.” My assumption is that Jeff has grown so old that he is now senile and doesn’t remember that we all know that The Roadie sang With My Baby Tonight and not him. The Drifter wants to sing with Jeff, so I guess he forgot, too. For the record: Corey Graves has also forgotten, but JERRY LAWLER of all people did not, and made a lip-synching joke. They talk more until The Drifter, who is supposed to be a babyface, sucker-punches Jeff for no reason.
Red, is this the type of shit you watch every week? You don't have to do this to yourself my friend
It wouldn't have been a problem if it wasn't a waste of time on a show that went SEVEN HOURS. The Drifter is usually rather entertaining and Jeff Jarrett is not a bad choice of person for him to interact with. They just picked a completely inappropriate time to do it.

2019 MEN’S ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH- 6.25/10

- Drifter beats Jeff up, gives him the El Kabong and eliminates him. Nakamura comes in at #3 even though he already wrestled tonight. And this wasn’t even an injury situation like with Becky. He was the guy that WWE booked in this spot.
why is Nakamura wrestling in Dalton Castle's attire? What has WWE done to the King of Strong Style?
Dude... it's Nakamura. He used to dress weird in Japan, too. Being weird is kind of his thing.

- #5 is Big E. He runs wild. #6 is Johnny Gargano. He runs wild, too.
I didn't like how they handled Gargano. He felt really different from NXT and he didn't look as the big deal he is in NXT, like he came in and immediatly botched a spot with Big E. His big time moves didn't look impactful here. I think Gargano was hurt by debuting randomly in a random rumble.
They're ALL hurt by it. It's a Royal Rumble where we know they're not going to win or do anything that has any consequences.

- #15 is No Way Jose, who I had completely forgotten was on the main roster. He danced out with his conga line, was immediately eliminated by Samoa Joe, and just danced his way to the back like he didn’t give a sh*t that he missed out on a chance to challenge for the world title in the main event of WrestleMania. For this crime, he and his buddies were destroyed by #16, Drew McIntyre.
I think i'm developing a tumor watching this match. You mentioned that Hawkins got a spot in the rumble, well, at least he showed a small sign of wanting to win the match, this fuck got eliminated in seconds and went back to partying. Half of this roster are goofs that don't care about winning at all. Can we get some Penis Druids here to give this show a hint of seriousness?
Why is comedy here a problem for you and comedy in PWG/Young Bucks big matches not a problem?



- #18 is Pete Dunne. PETE DUNNE VS. SAMOA JOE! PETE DUNNE VS. DREW MCINTYRE!
Dunne was awesome. Question, did he straight up stole Scrull's finger break spot?
I don't know which of them was doing it first. They've both been dong it for years. Dunne is a lot smarter with it, though, because he usually saves it for situations when it actually matters in a match.


#26 is Lashley. He quickly gets eliminated by Rollins so he pulls Rollins under the bottom ropes and attacks him, then puts him through an announcers’ table.
I don't know why there is this need to have this 'we forgot he/she wasn't eliminated!' spot every year now. Remember when people didn't leave the ring at all? Just change the rules to Aztec Warfare if you want to have people all over the place
Or, even better, keep the rules the way they are and just stop doing this sh*t so that the one time you do use the spot, it surprises everyone and feels like a big deal.

The only thing they had like that was the NXT entrants, and as for those…
I REALLY don’t like these NXT entrants. As I said above, I excuse them in the women’s Royal Rumble because the women’s division on the main roster simply isn’t big enough, but the men’s side definitely is, so there is no reason for them to be in there. Furthermore, the fact that some NXT guys can get a spot in the Royal Rumble but some people on the main roster can’t is a little silly, and as I said above, it becomes even sillier when total losers like Curt Hawkins and No Way Jose can get spots but former singles champions like Rhyno or even Curtis Axel can’t. And, quite frankly, can’t we throw guys like the Singh Brothers some sort of bone here by at least showing them the respect of putting them in the Royal Rumble and giving them individual entrances (and especially they’re going to be taking bumps in the match anyway)?
The other reason that I don’t like the NXT participation is that when you come down to it, all it is is a cheap pop. It never means anything in the end. Maybe an NXT guy gets an elimination and maybe they don’t but no one cares who eliminates who in the Royal Rumble nowadays, and if they get eliminated relatively quickly then that makes them look bad, and if last for a half an hour they just lost in the shuffle with everyone else who lasts for half an hour. It just waters down the idea of making main roster debut.

