BRM Reviews the 1/27/2020 Raw (TERRIBLE!)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 1/27/2020 Raw (TERRIBLE!)

Post by Big Red Machine » Jan 28th, '20, 20:37

We open with a Royal Rumble recap package and then the announcers running down the highlights of tonight’s card. Included in this is Humberto Carrillo getting a shot at the US Title even though he just lost a title match cleanly to the champion last night, and Samoa Joe and Kevin Owens getting a tag title shot even though they haven’t really done anything to earn one.

Our commentary team for tonight is Jerry Lawler, Tom Phillips, and Byron Saxton. It’s gonna be a long night, isn’t it?

DREW MCINTYRE PROMO- fine
He comes out and points at the WrestleMania sign. That f*cking pirate logo is SOOOOOO stupid.
He challenging Brock. He cuts a good promo, then makes an offer for an open challenge because he wants to have a “Claymore Party.” Uch.
Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson both come out and say they want to fight him, so Drew says he’ll fight them both, so start off with a…

HANDICAP MATCH: Drew McIntyre vs. the OC (Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson)- squash
I know that they’ve been beaten to the point of irrelevance, but I still don’t like seeing Gallows & Anderson getting squashed like this.
Also, when did Drew start this gimmick where he counts down to a Claymore Kick? And, more importantly, has anyone shown him any Marty Scurll matches? Because I think those are a pretty stark warning as to what will start to happen to you if you give your opponent a loud verbal cue giving away that you’re about to hit your finisher (hint: it starts to get countered a lot more often).

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- bad
No reason other than to be a dick, our hero picked his fallen opponents up and tossed them out of the ring. This resulted in him being distracted when Brock Lesnar came out and laid him out with an F-5. Brock posed with his belt, then left.

REY MYSTERIO JR. vs. MVP- 3/10
Black Panther last night, Punisher tonight… MVP is really on a cosplaying kick, apparently. I wonder if he loaned Lana the gear she wore last night. The match was short and not very good. The finish in particular didn’t come off well. I don’t know if that was the planned finish or if MVP forgot that he was supposed to take the 619 and they called an audible, but either way it looked bad.

ALEISTER BLACK vs. KENNETH JOHNSON- squash

ALEISTER BLACK PROMO- well… it took him nine months, but he finally figured out that if he wants to fight people, he shouldn’t sit around and wait for someone to ask him to fight.

SETH ROLLINS (& BUDDY MURPHY) PROMO- He bragged for a long time about eliminating Joe and Owens from the Rumble and winning the tag titles from the Viking Raiders. He told Joe and Owens to come out and get their asses kicked. Our babyfaces came out, but instead of fighting, they wasted even more time talking. The point of this was that Owens and Joe tricked Rollins into revealing where AOP were so that the Viking Raiders could attack them. Surely there was a way to have the Viking Raiders take AOP out that didn’t take up so much f*cking time. How about just have AOP cut a promo then get jumped from behind? They talked for an entire commercial to commercial segment!

WWE RAW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Seth Rollins & Buddy Murphy(c) vs. Kevin Owens & Samoa Joe- 4.75/10
Owens wound up fighting alone because Joe got injured. The internet says it’s a concussion, so that really sucks if it’s true. Either way, the wind totally came out of this match as everyone ceased to believe there was any chance of a title change, so it was more or less just waiting for the match to end.

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS BECKY LYNCH- bad
They’re back to doing that dumb sh*t where someone will come out for a match, then they’ll go commercial and come back with a completely unrelated interview, making the person in the ring come off like a geek.
Becky’s promo came off like a total heel promo. As if this wasn’t frustrating enough, they then teased another Charlotte vs. Becky match at Mania.

WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: Andrade “Cien” Almas(c) (w/Zelina Vega) vs. Humberto Carrillo- 5.75/10
The ring announcer pronounced the double L in Carrillo. The match looked oddly slow at times, considering the talent of the two wrestlers involved. Carrillo won by DQ when he hit his finisher but Zelina ran in and caused a DQ.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- didn’t like it
Despite having just run in and attacked Carrillo, Zelina was suddenly reduced to a helpless woman who could only stand there and yell as Carrillo assaulted Andrade and gave him a hammerlock DDT on the exposed concrete. On the bright side, at least this time when someone is getting suspended, they are actually doing an injury angle rather than just having the person disappear for a month and then return without comment. That being said, I didn’t like Carrillo coming off like such a heel and trying to end someone’s career because the guy’s valet screwed him out of a title.

