BRM Reviews the 1/25/2016 Raw
Posted: Jan 25th, '16, 23:29
We’ve got a small child a few rows back holding up a sign that says “HHH is the best.” That’s how you know your babyface/heel dynamics have failed.
OPENING SEGMENT- okay
Vince & Steph out to brag about their complete and total surprise that everyone saw coming. Why brag about it being a surprise if it wasn’t? Who care if it was a surprise or not? You still won, didn’t you?
The fans chant for AJ. The McMahons continue their heel promo putting Hunter over, then bring out the champ himself. Hunter is now back to using “The Game” instead of “Bow Down to the King.”
Hunter cuts a promo in which he puts Roman over but says he “lacks respect.” Hunter says he is okay with Roman beating the sh*t out of him, but if you’re mean to Vince then Hunter must take action. The rest of his promo- the “I don’t need to be WWE Champion: I WANT to be WWE Champion” part was pretty good.
Steph announces that by the end of the night we’ll know who will be in a match at Fast Lane which will determine who will challenge for the WWE World Heavyweight Title at WrestleMania.
The crowd chanted for Roman once. I think. It was soft and I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but of all of the likely possibilities I could think of, it did sound most like “Roman Reigns!”
HOLY SH*T WE’RE GETTING AJ VS. JERICHO TONIGHT! I have literally been waiting an ENTIRE DECADE to see this match!
DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. KEVIN OWENS- 6.5/10
Owens is STILL selling from the Last Man Standing match! They had a good opener, with Owens going over clean. The announcers stressed the importance of impressing the Authority tonight, so I guess you get put in the title match by impressing the Authority.
JOJO INTERVIEWS ROMAN REIGNS- meh.
Based on things Roman has said in past weeks, he really needs this job, so you’d think he wouldn’t do things that would give them cause to punish him, like showing up late to work.
SOCIAL OUTCASTS PROMO- Heath Slater goes to bother Flo Rida. I hope they get into a fight and are both quickly removed from the building (along with the rest of the Desperation Corporation) so that I don’t have to see any of them anymore.
Bo invites Flo Rida into the ring to face the four “Super Friends,” so Rida does so. No security comes out to stop this fan from jumping the guardrail. This results in a “rap battle” between Bo and Flo… and Bo was actually entertaining.
Mr. Rida, the professional rapper, was horribly boring.
It turns out that the purpose of this rap battle was to set up the Dudley Boys vs. two members of the Sadicalz.
THE DUDLEY BOYS (w/Flo Rida) vs. BO DALLAS & CURTIS AXEL (w/Heath Slater & Adam Rose)- 1.25/10
Stupid Bo actually went out and got special Social Outcasts ring gear made, as if this gimmick will help him get over.
Oh. And they’re now calling Heath Slater “Red Dragon.”
RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS AJ STYLES- AJ doesn’t get far before he is interrupted by Jericho.
More importantly… OMFG THE MATCH IS NEXT!
AJ STYLES vs. CHRIS JERICHO- 7.75/10
I’m marking out like… like… like… like BRM watching Daniel Bryan, Kane, and Alexa Bliss team up to win the six-person tag team titles!
They didn’t even give them fourteen minutes, but they still had an awesome match. Do you think they’re going to hold off on the Styles Clash until WrestleMania?
JBL keeps bringing up how Jericho worked for WAR in Japan, and says that AJ has taken a very similar career path, which is completely laughable.
Has Jericho always had those ugly tattoos up his arm or are those new?
They had a great post-match bit, too, which really felt like a stare-down between two megastars.
SASHA BANKS vs. BECKY LYNCH- 5.5/10
Sasha is out here, without Naomi or Tamina in sight! Team B.A.D. has been destroyed and the accursed Divas Revolution is finally dead! HOORAY!
Sasha was about to get the win with the Banks Statement when Charlotte ran in for the DQ and beat them both up, laying Sasha out with Bow to the Queen. This got GREAT heat.
DUMB BACKSTAGE SH*T WITH GOLDUST & TRUTH- Dumb.
Goldust is back to his atrocious 2003 self.
KANE vs. BRAY WYATT (w/the Wyatt Family)- 3.5/10
The crowd reacts to these two stars by chanting “WE WANT TAKER!” They also chant for Randy Savage. Sorry, guys, but I don’t think you’re going to get him.
Strowman chokes Kane out with the World’s Worst Chokehold, then Harper and Rowan give him a double chokeslam… and we didn’t even get a Brock Lesnar appearance out of this.
WHO IS IN THE LIMO- the fans think it’s The Rock… but it’s really The Miz. That was a great bit. Then The Rock showed up. He was a dick to Miz, but also gave Miz the keys to his truck with orders to park it… so I’d be shocked if The Rock doesn’t get the car back in sixty-three pieces.
Then The Rock is a huge asshole to Big Show. Even worse, he is making fun of Big Show for not winning the 2000 Royal Rumble, not giving a sh*t that Big Show had PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE that Rock should have lost.