In addition, why didn't they debut ECIII here? I think that if you're the champ in another sub-promotion, you have a legit reason to be in the rumble, but why Gargano and not Ciampa? Why Kairi/Io and not Shayna. I don't mind taking some spots for NXT (NXT UK really), but make better choices, realize that some characters get hurt for debuting in random battle royals. Aleister's debut should be rising from the underworld thing, not walking out at a rumble.

None of them should be there because they're not on the main roster! If you're going to start saying that only champions should be available for this spot then you've got to insist that only the champion should be called up. The only good choice is someone who debuts in the Royal Rumble and stays on the main roster after that. Anyone else is just someone showing up cold in a match they're not going to win, can't get their finish over, and will probably even have a hard time getting any sort of personality over due to there being so much going on at the same time.

[Big Red Machine]

Rey Mysterio did NOT give Mia Jax an Rko. Can we get proof reading in here please?

If you'd like to volunteer to point out each typo to me, please feel free. I will change them. I do that on my own when I read stuff back anyway.

Cero, is that any way to edit something already posted to the main site?

[KILLdozer]

Rey Mysterio did NOT give Mia Jax an Rko. Can we get proof reading in here please?

If you'd like to volunteer to point out each typo to me, please feel free. I will change them. I do that on my own when I read stuff back anyway.

Cero, is that any way to edit something already posted to the main site?

That one was pretty funny though...reading it along and naturally seeing it...it almost seemed possible lol. *Rey Mysterio just jumps up and Rkos Nia Jax after encouraging from Randy Orton.*

[Serujuunin]

Rey Mysterio did NOT give Mia Jax an Rko. Can we get proof reading in here please?

But you made a typo doing it!

No I did not! I clearly was just stating the obvious.

Her name is Nia, not Mia

[KILLdozer]

But you made a typo doing it!

No I did not! I clearly was just stating the obvious.

Her name is Nia, not Mia

Right. Mia Jax did not get Rkoed by Rey Mysterio either. Exactly what I was going for.

-and you put your tongue away right now!

[KILLdozer]

Hmph! Well I guess I showed her!!!

[cero2k]

- Xia Li comes out at #11 and took it to Tamina. Now it’s KICKS FOR EVERYBODY!
Stereotypical gimmick/moveset to a foreign wrestler. Oh WWE, never change.
Look... is it stereotypical? Yes. You can call it that if you want. But it's also a far cry from Tajiri's stereotypical Japanese stuff. She has a moveset and a gimmick and they work for her. This is what she has a background in! Are you really going to tell her that she can't do any of her marital arts moves because letting her do them would be stereotypical?
I see it more like Io or Kairi, both Japanese, but their attires are not kimonos or even the slightest similar to anything japanese. Xia's whole presentation looks stereotypical. she looks more like a gimmick than someone with substance.

- KACY F*CKING CATANZARO!
I've seen two two gifs of her, she did those spots here. She's a spot monkey.
Someone clearly didn't watch the Mae Young Classic.
Also, this is her third televised match, so there really isn't much gif material to choose from.
the gifs I saw were from the nxt house shows. At this point my only impression with her is that she is going to be a spot monkey in wwe, just go in, get your shit in, walk out. She'll be like jeff hardy, she'll get over cuz she's pretty and does crazy looking stuff.


- #24 is Rhea Ripley. At this point I realized that this stuff with the Riott Squad has cuased me to completely lose track of who is still alive.
Rhea was the only respectable wrestler in the match that didn't make me cringe
Candice? Io? Kairi? Charlotte? Bliss? Ember Moon? Becky? Nattie? Mickie James? Nikki Cross? Ruby Riott? Sarah Logan?
Candice, Kairi, MJ, Cross, Logan all pretty much jobbed in there. Bliss was barely in there, Moon was there soo long and didn't eliminate a single person. MJ and Natty have zero allure left at this point. Ruby Riott was a 'spot' with her goons. Io had zero of the presence she used to. Charlotte just kept making angry faces, i couldn't take her seriously. Becky like i said later on, came in awesome, but then she started her knee selling and I thought it was completely unnecessary. I just really don't care about any of them.


