Well, it’s that time of the month again, no that the time to get out of the house & go down to ol’ pub instead, BUT it’s time for us to take a look back at the last 30 days in TNA…
Got quite a bit to get through, so let’s just kick it off.
It was only a Winter’s Tale
So the finals of the exceptionally short Knockouts Tag Team Title tournament, and in a totally expected run of events, Velvet gets injured & cannot tag with Angelina in the finals, but never fear, the Winter-ghost-that-only-Angelina-could-see-but-now-everyone-can-see is here… and already KO tag team Champion!? WHAT!? ON what grounds is this legal in a tournament? You enter the tournament with your tag team partner, you go together as a team, your signed in as a team… if one of you falls, both of you falls. Another piece of TNA booking greatness. So how do you go about rewarding Velvet then for the other work she put in for the tournament, oh that’s right, you don’t.
BOOOO to TNA, still fucking up anything that moves in the Knockouts Division.
Enforcer Terry back to Rob us of our sanity
So with the storyline shift of Matt Morgan turning face & sticking up for wrestlers right versus Immortal they were left without a chunky enforcer, enter, Rob Terry, with questionable ring talent & a spinebuster variant of a finisher, he fits the bill of enforcer better than Matt Morgan ever did… because in commonplace, enforcers cannot wrestle for shit.
Don’t get me wrong here, this rule has been bent a few times & some enforcers have turned out pretty good, look at Batista, he made it pretty far after enforcing for Devon, oh wait… I forget he couldn’t wrestle for shit either.
Samoa go decides to stay
Why? I couldn’t tell you, it’s certainly not the fat paychecks, or the huge opportunities he’s receiveing, for some, unknown reason, despite being treated like shit the last 12-13 months by TNA, Samoa Joe miraculously re-signed for TNA, what on earth did they promise him!? “If you sign we won’t kidnap you again for no reason just so we can write you out for a month”. COME ON JOE, the suits in management aren’t prepared to strap anything on you, you just show up now and then and bust some heads, then disappear for a month. If you wanna wrestle Joe… just go to RoH, hell even WWE would understand you better… though I’d be wary which Samoan gimmick they gave you..
A Hardy Sentence?
So Jeff Hardy has clearly taken advice from his lawyer & will plead guilty to a few of his counts (but not the big ones like trafficking of course), and the funniest part of it all, is that Jeff Hardy is expected to have some counts dropped & walk away from the courtroom on January 20th with a small fine and a slap on the wrist… for (get this…) A first offence…
A FIRST OFFENCE!? Really? Jeff Hardy has been snorting, sniffing, injecting, smoking, absorbing, eye-dropping, rubbing & licking every freakin’ drug he can get hold of for several years now, as the one guy in his circle of friends with the most money, I dare say he buys it by the truckload (delivered by UPS I believe, though this rumour is yet to be confirmed) and supplies it to his friends.
This court case has become a total joke & I’m sure everyone agrees with me.
Expect him to walk away free on January 20th, with only a little dent in his bank account, probably around the $2500 he was caught in possession with. One appearance with TNA, and that’s paid off. Yeah, you teach him a lesson people of the justice system… make sure he never does it again… Oh wait, he’s just smoked on Live PPV, was it a straight cigarette? Who will ever know…
B-adison Rayne
So I watched a couple of Genesis matches, they were nothing to get wet about, but I was watching Mickie vs Madison, I was sure Mickie would take it, but to my shock, she didn’t… about 4 minutes into the match I began thinking to myself “I quite like Madison as a heel bitch wrestler, she’s growing on me” no sooner had I thought that, than the crowd started chanting “you can’t wrestle”, well she lost her confidence after that and began some botches & a jump of ballet that Taz scrutinised greatly… TNA went the WCW route and ended the match with a Loaded Glove she’d been wearing the entire match… Poor… Poor ending to an otherwise okay match in my opinion.
The wit of a total Taz-tic
So, by now I’ve had enough of Taz on commentary. “Let the pigeons loose” & misusing the term “sacrificial lamb” all the time, it’s pretty fucking old & stale just like his “I spoke to [Insert Name] earlier today and he told me that he’s fired up” you say it 6 or 7 times a show, Taz you do not speak to these people, you know it, I know it… I’d rather hear Michael Cole say “Vintage” for an eternity, than hear your “sacrificial lamb, let the pigeons loose I spoke to the ragdoll earlier today” bullshit for another second.
Taz you’re degrading women when they’re out there busting their asses & just plain being a total dick. The guy was once a fairly credible commentator, then he got a little bit of freedom in TNA & has turned the commentary into a joke.
Bring back Don West.
Tara-ific cage match
Tara & Mickie James have history, we all know this, Taz & Tenay told us a million times, like they had something better do than call the action during that damn good cage match they had, despite commentary being useless during women’s matches, the actual action was good, it told the story, it gave both women a chance to show off their skills & gave Tara a chance to show why she shouldn’t be Madison’s lackey.
I for one was happy to see her arrive at Genesis because it means that the Tara/Mickie angle isn’t over. I like that it’s not about gold, it’s just about each other.
