BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
- Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
OPENING SEGMENT- bad
Vince McMahon comes out to start the show off, because if the ratings are tanking, Vince is certain that he is the best fix. Vince is immediately interrupted by Roman Reigns, music playing and coming right down the ramp from the stage like everyone else. If you want me to believe that Roman is here without permission, how about not having him come out the usual way, with an official entrance like all of the people who are supposed to be on the show get?
Roman comes down to the ring and gets into the ring with Vince. Not only is Roman not supposed to be here, but you might recall that the last time Roman and Vince were in the same place, a mere two weeks ago, Roman attacked Vince for no good reason. Due to both of these things, you’d think that someone in authority would have sent some security or referees or road agents out here to impede Roman’s progress, but apparently not. Vince apparently thinks that the threat of arrest will stop Roman from attacking him… because that has definitely stopped every single wrestler in the past, right?
Vince demands to know what Roman- a member of the Smackdown roster- is doing here on Raw. Yeah. Having someone who is supposed to be on one show just show up on the other show one day and you have no idea why sure is annoying, isn’t Vince?
But Vince does have something of a point. Why is Roman here? Last week on Smackdown he foiled Shane’s plan so he’s not looking for revenge on Shane- and even if he was, he could just get his revenge on Shane on Smackdown. So why is Roman here?
Roman responds to Vince’s question with “You better watch your tone with me.” Basically, Roman interpreted a perfectly reasonable question as a sign of disrespect and threatened Vince. Yeah, Vince could have phrased the question in a more respectful manner, but it’s not like “who the hell do you think you are” to show up on Raw when you’re suppose dot be on SD is particularly disrespectful phrasing, either. And considering that the last time these two were together, Roman beat Vince up just to “make a statement” that he was the top dog on Smackdown, Roman is really coming off like a bully here.
Roman says that he is here because back in December, Vince told the fans they would be the authority now, but never actually followed up on any of that and has been letting his “spoiled children” do whatever they want. Roman’s not wrong… but he’s also been back for over two months now and hasn’t opened his mouth about this until right now. For example, I didn’t see Roman say or do anything any of the four times Vince tried to screw Kofi out of a title shot, and pretty much all of that happened while Roman was back. As a result, this whole thing feels like… well… like exactly what it is: something they threw together in the past few days to try to combat the tanking ratings. It feels phony. Roman can tell Vince all he wants that he doesn’t “take your orders. I take them from the WWE Universe now” all he wants, but it doesn’t feel remotely real or believable.
It is also yet another transparent ploy to get us to cheer for Roman, which is a compounding problem. They can try to make Roman into the new Steve Austin babyface feuding with the Authority all they like, but it’s always going to fall flat because we know enough that it’s always going to get in the way of seeing Roman in that role. Roman saying these things will never feel as real as it would if it came from Becky Lynch or AJ Styles or a babyface Daniel Bryan or Kevin Owens or Samoa Joe. Even a Finn Balor or a Kofi Kingston or a babyface Bobby Lashley or Drew McIntyre could probably make it work. People who I can believe either Vince wouldn’t push if left to his own devices or who I can believe have a chip on his/her shoulder and would delight in rubbing in Vince’s face that he/she can be successful without Vince’s help.
Now they’re delving into obvious reverse psychology-style tactics to get Roman more pops. Vince said he can’t let Roman do what he wants because then everyone would start to do so.
This was the cue for Daniel Bryan to come out, and Vince yelled at him, too. Bryan makes sure to heel on Kofi Kingston before doing anything else so that he gets booed, but even so, sending him out here with Roman is a poor idea if your goal is to get Roman cheered. Kofi Kingston interrupted Bryan, and even though Vince has pointed out that Roman is supposed to be on Smackdown at least twice- including once just mere moments ago when he also pointed out that Bryan is on Smackdown so he’s not supposed to be here- and the announcers had already made this point several times in the well under ten minutes this show has been on the air, Michael Cole had to point out to us that all three of these guys are Smackdown wrestlers and thus not supposed to be here in the same “this is CRAZY! WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?!” voice he used in the very beginning, even though he really should have gotten used to the idea that some Smackdown guys are here when they’re not supposed to be by now. Making this even more annoying to me is the fact that he has never acted like this any other time Smackdown wrestlers have shown up on Raw (unless it happened in the month preceding Survivor Series, in which case the angle called for him to be shocked and scared about an invasion).
Kofi is out here to chastise Bryan for trying to get Vince to give him a rematch instead of just asking Kofi. Okay… but that doesn’t explain why Kofi came to Raw tonight in the first place, since no one knew Bryan was going to be here because Bryan- like Kofi- is a member of the Smackdown roster, not the Raw roster. Bryan and Kofi are now having their own segment while Roman and Vince stand in the background, forgotten.
Vince pipes up that he has had an “epiphany.” There will now be a “Wildcard Rule,” allowing three members of one show to show up on the other show “on a given occasion.”
Drew McIntyre showed up and cut a promo on Roman, because of course we have to go back to the same feud even though we’ve moved them to different shows. Coming up with new stuff would take more than a minimal effort, and we can’t have that. Vince books Roman vs. Drew for tonight, and also books Bryan vs. Kofi for the WWE Title. Automatic rematches for champions might be “antiquated” (as Shane put it) and thus not something the company thinks they should be doing… but that’ snot going to stop Vince from booking one just because.
Then AJ Styles came out. Michael Cole lied to us by telling us the show was getting “more interesting,” and then we went to a commercial. When we came back, everyone but AJ and Vince was gone. AJ was complaining to Vince about Vince letting Smackdown wrestlers show up to Raw now that AJ is finally on the show. Vince is still trying to pass this all off as his own creative genius, but unlike the gullible morons on the quarterly investors calls, AJ immediately sees through that bullsh*t.
AJ is annoyed that two weeks after he earns a shot at the Universal Title, Vince has made a rule that allows the Universal Champion’s best friend- who just got moved to Smackdown- to show up on Raw again. AJ threatens to bring his friends (presumably Gallows & Anderson) to Smackdown tomorrow, so Vince tries to talk him down by explaining that rule means that the wrestlers from one show will only be able to show up on the other show if they are “invited.”