Yes. The spot is dead and needs to go away forever.
But I don't see how this is that much worse than other things no one complains about, like three-ways inherently being no count-outs and no DQs just because we wouldn't know who to award the match to.
And this is STILL better than referees refusing to count people out or call for DQs because "we sure wouldn't want this important match to end on a count-out/DQ." If people are okay with the referee IGNORING the rules in order to make the match more fun/exciting then surely those people shouldn't have a problem with the referee choosing to specifically enforce the rules the way they are written in order to make the match more fun/exciting.
3-ways having no DQs is at least something consistent in WWE. And there is a big difference with a referee ignoring rules than the promotion itself (refs AND commentary) straight up arguing the technicality that the feet didn't touch the ground. This and the pancake stuff from last year really pushes it. You can argue that Tirantes and Red Shoes are terrible referees for not following the book by the line, but it's all still realistic to have bad referees and it doesn't make your wrestlers look stupid.
If suzuki cheats in front of a ref, it is still at his own risk whether he gets DQd or not, Rick Knox may give him a pass, but Chris Roberts may not, so if suzuki cheats infront of a ref, as a fan you can see that and say Suzuki doesn't care about losing or Suzuki is taking advantage that this ref let's it go, but you never know if today is the day Suzuki gets DQed.
With the last two rumbles, WWE has taught me that if I filled the ringside with pancakes and land on them, i won't get eliminated, they taught me that if I tie a foot behind my back and keep getting tossed and land face down, I won't get eliminated, they have taught me that if I wait for number 30 and take him/her out, I don't even need permission to get in the match, hell, If Nia can go the dude's rumble, then next year, Braun should take out number 30 of the woman's rumble and win it and fuck it. Next year, all the wrestlers that don't attack number 30 are going to look stupid for not doing it, Kofi looks like a moron for not planning his 'save' beforehand since from last smackdown, it's something that crosses his mind. I could do the Joey Ryan thing and handcuff my foot to the rope and never get eliminated.
With LU, Striker, as stupid as he is, always blamed it on Cueto requesting it.


Why should she be given any chance? She f*cking lost. This booking absolutely indefensible.
she shouldn't, not by any authority or official, but a wrestler can always give out their spot, Lana had a good enough excuse knowing that she can't perform and that Becky could get revenge on Nia. Or as seen with Nia and Truth, just take the spot, no one cares about continuity.


- Drifter beats Jeff up, gives him the El Kabong and eliminates him. Nakamura comes in at #3 even though he already wrestled tonight. And this wasn’t even an injury situation like with Becky. He was the guy that WWE booked in this spot.
why is Nakamura wrestling in Dalton Castle's attire? What has WWE done to the King of Strong Style?
Dude... it's Nakamura. He used to dress weird in Japan, too. Being weird is kind of his thing.
He never wore a onesie, he wore capes and crowns.

- #15 is No Way Jose, who I had completely forgotten was on the main roster. He danced out with his conga line, was immediately eliminated by Samoa Joe, and just danced his way to the back like he didn’t give a sh*t that he missed out on a chance to challenge for the world title in the main event of WrestleMania. For this crime, he and his buddies were destroyed by #16, Drew McIntyre.
I think i'm developing a tumor watching this match. You mentioned that Hawkins got a spot in the rumble, well, at least he showed a small sign of wanting to win the match, this fuck got eliminated in seconds and went back to partying. Half of this roster are goofs that don't care about winning at all. Can we get some Penis Druids here to give this show a hint of seriousness?
Why is comedy here a problem for you and comedy in PWG/Young Bucks big matches not a problem?
honestly, because this is just bad comedy in a match that is supposed to be this big deal according to WWE. Zelina Vega running from a leprechaun is like American Pie' comedy next to a Young Bucks's Comedy Central stand up special, or is Zelina Vega's character that she hides under the ring like "OHH LOOK AT ME, I'M SO SNEAKY" every 15 seconds? The Bucks do a lot of shit, but they also win a lot of shit, they're cocky and it's their character. Hiding under the ring is not 'tranquilo' or whatever her gimmick really is. PWG is just an 500 person indie in the middle of california, this is WWE's second biggest show with consequences for Wrestlemania's main event and we just saw NWJ not give a shit about it. Any other day, it's cool for NWJ to dance and conga, but in a rumble, i want to believe that he wants to win.

