Cero Reviews Impact Wrestling United We Stand

[cero2k]

Impact Wrestling United We Stand
April 4th, 2019
Rahway, New Jersey

Show opened with RVD arriving at the venue. We then got the intro video we've seen the last month with kids dressed as superheroes.

Ultimate X Match for a future X-Division Championship Shot
Johnny Impact vs Jake Crist vs Dante Fox vs Pat Buck vs Ace Austin - 6.5/10
Kotto Brazil couldn't make it to the show tonight. Jack Evans was also missing, but Ace Austin replaced him. The Ultimate X structure really exposed how little the ring they're using is, some of the taller guys could straight up jump and touch the X, and the distance between the corner and the X is about three good arm strides.

The match as expected was a lot of spots with people going for the X and being stopped in-between those big spots. The biggest spot of the match, and potentially the night, was Ace Austin climbing all the way to the top of the pillars holding the ropes, and diving on everyone outside the ring. Johnny Impact won the match in a bit of an unceremonious way, but it sets up an interesting story here since Destination X glooms in the future and if Cage wins the title at Rebellion, it sets up a poetic story for Johnny to win the title and cash in Option C on him.

Team Impact Meet - Moose told Eddie that this is his team and to not get in his way. Brian Cage came in and told them that they need to work together because they're already outnumbered. Cage said he knows the Lucha Underground guys more than anyone. Eddie Edwards said that he'll find a fourth partner.

Team Lucha Underground (Drago, Aerostar, Marty "The Moth" Martinez, & Daga) vs Team Impact (Brian Cage, Moose, Eddie Edwards, & Tommy Dreamer) - 5/10
All the Lucha Underground guys came out together, Marty The Moth replacing the originally announced King Cuerno. Impact wrestlers came out individually, but commentary sold it as LU's solidarity. Moose came out with a great Ric Flair robe. Fourth men was Tommy Dreamer, who got a good reaction from the crowd.

Too many men in a small ring and too short of a time to make this any good. There was a lot of good stuff with Daga vs Cage or vs Eddie Edwards. Match followed the usual multi-person match with all men pairing up, then dives, then one got worked on, then it all went crazy, everyone hit their finish, ending with Cage going for the Drill Claw on Daga, but Moose turned on him and hit a Spear. Dreamer took out Moose with the kendo stick, followed by a dive from Eddie, leaving Dreamer opened in the ring for Marty "The Moth" to pic up the win on Dreamer.

Taya Valkyrie Promo - She cut a promo backstage talking trash on New Jersey and complain that she has to defend her title against 3 women tonight, but just like Johnny won tonight, she will beat the odds and walk out champion.

Impact Knockout's Champion 3-Way Match
Taya Valkyrie (C) vs Rosemary vs Jordynne Grace vs Katie Forbes - 6.5/10
Katie Forbes has, well, a big butt, and her entrance includes a lot of twerking, and I don't know what it was, but it really felt like this is something from the Attitude Era that just doesn't appeal anymore. But that's just me.

Match was decent, some spots looked bad, mostly with Rosemary actually, I don't know if the other women underestimated her size because they had trouble setting her up on spots. Everything with Taya and Jordynne was great, they made Forbes look great.

Finish saw all women started exchanging strikes in the middle of the ring, ending with Taya chasing Road to Valhalla on Rosemary, but Rosemary dodged and hit a spear on Taya. Suddenly, Su Yung came out to the ramp. Rosemary abandoned the match and went to brawl with Yung into the back. Back in the ring, Grace took out Forbes with the Grace Driver, but Taya broke the pin and stole the pin. I really wouldn't mind seeing more of Forbes, a bit more experience and a well round gimmick and we could have a good asset with her. Pun both intended and non intended.

Tessa Blanchard Promo - She cut a promo backstage saying that she'd be the one defending the title tonight if not for Gail Kim. Tessa cut a promo on Joey Ryan.

LAX (Santana & Ortiz) w/Konnan vs Promociones Dorado (Low Ki & Ricky Martinez) - 7/10
No Salina de la Renta with Promociones Dorado unfortunately. Great reaction for LAX by the crowd. The match started with Low Ki and Santana mouthing off on each other, and I guess i'm just to accustumed to Low Ki shooting that I wasn't sure if this was legit or not, maybe it was because Ortiz and Martinez straight up tried to stop them and tagged themselves in instead.