Seth Rollins then came out and showed Kofi Kingston how a babyface is supposed to act the week after a sneak-attack, getting in AJ’s face and threatening him. Seth also points out that AJ’s “the house that AJ Styles built” catchphrase is kind of stupid. AJ defends his actions last week by saying that Seth disrespected him last week by rejecting his handshake and then talking trash when AJ tried to leave. AJ cut a promo saying he would take the title from Rollins at MITB. They were ready to fight right now, but Vince decided to book them as a team instead, saying he would go get a team to face them right now. And just in case you were too dumb to figure out how you’re supposed to be feeling about this, as we went to commercial, Michael Cole loudly shouted “SETH AND AJ ON THE SAME TEAM?! THEY CAN’T GET ALONG! AND WHO ARE THEY GONNA TO FACE?!”
AJ STYLES & SETH ROLLINS vs. BOBBY LASHLEY & BARON CORBIN- 6.75/10
They had a fine match. The heels won when AJ went for a Phenomenal Forearm on Corbin but Corbin avoided it and AJ hit Rollins instead. AJ then walked out on Rollins, allowing Corbin to hit End of Days and pin the Universal Champion… so either the Universal Champion got pinned and it won’t be followed up on, or Baron Corbin is going to be getting a shot at the Universal Title at some point soon. Oh goody.
Remember what I said about AJ seeing through Vince’s bullsh*t? Well Michael Cole, the lead announcer, is not smart enough to do so, and seems to believe that the Smackdown wrestlers tonight are here because Vince created the Wildcard Rule rather than Vince creating the rule in a pathetically transparent attempt to save face. He also said that the wrestlers can go to the other show “when they want,” which directly contradicts Vince’s statement to AJ that the wrestlers had to be “invited.” Following Cole’s comment, we were predictably treated to Corey Graves tell us to think of how cool it would be to see Bobby Lashley and Baron Corbin on Smackdown tomorrow night… which is basically the same thing we’ve been hearing Graves say for weeks except that “because of the Wildcard Rule” now replaces the phrase “in the Superstar Shake-up.”
MIZ IS CAMPED OUT OUTSIDE OF SHANE’S LOCEKR ROOM- apparently Shane isn’t here yet
SAMI ZAYN FINALLY GETS INTERRUPTED- After weeks and weeks of burying the fans, Sami Zayn finally gets interrupted by… Braun Strowman, of all people. He chased Sami Zayn away.
LUCHA HOUSE PARTY vs. THREE JOBBERS-
When did the jobbers come out? I don’t remember any breaks between Braun chasing Zayn away and Lucha House Party’s entrance. Ah. It’s not important, anyway… which I know because they cut away from this match to show us…
BRAUN STROWMAN CHASES SAMI ZAYN DOWN BACKSTAGE-He threw Sami into a dumpster, which was then collected by a garbage truck, so presumably Sami Zayn is about to be crushed to death in the back of a garbage truck.
LUCHA HOUSE PARTY vs. THREE JOBBERS- squash
The announcers are talking this up as a “show for the ages” because of the big matches Vince booked and the creation of the Wildcard Rule. The problem with this narrative is that Vince promised us it would be “a show for the ages” BEFORE he knew that Bryan or Kofi would be here and thus before he would have even needed to save face via creating this stupid rule.
Ricochet came out to the ring. Then we went to a commercial. When we got back from the commercial we got a Make-A-Wish, video, then a…
WOMEN’S BACKSTAGE SEGMENT- PAINFUL!
I was mildly amused by the idea of Lacey Evans sending formal invitations to all of the women “requesting your presence at ringside” for her match later tonight and demanding that they dress in “formal ringside attire.” After that it fell off a cliff due to some HORRENDOUS dialogue. The only solace I could take in this is that at least Alexa Bliss! was spared the indignity of being in this segment.
Now back to the ring for Ricochet’s match.
JUST KIDDING!
Instead we got to see Miz still waiting for Shane.
RICOCHET’S MONEY IN THE BANK SPOT IS ON THE LINE: Ricochet(c) vs. Robert Roode- 3/10
When we FINALLY went back to the ring, a full SEVEN MINUTES had passed between the time Ricochet’s entrance began and when Roode’s music finally hit. The reason Ricochet’s MITB spot was on the line in this match was that Roode went to someone in power and pointed out that it was BS that he beat Ricochet cleanly two weeks ago but then Ricochet got put into the MITB match and he didn’t. So we now know that Robert Roode is a better booker than the McMahons. Renee Young, meanwhile, said this was “ridiculous” and accused Roode of “politicking” his way into an opportunity. If there are fans out there who actually think like this, I am going to be very worried about the future of pro wrestling.
Roode jumped Ricochet right out of the gate and beat him up for 98% of the match. Ricochet eventually pushed Roode off the top rope, hit the 630 and won. 50/50 booking in a short match. This felt like something Vince felt he was forced to do because someone had pointed out a logic hole that could easily be closed, but he didn’t really want to do it so he made the match short.
REY & DOMINIC MYSTERIO BACKSTAGE- Rey goes into his locker room and Dominic goes off to go… somewhere else. Samoa Joe came up behind Dominic and we went to commercial. This might have been good but Joe found Dominic so soon after he left Rey that it felt completely ridiculous that Rey didn’t see Joe walk right past him.
SAMOA JOE SCOLDS DOMINIC MYSTERIO BACKSTAGE- Joe made a comment about Dominic having been backstage in WWE before, both with his father and with his “uncle” Eddie… and yes, Joe did make air quotes when he said “uncle.” That had me rolling. Joe told Dominic to tell Rey that Joe looked forward to defending the US Title against him at Money in the Bank. Wow. That was a very babyface thing of Joe to do. I thought he was going to maul poor Dominic but he didn’t really do anything but give him a stern talking-to.