[cero2k]

Rey Mysterio did NOT give Mia Jax an Rko. Can we get proof reading in here please?

If you'd like to volunteer to point out each typo to me, please feel free. I will change them. I do that on my own when I read stuff back anyway.

Cero, is that any way to edit something already posted to the main site?

yeah, i fixed it.

[Big Red Machine]

- Xia Li comes out at #11 and took it to Tamina. Now it’s KICKS FOR EVERYBODY!
Stereotypical gimmick/moveset to a foreign wrestler. Oh WWE, never change.
Look... is it stereotypical? Yes. You can call it that if you want. But it's also a far cry from Tajiri's stereotypical Japanese stuff. She has a moveset and a gimmick and they work for her. This is what she has a background in! Are you really going to tell her that she can't do any of her marital arts moves because letting her do them would be stereotypical?
I see it more like Io or Kairi, both Japanese, but their attires are not kimonos or even the slightest similar to anything japanese. Xia's whole presentation looks stereotypical. she looks more like a gimmick than someone with substance.
So you'd rather their sales pitch to her be: Hey Xia. We want to leave your family behind and move half way across the world to join our company. We'd love to have you be part of the very first group of Chinese wrestlers in WWE history! But we can't actually let you wear or do anything that might be perceived as Chinese?
If you're worried about stereotypes then why is Lacey Evans or the Street Profits okay? Or Finlay? Or every Texan with a cowboy gimmick (that's basically what New Japan stuck Adam Page with, too). Should Taynara Conti and Adrian Jaoude not be BJJ fighters because they're Brazilian?


- KACY F*CKING CATANZARO!
I've seen two two gifs of her, she did those spots here. She's a spot monkey.
Someone clearly didn't watch the Mae Young Classic.
Also, this is her third televised match, so there really isn't much gif material to choose from.
the gifs I saw were from the nxt house shows. At this point my only impression with her is that she is going to be a spot monkey in wwe, just go in, get your shit in, walk out. She'll be like jeff hardy, she'll get over cuz she's pretty and does crazy looking stuff.
If you had watched the Mae Young Classic you'd know she's an extremely charismatic babyface.




Yes. The spot is dead and needs to go away forever.
But I don't see how this is that much worse than other things no one complains about, like three-ways inherently being no count-outs and no DQs just because we wouldn't know who to award the match to.
And this is STILL better than referees refusing to count people out or call for DQs because "we sure wouldn't want this important match to end on a count-out/DQ." If people are okay with the referee IGNORING the rules in order to make the match more fun/exciting then surely those people shouldn't have a problem with the referee choosing to specifically enforce the rules the way they are written in order to make the match more fun/exciting.
3-ways having no DQs is at least something consistent in WWE. And there is a big difference with a referee ignoring rules than the promotion itself (refs AND commentary) straight up arguing the technicality that the feet didn't touch the ground. This and the pancake stuff from last year really pushes it. You can argue that Tirantes and Red Shoes are terrible referees for not following the book by the line, but it's all still realistic to have bad referees and it doesn't make your wrestlers look stupid.
If suzuki cheats in front of a ref, it is still at his own risk whether he gets DQd or not, Rick Knox may give him a pass, but Chris Roberts may not, so if suzuki cheats infront of a ref, as a fan you can see that and say Suzuki doesn't care about losing or Suzuki is taking advantage that this ref let's it go, but you never know if today is the day Suzuki gets DQed.
With the last two rumbles, WWE has taught me that if I filled the ringside with pancakes and land on them, i won't get eliminated, they taught me that if I tie a foot behind my back and keep getting tossed and land face down, I won't get eliminated, they have taught me that if I wait for number 30 and take him/her out, I don't even need permission to get in the match, hell, If Nia can go the dude's rumble, then next year, Braun should take out number 30 of the woman's rumble and win it and fuck it. Next year, all the wrestlers that don't attack number 30 are going to look stupid for not doing it, Kofi looks like a moron for not planning his 'save' beforehand since from last smackdown, it's something that crosses his mind. I could do the Joey Ryan thing and handcuff my foot to the rope and never get eliminated.
With LU, Striker, as stupid as he is, always blamed it on Cueto requesting it.
All of these are things that make THE PROMOTION look stupid. Yes, it makes the referees look like bad referees, but it also makes the promotion look f*cking stupid for continuously employing terrible referees. What WWE should have kayfabe done is exactly what he NHL did after Sean Avery/Brodeur thing. There was rule that says that holding your stick up up or swinging your arms around to screen the goalie is illegal, so what Avery did in that game was legal. The league decided they didn't like it so after it happened they made a new rule saying that you coulnd't do it anymore.
WWE hasn't done that here. Similarly, New Japan continues to let their referees ignores rules whenever they want, even when someone is blatantly committing a foul deemed so unsportsmanlike and/or dangerous that the prescribed penalty is an automatic match-loss. I'm not saying that this spot is good, but what I am saying is that in this case there is at least the defense that the letter of the law- loophole-ridden though it may be- is being followed. In New Japan, neither the letter nor the spirit of the law are being followed at all. If this was New Japan, Suzuki would get eliminated, then shove the referee down and just get back in and everyone would accept it even though when someone else gets thrown out they're eliminated.

