BRM Reviews the 1/19/2015 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT-
Heyman starts to do his “my name is Paul Heyman” thing, but he only got about three words win before Brock snatched the mic away from him and simply said: “Seth Rollins, get your ass out here, boy.” Rollins didn’t show up, but Triple H did. He pointed out that Brock had actually Rollins first and said everyone should just clam down. He offered to get Brock “a nice big juicy steak” while he and Heyman discussed things like businessmen.
Brock was not happy with this, so Steph came out with Kane and Big Show. Rollins popped up on the screen to talk trash. Heyman talked to the Authority while Brock stared a hole through the TitanTron. Cena came out and made the whole thing about himself. He came off like such an attention-hungry jackass here.
The end result was an announcement of a WWE App vote to determine if we would have a match with the following stips later tonight: If Cena wins, his buddies get their jobs back, but if he loses, he is out of the WWE World Heavyweight Title match at Royal Rumble.
Hunter appeared to be wearing some sort of colorful plastic bracelet designed for little girls.

I thought the “Eat. Sleep. Disappear. Repeat.” sign was clever.


THEY HYPE UP DRAGON VS. BRAY- I LOVE the desolate trees in the background of Bray’s picture.

BRAY WYATT vs. DANIEL BRYAN- 6.75/10
According to Michael Cole, one three-month-long feud constitutes “a tremendous amount of history.”
Kane interferes, leading to Bray picking up the win. Yes. That’s right. They beat Bryan already. Not even A WEEK into this comeback. And why? To get heat on Kane going into this match? YOU DON’T NEED ANY! We already have a reason to want to see the match (if Dragon wins, he gets into the Royal Rumble)! Bad booking by WWE.

KLIQ SEGMENT BACKSTAGE- two very old men showed up to hang out with Triple H. Then Shawn Michaels showed up. Stuff happened. It involved Sandow as X-Pac and also the real X-Pac. Then it got less funny when Miz showed up and wanted to do the Kliq handshake, but they wouldn’t let him.

WWE IMMORTALS COMMERCIAL- WHOA! WHAT THE F*CK IS THIS?!
There is no way this won’t be both ridiculous and fun to play.

ROYAL RUMBLE LEGENDS PANEL- boring.
HBK claimed that Hogan and Flair wouldn’t be at the level they are today without the Royale Rumble. He managed to say that with a straight face.
They did lots of boring stuff. Big Show came out to menace the legends. Booker T somehow determined that Big Show was a bully because he KOed Flair, even though Flair threw the first fifteen or so punches. Reigns showed up to make the save and clotheslined Big Show over the top rope. And take careful notice if this, WWE: Roman Reigns did not talk at all. He just showed up and was a badass… and the people loved it.

JOHN CENA PROMO- the App vote says the match will go on with those stips. From the side, Short-haired Renee looks like Maggie Jordan from The Newsroom.

DEAN AMBROSE vs. BAD NEWS BARRETT- 4.75/10
Another clean loss for the IC Champ, and against a guy who isn’t even at 100%.

ROYAL RUMBLE NUMBERS COMMERCIALS- That’s right! Records are made to be broken! This is the year Kane eliminates thirteen!

THE NEW DAY (w/Xavier Woods) vs. CESARO & TYSON KIDD (w/Adam Rose & Natalya)- 4/10
In an almost disturbingly positive manner, Xavier Woods explained to us that the members of The New Day HAVE to be positive, because if they don’t, then “the rage comes out” and the rest of the roster would wind up in the hospital.
I actually really enjoyed them talking their way down the ramp. The match was short, but fantastic for the time it got and had an awesome finish. The Rosebuds danced with the New Day afterwards.

nWo SEGMENT- The Ascension interrupt them. JBL declares this interruption to be “one of the most disrespectful things I’ve ever seen.” That seems like an overstatement. We wound up getting an APA reunion, so I happily marked out until the New Age Outlaws showed up. They (and by they, I mean just the New Age Outlaws) beat The Ascension up all by themselves, COMPLETELY burying them. Then Bradshaw gave one of them a clothesline from hell… and for some reason, it was the nWo’s music that played.
This was such a wasted opportunity. All they needed to do here was have the Ascension wrestle the APA and win, then have Bradshaw be their big advocate on commentary now that he knows that they are the real deal.

THE AUTHORITY ANNOUNCE WHO CENA WILL FACE TONIGHT- just like everyone saw coming, they stuck Cena in a handicap match against Rollins, Big Show, & Kane.

PAIGE & NATALYA vs. ALICIA FOX & SUMMER RAE- 0.75/10
Cole announced The Bellas Twins vs. Nattie & Paige for the Royal Rumble, which I assume is a tag match to cover Nikki’s injury. Also announced for the Rumble is a six man elimination tag team match pitting The New Day against Rose, Kidd, & Cesaro.