LACEY EVANS vs. ALLIE KATRINA- squash
So first Lacey came out, then the various women she had invited to ringside came out. I kept waiting for her scheduled opponent to come out, but it turns out the opponent was already in the ring. After being so outraged in the earlier segment that Lacey thought she had the right to dictate to them how to dress, the three babyface women all came out dressed as seemingly as Lacey wanted. Facepalm.
Alexa Bliss! was also apparently invited to watch from ringside.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT-
Lacey cut a promo explaining that she invited them all out to watch her match to deter them from trying to cash MITB in on her by showing her how dominant she could be in the ring. This would have been a great promo if they didn’t make her shoehorn the name of her finisher into it. Becky Lynch came out and brawled with Lacey Evans for the 42,951st time.
DANIEL BRYAN PROMO- excellent
THE VIKING RAIDERS vs. CURT HAWKINS & ZACK RYDER- 2.5/10
On their first night on the main roster, the Viking Raiders pinned WWE Raw Tag Team Champions Hawkins & Ryder clean. Since then, they have been undefeated, so you’d think this would be a tag title match, but nope. It’s just another regular match.
The tag champs’ entrance got cut so that we could see the Usos sneaking out of the men’s locker room and acting suspicious. Hawkins and Ryder got a lot more offense in than I expected but the Viking Raiders won cleanly. Now that Wade Keller has pointed it out, it actually does bother me that the referee is counting a pin with both Viking Raiders applying pressure to the pinned wrestler.
FIREFLY FUNHOUSE- my mother is in the room, so I’m skipping this. I’ll be able to see the entire thing tomorrow on Smackdown, anyway.
SETH ROLLINS PROMO- GREAT!
I am now even more excited for Seth vs. AJ. Also, I don’t know why this happened, but this was the first time in years that I looked at Seth Rollins and thought he looked like Tyler Black again.
ROMAN REIGNS vs. DREW MCINTYRE- 7/10
They had a very good brawl that ended via DQ when Shane McMahon and The Drifter ran in to attack Roman after he hit Drew with a spear. Miz ran down with a chair to chase off Shane, leaving Roman alone with Elias and Drew. Drew hit Roman with a Claymore. Seth Rollins, who we just saw cut a promo and who Cole had reminded us is Roman’s best friend right before the match started, was nowhere to be found.
THE MIZ CHASES SHANE MCMAHON BACKSTAGE- he manages to hide from him temporarily. Charly Caruso ran up to Shane and thought this would be a good time to interview him, asking him what he plans to do at MITB when he can’t run away from Miz because it’s a Cage Match. Shane ignores her and runs down a staircase. Charly follows, asking more questions. For some reason a second camera crew was there, and we saw them on the screen, following Charly. Maybe her ESPN team got confused and followed her to Raw.
Shane tried to get into his limo but Miz found him and hit him with a chair. Shane eventually hit Miz in the nuts, hopped into his limo and left. I have no desire to see this Miz vs. Shane match.
THE REVIVAL vs. LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON- no rating, didn’t happen
Before the match, the Usos came out and revealed that they put their own brand of Icy-Hot on The Revival’s gear. Why are they the babyfaces? Also, this exciting tag team match-up didn’t happen due to Icy-Hot
KOFI KINGSTON PROMO- AWESOME babyface promo
NO WAY JOSE vs. LARS SULLIVAN- no rating, stupid, pointless segment.
Yes, Lars Sullivan. So after they drilled it into our heads that this Wildcard Rule means only three people from SD can show up, we are now up to five. Jose’s Conga line was kind enough to segregate themselves by gender so that Lars didn’t accidentally hit any woman here on WWE’s national TV show. Lars beat up Jose, and also a bunch of people who weren’t even trying to fight back. This did nothing to make Lars look any more impressive than he already looked.
VINCE MCMAHON ON THE PHONE- He insists that Elias didn’t count towards the Wildcard Rule because he was with Shane, but if more than three people show up, he’s going to suspend someone. It used to be that no one was allowed to show up on the other show, but when someone did there were never any consequences… but now that we have a rule that three people are allowed to show up on the other show each week, a fourth showing up is a serious deal and someone will have to be suspended. Care to explain how that makes any sense, Vince?
Then Lars Sullivan entered the room and Vince changed his mind and decided that Wildcard Rule would now allow four people so that he wouldn’t have to suspend Lars Sullivan because I guess he was afraid Lars would murder him.
Also, four people is not enough for any invasion, but I’m willing to bet that this will be overlooked- if not completely forgotten about- by the time Survivor Series rolls around and we have to do our obligatory invasion angle.
WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Kofi Kingston(c) vs. Daniel Bryan- 7.75/10
Kofi took a lot of big bumps but withstood the punishment to win clean.
The show ended with this painfully predictable line by Michael Cole: “The question is what Raw Superstars™ are going to show up tomorrow night on Smackdown Live as part of Wildcard Rules.” That right there told me that they haven’t learned a f*cking thing. The ratings aren’t down because Roman, AJ, Rollins, Kofi, and Charlotte are only on one show a week. The ratings are down because YOUR BOOKING SUCKS! The hype for the past few weeks of TV has been “tune in to see which wrestler from the other show will show up on this one.” Changing the name from one branding atrocity to another isn’t going to help things in any way!
The saddest part of it all is that the execution of everything involving the Wildcard Rule™ on tonight’s show is a perfect example of the very storytelling issues they need to fix.
First Roman came out and told us a vague idea of why he had come to Raw that is something we should theoretically be excited about, but which had logical flaws in its backstory (why has Roman not said anything about this until now?) and it was never actually explained how Roman was going to make the McMahons listen to the fans, or why such a thing would necessitate him showing up on Raw. Then Bryan came out and he had a reason that he showed up to Raw. Then Kofi came out, and while they gave a reason for why Kofi would come out in this segment, they didn’t seem to realize that they needed to answer the question of why Kofi had showed up to the building in the first place so that he would be around to come out for this segment.
