BRM Reviews the 6/21/2021 Raw (More Free Hell in a Cell. And Nikki Cross is a Superhero Now)

[Big Red Machine]

The Hell in a Cell cell is hanging above the ring. Did USA bitch that Fox got a Hell in a Cell match and they didn’t so now we’re getting Charlotte vs. Rhea in HIAC tonight?

OPENING SEGMENT- TERRIBLE! ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS!
MVP, Lashley, and Lashley’s Ladies are doing the VIP Lounge. MVP and Lashley both bragged very well, but it wasn’t anything interesting enough not make me just wish they would get on with it and have whoever is going to come out and interrupt them come out here and interrupt them already.
Said interrupter turned out to be The New Day. They wanted to participate in MVP’s toast of Lashley, so they brought toast and threw it into the ring. MVP cut an absolutely SCATHING promo on them, calling them cosplaying clowns who aren’t dedicated enough to get where Lashley is, or even get themselves a match on the PPV. Everything he said here was the absolute truth.
Kofi responded by asking Lashley if he thought that MVP and the ladies would still be around if he lost the title. We’ve been given no evidence to think that they won’t, and that’s especially true in MVP’s case. And what’s more, the evidence seems to indicate that Lashley needs MVP to succeed. All of his success started when MVP showed up.
Lashley responded, saying that he was better than Kofi and would never lose the title. Kofi said that he beat Lashley a few weeks ago, and brought some footage. Said footage showed Xavier interfering on his behalf, and had conveniently edited out Drew McIntyre hitting Lashley with a weapon. THIS IS WHAT AN INCOMPETENT HEEL WOULD DO!
Kofi challenged Lashley to a title match at the PPV and Lashley accepted because he said he knew Kofi couldn’t beat him without help. Lashley said he was going to make sure the match was one on one. He started to talk about the PPV but I guess he said something wrong because MVP jumped in and correct him, saying “tonight” and Lashley changed course. Lashley challenged Woods to a match tonight.
Woods criticized Lashley and MVP’s “toxic testosterone” and “old-school mentality” for underestimating him by not recognizing him as a “renaissance man.” They began to interrupt him but he shouted them down, and then proceeded to talk about how many subscribers his videogaming YouTube channel had. The camera cut to Lashley and MVP, and MVP was looking at Lashley with the exact same look on his face that I had at that moment, which can best be described as completely baffled that someone could be so detached from reality as to think the things Woods was saying with such conviction were in any way relevant.
At least Woods had the intelligence to finish this with saying that he was an eleven-time world tag team champion, but even still… it’s a singles match. Who cares? And how many of Woods’ tag title reigns were under Freebird Rules, where he wasn’t actually wrestling a full schedule? Woods can warn Lashley not to underestimate him all he wants, but it won’t matter for sh*t because, as a viewer, I assume that even a half-assed Bobby Lashley could beat a full-effort Xavier Woods, because Woods is a glorified jobber to the stars. Think about it. Can you EVER remember Woods beating a big name cleanly?
Well… I went back and checked. I used results from Cagematch.net, and cross-checked Woods’ few wins over upper-midcard wrestlers with my own notes and those from PWTorch, and guest what? In his almost EIGHT YEARS on the main roster, Xavier Woods has NEVER gotten a clean singles win over even a midcarder, and has even only ever beaten a midcarder or above with shenanigans TWICE. And he thinks he can beat Bobby Lashley even if Lashley doesn’t take him seriously? Say what you will about Lashley and MVP’s “old-school mentality,” Xavier, but maybe you spent more time focused on wrestling and less time focused on video games, you’d be able to actually beat someone.
And it gets even more ridiculous. Woods decided that this match should be a Hell in a Cell match. This thing “shortens careers,” and is “the most dangerous match in all of WWE,” but Woods will step into it just for crazy ‘cause. The only way to salvage this at this point is if Lashley OBLITERATES Woods and Woods has to leave on a stretcher, and this leads to Kofi being more serious (and to Woods being more serious when he returns from his injuries in six months).
The announcers are all pushing that this is crazy for Lashley to wrestle to Hell in a Cell matches in twenty-four hours, but it didn’t seem like a big deal to me because 1) Lashley isn’t selling anything, and 2) it’s Xavier Woods. One spear and he’s dead. One Hurt Lock and he’s dead. Even with Lashley injured, I don’t think he stands a snowball’s chance in hell.

