The Undertaker out of Wrestlemania XXVII... New Match...
Posted: Mar 4th, '11, 04:44
On the heels of a Monday Night Raw promo in which he buried the rest of the roster, The Game upped the ante even further in an exclusive interview earlier today. Reached by sonar in the deep shadows beneath his own grotesque forehead, Triple H revealed that his match against the Undertaker at WrestleMania 27 has been changed to a sixty-minute Iron Man stipulation, and that the Undertaker will not be participating. "It's for the best," Helmsley said, blowing out a big cloud of spittle and Aquafina.
"I had thought 'Taker might be the one person who could provide a tolerable showcase for my excellence, but upon further review, he's really not worth my time either," Triple H said. "Nobody in the WWE locker room is any good at all. If you see them on TV, change the channel."
Helmsley then paused to flex and make a gargoyle face before continuing. "My 38-minute epic against Sheamus at last year's 'Mania was of course sensational, but reviewing the tape, it strikes me that Sheamus was miles out of his depth. There were occasions when he got between me and the camera for as much as two or three seconds at a time."
"This year there's going to be no amateur-hour crap, just the best of the best: me. It's gonna be a rollercoaster ride. Remember at Backlash when the McMahons took on HBK and God? It will be sort of like that, except no McMahons, and no HBK. No referee, either. I hate those dudes. They're almost as boring as the other wrestlers."
Pundits have already begun speculating about Triple H's chances in the grueling hour-long match. "It's a hard one to predict," remarked noted wrestling analyst May Dupp. "Whether he's a fan favorite or a villain, any match Hunter's in you know he'll be booked insanely overstrong. But when he faces the only entity in wrestling with as much stroke as himself - himself - there's just no telling what will happen."
Asked what fans can expect from the match, Helmsley was enthusiastic. "It's gonna be even more memorable than all my previous WrestleMania matches. I don't want to give away my strategy heading in, but let's just say there's gonna be some hellacious flexing, there's gonna be some crotch chops, there's gonna be a high knee in there somewhere, and definitely some hellacious flexing," Triple H said, flexing.
"Go to WWEHHHshop.com," Helmsley urged. "I'm bringing out three new t-shirts with incorrect Latin mottos, five colors of signature water bottle and a whole line of women's underwear just to commemorate this one match."
"I had thought 'Taker might be the one person who could provide a tolerable showcase for my excellence, but upon further review, he's really not worth my time either," Triple H said. "Nobody in the WWE locker room is any good at all. If you see them on TV, change the channel."
Helmsley then paused to flex and make a gargoyle face before continuing. "My 38-minute epic against Sheamus at last year's 'Mania was of course sensational, but reviewing the tape, it strikes me that Sheamus was miles out of his depth. There were occasions when he got between me and the camera for as much as two or three seconds at a time."
"This year there's going to be no amateur-hour crap, just the best of the best: me. It's gonna be a rollercoaster ride. Remember at Backlash when the McMahons took on HBK and God? It will be sort of like that, except no McMahons, and no HBK. No referee, either. I hate those dudes. They're almost as boring as the other wrestlers."
Pundits have already begun speculating about Triple H's chances in the grueling hour-long match. "It's a hard one to predict," remarked noted wrestling analyst May Dupp. "Whether he's a fan favorite or a villain, any match Hunter's in you know he'll be booked insanely overstrong. But when he faces the only entity in wrestling with as much stroke as himself - himself - there's just no telling what will happen."
Asked what fans can expect from the match, Helmsley was enthusiastic. "It's gonna be even more memorable than all my previous WrestleMania matches. I don't want to give away my strategy heading in, but let's just say there's gonna be some hellacious flexing, there's gonna be some crotch chops, there's gonna be a high knee in there somewhere, and definitely some hellacious flexing," Triple H said, flexing.
"Go to WWEHHHshop.com," Helmsley urged. "I'm bringing out three new t-shirts with incorrect Latin mottos, five colors of signature water bottle and a whole line of women's underwear just to commemorate this one match."