Vince then came up with this “Wildcard Rule,” in a manner that was clearly intended to save face for himself and which we were all supposed to see through because in reality this was Vince caving to the babyfaces (and Bryan) and post-facto justifying them showing up somewhere they weren’t supposed to rather than admitting that he couldn’t control them. Despite this, throughout the rest of the show the announcers portrayed the SD wrestlers’ presence tonight as being due to this new rule, even though that doesn’t mesh with what we saw in the opening segment!
We also had Vince initially say that wrestlers would have to “invited” from one show to the other, and this was an important point in Vince’s segment with AJ, as it was Vince’s way of rectifying the crux of AJ’s complaint. Nothing was mentioned about who would be doing the inviting. Every time the announcers mentioned the Wildcard Rule, however, they portrayed it as if any three wrestlers who wanted to could show up every week (and they gave us no indications of how it would be handled if more than three wrestlers wanted to show up on a particular week).
Then a fourth wrestler from SD showed up, also for no explained reason, with the announcers not making any mention of the fact that him being here was over limit for the Wildcard Rule. Vince then came up with a solution to prevent too many people from showing up… but then immediately changed the rule to allow for four wrestlers because he was afraid of Lars.’
The SD wrestlers had the matches Vince booked them in at the beginning of the show, with Roman’s original mission statement completely forgotten in favor of “A WRESTLEMANIA REMATCH!” Bryan and Kofi had their match as well, and the hook for tomorrow night’s SD as well as next week’s Raw was not any sort of advertised matches that they used these appearances on Raw to set up or to plug, but rather it was “WHO WILL SHOW UP DUE TO OUR NEW GIMMICK?!”
A bad episode of Raw, despite several very good matches and two awesome promos. This was one of those shows that proves just how blind they are to their own flaws.
Vince McMahon comes out to start the show off, because if the ratings are tanking, Vince is certain that he is the best fix. Vince is immediately interrupted by Roman Reigns, music playing and coming right down the ramp from the stage like everyone else. If you want me to believe that Roman is here without permission, how about not having him come out the usual way, with an official entrance like all of the people who are supposed to be on the show get?
Roman comes down to the ring and gets into the ring with Vince. Not only is Roman not supposed to be here, but you might recall that the last time Roman and Vince were in the same place, a mere two weeks ago, Roman attacked Vince for no good reason. Due to both of these things, you’d think that someone in authority would have sent some security or referees or road agents out here to impede Roman’s progress, but apparently not. Vince apparently thinks that the threat of arrest will stop Roman from attacking him… because that has definitely stopped every single wrestler in the past, right?
Vince demands to know what Roman- a member of the Smackdown roster- is doing here on Raw. Yeah. Having someone who is supposed to be on one show just show up on the other show one day and you have no idea why sure is annoying, isn’t Vince?
But Vince does have something of a point. Why is Roman here? Last week on Smackdown he foiled Shane’s plan so he’s not looking for revenge on Shane- and even if he was, he could just get his revenge on Shane on Smackdown. So why is Roman here?
Roman responds to Vince’s question with “You better watch your tone with me.” Basically, Roman interpreted a perfectly reasonable question as a sign of disrespect and threatened Vince. Yeah, Vince could have phrased the question in a more respectful manner, but it’s not like “who the hell do you think you are” to show up on Raw when you’re suppose dot be on SD is particularly disrespectful phrasing, either. And considering that the last time these two were together, Roman beat Vince up just to “make a statement” that he was the top dog on Smackdown, Roman is really coming off like a bully here.
Roman says that he is here because back in December, Vince told the fans they would be the authority now, but never actually followed up on any of that and has been letting his “spoiled children” do whatever they want. Roman’s not wrong… but he’s also been back for over two months now and hasn’t opened his mouth about this until right now. For example, I didn’t see Roman say or do anything any of the four times Vince tried to screw Kofi out of a title shot, and pretty much all of that happened while Roman was back. As a result, this whole thing feels like… well… like exactly what it is: something they threw together in the past few days to try to combat the tanking ratings. It feels phony. Roman can tell Vince all he wants that he doesn’t “take your orders. I take them from the WWE Universe now” all he wants, but it doesn’t feel remotely real or believable.
It is also yet another transparent ploy to get us to cheer for Roman, which is a compounding problem. They can try to make Roman into the new Steve Austin babyface feuding with the Authority all they like, but it’s always going to fall flat because we know enough that it’s always going to get in the way of seeing Roman in that role. Roman saying these things will never feel as real as it would if it came from Becky Lynch or AJ Styles or a babyface Daniel Bryan or Kevin Owens or Samoa Joe. Even a Finn Balor or a Kofi Kingston or a babyface Bobby Lashley or Drew McIntyre could probably make it work. People who I can believe either Vince wouldn’t push if left to his own devices or who I can believe have a chip on his/her shoulder and would delight in rubbing in Vince’s face that he/she can be successful without Vince’s help.
Now they’re delving into obvious reverse psychology-style tactics to get Roman more pops. Vince said he can’t let Roman do what he wants because then everyone would start to do so.
This was the cue for Daniel Bryan to come out, and Vince yelled at him, too. Bryan makes sure to heel on Kofi Kingston before doing anything else so that he gets booed, but even so, sending him out here with Roman is a poor idea if your goal is to get Roman cheered. Kofi Kingston interrupted Bryan, and even though Vince has pointed out that Roman is supposed to be on Smackdown at least twice- including once just mere moments ago when he also pointed out that Bryan is on Smackdown so he’s not supposed to be here- and the announcers had already made this point several times in the well under ten minutes this show has been on the air, Michael Cole had to point out to us that all three of these guys are Smackdown wrestlers and thus not supposed to be here in the same “this is CRAZY! WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?!” voice he used in the very beginning, even though he really should have gotten used to the idea that some Smackdown guys are here when they’re not supposed to be by now. Making this even more annoying to me is the fact that he has never acted like this any other time Smackdown wrestlers have shown up on Raw (unless it happened in the month preceding Survivor Series, in which case the angle called for him to be shocked and scared about an invasion).
