BRM Reviews CHIKARA Reality is Relative (disappointing)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews CHIKARA Reality is Relative (disappointing)

Post by Big Red Machine » May 7th, '23, 21:31

CHIKARA Reality is Relative (12/12/2010)- Reading, PA

Wink thinks they should be a trio, and brings them Jonathan Gresham. He tells them that their match tonight has been changed to a trios match. Also, he doesn’t know their names. Wink leaves, and Amasis looks Gresham up and down a few times. Ophidian leans over to Amasis and expresses concern that “he’s not an Egyptian.” That was entertaining.

OSIRIAN PORTAL & JONATHAN GRESHAM vs. BRUDERSCHAFT DES KREUZES (Lincé Dorado, Pinkie Sanchez, & Delirious)- 6/10
The babyfaces won a fun opener. The makeshift trio worked well together.

Pinkie Sanchez began to cut a promo. He wanted the rest of his team to join him in the ring, but they left him, blaming him for the loss (he did get pinned). They did, however, return to help him when Eddie Kingston got into the ring and gave him a Backfist to the Future. Eddie was overwhelmed, and things only got worse for him when Tursas came out and hit him with a big splash off the top. Dieter VonStiegerwalt then came out and noted that Kingston vs. Tursas was supposed to happen tonight, so why not start it right now? The BDK threw the unwilling CHIKARA referee from the previous match into the ring to start off…

Kingston overcame the pre-match attack to eventually come back and get the win. This was disappointingly short, and I think that losing this quickly despite the advantage of a pre-match attack really hurt Tursas.

He’s confident that he can beat Jimmy Olsen. Derek Sabato came up to him and said that he didn’t want to see what happened to Lincé Dorado last month (he wasn’t able to use the BDK’s numbers games and Sabato’s heel referee antics to him win because Wink Vavasseur decided to pace around ringside) happen to Tim. Donst dismissed his concerns and said that he would “earn” this win, just like he earned his Young Lions Cup victory.

This was your typical Derek Sabato heel referee match, but the whole thing with Jimmy’s knockout punch allowed them to vary up the story a bit by having a specific move Sabato was stopping Jimmy from hitting, and setting up a great false finish. Wink Vavasseur did come to ringside, but didn’t do anything.

Before the bell, UltraMantis kept demanding to know “were you involved?” I assume he’s talking about Obariyon and Kodama abandoning him., but I’m not certain. The announcers are assuming this as well.
They wrestled a fun match that Hallowicked won by turning over a small package.

UltraMantis Black acknowledged that Hallowicked had defeated him “fair and square,” and demanded answers from Hallowicked once again. The fans even chanted “GIVE HIM ANSWERS!” Hallowicked did not oblige, because he had none to give… but the hooded figure from the previous show emerged to give them. He had Obariyon and Kodama with him, and a third person, also cloaked and hooded, waddling along behind him.
He told UltraMantis that UMB would not receive the army he had asked for until he paid for it. Sounds fair to me. The hooded man said that the payment he wanted was the Eye of Tyr. UltraMantis said he didn’t have the Eye of Tyr. The hooded figure became enraged… and then immediately lost any ability to come off as threatening when he told UltraMantis “my frizzend, your lizzife is about be turned into a three-ring cizzurcus.” You cannot possibly come off as threatening when you talk like that.
Fans immediately identified him as Kizarny. He sent Obariyon and Kodama to attack UMB. Those two held UMB up so that the new guy (Kobald) could spear him. Hallowicked just stood there and watched the four heels beat UMB down until Frightmare came out and convinced him that they should make the save. Kizarny his identity to us in another promo where he did a good job of being intense. His act might have worked very well if it hadn’t been destroyed by the carny-speak earlier on. The Spectral Envoy coming together part of this worked very well.

BRUDERSCHAFT DES KREUZES (Sara Del Rey & Daizee Haze) vs. THE COLONY (Fire Ant & Soldier Ant)- 5.5/10
Soldier Ant made Daizee tap out to the CHIKARA Special in one of the best five-minute matches you’ll ever see. That’s two straight matches with big names that were disappointingly short.

Does Dasher not know Brodie Lee and Grizzly Redwood’s names? He just referred to them as “Trucker” and “Lumberjack.”