CHARLOTTE PROMO- bad
She’s definitely a heel now. After building up all night that she was going to announce who she was facing, she just came out here and said that she was “going to challenge for a championship… because I’m still thinking about it.” Anyone remember last year where Rollins was told he absolutely had to make an announcement the night after the Rumble so that they could start advertising? Well apparently last year was an aberration (read as: contrived bullsh*t).
Asuka and Kairi came out and Asuka cut a total cartoon promo. She eventually said that if she had been in the Rumble, she would have won. Then she and Kairi attacked Charlotte. We went to commercial, and when we came back we got…

CHARLOTTE FLAIR vs. ASUKA (w/Kairi Sane)- 6.75/10
This was turning into a great duel of submissions… and then we got ANOTHER F*CKING DQ when Kairi came off the top rope and hit the elbow drop when Charlotte had Asuka locked in the figure eight. Then Charlotte got up and beat Kairi up, barely selling Kairi’s finisher.

THE STREET PROFITS WASTE TIME- bad
Also, Kelly Kelly showed up.

WWE 24/7 TITLE MATCH: Mojo Rawley(c) (w/Riddick Moss) vs. No Way Jose (w/his conga line)- squash
Riddick Moss is now Mojo Rawley’s “offensive lineman.” How much do you want to bet that if the Superbowl wasn’t next week they never would have thought of this idiotic idea?
Also, what is even the point of having a designated match for a title that operates under 24/7 rules? Can’t the guy who loses just get right back up, beat up and the champion, pin him, and win the belt right back?
At least Mojo’s promo was good. The part about the title no longer being the “hide and go seek coward’s championship.” The offensive line stuff was bad.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- dumb
R-Truth was a member of the conga line and he rolled Mojo up after the match and won the title. He then found himself caught between Mojo and Moss because he’s apparently too stupid to realize that he could move in more than one dimension. He got hit with a move by Mojo and pinned. This was pointless. At the very least they could have had Moss hit a move and let Mojo get the pin so we could at least see what the new guy’s finisher is.

BOBBY LASHLEY & RUSEV ARE BARRED FROM RINGSIDE: Liv Morgan vs. Lana- 1.25/10
This was short and didn’t suck, which is a major victory on this particular show. Liv won clean.

ERICK ROWAN vs. BRANDEN VICE- DUD!
I’m now giving all Erick Rowan squashes duds on principle for

EDGE PROMO- awesome
This was great babyface stuff, but it just plain wasn’t worth sitting through the rest of this wretched show for.
Randy Orton came out for the predictable “hey, let’s reform our team!... Nope! I attack you!” swerve. He gave Edge an RKO. He then went to Pillmanizer his neck but stopped, then went back and gave Edge a con-chair-to instead. While all of this was happening, not one person came out to stop Randy Orton was trying to end Edge’s career and/or life.

This was an absolutely WRETCHED show that made me regret my decision to start watching main roster TV again regularly. Did Heyman get fired or something? What the f*ck was this sh*t?


STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
Lawler said that Rey’s home state was “San Antonio, TX.”
1. San Antonio is a city, not a state.
2. Rey’s home city is San Diego, CA. Every single wrestling fan knows this. It has got to be up there with “Von Erichs are from Dallas,” “Harts are from Calgary,” and “Ric Flair is from Charlotte” (and, of course, everyone know that Lance Storm is from Calgary,… Alberta, Canada), with wrestler’s home towns that every single fan who has even heard of those knows by heart. There is no excuse for Lawler f*cking this one up.


Video packages for old guys (Edge, MVP)
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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Serujuunin
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Re: BRM Reviews the 1/27/2020 Raw (TERRIBLE!)

Post by Serujuunin » Jan 29th, '20, 10:18

I think Carrillo did that to Andrade not because he lost, but because Andrade did it to him and put him on the shelf and it was supposed to be revenge.

And at least it doesn’t make him seem like the baby face who takes a loss and meekly says “okay...” and goes about his life like a kicked puppy.

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Re: BRM Reviews the 1/27/2020 Raw (TERRIBLE!)