Kofi is out here to chastise Bryan for trying to get Vince to give him a rematch instead of just asking Kofi. Okay… but that doesn’t explain why Kofi came to Raw tonight in the first place, since no one knew Bryan was going to be here because Bryan- like Kofi- is a member of the Smackdown roster, not the Raw roster. Bryan and Kofi are now having their own segment while Roman and Vince stand in the background, forgotten.
Vince pipes up that he has had an “epiphany.” There will now be a “Wildcard Rule,” allowing three members of one show to show up on the other show “on a given occasion.”
Drew McIntyre showed up and cut a promo on Roman, because of course we have to go back to the same feud even though we’ve moved them to different shows. Coming up with new stuff would take more than a minimal effort, and we can’t have that. Vince books Roman vs. Drew for tonight, and also books Bryan vs. Kofi for the WWE Title. Automatic rematches for champions might be “antiquated” (as Shane put it) and thus not something the company thinks they should be doing… but that’ snot going to stop Vince from booking one just because.
Then AJ Styles came out. Michael Cole lied to us by telling us the show was getting “more interesting,” and then we went to a commercial. When we came back, everyone but AJ and Vince was gone. AJ was complaining to Vince about Vince letting Smackdown wrestlers show up to Raw now that AJ is finally on the show. Vince is still trying to pass this all off as his own creative genius, but unlike the gullible morons on the quarterly investors calls, AJ immediately sees through that bullsh*t.
AJ is annoyed that two weeks after he earns a shot at the Universal Title, Vince has made a rule that allows the Universal Champion’s best friend- who just got moved to Smackdown- to show up on Raw again. AJ threatens to bring his friends (presumably Gallows & Anderson) to Smackdown tomorrow, so Vince tries to talk him down by explaining that rule means that the wrestlers from one show will only be able to show up on the other show if they are “invited.”
Seth Rollins then came out and showed Kofi Kingston how a babyface is supposed to act the week after a sneak-attack, getting in AJ’s face and threatening him. Seth also points out that AJ’s “the house that AJ Styles built” catchphrase is kind of stupid. AJ defends his actions last week by saying that Seth disrespected him last week by rejecting his handshake and then talking trash when AJ tried to leave. AJ cut a promo saying he would take the title from Rollins at MITB. They were ready to fight right now, but Vince decided to book them as a team instead, saying he would go get a team to face them right now. And just in case you were too dumb to figure out how you’re supposed to be feeling about this, as we went to commercial, Michael Cole loudly shouted “SETH AND AJ ON THE SAME TEAM?! THEY CAN’T GET ALONG! AND WHO ARE THEY GONNA TO FACE?!”
AJ STYLES & SETH ROLLINS vs. BOBBY LASHLEY & BARON CORBIN- 6.75/10
They had a fine match. The heels won when AJ went for a Phenomenal Forearm on Corbin but Corbin avoided it and AJ hit Rollins instead. AJ then walked out on Rollins, allowing Corbin to hit End of Days and pin the Universal Champion… so either the Universal Champion got pinned and it won’t be followed up on, or Baron Corbin is going to be getting a shot at the Universal Title at some point soon. Oh goody.
Remember what I said about AJ seeing through Vince’s bullsh*t? Well Michael Cole, the lead announcer, is not smart enough to do so, and seems to believe that the Smackdown wrestlers tonight are here because Vince created the Wildcard Rule rather than Vince creating the rule in a pathetically transparent attempt to save face. He also said that the wrestlers can go to the other show “when they want,” which directly contradicts Vince’s statement to AJ that the wrestlers had to be “invited.” Following Cole’s comment, we were predictably treated to Corey Graves tell us to think of how cool it would be to see Bobby Lashley and Baron Corbin on Smackdown tomorrow night… which is basically the same thing we’ve been hearing Graves say for weeks except that “because of the Wildcard Rule” now replaces the phrase “in the Superstar Shake-up.”
MIZ IS CAMPED OUT OUTSIDE OF SHANE’S LOCEKR ROOM- apparently Shane isn’t here yet
SAMI ZAYN FINALLY GETS INTERRUPTED- After weeks and weeks of burying the fans, Sami Zayn finally gets interrupted by… Braun Strowman, of all people. He chased Sami Zayn away.
LUCHA HOUSE PARTY vs. THREE JOBBERS-
When did the jobbers come out? I don’t remember any breaks between Braun chasing Zayn away and Lucha House Party’s entrance. Ah. It’s not important, anyway… which I know because they cut away from this match to show us…
BRAUN STROWMAN CHASES SAMI ZAYN DOWN BACKSTAGE-He threw Sami into a dumpster, which was then collected by a garbage truck, so presumably Sami Zayn is about to be crushed to death in the back of a garbage truck.
LUCHA HOUSE PARTY vs. THREE JOBBERS- squash
The announcers are talking this up as a “show for the ages” because of the big matches Vince booked and the creation of the Wildcard Rule. The problem with this narrative is that Vince promised us it would be “a show for the ages” BEFORE he knew that Bryan or Kofi would be here and thus before he would have even needed to save face via creating this stupid rule.
Ricochet came out to the ring. Then we went to a commercial. When we got back from the commercial we got a Make-A-Wish, video, then a…
WOMEN’S BACKSTAGE SEGMENT- PAINFUL!
I was mildly amused by the idea of Lacey Evans sending formal invitations to all of the women “requesting your presence at ringside” for her match later tonight and demanding that they dress in “formal ringside attire.” After that it fell off a cliff due to some HORRENDOUS dialogue. The only solace I could take in this is that at least Alexa Bliss! was spared the indignity of being in this segment.
Now back to the ring for Ricochet’s match.
JUST KIDDING!
Instead we got to see Miz still waiting for Shane.
RICOCHET’S MONEY IN THE BANK SPOT IS ON THE LINE: Ricochet(c) vs. Robert Roode- 3/10
When we FINALLY went back to the ring, a full SEVEN MINUTES had passed between the time Ricochet’s entrance began and when Roode’s music finally hit. The reason Ricochet’s MITB spot was on the line in this match was that Roode went to someone in power and pointed out that it was BS that he beat Ricochet cleanly two weeks ago but then Ricochet got put into the MITB match and he didn’t. So we now know that Robert Roode is a better booker than the McMahons. Renee Young, meanwhile, said this was “ridiculous” and accused Roode of “politicking” his way into an opportunity. If there are fans out there who actually think like this, I am going to be very worried about the future of pro wrestling.
