BRM Reviews the 5/31/2023 Dynamite (no direction coming out of the PPV?)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 5/31/2023 Dynamite (no direction coming out of the PPV?)

Post by Big Red Machine » Jun 1st, '23, 22:10

BLACKPOOL COMBAT CLUB (Claudio Castagnoli, Jon Moxley, & Wheeler YUTA) vs. BANDIDO & THE LUCHA BROS (w/Alex Abrahantes)- 7/10
Bryan Danielson was on commentary for this match. He was asked if Don Callis and Konosuke Takeshita were part of the Blackpool Combat Club. He said he couldn’t answer that question, but that Callis might when he cut a promo later tonight. That must mean that an offer was made, because that seems to be the only way that statement could make any sense.
Bandido is wearing gear so atrocious I didn’t even recognize him. He has antennae. Also, he’s carrying some kind of goofy hammer. Speaking of hammers, remember earlier this year when the Lucha Bros. turned heel by using one constantly in their feud with the Elite? Did they ever do anything to actually turn back babyface?
The announcers are all putting Wheeler YUTA over for pinning Kenny Omega, completely ignoring the fact that he only did so because someone else ran in and stabbed Omega in the face.

Bandido did the big stalling vertical suplex spot to YUTA while the Lucha Bros had Moxley and Claudio in submission holds inside the ring. The crowd counted up to sixty. All this did was make me wonder why the referee hadn’t even gotten to one when he should have been counting for the Lucha Bros- not the legal wrestlers- to get out of the ring or else be disqualified.
Moves happened. YUTA pinned Bandido after the MMA Elbows and a Seat Belt. Danielson made a big deal about how YUTA beat the guys who beat him last week.

ALEX MARVEZ INTERVIEWS ADAM PAGE & THE YOUNG BUCKS- meh
Whichever Jackson talked first was bad, making things into a joke. The second Jackson was decent. Adam Page was good.
Then the Dark Order showed up to interrupt and engage in high school with passive aggressive theatrics, saying “Oh. Hangman is with his new friends now.” Thankfully, they left quickly. Alex Marvez then asked Adam Page about a rumor that Kenny Omega had gone back to Canada. Page said that Omega was not in Canada. They used the phrase “left the country,” so I assume this means he’s gone to recruit Kota Ibushi to help the Elite at Forbidden Door. Adam Page basically saved this segment.

TONY SCHIAVONE INTERVIEWS JAY WHITE & JUICE ROBINSON- bad
This segment started off with Tony claiming that these two did something important at the PPV. They had unremarkable runs in the opening battle royale. Is it really that hard for these people to not say dumb sh*t?
Jay White- JAY WHITE- is out here bragging about keeping someone else from winning a battle royale for an undercard championship like it’s some sort of accomplishment.
Then Juice started to talk. Every time he does so, it makes me want to slap Tony Khan in the face for giving him a microphone every week. How could he possibly think this f*cking clown is effective at doing anything other than making people want to change the channel. Merely standing next to him makes Jay White look like less of a star.
Jay White said mean things about FTR, who then came out to respond. Before they could, however, Bullet Club had to get another round of clown sh*t in. The fans actually cheered Jay White’s suggestion that FTR join Bullet Club Gold. Really.
Bullet Club Gold attacked FTR and beat them up. Ricky Starks came out and chased Bullet Club Gold off, and in the only good part of the this, Ricky Starks challenged Jay White to a match.

TONY KHAN MAKES AN ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT COLLISION- He announced Punk’s return. The crowd reaction seemed to be about 65-35 for.

TRENT BERETTA vs. BIG BILL vs. SHANE STRICKLAND (w/the Mogul Embassy)- 7/10
Strickland won cleanly.

KRIS STATLANDER TITLE WIN VIDEO PACKAGE- ineffective
Yes, her emotion was good, but the journey she was emotional over was inaccessible to me as a fan because every single step of it took place off screen. And I’m not just talking about her recovery, either. At no point did she ever express any kind of self-doubt or tell us how much it would mean to her to be a champion or anything like that.

RENEE PAQUETTE INTERVIEWS BILLY GUNN & THE ACCLAIMED- bad
Apparently they were undefeated as a trio before Sunday’s PPV loss. That seems like something that could have driven some interest in that match if you had built that fact up beforehand. Too late now.
Bowens says that “a few weeks ago, me and Max were screwed out of tag team gold, and we want gold back!” It was actually several months, not “weeks,” and therein lies the problem. If they were so upset about this and if being the tag champs means so much to them, why did they not immediately tell the JAS “no. We don’t want to be in your group” and then turn their focus back to the tag titles instead of spending a month dicking around with Menard and Parker (and that was all before the JAS attacked them and their feud actually began)? And don’t tell me that they knew the JAS would attack them if they said no, because they clearly didn’t, or else they wouldn’t have gotten jumped later on.
This is yet another example of Tony Khan’s poor storytelling. The “story” here is the Acclaimed wanting their titles back they were screwed out of a while ago, correct? What Tony has done here essentially ignores the inconvenient question that I asked above. Would a better way to tell this story not be to have them immediately demand their title shot, have the JAS court them at the same time we’re getting the story of the Gunns’ stalling to make the title shot official, then do the title shot on TV and have the JAS cost them the match, then have them cut a promo saying that they still want the tag belts, but they know that they won’t be able to get a fair shot at them until the deal with the JAS, then have them beat the JAS, then get another title shot? Rather than ignoring an inconvenient issue, that story turns it into an asset by 1) showing us immediately that the Acclaimed are unhappy about getting screwed and want their title shot back, and 2) turning the JAS into an obstacle that the Acclaimed must overcome on the road to hopefully getting their titles back.
Anyway, this somehow got worse, as they finished with Bowens cutting a passionate promo about how Billy Gunn “deserves to hold gold one more time,” so apparently they are still going for the Trios Titles, too. This just makes having them lose to the House of Black at the PPV even more baffling.