Post by Big Red Machine » Jan 29th, '20, 10:41

Serujuunin wrote:
Jan 29th, '20, 10:18
I think Carrillo did that to Andrade not because he lost, but because Andrade did it to him and put him on the shelf and it was supposed to be revenge.
The opportunity to do this passed already. If they were going to do this, you need Humberto to be at that high danger and intensity level the whole time from the time of his return to the moment he does it. You can't have him wrestle teo matches calmly (including a clean loss) and then snap on Andrade because of a run-in.
Serujuunin wrote: And at least it doesn’t make him seem like the baby face who takes a loss and meekly says “okay...” and goes about his life like a kicked puppy.
The correct babyface response is to cut a promo vowing to earn another shot (in the case of a clean loss like Sunday) or to cut a fiery promo demanding a rematch in a cage so Zelina can't interfere. You dont try to kill someone.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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Re: BRM Reviews the 1/27/2020 Raw (TERRIBLE!)

Post by Bob-O » Jan 29th, '20, 11:09

Big Red Machine wrote:
Jan 29th, '20, 10:41
The opportunity to do this passed already. If they were going to do this, you need Humberto to be at that high danger and intensity level the whole time from the time of his return to the moment he does it. You can't have him wrestle teo matches calmly (including a clean loss) and then snap on Andrade because of a run-in.
If they knew about the Wellness thing, why not just run the angle AT THE ROYAL RUMBLE?? This free rematch stuff has to stop...
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Re: BRM Reviews the 1/27/2020 Raw (TERRIBLE!)

Post by Big Red Machine » Jan 29th, '20, 12:34

Bob-O wrote:
Jan 29th, '20, 11:09
Big Red Machine wrote:
Jan 29th, '20, 10:41
The opportunity to do this passed already. If they were going to do this, you need Humberto to be at that high danger and intensity level the whole time from the time of his return to the moment he does it. You can't have him wrestle teo matches calmly (including a clean loss) and then snap on Andrade because of a run-in.
If they knew about the Wellness thing, why not just run the angle AT THE ROYAL RUMBLE?? This free rematch stuff has to stop...
Did they know before Monday?
My guess ie that none of this (the angle or the match) happens if there is no suspension.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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Re: BRM Reviews the 1/27/2020 Raw (TERRIBLE!)

Post by Bob-O » Jan 29th, '20, 13:30

Big Red Machine wrote:
Jan 29th, '20, 12:34
Bob-O wrote:
Jan 29th, '20, 11:09
Big Red Machine wrote:
Jan 29th, '20, 10:41
The opportunity to do this passed already. If they were going to do this, you need Humberto to be at that high danger and intensity level the whole time from the time of his return to the moment he does it. You can't have him wrestle teo matches calmly (including a clean loss) and then snap on Andrade because of a run-in.
If they knew about the Wellness thing, why not just run the angle AT THE ROYAL RUMBLE?? This free rematch stuff has to stop...
Did they know before Monday?
My guess ie that none of this (the angle or the match) happens if there is no suspension.
You're right, they probably didn't. I'm not sure the logistics of WWE's urinalysis, but those are most likely results that come in on a Monday morning.

I feel like they ALWAYS have at least one rematch on Raw following a PPV though... you know, because nothing ever ends in WWE besides Cedric's push. I'm taking this as Humberto vs Andrade for 'Mania, unless he comes back in 30 days and whoops the dog turds out of Humberto, who gets saved by whomever they've got in mind. You're right about the corner they've booked themselves into as well... not sure how Andrade returns from this heelishly...


Speaking of Cedric's push though, he's on Superstars this week!
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jobbing to Riddick Moss... EC3 levels of BS...
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Re: BRM Reviews the 1/27/2020 Raw (TERRIBLE!)

Post by Serujuunin » Jan 29th, '20, 14:55

Big Red Machine wrote:
Jan 29th, '20, 10:41
Serujuunin wrote:
Jan 29th, '20, 10:18
I think Carrillo did that to Andrade not because he lost, but because Andrade did it to him and put him on the shelf and it was supposed to be revenge.
The opportunity to do this passed already. If they were going to do this, you need Humberto to be at that high danger and intensity level the whole time from the time of his return to the moment he does it. You can't have him wrestle teo matches calmly (including a clean loss) and then snap on Andrade because of a run-in.
Serujuunin wrote: And at least it doesn’t make him seem like the baby face who takes a loss and meekly says “okay...” and goes about his life like a kicked puppy.
The correct babyface response is to cut a promo vowing to earn another shot (in the case of a clean loss like Sunday) or to cut a fiery promo demanding a rematch in a cage so Zelina can't interfere. You dont try to kill someone.
I’m not saying it was well done, I’m just trying to find the silver linings.

I try to find the little good things they do for characterization because there just doesn’t seem to be a lot of it.

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