THE THROWBACKS vs. THE ROUGHNECKS (Brodie Lee & Grizzly Redwood)- 6.5/10
This was a good brawl. The throwbacks won cleanly in ten minutes when Dasher caught Grizz with a small package. Brodie attacked him after the match, reigniting a brawl that the Roughnecks won. We then got a long beat-down, including both Throwbacks getting hit with Dasher’s baseball bat. This was a good stepping up of this feud, even if the beating went on a little too long.

Jimmy was going to be a goof but Colin shooed him off. Colin cut a meh promo on Vin Gerard that he then ruined with a stupid joke at the end.

Considering that talent involved, this was pretty good. Colin won cleanly, but my inability to care about the Olsen Twins made it very hard for me to care about his big victory.

CLAUDIO CASTAGNOLI (SILENTLY BACKED UP BY ARES) SCOLDS THE REST OF THE BDK FOR LOSING- He tells them that this failure will have consequences.

2 OUT OF 3 FALLS MATCH FOR THE CHIKARA CAMPEONATOS DE PAREJAS: Bruderschaft des Kreuzes (Claudio Castagnoli & Ares)(c)vs. Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw- 7.75/10
Before the match, Dieter von Stiegerwalt brought Derek Sabato out to be the referee, but Wink Vavasseur replaced him with Bryce Remsburg. Sabato and Dieter argued this vociferously, but were shot down. Dieter had a quick huddle with the BDK on their way to the ring.
Quacken-Saw had Eddie Kingston with them to counter-act the expected pre-match attack by Delirious. Kingston knocked Delirious out and took him to the back. Quack and Jigsaw overwhelmed Ares early on and Quack got a quick pinfall on him with the Alligator Clutch. After that, the babyfaces all came out to surround the ring and cheer Quacken-Saw on.
The action continued for a while until Claudio took Bryce out from behind, then called out Sabato. After some more action, Claudio took Quack out, then locked him in the Inverted CHIKARA Special, and Sabata grabs Quacks hand and makes him tap to tie things up at one. Quack was basically dead from this point on, forcing Jigsaw to fight on his own. Jigsaw endured everything the BDK threw at him, and even got some nearfalls in where he was screwed by Sabato’s slow counting. Eventually Ares just dumped Jigsaw out of the ring and pulled the lifeless Quack in to make Quack the legal competitor. Ares went to “cripple” Quack with a Tigerdriver, but it turned out Quack was playing possum, and he locked in a small package… but Sabato counted slowly again. Ditto on the QD3. Quack next tried a double-underhook superplex, but the landing aggravated Quack’s injury. Claudio pulled Ares out of the ring and got in, leaving him legal opposite the injured Quack. Claudio took over, and after some good stuff between those two, Claudio hit a double-powerbomb into a Ricola Bomb for the one, two- BRYCE PULLS SABATO OUT OF THE RING! AND HE PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE! That got a TREMENDOUS pop.
Bryce got into the ring and got in Claudio’s face. Then Jigsaw’s foot got in Claudio’s face. Twice. Then Ares’ face, too. Then Jigsaw hit Ares with the Jig-n-Tonic to win the titles! The nightmare is over! The BDK have been (mostly) vanquished!
Despite the major emotional high of the end, this match didn’t have the epic feel you’d expect. I think the issue was the Sabato’s gimmick made false finishes for the babyfaces impossible, and because we knew the babyfaces couldn’t win with him as the referee, everything they did on offense felt like filler until the Sabato situation could be resolved. Sabato’s involvement here was a great payoff to the overall story, but I think this match was worse for it.

We got a big babyface celebration. Jakob Hammermeier tried to get into the ring, but Gavin Loudspeaker took him out… although when you consider that Jakob has an arm in a sling and a leg brace on, Gavin attacking him felt kind of mean.

This was a disappointing show from CHIKARA. Yes, it closed with one of the biggest emotional highs in the company’s history, but it was a very disappointing show in the ring, and in terms of being a season finale. In fact, other than the big finish, this felt a lot more like a mid-season show than a season finale. It’s quite the disappointing end to arguably the best year in the company’s history.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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