The Lucha Underground example work precisely because the Cuetos are not very moral people. They are happy to waive the concept of fair competition in favor of their own interests or even just their own amusement. But the storylines in WWE and New Japan and TNA and ROH and everywhere else is that the promoters are nice, moral people who just want to give us fans our wrestling and make sure that everything happens fairly for the sake of the integrity of their championships. Hence why the rules being enforced selectively is a major problem.





Why should she be given any chance? She f*cking lost. This booking absolutely indefensible.
she shouldn't, not by any authority or official, but a wrestler can always give out their spot, Lana had a good enough excuse knowing that she can't perform and that Becky could get revenge on Nia. Or as seen with Nia and Truth, just take the spot, no one cares about continuity.
Can you give up your spot? Have we seen that before?

- Drifter beats Jeff up, gives him the El Kabong and eliminates him. Nakamura comes in at #3 even though he already wrestled tonight. And this wasn’t even an injury situation like with Becky. He was the guy that WWE booked in this spot.
why is Nakamura wrestling in Dalton Castle's attire? What has WWE done to the King of Strong Style?
Dude... it's Nakamura. He used to dress weird in Japan, too. Being weird is kind of his thing.
He never wore a onesie, he wore capes and crowns.
This is his new weird.

- #15 is No Way Jose, who I had completely forgotten was on the main roster. He danced out with his conga line, was immediately eliminated by Samoa Joe, and just danced his way to the back like he didn’t give a sh*t that he missed out on a chance to challenge for the world title in the main event of WrestleMania. For this crime, he and his buddies were destroyed by #16, Drew McIntyre.
I think i'm developing a tumor watching this match. You mentioned that Hawkins got a spot in the rumble, well, at least he showed a small sign of wanting to win the match, this fuck got eliminated in seconds and went back to partying. Half of this roster are goofs that don't care about winning at all. Can we get some Penis Druids here to give this show a hint of seriousness?
Why is comedy here a problem for you and comedy in PWG/Young Bucks big matches not a problem?
honestly, because this is just bad comedy in a match that is supposed to be this big deal according to WWE. Zelina Vega running from a leprechaun is like American Pie' comedy next to a Young Bucks's Comedy Central stand up special, or is Zelina Vega's character that she hides under the ring like "OHH LOOK AT ME, I'M SO SNEAKY" every 15 seconds? The Bucks do a lot of shit, but they also win a lot of shit, they're cocky and it's their character. Hiding under the ring is not 'tranquilo' or whatever her gimmick really is. PWG is just an 500 person indie in the middle of california, this is WWE's second biggest show with consequences for Wrestlemania's main event and we just saw NWJ not give a shit about it. Any other day, it's cool for NWJ to dance and conga, but in a rumble, i want to believe that he wants to win.


The Young Bucks and friends' comedy is bad comedy, too. The fact that it's a small indy doesn't mean that doing comedy in a major match is any less of an issue. If you're using that logic then you might as well rate PWG"s matches on an easier curve, too.
No. Vega's character doens't do this regularly. She's being forced to do it here because that's the spot they gave her in this Royal Rumble. I'm not defending it. But at least I understand why she hid in the f*cking first place, as opposed to PWG stuff where guys are running around putting masks on in the middle of a tag title match or guys are shoving their thumbs up each other's butts and walking in an elephant line just for the LOLs.