But Taz, please, you hardly sit there and croon over the abs of a guy or anything like that so please, treat these two fine athletes with the respect they deserve when they’re delivering their art.
MISTERRRRRRR CON-CUSS-ION….. CON-CUSS-ION…
So as we all saw Hardy almost take Anderson’s head off… Anderson had concussion, in his defense Matt Morgan stood up for him, then when Anderson returns… he goes after Jeff Hardy right?…No… he goes after the guy who stood up for him, now TNA haven’t done too badly showcasing this little feud, I’ll give them that, BUT… the basis of it is somewhat ridiculous. The match at Genesis, not too shabby either, good way to maybe end the feud… or bump it, depending on whether they turn one of them heel… you’ll be shocked to know I won’t be popping off too heavily at this, just a statement.
“X” marks the… no wait it’s changed hands, “X” marks the new… oh wait it’s changed hands again…
So the X-Division Championships, once the most coveted of TNA Championships, is now being thrown around like an old dog chew covered in slobber, nobody is holding it for long, look at it recently, their title history sounds more like commentary from a sports match “Jay Lethal to Amazing Red, Amazing red to Jay Lethal, Jay Lethal to Robbie.E & they go between to two for a bit, and then Jay Lethal to Kazarian” its moronic, this division has been rendered like everything else in TNA to pure bull shit.
I’m tired of what was my favourite reason to tune into TNA being rolled around in some crap just because TNA has become as obsessed with big names as WCW once was. All the talent you have can hang in that ring, just let them friggin’ try… you never seem to notice that the biggest “Holy Shit” & “TNA” chants come during an X-Division 3 minute match… try and extend and build on it… shit, your job is not hard… listen to what fans want more of, and feed it to them… fucking hell TNA is frustrating.
Double-Jay-MMA
So, this Double J MMA crap has been done to death now, Angle has returned and I’m bored. Jarrett is just being made to look stupid… again by the company he built. I’m so sick and tired of seeing Jarrett & his “entourage” of Dudleyville students… I’m not even sick & full of hate in the “wow he’s a good heel”… I’m just sick & full of hate for this bullshit angle, when Immortal first happened, Jarrett was in the prime of his heelness, he was cutting the best promos of his life… and then somebody dropped that gimmick… bang… straight up bag of steaming dog shit.
It’s a Hard knock life remembering names…
TNA went to Japan in the hope of maybe finding some people who gave a shit about their product, and guess what? Jeff Hardy screwed that up, he was due to face Tetsuya Naito in the entire show’s main event, but in a build-up press conference, he forgot his opponent’s name. *Facepalm*. As World Champion & ultimately top dog of your promotion, it’s your job to be a locker room leader & show professionalism at all times, forgetting your opponents name or just plain failing to look it up, is pathetic, but not shocking from the Charismatic Asshole, Jeff Hardy.
Everything else in the Tokyo Dome sounded all well and good.
The Book of Genesis, Chapter TNA Verse 2011.
Genesis has arrived, TNA’s first pay-per-view of 2011, surely a new year, new look, new feel, new aims… but I forget this is TNA being run by Hogan, so it’s same shit different year. Allow me to pick this Pay-Per-View apart… where do I start.
Beer Money versus Motor City Machineguns… Well, it wasn’t the best they’ve had, but it still beat everything on the card on the night. Beer Money won the titles. No criticism here.
Kazarian wins the latest reign with the X-Division belt, not that he doesn’t deserve it of course, last time he was X-Division Champion he didn’t even get to touch the belt, this time will be a proper reign… or will it?
Abyss wins the TV Championship… AJ Styles feigns injury & Abyss takes his place… let’s look at this… could the title belt suit Abyss any less? Seriously? We all sat here and called the AJ interference, and we were right, but against what we believed.
How long before Abyss decorates the belt with a few nails & calls it Charlotte?
Hard-ly a surprise
So, Rob Van Dam had a total mystery opponent, nobody would have ever guessed it was Matt Hardy, oh wait we did. The moment it was announced. He turns up looking like Predator’s gay nephew and trying to give Matt-itude. Some people marked, some didn’t. This guy is such a douche I would never consider giving the guy a paycheck… a natural born whiner…just never… Both brothers should just go back to their back garden and touch each other over who should be champion… but then again let’s face it, within 20 minutes of the match, Matt will have worked up an appetite & he’d eat Jeff.
NEW TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
In another twist (which none of us actually saw coming) Jeff Hardy took on Anderson in a World Title match directly after his number one contender win over Matt Morgan. What is it with the administration and deciding that title matches should happen exactly after the number one contenders match, no build up, no “I’ll get you back for double-crossing me” none of it. Just a match and bam. Dead. New Champion, While I’m happy Anderson has the title (or rather Hardy doesn’t have it) I feel it was all too quick, and in a match where everyone and their dog interfered it made Anderson look bad & are even calling it an “upset” win on their site. We all know Anderson could out-do Hardy on his day, so why is it such an “upset”?
Fuck TNA. Fuck Hulk Hogan & Fuck Vince Russo.
That’s all for this episode folks. Join me on Valentine’s day when I do it all over again.
Lynas.