Roode jumped Ricochet right out of the gate and beat him up for 98% of the match. Ricochet eventually pushed Roode off the top rope, hit the 630 and won. 50/50 booking in a short match. This felt like something Vince felt he was forced to do because someone had pointed out a logic hole that could easily be closed, but he didn’t really want to do it so he made the match short.
REY & DOMINIC MYSTERIO BACKSTAGE- Rey goes into his locker room and Dominic goes off to go… somewhere else. Samoa Joe came up behind Dominic and we went to commercial. This might have been good but Joe found Dominic so soon after he left Rey that it felt completely ridiculous that Rey didn’t see Joe walk right past him.
SAMOA JOE SCOLDS DOMINIC MYSTERIO BACKSTAGE- Joe made a comment about Dominic having been backstage in WWE before, both with his father and with his “uncle” Eddie… and yes, Joe did make air quotes when he said “uncle.” That had me rolling. Joe told Dominic to tell Rey that Joe looked forward to defending the US Title against him at Money in the Bank. Wow. That was a very babyface thing of Joe to do. I thought he was going to maul poor Dominic but he didn’t really do anything but give him a stern talking-to.
LACEY EVANS vs. ALLIE KATRINA- squash
So first Lacey came out, then the various women she had invited to ringside came out. I kept waiting for her scheduled opponent to come out, but it turns out the opponent was already in the ring. After being so outraged in the earlier segment that Lacey thought she had the right to dictate to them how to dress, the three babyface women all came out dressed as seemingly as Lacey wanted. Facepalm.
Alexa Bliss! was also apparently invited to watch from ringside.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT-
Lacey cut a promo explaining that she invited them all out to watch her match to deter them from trying to cash MITB in on her by showing her how dominant she could be in the ring. This would have been a great promo if they didn’t make her shoehorn the name of her finisher into it. Becky Lynch came out and brawled with Lacey Evans for the 42,951st time.
DANIEL BRYAN PROMO- excellent
THE VIKING RAIDERS vs. CURT HAWKINS & ZACK RYDER- 2.5/10
On their first night on the main roster, the Viking Raiders pinned WWE Raw Tag Team Champions Hawkins & Ryder clean. Since then, they have been undefeated, so you’d think this would be a tag title match, but nope. It’s just another regular match.
The tag champs’ entrance got cut so that we could see the Usos sneaking out of the men’s locker room and acting suspicious. Hawkins and Ryder got a lot more offense in than I expected but the Viking Raiders won cleanly. Now that Wade Keller has pointed it out, it actually does bother me that the referee is counting a pin with both Viking Raiders applying pressure to the pinned wrestler.
FIREFLY FUNHOUSE- my mother is in the room, so I’m skipping this. I’ll be able to see the entire thing tomorrow on Smackdown, anyway.
SETH ROLLINS PROMO- GREAT!
I am now even more excited for Seth vs. AJ. Also, I don’t know why this happened, but this was the first time in years that I looked at Seth Rollins and thought he looked like Tyler Black again.
ROMAN REIGNS vs. DREW MCINTYRE- 7/10
They had a very good brawl that ended via DQ when Shane McMahon and The Drifter ran in to attack Roman after he hit Drew with a spear. Miz ran down with a chair to chase off Shane, leaving Roman alone with Elias and Drew. Drew hit Roman with a Claymore. Seth Rollins, who we just saw cut a promo and who Cole had reminded us is Roman’s best friend right before the match started, was nowhere to be found.
THE MIZ CHASES SHANE MCMAHON BACKSTAGE- he manages to hide from him temporarily. Charly Caruso ran up to Shane and thought this would be a good time to interview him, asking him what he plans to do at MITB when he can’t run away from Miz because it’s a Cage Match. Shane ignores her and runs down a staircase. Charly follows, asking more questions. For some reason a second camera crew was there, and we saw them on the screen, following Charly. Maybe her ESPN team got confused and followed her to Raw.
Shane tried to get into his limo but Miz found him and hit him with a chair. Shane eventually hit Miz in the nuts, hopped into his limo and left. I have no desire to see this Miz vs. Shane match.
THE REVIVAL vs. LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON- no rating, didn’t happen
Before the match, the Usos came out and revealed that they put their own brand of Icy-Hot on The Revival’s gear. Why are they the babyfaces? Also, this exciting tag team match-up didn’t happen due to Icy-Hot
KOFI KINGSTON PROMO- AWESOME babyface promo
NO WAY JOSE vs. LARS SULLIVAN- no rating, stupid, pointless segment.
Yes, Lars Sullivan. So after they drilled it into our heads that this Wildcard Rule means only three people from SD can show up, we are now up to five. Jose’s Conga line was kind enough to segregate themselves by gender so that Lars didn’t accidentally hit any woman here on WWE’s national TV show. Lars beat up Jose, and also a bunch of people who weren’t even trying to fight back. This did nothing to make Lars look any more impressive than he already looked.
VINCE MCMAHON ON THE PHONE- He insists that Elias didn’t count towards the Wildcard Rule because he was with Shane, but if more than three people show up, he’s going to suspend someone. It used to be that no one was allowed to show up on the other show, but when someone did there were never any consequences… but now that we have a rule that three people are allowed to show up on the other show each week, a fourth showing up is a serious deal and someone will have to be suspended. Care to explain how that makes any sense, Vince?
Then Lars Sullivan entered the room and Vince changed his mind and decided that Wildcard Rule would now allow four people so that he wouldn’t have to suspend Lars Sullivan because I guess he was afraid Lars would murder him.
Also, four people is not enough for any invasion, but I’m willing to bet that this will be overlooked- if not completely forgotten about- by the time Survivor Series rolls around and we have to do our obligatory invasion angle.
WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Kofi Kingston(c) vs. Daniel Bryan- 7.75/10
Kofi took a lot of big bumps but withstood the punishment to win clean.