After a commercial break, we were told the Hell in a Cell match was official. They gave Jimmy Smith ridiculously careful wording that would allow him to construe this as a “first-time-ever” event for Raw. What he said was that it would be the first time “Hell in a Cell will take place” (as opposed to the famous Taker & Austin vs. Kane & Mankind match that ever officially got started). It’s absolutely insane the lengths this company will go to in order to be able to say “first time ever,” as if that’s some sort of draw for people. Even if it was the first HIAC match on Raw, who cares? We all just saw two of them last night, another on Friday, and they’ve been doing the match for years. We’ve been out of the PPV era for more than half a decade now. I’m sure most fans have seen at least eight Hell in a Cell matches live on the WWE Network or TV.

EARLIER TODAY, AJ STYLES & OMOS BUMP INTO THE VIKING RAIDERS BACKSTAGE- bad
The Viking Raiders used AJ’s “phenomenal” catchphrase (catchword?) as if this is something that would get AJ upset. They traded horribly dumb insults. I heard the phrase “stinky barbarians” uttered, because I guess no one learned their lesson from Hulk Hogan’s promos on the Giant in 1995. Ivar (or maybe Erik. Who cares? The one that used to be Hanson) got angry when AJ slapped his turkey leg out of his hand.

RICOCHET PROMO- good
Hey, look! There is finally someone likable on my TV!

MONEY IN THE BANK QUALIFYING MATCH: Ricochet vs. AJ Styles (w/Omos)- 5.75/10
Ricochet appears to be wearing his street clothes for some reason.
They did athletic stuff. Eventually the Viking Raiders came out to try to attack Omos two on one. He beat them, but then made the mistake of trying to do the Braun-The-Dummy spot of charging at them and winding up going through the barricade when they move. Ricochet then countered a Phenomenal Forearm into the Recoil for a clean win. This should have gotten ten more minutes.

MATT RIDDLE ANNOYS RANDY ORTON BACKSTAGE- annoying

KEVIN PATRICK INTERVIEWS EVA MARIE, COMPLETELY IGNORING HER NAMELESS FRIEND- good for what it was, but…
Yeah. They still don’t know her name. It’s been a whole f*cking week and no one asked this new employee what her name was? And corporate didn’t tell them? What the f*ck goes on in this company. I’m meeting a new member of my team tomorrow. I know what his name is because on Friday everyone in the office got an email saying “we’ve got a new employee starting next week. His name is Chris. Please say ‘hi’ to him.”
Anyway, this segment solidified the gimmick, which is that Eva is a faux role-model who can’t even remember the little people’s names. Kevin Patrick (who Eva had first called “Kyle” and later called “Ken”) asked The Friend what her name was, but Eva interrupted and gave her the idiotic name of “Dewdrop.” The Mystery Woman’s countenance fell when she heard this name. Eva ordered her to carry her cape like a bridal train, and they set off. My idea that Piper Niven’s new name would also be Eva Marie was much better.
Everyone in this segment did a good job with what they were asked to do, but I have two concerns. The first is that “Dewdrop” is such a dumb name that it makes it impossible to take this seriously. The second is that “heel woman doing a role-model gimmick with an eager lackey whose name she gets wrong” is Britt Baker’s gimmick over on Dynamite, so it’s really not a good idea for WWE to be doing the same thing.

NAOMI & ASUKA PROMO- bad
Way too goofy, and way too catchphrase-focused. Also, having Naomi call Piper Eva’s “protégé” (the officially corporate term they have chosen for her) when we have no real reason to think that Naomi would perceive their relationship in that way (and we really don’t have any reason to, either) made her whole promo feel painfully scripted because she so obviously using the Official Branding™.

MONEY IN THE BANK QUALIFYING MATCH: Asuka & Naomi vs. Eva Marie & Dewdrop- no rating, what the f*ck is going on here?
Dewdrop did a great job of coming across like someone who isn’t actually a trained wrestler. She was just a large woman throwing strikes and running into people, using her size as a weapon. Between that and her facial expressions, she really has the tools to make this “poor sap who Eva is having fight her battles for her” gimmick work… except for the fact that she’s so clearly Piper Niven who I have been watching in NXT UK for the past year and a half, so I just can’t bring myself to pretend that she is some fresh chump off the street.
Anyway, Eva wasn’t even standing on the apron until Dewdrop got the advantage and then Eva tagged herself in to steal the pin… but Naomi kicked out. Eva went to tag Dewdrop back in… but Dewdrop hopped off the apron, and Naomi rolled Eva up for the win. Eva looked at Dewdrop, and Dewdrop just shrugged at her. So she turned babyface on Eva already? After one segment? That’s not how this usually happens.

