BRM Reviews the 2/23/2015 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- good. Orton was great, and Steph has always been great in role as corporate bullsh*tter. And best of all, Randy told the truth and this whole thing didn’t go twenty minutes!
HUGE pop for Orton. The fans chanted for “RANDY!” except that it sounded like they were saying “Bayley” which made me realize how fantastic a Randy Orton & Bayley sitcom would be. I don’t think there are two more opposite people in the entire WWE.
Big Show made a comment that he has put his anger and frustration aside which was either a clever way of keeping the possibility of him turning fresh in our minds, or an infuriating way of telling us to forget about this whole thing.

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. WADE BARRETT- 6.75/10
JBL had been burying Ambrose as a thief all match... then suddenly switched to talking up the fact that even famous British people like Wayne Rooney don't like Wade Barrett. There was no point to this at all other than JBL's obsession with talking about other sports.
The belt might have been stolen from him, but Wade is still the Interjobinental Champion, so he lost cleanly. We now have both Truth and Dolph in line for title shots. Truth was actually condemning Dean's act of theft, which was good.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Dean came out to taunt Barrett with the title he stole because Dean is a douchebag. He then had a staredown with Ziggler, treating him like a real contender, while he completely ignored R-Truth.

THE AUTHORITY & ORTON BACKSTAGE- not bad per se, but it was just so cliche and we all know how it will end up already- and it's not like it's actually good, so why even do it?

PRIME TIME PLAYERS vs. THE ASCENSION- 2/10
Can we please get Darren his old, non-stupid-looking haircut back?
YES! PTP BEAT THE ASCENSION CLEAN!
Then The Ascension beat them up afterwards.

MICHAEL COLE TELLS US THAT THE ROCK PRESENTED AN AWARD AT THE OSCARS- who gives a sh*t?
And really. Michael Cole actually congratulated him for HANDING SOMEONE ELSE AN AWARD! What has our society come to that HANDING OVER AN AWARD is cause for congratulations. That's like congratulating Vana White whenever one of the contestants on Wheel of Fortune correctly guesses a letter.

DANIEL BRYAN & ROMAN REIGNS SEGMENT- not bad but... look. If someone doesn't think Roman Reigns is a good worker or a good promo, then having Daniel Bryan come out here and put him over for beating him in a worked match isn't going to change that person's mind. The only person who can do that is Roman himself, by delivering good matches and good promos.
Roman had a confused look on his face at the end of this, which made him look really stupid.

ROMAN REIGNS & PAUL HEYMAN- decent.
Paul E. burying all of the other titles didn't help. Other than that he was pretty good. Roman's promo is one of those things that sounded kind of good, but when you think about what he actually said, it was just a bunch of words.

MORE FREE NETWORK OFFERS- you can get the Network for Free for 24 Hours, starting tonight after Raw. Isn't the whole month free? So couldn't you do this anyway?

WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Cesaro & Tyson Kidd(c) (w/Natalya) vs. The Usos (w/Naomi)- 7/10
1. Great match, lots of cool stuff and the Usos spot with Cesaro on the barricade was something I've never seen before.
2. This referee should be fired for how terribly he lost track of who the legal man was.
3. My voice has been heard. NATTIE HEEL TURN FOR THE WIN!

MIZ & MIZ-DOW BACKSTAGE- good stuff. Also, the Andre Memorial Battle Royale is back. Of course, it means absolutely diddley-squat because the of the way they killed Cesaro's push so...

BRAY PROMO- okay

STARDUST vs. JACK SWAGGER- 0.5/10
Stardust has his shirt back on tonight. Goldust distracted him so Swagger could lock in the Patriot Act and make him tap. It felt completely unimportant in every way, but Stardust sold both the "Cody!" chants and his ankle well.