[cero2k]

So you'd rather their sales pitch to her be: Hey Xia. We want to leave your family behind and move half way across the world to join our company. We'd love to have you be part of the very first group of Chinese wrestlers in WWE history! But we can't actually let you wear or do anything that might be perceived as Chinese?
If you're worried about stereotypes then why is Lacey Evans or the Street Profits okay? Or Finlay? Or every Texan with a cowboy gimmick (that's basically what New Japan stuck Adam Page with, too). Should Taynara Conti and Adrian Jaoude not be BJJ fighters because they're Brazilian?

Taynara Conti doesn't come out dressed in Carnaval attire doing capoera, her gimmick is not that she is brazilian, it's that she is a black belt judoka. Finlay was incredibly stereotyped in WWE, he had a freaking Leprechaun. Street Prophets, Adam Page, Lacey Evans (which i still don't understand) seem more like normal everyday clothing choices, choices that people use out in the street, but at least all their gimmicks go beyond being black, texan, sourthern. This is my first impression of Xia, and her gimmick only says "I'm Chinese". If someone's gimmick is their nationality, then there's no substance there, this is why I don't care about Toa Henare for instance.

If you had watched the Mae Young Classic you'd know she's an extremely charismatic babyface.
so just like Jeff Hardy, an extremely charismatic babyface.



All of these are things that make THE PROMOTION look stupid. Yes, it makes the referees look like bad referees, but it also makes the promotion look f*cking stupid for continuously employing terrible referees. What WWE should have kayfabe done is exactly what he NHL did after Sean Avery/Brodeur thing. There was rule that says that holding your stick up up or swinging your arms around to screen the goalie is illegal, so what Avery did in that game was legal. The league decided they didn't like it so after it happened they made a new rule saying that you coulnd't do it anymore.
WWE hasn't done that here. Similarly, New Japan continues to let their referees ignores rules whenever they want, even when someone is blatantly committing a foul deemed so unsportsmanlike and/or dangerous that the prescribed penalty is an automatic match-loss. I'm not saying that this spot is good, but what I am saying is that in this case there is at least the defense that the letter of the law- loophole-ridden though it may be- is being followed. In New Japan, neither the letter nor the spirit of the law are being followed at all. If this was New Japan, Suzuki would get eliminated, then shove the referee down and just get back in and everyone would accept it even though when someone else gets thrown out they're eliminated.

Except we've never seen that happen at the New Japan Rumble, and we've seen a lot of cheaters go in, and the problem with WWE is not that people is ignoring rules, is that they're jumping hoops to enforce the technicalities of it for the sake of 'spots'.
As a fan, i can understand 'referee discretion', i can understand heel referees, it's not something that I even have to question why a promotion doesn't fire them, but I can't understand why Kofi, having talked about saves, didn't just bring a ton of pancakes and put them around the ring.


Can you give up your spot? Have we seen that before?
Of the top of my head I can't remember, but we've seen people exchange or steal spots. I have a vague memory of some stable leader, maybe Nexus, taking the spot of one of their minions to return to the rumble. maybe it was Miz taking Mizdow's number, but then Mizdown had a change of heart at the end.



The Young Bucks and friends' comedy is bad comedy, too. The fact that it's a small indy doesn't mean that doing comedy in a major match is any less of an issue. If you're using that logic then you might as well rate PWG"s matches on an easier curve, too.
No. Vega's character doens't do this regularly. She's being forced to do it here because that's the spot they gave her in this Royal Rumble. I'm not defending it. But at least I understand why she hid in the f*cking first place, as opposed to PWG stuff where guys are running around putting masks on in the middle of a tag title match or guys are shoving their thumbs up each other's butts and walking in an elephant line just for the LOLs.

Yeah, a lot of their comedy is bad, but i've never seen them run away from a leprechaun, cry at a broken saxophone, pretend to time travel, not even a single fart joke. It's not about the size of the promotion, it's about what they pretend to be, WWE pretends to be the top of the food chain and prestigious left and right, PWG doesn't, they never tell me that nothing matters until you're in PWG, that their championship is the most coveted title in the world. WWE does, they tell me that everyone wants to be part of the rumble, and then NWJ gives zero fucks about it. if NJPW can have comedy taguchi and big match taguchi, why doesn't WWE treat their second biggest match of the year as a 'big match'.