TONY SCHIAVONE INTERVIEWS DON CALLIS- meh
Excalibur tells us that the Elite left the building after their earlier interview. Are you telling me that, in kayfabe, these guys flew here from their respective homes just so they could give an interview and one of the Jackson’s could see a trainer? Really? Why would they do that? Or is Tony Khan such a dick that he demanded that they fly here for something they could have easily done via satellite, and when one of them is injured, to boot?
Yes, I realize that we are being told this to explain why they don’t just come out and attack Callis and Takeshita. In fact, that’s kind of my point. Are you really fixing a plot-hole if you get the dirt to fill it in by digging up a whole new plot-hole?
Callis got lots of heat. He said the standard cartoonish, completely unreasonable heel manager stuff we expected him to say in this situation. Everything Kenny Omega ever accomplished was because of him, it’s Omega’s fault the BCC scarred him, Takeshita is the best ever, etc.

ARN ANDERSON & WARDLOW VIDEO PACKAGE/PROMO- okay
Wardlow will be facing Luchasaurus next. This didn’t come off like a babyface video package. “I will go to any lengths to defend the title” is not a babyface sentiment to be expressing.

THE GATES OF AGONY vs. DARBY ALLIN & ORANGE CASSIDY- 7/10
Prince Nana, Brian Cage, and Shane Strickland came out to watch from the ramp. Strickland is the leader, so he got a chair. The other two had to stand.
This was a good underdog babyfaces vs. monster heels match, but it’s also the ROH World Six-Man Tag Team Champions doing a job for two guys who we were constantly told weren’t 100%. ANYONE could have been in this spot. It didn’t need to be members of Mogul Affiliates to have Cage and Strickland come down and menace the babyfaces after the match.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- meh
The above-mentioned menacing happened. Sting came out to reinforce Darby and OC.

MJF PROMO AFTER DOUBLE OR NOTHING- tremendous

TONY SCHIAVONE IN THE RING SAYING… SOMETHING… IS INTERRUPTED BY HOOK, WHICH IS IN TURN IMMEDIATELY INTERRUPTED BY LA FACCION INGOBERNABLE (SANS RUSH)- meh
Jose whined about LFI not getting much TV time, then the attacked Hook. Jungle Boy came out with a chair to make the save.

RENEE PAQUETTE INTERVIEWS THE OUTCASTS- meh
Standard heel bragging from the heels, but I liked that they plugged title defenses on the weekend’s house shows.

AEW TBS TITLE MATCH: Kris Statlander(c) vs. Nyla Rose- 5.75/10
Nyla hasn’t been seen in months, so of course she comes back an gets a title shot right away.
Excalibur claimed that this match was “interesting” because it was Statlander’s first title defense, and Nyla Rose’s first AEW Women’s World Title defense was against Statlander. Excalibur has an odd definition of “interesting.”
Statlander won cleanly. We were shown Taya watching backstage and were told that she was “not impressed.”

MIXED TAG TEAM MATCH: Adam Cole & Britt Baker vs. Chris Jericho & Saraya- 6.75/10
The other Outcasts came out and attacked Brit behind the referee’s back. Hikaru Shida came out and attacked them with a Kendo stick.
They were very specific that this was a match where men could only legally face men and women could only legally face women, so I became furious when Britt Baker saved Adam Cole from a Walls of Jericho by locking Jericho in the Lockjaw, and instead of trying to pull Britt off, the f*cking referee starts asking Jericho if he submits, even though THESE TWO PEOPLE CLEARLY CAN’T BE LEGAL AT THE SAME TIME.

Cole and Baker won cleanly, with Cole pinning Jericho… but Cole just beat Jericho cleanly at the PPV, so what was the point of this match?

There was some good wrestling this week, but the show was just boring. I don’t ever recall seeing a promotion come out of a PPV with such little direction, and the little direction that there was here was more geared toward setting up random matches for next week (like OC defending the International Title against Shane Strickland) than giving us any tease of something we can really sink our teeth into.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

Upcoming Reviews:
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
DGUSA Open the Ultimate Gate 2013
ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3

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