LEAKED! JOHN CENA'S NEW RAW PROMO!

[Lynas]

As the war of words continues between The Rock and John Cena, secret sources from inside WWE have leaked the script of John Cena’s next Raw promo. Mr. Cena has been the subject of criticism as of late due to what some perceive as an “anti-gay” slant to his recent promos. But this leaked script indicates that Mr. Cena is planning to not only continue on the same course, but up the ante. A full transcript follows:

WWE MONDAY NIGHT RAW RUN SHEET
USA NETWORK MARCH 7 2011 DALLAS TX

[CUE RAW OPENING CREDITS]

[FIREWORKS/WIDE SHOTS OF CROWD]

[JOHN CENA’S MUSIC HITS/CENA ENTERS RING/TAKES MIC AND BEGINS SOLO PROMO]

JOHN CENA: The war of words between The Rock and I continues. I may be Fruity Pebbles, but The Rock is just fruity.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; The Rock is gay. Really gay. The Rock is so gay that in one movie he wore a pick tutu! The Rock is so gay that in one movie he actually played a character that was a homosexual! I wonder what kind of research he did for that one? Probably a lot of gay research with gay people doing gay things that were super gay and Rock loved every gay moment of the gayness of the whole gay thing.

Since I, John Cena, am so straight and not-gay, The Rock’s gayness really jumps out at me. A lot of very, very straight men like myself love women so much that they don’t even notice The Rock’s gayness. But I am so incredibly straight that gayness like The Rock’s immediately catches my eye and stays on my mind all day long. I can’t stop thinking about it, and I can’t stop talking about it. At night I dream about it. I simply cannot get these gay Rock images out of my head.

Rock, I want you face to face. I’m calling you out right here, right now!

[CUE MUSIC/LIGHTS: THE ROCK]

[AN IMPOSTER “ROCK” ENTERS AMERICAN AIRLINES CENTER. NOTE TO CENA: WAIT FOR CROWD TO REALIZE “THE ROCK” IS A FAKE BEFORE CONTINUING PROMO]

[NOTE TO TALENT RELATIONS: THERE IS NO NEED TO BRING IN ANYONE FROM FCW TO PLAY THE IMPOSTER ROCK. JOHN CENA HAS HANDLED THE CASTING PERSONALLY. CENA ENSURES US THAT THE MAN HE FOUND TO PLAY “THE ROCK” IS IN EXQUISITE PHYSICAL CONDITION AND THAT HIS CRAIG’S LIST PHOTOS SHOW HIM TO BE A DEAD RINGER FOR THE ROCK; WITH PERFORMANCE EXPERIENCE AS A “DANCER.” THE ROCK IMPOSTER SHOULD BE ABLE TO PERFORM PHYSICALLY IF NEEDED AS THE POSTING NOTED HIS “TALENTED HANDS.”]

JOHN CENA: There he is everyone. The gay one himself. The people’s gay. The Rock!

[FAKE ROCK ENTERS THE RING. CENA ADRESSES HIM]

JOHN CENA: Thanks for taking time out of your gay schedule to come here and be not-gay with me for a minute.

[NOTE TO CENA: CHANGE TONE AND CONFESS…]

JOHN CENA CON’T: All right, I’ll admit it, this isn’t really The Rock. But it sure looks like every gay inch of him, doesn’t it? From his bulging chest muscles…to his rigidly defined jaw line and high cheekbones…to his glistening abs…

[NOTE TO CAMERMEN: SHOOT CLOSE UPS OF EACH BODY PART AS CENA CALLS THEM OUT. HE INSISTED ON “GENTLY TOUCHING” EACH ONE.]

JOHN CENA CON’T: Rock, I know what you really want to do to me at Wrestlemania. You want to get in the ring and give me a gay kiss because you are so gay. Just like this.

[JOHN CENA GIVES “THE ROCK” A QUICK KISS ON THE LIPS.]

JOHN CENA: And you won’t stop there. Deep down, you want more, Rock. You are so gay that you want to do this.

[JOHN CENA MAKES OUT WITH “THE ROCK”]

JOHN CENA CON’T: And that’s not all Rock.

[JOHN CENA DROPS TO ONE KNEE IN FRONT OF “THE ROCK”]

JOHN CENA: You want to get down on one knee and propose gay marriage to me, Rock. That’s how gay you are. And after all of that you’ll still want an even bigger Wrestlemania Moment. You’ll want to stand in the middle of the ring and confess the truth. You’ll want to say…

’I am a gay man. That felt so good to say out loud. Do you know how difficult it is to let that out when you are a WWE superstar? You fear being judged and scorned. And there’s no one to talk to about it but Pat Patterson. You think he’s the only gay wrestler in the last 50 years? Of course not. He’s just the only one who’s had the guts to come out. How can anyone come out in a company with a leader who loves nothing more than 6th grade level gay joke? But now I have come out. It’s who I am and I won’t be ashamed of it anymore. I, John Cena, am a gay man.‘

I mean…that’s what YOU’RE going to say at WrestleMania Rock. You gaywad.

[FADE TO BLACK. ROLL FRUITY PEBBLES COMMERCIAL.]




















Please note: This may be offensive by some of you I'm sure. But please look at the fun element of it. My father is gay & he laughed his ass off at this. So please don't get sensitive without justification!

[Rabid619]

=)) =)) =))

[kiel297]

OH MY GOD.
I ACTUALLY LAUGHED SO HARD MY EYES BEGAN TO TEAR UP.

[Lynas]

Best one yet mate!

Yeah, and after last night Charles... I was thinking of changing all the John Cenas to "Charlie" & all The Rocks to "Welshy"

[Sassafras]

That...was the greatest thing I've ever seen. Ever.