I don't give PWG an easier curve, but i do expect more from WWE, and for that matter, NJPW's curve is even higher than WWE. I understand the difference between PWG and Bar Wrestling and NJPW and WWE, and hold them to their own gimmicks, I understand shenanigans from pwg and bar wrestling, but if taguchi does butt comedy at the main event of the tokyo dome, i'm going to have an issue.

I didn't say 'Fuck Zelina', i said Fuck WWE, because it's them trying to sell me that the rumble is a prestigious match. wrestlers are the ones that can read the fans up front and know when their characters are being out of character. Dean Ambrose is pretty much quitting out of that. if PWG fans booed comedy spots in title matches, the wrestlers would surely stop the spot.

[Big Red Machine]

So you'd rather their sales pitch to her be: Hey Xia. We want to leave your family behind and move half way across the world to join our company. We'd love to have you be part of the very first group of Chinese wrestlers in WWE history! But we can't actually let you wear or do anything that might be perceived as Chinese?
If you're worried about stereotypes then why is Lacey Evans or the Street Profits okay? Or Finlay? Or every Texan with a cowboy gimmick (that's basically what New Japan stuck Adam Page with, too). Should Taynara Conti and Adrian Jaoude not be BJJ fighters because they're Brazilian?

Taynara Conti doesn't come out dressed in Carnaval attire doing capoera, her gimmick is not that she is brazilian, it's that she is a black belt judoka. Finlay was incredibly stereotyped in WWE, he had a freaking Leprechaun. Street Prophets, Adam Page, Lacey Evans (which i still don't understand) seem more like normal everyday clothing choices, choices that people use out in the street, but at least all their gimmicks go beyond being black, texan, sourthern. This is my first impression of Xia, and her gimmick only says "I'm Chinese". If someone's gimmick is their nationality, then there's no substance there, this is why I don't care about Toa Henare for instance.
I just don't see any difference between Xia Li and Lacey or the Street Profits. She's a stereotypical high society southern belle, they're stereotypical "fun black guys," and Xia is a stereotypical Chinese martial artist. Also, any benefit of character depth Lacey or the Street Profits have comes from them having been on TV for like two years each. Xia appears on TV maybe once a quarter, and hasn't had any sort of storyline or chance to cut a promo. If anything, you're rushing to judgment form an extremely limited sample size.


If you had watched the Mae Young Classic you'd know she's an extremely charismatic babyface.
so just like Jeff Hardy, an extremely charismatic babyface.
Right. But that's different than what you said, which was attributing Jeff's success (and Kacy's future success) merely to looking pretty and being a spot monkey. Jeff certain was a spot monkey at times. With Kacy, the jury is still out (most people don't make gifs of wristlocks). But in both cases I think charisma is a major difference-maker, and charisma is not the same thing as looking pretty (see: Brooke, Dana)


All of these are things that make THE PROMOTION look stupid. Yes, it makes the referees look like bad referees, but it also makes the promotion look f*cking stupid for continuously employing terrible referees. What WWE should have kayfabe done is exactly what he NHL did after Sean Avery/Brodeur thing. There was rule that says that holding your stick up up or swinging your arms around to screen the goalie is illegal, so what Avery did in that game was legal. The league decided they didn't like it so after it happened they made a new rule saying that you coulnd't do it anymore.
WWE hasn't done that here. Similarly, New Japan continues to let their referees ignores rules whenever they want, even when someone is blatantly committing a foul deemed so unsportsmanlike and/or dangerous that the prescribed penalty is an automatic match-loss. I'm not saying that this spot is good, but what I am saying is that in this case there is at least the defense that the letter of the law- loophole-ridden though it may be- is being followed. In New Japan, neither the letter nor the spirit of the law are being followed at all. If this was New Japan, Suzuki would get eliminated, then shove the referee down and just get back in and everyone would accept it even though when someone else gets thrown out they're eliminated.

