BRM Reviews the 10/9/1995 Nitro (very bad)

[Big Red Machine]

The announcers were all wearing Chicago Bears jerseys, with Bischoff and Heenan looking for all the world like gigantic suck-ups.
Sting showed up and said that later on tonight, he will solve the problems between Lex Luger and Randy Savage.

WCW UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: Sting(c) vs. The Shark- 0.25/10
Shark jumped Sting, hit about two moves, then Sting made a comeback that also consisted of about two moves, hit a diving crossbody and got the pin.

REPLAY OF THE DUNGEON OF DOOM’S ATTACK ON HOGAN FROM LAST WEEK- why is everyone so focused on the mustache-shaving rather than the neck-snapping?

SABU vs. MR. J.L.- 4/10
There were loud “HOGAN SUCKS!” chants during this match. There was also a sign that said “Sabu Rules ECW.” Sabu attacked Mr. J.L. after the match.

STING, LUGER, & SAVAGE SEGMENT- Sting points out that the Dungeon of Doom (and specifically, The Giant) has attacked both of them, so they need to work together. Savage wants to know why The Giant has chokeslammed both of them, but hasn’t chokeslammed Sting yet. Sting rightfully points out that Macho is completely paranoid.
Sting talks about how all three of them want to be WCW World Heavyweight Champion. Sting then tells us about some matches for Halloween Havoc: Savage vs. Kamala, and Luger vs. Meng (which we just saw a few weeks ago for free). He suggests that if Savage and Luger both win their matches at Halloween Havoc, they should wrestle each other. So let me get this straight: Sting’s grand plan to make peace between Savage and Luger… is to encourage them to fight each other. You might want to take this one back to the drawing board, Stinger.
Luger doesn’t want to wrestle twice in one night, so Sting yells at him and accuses him of not being the “Total Package.” Luger agrees to the match, and everyone treats it as if it is official. Since when does Sting have booking power?

CHRIS BENOIT SHOWS UP AT THE ARENA- the announcers made a big deal out of him as a world-travelled star.

ROAD WARRIOR HAWK vs. BIG BUBBA ROGERS- DUD!
Before the match, Disco Inferno came out to dance on the stage. The announcers pointed out that this was the second straight week that he had come out to dance when it was time for someone else’s match. His entire WCW career is far has consisted as a few wins against some jobbers, then two straight losses the most undercard of undercard guys, “Das Wunderkind” Alex Wright. Why do they continue to employ this obnoxious attention-whore?
Big pop for Hawk in his hometown. Disco jumped up on the apron o be an attention-whore, so Hawk beat him up, but got counted out in the process.

MEAN GENE INTERVIEWS HULK HOGAN- Hogan comes out wearing all black, including a black neckbrace. Hogan says that the Giant and the Taskmaster “defaced Hulkamania,” and being a terrible person my immediate response was “They didn’t deface Hulkamania. They just de-mustached it.”
Hogan said he wanted The Giant to come out and fight him right now. This got NO REACTION AT ALL from the crowd. Mean Gene informed Hogan that this was not possible because The Giant had a restraining order place on him. What sort of judge would have possibly granted this?
Anyway, because he can’t take on The Giant, Hulk decided to take some shots at Vince McMahon instead. He then cut an okay promo on Kevin Sullivan and The Giant. Then the Dungeon of Doom showed up at the entrance to the arena parking lot in a monster truck, followed by the police. Nick Bockwinkel and some other police officers ordered them to leave, but they wouldn’t. Hogan said that if they weren’t allowed in here to fight him, he would go out there to fight them.

Someone in the WCW Graphics Department must have been VERY proud of that effect where Hogan and The Giant both transform into monster trucks, because they use it in every single commercial.

STEEL CAGE MATCH: Ric Flair vs. Arn Anderson- 5/10
This might well be the first time this match has been mentioned all show. Bischoff informed us that police were keeping Hogan and the Dungeon of Doom apart.
Flair and Arn only got about six minutes of TV time for their steel cage match. Bichoff was outraged because Arn hit Flair with a foreign object here in this steel cage grudge match.

RIC FLAIR PROMO- he wants to fight both Arn and Pillman (Pillman tried to scale the cage, but Flair knocked him off). He says that if he can’t find a partner, he’ll take them both on by himself.

The announcers talk about wearing black meaning that Hogan is showing his “dark side.” Heenan cuts a SCATHING promo on Hogan. The crowd chanted “HOGAN SUCKS!” The announcers then hyped up Halloween Havoc.
Then they run down next week’s card:
1. DDP vs. Johnny B. Badd for the TV Title.
2. Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit
3. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan vs. Meng
4. Arn Anderson & Brian Pillman vs. Ric Flair and maybe a partner

“One of these things is not like the others
One of these things just doesn’t belong…”

A very bad Nitro. Perhaps the first truly terrible one.