R-TRUTH vs. RUSEV (w/Lana)- no rating, good segment.
Truth knocks Rusev over the top rope to get that over before the Rumble, then gets his ass kicked.

ROLLINS & LESNAR BACKSTAGE- eh.

JEY USO (w/Jimmy Uso) vs. THE MIZ (w/Damien Miz-Dow)- 3.5/10
Not sure how Jey winning clean built to the PPV in any way at all.

New Age Outlaws vs. The Ascension signed for Royal Rumble. NAO just squashed the Ascension. Why would anyone want to see this?

IF CENA WINS, HIS FRIENDS GET THEIR JOBS BACK, IF CENA LOSES, HE IS OUT OF THE TITLE MATCH AT ROYAL RUMBLE: John Cena vs. The Big Show, Kane & Seth Rollins- (w/the Authority)- no rating.
Well… this just became newsworthy. I guess this confirms Hunter vs Sting for Mania.
Also… Brock just kicked ass.

A good go-home show for the Royal Rumble.

[cero2k]

THE NEW DAY (w/Xavier Woods) vs. CESARO & TYSON KIDD (w/Adam Rose & Natalya)- 4/10
In an almost disturbingly positive manner, Xavier Woods explained to us that the members of The New Day HAVE to be positive, because if they don’t, then “the rage comes out” and the rest of the roster would wind up in the hospital.
I actually really enjoyed them talking their way down the ramp. The match was short, but fantastic for the time it got and had an awesome finish. The Rosebuds danced with the New Day afterwards.
I just imagined a Red Poison New Day a la Delirious and realized that i need this in my life

R-TRUTH vs. RUSEV (w/Lana)- no rating, good segment.
Truth knocks Rusev over the top rope to get that over before the Rumble, then gets his ass kicked.
I was hoping Truth would eat a Curb Stomp being MLK night and all

IF CENA WINS, HIS FRIENDS GET THEIR JOBS BACK, IF CENA LOSES, HE IS OUT OF THE TITLE MATCH AT ROYAL RUMBLE: John Cena vs. The Big Show, Kane & Seth Rollins- (w/the Authority)- no rating.
Well… this just became newsworthy. I guess this confirms Hunter vs Sting for Mania.
Also… Brock just kicked ass.
I can't get over the idea that they could have had the nWo/Kliq come out with Hunter at the end and have Sting confront them all for that last spot in the match.

[Big Red Machine]

IF CENA WINS, HIS FRIENDS GET THEIR JOBS BACK, IF CENA LOSES, HE IS OUT OF THE TITLE MATCH AT ROYAL RUMBLE: John Cena vs. The Big Show, Kane & Seth Rollins- (w/the Authority)- no rating.
Well… this just became newsworthy. I guess this confirms Hunter vs Sting for Mania.
Also… Brock just kicked ass.
I can't get over the idea that they could have had the nWo/Kliq come out with Hunter at the end and have Sting confront them all for that last spot in the match.

You mean the sort of thing that made people groan at TNA for years? No thanks.

[cero2k]

IF CENA WINS, HIS FRIENDS GET THEIR JOBS BACK, IF CENA LOSES, HE IS OUT OF THE TITLE MATCH AT ROYAL RUMBLE: John Cena vs. The Big Show, Kane & Seth Rollins- (w/the Authority)- no rating.
Well… this just became newsworthy. I guess this confirms Hunter vs Sting for Mania.
Also… Brock just kicked ass.
I can't get over the idea that they could have had the nWo/Kliq come out with Hunter at the end and have Sting confront them all for that last spot in the match.

You mean the sort of thing that made people groan at TNA for years? No thanks.

with the slight distinction that this was nostalgia show and if we're gonna milk a 50 yr old man at wrestlemania, might as well give me good moments to remember since i know the rest will likely be a clusterfuck of boring stuff

[Big Red Machine]

I can't get over the idea that they could have had the nWo/Kliq come out with Hunter at the end and have Sting confront them all for that last spot in the match.

You mean the sort of thing that made people groan at TNA for years? No thanks.

with the slight distinction that this was nostalgia show and if we're gonna milk a 50 yr old man at wrestlemania, might as well give me good moments to remember since i know the rest will likely be a clusterfuck of boring stuff[/quote]
That's funny. My thinking is the exact opposite of yours. Sting in WWE is new. Sting vs. Triple H is new. It's much closer to a dream match than it is to nostalgia. Having Sting face off with Hogan, or Hall or Nash would just make it feel old.

[cero2k]

That's funny. My thinking is the exact opposite of yours. Sting in WWE is new. Sting vs. Triple H is new. It's much closer to a dream match than it is to nostalgia. Having Sting face off with Hogan, or Hall or Nash would just make it feel old.

yeah, it's a new match-up, one I wished I saw at least 4-5 yrs ago, not anymore. and Sting doesn't have to face off against the nWo, he needs to face off against Triple H with the Kliq behind him. But then again, Sting doesn't do shit anyway, he just points at nothing and leaves.