RAW WOMENS’ TITLE SEGMENT- bad
Adam Pearce and Sonya Deville came out to scold Rhea for purposely getting herself DQed to retain her title last night. Rhea defended herself by saying that Charlotte cheats all the time. Charlotte came out put Rhea over for cheating, but said she would destroy her. They both came off like heels.
Sonya said that Charlotte would get a rematch at the PPV… and that was it. No “it’s a no DQs match,” no “the title can change hands on a DQ or a count-out.” They did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to ensure that the same bullsh*t outcome they were so upset about can’t happen again.

EARLIER TODAY NATTIE AND TAMINA’S PHOTOSHOOT IS INTERRUPTED BY AN INTERVIEWER-
Who scheduled this sh*t? Was there really no other time that she could interview them than during their photoshoot?
Also, Dana and Mandy are working out in the ring, which annoyed Nattie and Tamina. They headed over to the ring to admit that they didn’t realize how distracting it could be to have someone wrestling ten feet away from where you’re trying to take glamour shots, apologize to Mandy and Dana, and suggest that bygones be bygones.
Just kidding. They got angry at Mandy and Dana. Mandy pointed out that not only are they doing exactly what Nattie and Tamina were doing last week, but by doing so, they are doing the very thing that Nattie suggested they do. She might as well have added on “there is no way you can possibly complain about this without being a hypocrite.” Nattie, of course, went full-on hypocrite, saying that their job as tag champs is to do photoshoots. She really said that.
Dana and Mandy challenged them to a fight, so Nattie and Tamina charged the ring… and as they came through the ropes, Mandy and Dana kicked them right in the faces, sending them tumbling ignobly to the floor. I laughed my ass off at that. What a pair of dummies!

MONEY IN THE BANK QUALIFYING MATCH: John Morrison vs. Randy Orton- 6.25/10
The Miz was on commentary for this match. Miz got involved by squirting Orton from his wheelchair. Riddle came out to chase Miz around on his scooter. Orton got annoyed by this for some reason, leading to his own defeat. I was just shocked that Morrison actually got to win with Starship Pain instead of a roll-up.

KEVIN PATRICK INTERVIEWS NIA JAX & SHAYNA BASZLER- meh
Shayna says she isn’t afraid of anyone. Nia says that “there is something different about Alexa.” Maybe it’s the new music Alexa was about to debut?

MONEY IN THE BANK QUALIFYING MATCH: Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross vs. Shayna Baszler & Nia Jax (w/Reginald)-
Nikki Cross is a goofball superhero now. WHY?! Just… WHY? It’s like they heard people criticize the portrayal of Nikki before and said “you think that’s goofy? You ain’t seen nothing yet!”
I REALLY want to see Drew vs. Riddle but WWE is making it really f*cking hard to justify sticking around for that match.
Anyway, stuff happened, including hypnosis. They did a spot where Nia was holding Nikki and Shayna went to hit her but Nikki moved. Shayna was able to stop herself in time… but even though Shayna was 1) clearly aiming for Nikki and 2) didn’t even actually make contact with Nia, Nia still got angry with her and went to walk out. Nia grabbed Reginald and said “let’s go,” but Alexa climbed the turnbuckle and hypnotized Reginald. She tried to get him to slap Nia, but he snapped out of it before he hit her because… um… because USA won’t allow man-on-woman violence, I guess? Hold on…
THAT’S IT! That’s how you defeat The Fiend and Lilly and all of that crap. Neither of them are any match for the power network censorship! WWE should bring back Saturday Morning Slam and then book The Fiend on that show and he’ll be powerless and thus easily destroyed!
Soon after Super Nikki pinned Shayna Baszler with a Magistral cradle. Yeah. Shayna Baszler lost to a goof in a superhero costume.