The show ended with this painfully predictable line by Michael Cole: “The question is what Raw Superstars™ are going to show up tomorrow night on Smackdown Live as part of Wildcard Rules.” That right there told me that they haven’t learned a f*cking thing. The ratings aren’t down because Roman, AJ, Rollins, Kofi, and Charlotte are only on one show a week. The ratings are down because YOUR BOOKING SUCKS! The hype for the past few weeks of TV has been “tune in to see which wrestler from the other show will show up on this one.” Changing the name from one branding atrocity to another isn’t going to help things in any way!
The saddest part of it all is that the execution of everything involving the Wildcard Rule™ on tonight’s show is a perfect example of the very storytelling issues they need to fix.
First Roman came out and told us a vague idea of why he had come to Raw that is something we should theoretically be excited about, but which had logical flaws in its backstory (why has Roman not said anything about this until now?) and it was never actually explained how Roman was going to make the McMahons listen to the fans, or why such a thing would necessitate him showing up on Raw. Then Bryan came out and he had a reason that he showed up to Raw. Then Kofi came out, and while they gave a reason for why Kofi would come out in this segment, they didn’t seem to realize that they needed to answer the question of why Kofi had showed up to the building in the first place so that he would be around to come out for this segment.
Vince then came up with this “Wildcard Rule,” in a manner that was clearly intended to save face for himself and which we were all supposed to see through because in reality this was Vince caving to the babyfaces (and Bryan) and post-facto justifying them showing up somewhere they weren’t supposed to rather than admitting that he couldn’t control them. Despite this, throughout the rest of the show the announcers portrayed the SD wrestlers’ presence tonight as being due to this new rule, even though that doesn’t mesh with what we saw in the opening segment!
We also had Vince initially say that wrestlers would have to “invited” from one show to the other, and this was an important point in Vince’s segment with AJ, as it was Vince’s way of rectifying the crux of AJ’s complaint. Nothing was mentioned about who would be doing the inviting. Every time the announcers mentioned the Wildcard Rule, however, they portrayed it as if any three wrestlers who wanted to could show up every week (and they gave us no indications of how it would be handled if more than three wrestlers wanted to show up on a particular week).
Then a fourth wrestler from SD showed up, also for no explained reason, with the announcers not making any mention of the fact that him being here was over limit for the Wildcard Rule. Vince then came up with a solution to prevent too many people from showing up… but then immediately changed the rule to allow for four wrestlers because he was afraid of Lars.’
The SD wrestlers had the matches Vince booked them in at the beginning of the show, with Roman’s original mission statement completely forgotten in favor of “A WRESTLEMANIA REMATCH!” Bryan and Kofi had their match as well, and the hook for tomorrow night’s SD as well as next week’s Raw was not any sort of advertised matches that they used these appearances on Raw to set up or to plug, but rather it was “WHO WILL SHOW UP DUE TO OUR NEW GIMMICK?!”
A bad episode of Raw, despite several very good matches and two awesome promos. This was one of those shows that proves just how blind they are to their own flaws.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!
Upcoming Reviews:
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
DGUSA Open the Ultimate Gate 2013
ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3
Upcoming Reviews:
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
DGUSA Open the Ultimate Gate 2013
ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3
Re: BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
so apparently, in WWE's new approach to force people to watch the show. They didn't post anything on social media/youtube during the show, EXCEPT, of all things, this segmentBig Red Machine wrote: ↑May 7th, '19, 00:14
THE REVIVAL vs. LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON- no rating, didn’t happen
Before the match, the Usos came out and revealed that they put their own brand of Icy-Hot on The Revival’s gear. Why are they the babyfaces? Also, this exciting tag team match-up didn’t happen due to Icy-Hot
![Image](http://thewrestlingrevolution.com/images/okada.gif)
Re: BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
Because they know smarks will watch the show to bitch about it. It's genius actuallycero2k wrote: ↑May 7th, '19, 09:00so apparently, in WWE's new approach to force people to watch the show. They didn't post anything on social media/youtube during the show, EXCEPT, of all things, this segmentBig Red Machine wrote: ↑May 7th, '19, 00:14
THE REVIVAL vs. LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON- no rating, didn’t happen
Before the match, the Usos came out and revealed that they put their own brand of Icy-Hot on The Revival’s gear. Why are they the babyfaces? Also, this exciting tag team match-up didn’t happen due to Icy-Hot
NWK Reviews is closed for business for now.
Re: BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
wrong, smarks complain without watching the show.
it's smart to not put the stuff on social media, but posting only that segment is yet another example of pitty and bully WWE burying the revival because they don't like them. They're a jock that can't take rejection from a girl.
![Image](http://thewrestlingrevolution.com/images/okada.gif)
- Big Red Machine
- Posts: 27378
- Joined: Dec 16th, '10, 15:12
Re: BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
What's better for the promotion in both the short term and the long term?NWK2000 wrote: ↑May 7th, '19, 09:07Because they know smarks will watch the show to bitch about it. It's genius actuallycero2k wrote: ↑May 7th, '19, 09:00so apparently, in WWE's new approach to force people to watch the show. They didn't post anything on social media/youtube during the show, EXCEPT, of all things, this segmentBig Red Machine wrote: ↑May 7th, '19, 00:14
THE REVIVAL vs. LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON- no rating, didn’t happen
Before the match, the Usos came out and revealed that they put their own brand of Icy-Hot on The Revival’s gear. Why are they the babyfaces? Also, this exciting tag team match-up didn’t happen due to Icy-Hot
A) Having smarks tune in because they want to see a match you advertised, then not giving them the match they tuned in to see in favor of juvenile comedy in which you make two guys like they look like morons, causing them to go complain on the internet?
B) Having smarks tune in because they want to see a match you advertised, then actually giving them them thing they tuned in to see, and giving the match time to be good enough that they think it was worth their while to tune in?
Your ratings are tanking. You should be doing things that will draw people in for this week and make them want to tune in next week, not trick them into tuning in this week so that you can give them something that will make them less likely to tune in in the future.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!