Except we've never seen that happen at the New Japan Rumble, and we've seen a lot of cheaters go in, and the problem with WWE is not that people is ignoring rules, is that they're jumping hoops to enforce the technicalities of it for the sake of 'spots'.
Why is getting eliminated from a Rumble and intimidating the referee to not call you out and then jumping back in any more cheating that hitting someone with a weapon and intimidating a referee so that he doens't disqualify you?
Yes, WWE is jumping through hoops to enforce technicalities for the sake of spots, but New Japan is outright IGNORING the rules for the sake of spots.


As a fan, i can understand 'referee discretion', i can understand heel referees, it's not something that I even have to question why a promotion doesn't fire them, but I can't understand why Kofi, having talked about saves, didn't just bring a ton of pancakes and put them around the ring.
"Referee's discretion" is thinking that a nut shot was an accident and giving the injured party some time to recover and then starting up again instead of just calling for a DQ. Referee's discretion is someone getting knocked off the apron and falling through a table and the referee not calling for a DQ because he thinks the wrestler only mean to knock the opponent off the apron, not put him through a table. Referee's discretion is the spot in the Adam Cole vs. Jay Lethal ROH World Title match in the UK where Cole is clearly purposely trying to get himself disqualified to retain the title and so he kicks Lethal in the nuts but Lethal BEGS Sinclair not to call for the bell, and Sinclair looks absolutely agonized over having to make the decision before finally deciding to let the match continue.
Referee's discretion is NOT "I'm just going to let this guy get away with cheating because I don't feel like calling a DQ here in this match where calling for a DQ would have nothing but negative consequences for the offending wrestler.
As for why I have to ask why a referee wouldn't be fired... if every time someone through a 12-6 elbow a certain UFC referee would just tell the guy to stop instead of calling for a DQ or giving him an official warning and giving the other guy time to recover, and the guy throwing the illegal elbows jut kept doing it, Dana would fire that referee's ass. That's essentially what happens in most NJPW matches where there is a clear heel side, except it's been happening for YEARS and New Japan hasn't done sh*t about it (except for those few months where they chose to selectively enforce the rules to only target Tongans, which is something that in and of itself should have caused some sort of kayfabe investigation).
At least in WWE's case- in this one case- they are messing up because they're thinking too hard, rather than places like New Japan or ROH which don't think enough.





The Young Bucks and friends' comedy is bad comedy, too. The fact that it's a small indy doesn't mean that doing comedy in a major match is any less of an issue. If you're using that logic then you might as well rate PWG"s matches on an easier curve, too.
No. Vega's character doens't do this regularly. She's being forced to do it here because that's the spot they gave her in this Royal Rumble. I'm not defending it. But at least I understand why she hid in the f*cking first place, as opposed to PWG stuff where guys are running around putting masks on in the middle of a tag title match or guys are shoving their thumbs up each other's butts and walking in an elephant line just for the LOLs.

Yeah, a lot of their comedy is bad, but i've never seen them run away from a leprechaun, cry at a broken saxophone, pretend to time travel, not even a single fart joke. It's not about the size of the promotion, it's about what they pretend to be, WWE pretends to be the top of the food chain and prestigious left and right, PWG doesn't, they never tell me that nothing matters until you're in PWG, that their championship is the most coveted title in the world. WWE does, they tell me that everyone wants to be part of the rumble, and then NWJ gives zero fucks about it. if NJPW can have comedy taguchi and big match taguchi, why doesn't WWE treat their second biggest match of the year as a 'big match'.

I don't give PWG an easier curve, but i do expect more from WWE, and for that matter, NJPW's curve is even higher than WWE. I understand the difference between PWG and Bar Wrestling and NJPW and WWE, and hold them to their own gimmicks, I understand shenanigans from pwg and bar wrestling, but if taguchi does butt comedy at the main event of the tokyo dome, i'm going to have an issue.

I didn't say 'Fuck Zelina', i said Fuck WWE, because it's them trying to sell me that the rumble is a prestigious match. wrestlers are the ones that can read the fans up front and know when their characters are being out of character. Dean Ambrose is pretty much quitting out of that. if PWG fans booed comedy spots in title matches, the wrestlers would surely stop the spot.

So why do Kenny and the Bucks and Cody do comedy in ROH main events? Or RevPro main events? Those are promotions that claim to be the top promotions in their region.
And WWE also tells you they're "Sports Entertainment" and not professional wrestling, so by your own logic how can you get upset about their bad comedy?