The match itself was great, even if it felt short because of all the time they lost at the beginning. They were all great, but I thought that Ortiz and Low Ki were just on tonight. Santana was the babyface in peril. Finish saw Santana take out Low Ki outside, leaving Martinez opened for Ortiz's DVD for the win. After the match, Santana seemed hurt.

Sami Callihan Promo - He cut a promo on Jimmy Havoc saying that he was feeling violent and tonight he and his brother from across the pond were going to see who was the most violent player.

Tessa Blanchard vs Joey Ryan - 8/10
Joey Ryan did his shtick during his entrance with the baby oil and lollipop, but the look of Tessa's face was all worth it. Joey Ryan immediately went to tell Tessa to touch his penis, to which Tessa flipped him off. Crowd has woken up for this match.

This was easily the best match, even if it was the quintessential Joey Ryan match, it was the only how that felt had any planning and story going into it. Story was hat Joey wanted Tessa to touch his dick, and when she wouldn't, he got pissed and beat the shit out of her, working the arm, weakening it so she couldn't resist. Tessa would eventually make a comeback when Joey started getting too cocky for his own good (again, pun both intended and not intended).

Joey hit the Boobplex, which commentary had trouble calling, and finally got Tessa's hand on his penis for the YouPornPlex. Joey got a second lollipop on Tessa and a superkick for another two count. Finish saw Joey go for the Mustache Ride, but Tessa countered and hit the top rope Magnum for the pin. Even with Joey Ryan's shtick, this was a good match. Tessa sold a great babyface match and Joey was a great heel.

X-Division Championship Match
Rich Swann vs Flamita - 7.5/10
Flamita is replacing his fellow Dragon Gate roster member -- Yamato. He was announced as part of AAA regardless.

This was a good match, Flamita looked great and I wouldn't mind if they brought him in for shows here and there. The match was mostly back and forward, fast paced action, but with two babyfaces going at it, we barely got any heat, and it was mostly spots. Swann hit a Standing Frankensteiner and the Phoenix Splash to retain the championship.

Sabu and RVD cut a promo backstage putting over the Lucha Bros, but he said that when it came to a fight, he wouldn't want anyone else by his side than Sabu. This was a total RVD and Sabu promo if you've ever seen one.

Monster's Ball Match
Sami Callihan vs Jimmy Havoc - 7/10
Jimmy Havoc came out without music, but he had his trusty staple gun and chain with him. Sami Callihan came out with a trashcan and the bat that made him famous. This was a weird match because going by the promo and the commentary, we have all reasons to believe that these men like each other and that this match is violent because their nature is violent. They're technically having a gentlemen's contest under deathmatch rules, and I guess I'm just not accustomed to friendly match with soo much violence, there wasn't even a betrayal spot like Chuck Taylor vs Trent? from PWG. This was all about respect and I can totally get behind that.

Match was a fun hardcore match. We got staples, chairs, lemons, paper cuts, salt, and giant sized Legos (which don't hurt as much as small ones). Callihan won with a piledriver on a bed of chairs to win. Both men fist-bumped at the end.

Non-title "Extreme Dream Match"
Lucha Bros! vs Rob Van Dam & Sabu - 6/10
We immediately got dueling chants of "RVD", "Cero Miedo", and "Sa F'n Bu". They exchanged taunts on each other, which got "This is awesome" chants. Eventually Sabu got tired and went after Pentagon. They hit each other with kicks before ending with a stand-off.

The match itself was underwhelming. They did all their basic spots, but the match went short. In all ECW tradition, a lot of spots with Sabu looked sloppy and miss-positioned, but I couldn't ask for a Sabu match with crisp wrestling. Sabu and RVD did the stereo top rope leg drop spot into the a table on both Lucha Bros. Finish saw RVD prep for the 5-Star Frog Splash, but Pentagon took him out with a chair to the head, they then hit the Spike Fear Factor on Sabu for the win.

Rob Van Dam looked the same as he did 10 years ago. Lucha Bros offered handshakes to their opponents. They all celebrated together in the ring.

OVERALL THOUGHTS
The show wasn't exactly good, but I wouldn't call it bad either. There were a lot of production hiccups when it came to audio, timing, and the competence of the camera crew. I think Impact, in order to save some money, decided to use the same set up that other companies are sharing all weekend, and because of that, they lost a lot of control into their production. If they had run this show with their crew, gear, and installation, it could had been a great show, and given that for the first time in years, they have some small momentum going and they were going to pack the place, they should have made the extra expense to make sure this looked top notch and hope to outshine the rest of the shows going down.