ADAM PEARCE & SONYA DEVILLE CHECK ON DREW MCINTYRE- meh
They ask him if he really wants to wrestle tonight because they know he’s banged up. If you’re so worried about him, why did you book him in the first place? This segment was done entirely so Drew could cut a “look how tough I am!” promo. That’s nice and all, but it’d be much better to keep him out for a week and put Hell in a Cell over.

They’re doing a series of “F9 John Cena Moments” where they show a clip from the movie and then a Cena WWE moment. That should be all of the confirmation we need for the Cena vs. Roman rumor.

EVERYONE ELSE COMPLAINS ABOUT NOT BEING BOOKED IN AN MITB QUALIFIER- Sheamus got to be an idiot. Cedric and Jeff got to be loud. Jinder asked to be considered as a replacement if something should happen to any of the qualified wrestlers, so you know he’s going to attack someone.

MONEY IN THE BANK QUALIFYING MATCH: Matt Riddle vs. Drew McIntyre- 7.5/10
When they returned from their mid-match commercial, they spent a good ten or fifteen seconds showing us the hanging cell and a graphic for the Lashley vs. Woods match, completely ignoring the on-going Money in the Bank qualifier.
I was hoping for more out of this match. It’s not that they didn’t work hard and put a good match together, but it just felt like it was missing something. Riddle won clean with a roll-up, which surprised me. I figured that with Orton losing earlier, his partner would also lose and they’d wind up with a tag title shot at the PPV. I really didn’t like the announcers calling this an upset. If Hell in a Cell is really as dangerous as you claim, then shouldn’t Riddle have been the favorite because he didn’t have to go through a Hell in a Cell match twenty-four hours ago and Drew did?
Orton had come out to watch from the ramp. Riddle wanted a fist-bump from him. Orton refused, so Riddle began to ask him what was wrong.

MANSOOR AND JAXSON RYKER BACKSTAGE- shockingly good
Mansoor asked Ryker for advice, but was scared by Ryker being intimidated, but Ryker eventually started telling him that many of his enemies are “wolves in sheep’s clothing,” and “those closest to you.” This applies to Ryker’s feud with Elias, for which Ryker proceeded to cut a promo building up a strap match next week, but also applies to Mansoor’s own storyline with Mustafa Ali.
About the strap match… yes, AEW announced theirs first, but WWE actually put the work in to tell a logical story leading to one. Elias keeps walking out on their matches, so now we’re getting a match where he and Ryker will be tired together so he can’t away. In AEW, they’re having a strap match because Q.T. Marshall randomly decided to challenge Cody to a strap match.
Even better than the promo, though, was Ryker just hitting himself with the strap and not selling it one bit. Elias out to be sh*tting himself.

MANSOOR & MUSTAFA ALI BACKSTAGE- and here is where WWE ruins things by being WWE
Mansoor just got some advice about his situation with Ali… and there is Ali, two f*cking feet away, to give him different advice. It’s just so goofy that the other guy in the storyline jus happens to be right there.

Next week there will be a “Last Chance” MITB qualifying match between the three guys who lost qualifiers tonight. Really? These guys all get a second chance? Wow. Those guys in that other segment (and Ali here) really do have a good reason to be upset at management.

HELL IN A CELL MATCH: Xavier Woods (w/Kofi Kingston) vs. Bobby Lashley (w/MVP)- 7.75/10
“F*CK HIM UP, LASHLEY! F*CK HIM UP!” *clap!*clap!* “F*CK HIM UP, LASHLEY! F*CK HIM UP!” *clap!*clap!*
These two had a great weapons match, and MVP and Kofi played their parts on the outside very well. Does this validate Woods? Absolutely not. He was completely fresh, while Lashley was wrestling his second Hell in a Cell match in twenty-four hours. And Woods still lost clean.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- good
MVP runs into the cell and re-locks it. Lashley locks Woods in the Hurt Lock again and tortures him while Kofi is forced to watch. Maybe someone from management could give a hand by raising the cell so the referees can get in their and stop this post-match attack? It feels very strange that they’re used a Hell in a Cell match essentially just for a post-match angle to build to a regular singles match.


This was a meh episode of Raw, but on the thumbs down side. Like a 4.5/10. There was some very good wrestling, but also a lot of bad decisions. The Nikki Cross thing in particular is baffling to me. It’s so out of left field. “Nikki Cross is now doing a superhero gimmick” is the kind of thing you’d expect to see in a results thread on April Fool’s Day.