Upcoming Reviews:
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
DGUSA Open the Ultimate Gate 2013
ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3
Upcoming Reviews:
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
DGUSA Open the Ultimate Gate 2013
ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3
Re: BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
Could we stop this big Baron Corbin heel push already?
When they come, they'll come at what you love.
Re: BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
The Buzzard literally ripped the rabbit to shreds!
When they come, they'll come at what you love.
Re: BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
Buzzard's are scavengers, that rabbit was already dead!
I think that whatever plan they came up with those puppets, they realized that they drew and rabbit on the logo and had to write it off
![Image](http://thewrestlingrevolution.com/images/okada.gif)
Re: BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
Be quiet lol. This was a pretty dark twist for the character and everything in general. He killed him, and he didn't even care. If anything he rewarded him for speaking his mind lol.
People said Waylon Mercy is the bird lol.
When they come, they'll come at what you love.
Re: BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
Can we talk about the Beach Party lol... I completely forgot about the rabbit wtf-ing those children...
WWE is apparently catching heat now because Firefly Funhouse is popping up in Kid's YouTube streams...
![Image](https://i.imgur.com/5YxGy50.jpg?1)
Re: BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
Yeah I saw that it actually links to other actually kids' stuff lol...but SO?!?!?
WWE is for children and it's PG. WHO GIVES A FUCK?
When they come, they'll come at what you love.
Re: BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
Oh ye of no children...
This is such a huge deal right now for Felicia Facebook Mom. People are putting fake kids videos out there that cut to scary awful things halfway through. YouTube's algorithm slips them in with whatever Peppa Pig or Little Einsteins videos they were watching. I've never seen it personally, nor has anyone I know, but my wife made me "kid proof" YouTube because she saw a Buzzfeed article (I don't fucking know... I cleared the cache and the search history... told here we were all set... she leaves me alone about it now... I heard her tell a friend "Bob made it so it'd be impossible to happen on ours... if you're worried I can have him come over if you want!" and I had to leave the room).
Nothing beyond PG going on in FFFH, but I could see it being a big deal when Felicia Facebook Mom strolls into the living room and sees her precious accident stumbling across Bray Wyatt...
Granted, the issue lies with YouTube, but I'm hoping WWE doesn't catch any hell for it.
![Image](https://i.imgur.com/5YxGy50.jpg?1)
Re: BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
"Her precious accident"Bob-O wrote: ↑May 7th, '19, 18:26Oh ye of no children...
This is such a huge deal right now for Felicia Facebook Mom. People are putting fake kids videos out there that cut to scary awful things halfway through. YouTube's algorithm slips them in with whatever Peppa Pig or Little Einsteins videos they were watching. I've never seen it personally, nor has anyone I know, but my wife made me "kid proof" YouTube because she saw a Buzzfeed article (I don't fucking know... I cleared the cache and the search history... told here we were all set... she leaves me alone about it now... I heard her tell a friend "Bob made it so it'd be impossible to happen on ours... if you're worried I can have him come over if you want!" and I had to leave the room).
Nothing beyond PG going on in FFFH, but I could see it being a big deal when Felicia Facebook Mom strolls into the living room and sees her precious accident stumbling across Bray Wyatt...
Granted, the issue lies with YouTube, but I'm hoping WWE doesn't catch any hell for it.
Can we make "Bob heels out on Facebook Moms" a recurring blog segment?
NWK Reviews is closed for business for now.
Re: BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
We might could fit it in somewhere between the two of us going off on Lars Sullivan...NWK2000 wrote: ↑May 7th, '19, 22:26"Her precious accident"Bob-O wrote: ↑May 7th, '19, 18:26Oh ye of no children...
This is such a huge deal right now for Felicia Facebook Mom. People are putting fake kids videos out there that cut to scary awful things halfway through. YouTube's algorithm slips them in with whatever Peppa Pig or Little Einsteins videos they were watching. I've never seen it personally, nor has anyone I know, but my wife made me "kid proof" YouTube because she saw a Buzzfeed article (I don't fucking know... I cleared the cache and the search history... told here we were all set... she leaves me alone about it now... I heard her tell a friend "Bob made it so it'd be impossible to happen on ours... if you're worried I can have him come over if you want!" and I had to leave the room).
Nothing beyond PG going on in FFFH, but I could see it being a big deal when Felicia Facebook Mom strolls into the living room and sees her precious accident stumbling across Bray Wyatt...
Granted, the issue lies with YouTube, but I'm hoping WWE doesn't catch any hell for it.
Can we make "Bob heels out on Facebook Moms" a recurring blog segment?
When they come, they'll come at what you love.
- Serujuunin
- Posts: 2441
- Joined: Dec 17th, '10, 19:56
Re: BRM Reviews the 5/6/2019 Raw (not good)
I would be interested in all of this.KILLdozer wrote: ↑May 7th, '19, 22:53We might could fit it in somewhere between the two of us going off on Lars Sullivan...NWK2000 wrote: ↑May 7th, '19, 22:26"Her precious accident"Bob-O wrote: ↑May 7th, '19, 18:26
Oh ye of no children...
This is such a huge deal right now for Felicia Facebook Mom. People are putting fake kids videos out there that cut to scary awful things halfway through. YouTube's algorithm slips them in with whatever Peppa Pig or Little Einsteins videos they were watching. I've never seen it personally, nor has anyone I know, but my wife made me "kid proof" YouTube because she saw a Buzzfeed article (I don't fucking know... I cleared the cache and the search history... told here we were all set... she leaves me alone about it now... I heard her tell a friend "Bob made it so it'd be impossible to happen on ours... if you're worried I can have him come over if you want!" and I had to leave the room).
Nothing beyond PG going on in FFFH, but I could see it being a big deal when Felicia Facebook Mom strolls into the living room and sees her precious accident stumbling across Bray Wyatt...
Granted, the issue lies with YouTube, but I'm hoping WWE doesn't catch any hell for it.
Can we make "Bob heels out on Facebook Moms" a recurring blog segment?
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