BRM Reviews the 3/23/2015 Raw (WrestleMania XXXI go-home)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Good
Fourteen years to the day that WWE bought WCW, STING is here to kick off Monday Night Raw. He cut a good, short little promo. Then Steph and came out and was fantastically condescending. Steph tried to slap Sting. He caught her wrist. This brought Hunter out. Hunter gets up on the apron, but then they cut to Steph who did a great impression of her father at WrestleMania XIX (although sans the blood that made image unforgettable), slowly emerging from under the apron with a demonic look on her face and a sledgehammer in her hand, which he handed to Hunter. Hunter teased getting in the ring, but instead the Helmsleys retreated. Sting tried to get Hunter to come and fight. Hunter seemed to want to, but Steph told him to save it for WrestleMania.

HALL OF FAME COMMERCIAL- they’re doing a “red carpet event” at 7pm on Saturday night. Renee Young asking Madusa who designed her dress. Oh joy.


R-TRUTH & DEAN AMBROSE vs. LUKE HARPER & STARDUST- 6.25/10
HOLY F*CK R-TRUTH WON!

MIZ, MIZ-DOW, WILL FEREELL & KEVIN HART SEGMENT- perfect!

THE MIZ, DAMIEN MIZ-DOW, THE ASCENSION, & ADAM ROSE vs. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS, ERICK ROWAN, RYBACK, & ZACK RYDER?- 4/10
Is that Zack Ryder? Oh. Okay. Yeah. The WOO! WOO! WOOing! confirms that.

There is a sign that reads “Dario Cueto is my homeboy.”

HANDICAP MATCH: Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins, Jamie Noble, & Joey Mercury- 3.5/10
They told their story (Orton wanted to get his hands on Rollins but couldn’t) well, but the match just wasn’t very exciting.

MICHAEL COLE INTERVIEWS JOHN CENA- Cena says his US Title match at Mania is important to him so that he can go all over the world and be a good ambassador for the US. Okay… why does he need the US Title to do that? In fact, doesn’t he do that already?

AJ & PAIGE BACKSTAGE- good segment. I wonder if Paige will get in trouble for calling the Bellas “slags.”

WWE DIVAS TITLE MATCH: Nikki Bella(c) (w/Brie Bella) vs. Paige (w/AJ Lee)- 5/10
So Nikki has decided to risk her title for the sake of hopefully diving her opponents so that she can win a tag team match with no title implications at all. Anyone see anything wrong with this picture?
Good match, with a very good finish and aftermath. AJ looks a little too thin to be healthy.


Their ticker on the bottom showed a Tweet from a user named TNAWWEGuy, so I assume someone is getting fired.

They tell us that tonight, we can vote on the WWE App to determine which special guest referee will ruin tonight’s Bryan vs. Ziggler match.

SNOOP DOGG, HULK HOGAN, & CURTIS AXEL- complete and total waste of time.
Snoop inadvertently said that Hulkamania is more important than WrestleMania. Didn’t Steph just tell us a few weeks ago that no one is bigger than WrestleMania.
Hogan is now claiming that there 94,000 people at WrestleMania III, so that number continues to grow. Hogan made a marijuana joke, then Axel got beaten up and treated like a joke.
The only good think about his segment was JBL saying that “between Hogan and Snoop, there’s thirty inches of arms.”

INTERSPECIES MATCH: Los Matadores & El Torito vs. Natalya & The Upper-Cats-
The Usos were on commentary for this match. Naomi was not offered a headset and was thus forced to simply stand behind them and look pretty because she is a mere girl. #GiveDivasAChance. The other team involved in the WrestleMania match, The New Day, were nowhere to be found.
Wow. Not only did Nattie get pinned by a midget, but the midget KICKED OUT OF HER FINISHER. I’m honestly not sure if I’ve seen a worse burial.

WADE BARRETT & KANE BACKSTAGE- Kane has come to collect the IC Title so that it can be hung above the ring tonight. Why is the title being hung above the ring tonight.

RUSEV vs. JACK SWAGGER- 4/10
Lana must have had it written in Rusev’s contract that he has to wrestle Jack Swagger at least once every two weeks. That’s the only way that their continuous booking of this match makes any sense.
The announcers actually called attention the frequency of this match-up and simply explained it as Swagger wanted to avenge his loss and stand up for the USA… which makes a lot of sense. Just because Swagger loses doesn’t mean his national pride should go away. As long as Rusev says mean things about the USA, Swagger will continue to get angry at him. (Then again, just because they have a kayfabe explanation for why the match keeps happening doesn’t mean that it doesn’t feel boring and repetitive).
They also had a (speculated) kayfabe reason for why Lana has suddenly disappeared.

POST-MATCH ANGLE- Rusev kept the Accolade locked in after the match so Cena came out to make the save. Then they brawled, and Rusev beat Cena up, getting some heat before the PPV.

BRAY WYATT PROMO- decent. He claims to have taken Undertaker’s powers. Not in those words, but that’s basically what he was saying.

KEVIN NASH IS GOING INTO THE HALL OF FAME- I’m really borderline on this one, but I think I he falls short of being an all-time great.
Hunter referring to them as “Razor Ramon and Kevin Nash” was weird.

NATTIE & TJ ENGAGE IN PRODUCT PLACEMENT- Well… now we know how they’ve been getting back together after fighting every week.

SINGLES MATCH WITH DEAN AMBROSE AS SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE: Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler- 6.75/10
HUGE pop for Bryan. The only one bigger so far has been Sting. The IC Title is hanging over the ring because… um…
Anyway, this match felt like it was the first third of an all-time classic.

POST-MATCH ANGLE- Ambrose attacks the winner because he’s a douche. Then he tries to steal the IC Title belt because… um… I guess WWE needed a dumb excuse for a brawl. Everyone knows what a ladder match is at this point. All this segment did was give away a bunch of ladder match spots (and possibly injure Luke Harper).

LESNAR & REIGNS, FACE TO FACE- Brock’s pop might have been even bigger than Dragon’s. Heyman cut an awesome promo. Reigns’ pop was big, but smaller than Bryan’s (and thus also smaller than Lesnar’s and Sting’s).
The belt-snatching spot was awesome. The tug of war looked stupid, and it felt like the show ended WAY too abruptly.

This show wasn’t particularly good in any way, but it felt like the best Raw in quite a long time.