CENA PROMO- Throughout the night, the announcers (well.. mostly Cole) made sure to point out to us that while this will go down as a submission victory for Rusev, Cena definitely didn't tap out or give up. This is the sort of thing that works a lot better if we hear it from Cena first. Having the announcers hammer it into our heads for two hours leading up to Cena's promo makes it feel the booker wanting everyone to know that they are protecting Cena. It feels like the booker is talking to us, not the announcer or or the character.
Rusev and Lana came out and were great. Cena's response to them was pretty great, though.

ORTON & ROLLINS BACKSTAGE- once again... we all know that Orton is going to turn, so why waste time on this?

So Paige comes out for her match... and then has to wait not only an entire commercial break, but also an entire long Sting video package?

PAIGE & EMMA vs. THE BELLA TWINS- DUD!
Yeah... they made the babyfaces look like chumps. There was no reason to have this match. All it did was bury the babyfaces (especially Emma). Having Paige just cut a promo on Nikki would have gotten last night's heel finish over a lot better.

CURTIS AXEL PROMO- he's in the Andre Battle Ryoale. Oh joy. He claims he's he'll win it ,just like he should have won the Royale Rumble. See what happens when you point out plotholes in the booking, Curtis? They turn your career into a joke. Let this be a lesson.

RYBACK vs. CURTIS AXEL- DUD!
A pointless match that was extremely short, and it wasn't even a squash because they let Axel take the beginning of the match.
The announcers keep pushing that Axel thinks he is still in the Rumble, which isn't what Axel said at all.

They announced Rollins, Kane, & Big Show vs. Rowan, Ryback, and Ziggler for Smackdown. In other words, a pointless rematch of a pointless match from the PPV. Yeah... I think I'll be skipping Smackdown this week.

DANIEL BRYAN & ROMAN REIGNS vs. RANDY ORTON & SETH ROLLINS (w/the Authority)- 7/10
Okay. I'll give them credit for playing this a bit better than I thought they would with Orton actually saving Rollins early on, but it went to the same cliche place we all knew it would. It's not the cliche that is the bad thing: It's the time they wasted on it.
IT'S THE UNDERTAKER!
Just kidding. It's a technical problem.
And... it turns out that they'll be drawing this out EVEN LONGER.

This show wasn't really bad,but I was really expecting it to be more momentous than it was.

Also, it seemed like a pretty decent amount of theoretically important things in matches happened during commercials. That was weird.



STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. JBL was complaining about Ambrose's theft of the IC Title, to which Michael Cole responded "I think it's hysterical."
Remember, kids: Stealing is not just okay, but adults will encourage you with positive reinforcement.

2. Booker T- "The Usos go ton the back of the line after this loss"
He said this WHILE THE USOS MUSIC WAS PLAYING, and NO LESS THAN FIVE SECONDS AFTER LILIAN HAD JUST ANNOUNCED THEM AS THE WINNERS.

3. When Michael Cole corrected Booker, he still insisted that "it doesn't matter" and that the Usos should go "to the back of the line."
So according to Booker T, if you beat the champions by DQ, you should still go to the back of the line and not get a title shot.

4. Michael Cole insisted that he would "protest" the fact that Kidd & Cesaro (I will not call them the "Masters of the WWE Universe" because that name is idiotic) are allowed to keep the titles.
Sorry, Cole, but THOSE ARE THE RULES. They always have been and they always will be.

[Chris Everlast]

(I will not call them the "Masters of the WWE Universe" because that name is idiotic)

Alternate names are Uppercats or the Brass Ring Club. Not sure which one I like the most.

[cero2k]

(I will not call them the "Masters of the WWE Universe" because that name is idiotic)

Alternate names are Uppercats or the Brass Ring Club. Not sure which one I like the most.

Brass Ring Club is the stable that also includes Adam Rose, though

[Big Red Machine]

(I will not call them the "Masters of the WWE Universe" because that name is idiotic)

Alternate names are Uppercats or the Brass Ring Club. Not sure which one I like the most.

UpperCats is pretty perfect. That's what it shall be.