And now he’s hitting on Lana, who is another man’s fiancée. WHAT A F*CKING ASSHOLE!
And here’s Rusev… hopefully to murder The Rock dead.
Oh. And Rock doesn’t even pay enough attention to the product to know that Rusev and Lana got back together again.
The only enjoyable part of this was Pat Patterson being in the background.
.
So now that The Rock has been a complete and total douchebag to everyone he has come into contact with, they want me to cheer him while he cuts a promo.
ROCK PROMO-
I love how he is trying to make himself part of the attendance record that will be broken when he isn’t even going to be wrestling on the show.
Now Rock is getting interrupted by “Randy Savage!” chants. I giggled.
Now he’s hanging out with the cosplayers. Snore. This Randy Savage cosplayer has way too much hair and too much of a beard. He looks like what Randy Savage would look like if he was a pirate.
New Day interrupted him and they basically gave my feelings on The Rock.
The Rock identifies the New Day’s unicorn horns as “llama penises,” which makes one wonder how Rocky knows so much about llama dicks.
The New Day didn’t want to fight, so Rock made them do so via the Usos.
Could we maybe have given like fifteen of these minutes to Jericho & AJ?
I don’t know about anyone else, but I never want to see The Rock again unless it leads to him wrestling a match.
BRIE BELLA & ALICIA FOX vs. NATALYA & PAIGE- DUD!
Nattie’s toe-tapping while stuck in that submission to try to get the crowd to clap made me giggle.
So short it was pointless and not good, either.
THE MIZ PROMO- as soon as he said he was sick of being interrupted, you knew what was going to happen.
THE MIZ vs. KALISTO- 5/10
ROMAN REIGNS & DEAN AMBROSE vs. THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS (Rusev & Sheamus) (w/Alberto Del Rio & Wade Barrett)- 6/10
This “main event” was never mentioned at all until right before commercial break before it aired. Lana isn’t out here with Rusev even though she was seen backstage earlier.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- the babyfaces break some announce tables to get revenge on the heels for what they did to Roman last night. And HOLY SH*T did that look nasty when Rusev went through that table.
Lots of work on poor Dean’s back. Hot tag to Roman who gets the win soon thereafter. Let’s be honest here: Jericho vs. AJ was the real main event, and should have been the main event.
Also, there is a douchebag in the third row with a sign telling us we should all be Vegan. F*ck off, asshole. This is not the place to preach your beliefs.
STEPH ANNOUNCES THE FAST LANE MAIN EVENT: Roman vs. Dean vs. Lesnar.
A decent show from WWE. I was actually enjoying this for most of the show, and by the end, the stuff I didn’t wasn’t enough to make me say that I didn’t enjoy this show overall.
OPENING SEGMENT- okay
Vince & Steph out to brag about their complete and total surprise that everyone saw coming. Why brag about it being a surprise if it wasn’t? Who care if it was a surprise or not? You still won, didn’t you?
The fans chant for AJ. The McMahons continue their heel promo putting Hunter over, then bring out the champ himself. Hunter is now back to using “The Game” instead of “Bow Down to the King.”
Hunter cuts a promo in which he puts Roman over but says he “lacks respect.” Hunter says he is okay with Roman beating the sh*t out of him, but if you’re mean to Vince then Hunter must take action. The rest of his promo- the “I don’t need to be WWE Champion: I WANT to be WWE Champion” part was pretty good.
Steph announces that by the end of the night we’ll know who will be in a match at Fast Lane which will determine who will challenge for the WWE World Heavyweight Title at WrestleMania.
The crowd chanted for Roman once. I think. It was soft and I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but of all of the likely possibilities I could think of, it did sound most like “Roman Reigns!”
HOLY SH*T WE’RE GETTING AJ VS. JERICHO TONIGHT! I have literally been waiting an ENTIRE DECADE to see this match!
DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. KEVIN OWENS- 6.5/10
Owens is STILL selling from the Last Man Standing match! They had a good opener, with Owens going over clean. The announcers stressed the importance of impressing the Authority tonight, so I guess you get put in the title match by impressing the Authority.
JOJO INTERVIEWS ROMAN REIGNS- meh.
Based on things Roman has said in past weeks, he really needs this job, so you’d think he wouldn’t do things that would give them cause to punish him, like showing up late to work.
SOCIAL OUTCASTS PROMO- Heath Slater goes to bother Flo Rida. I hope they get into a fight and are both quickly removed from the building (along with the rest of the Desperation Corporation) so that I don’t have to see any of them anymore.
Bo invites Flo Rida into the ring to face the four “Super Friends,” so Rida does so. No security comes out to stop this fan from jumping the guardrail. This results in a “rap battle” between Bo and Flo… and Bo was actually entertaining.
Mr. Rida, the professional rapper, was horribly boring.
It turns out that the purpose of this rap battle was to set up the Dudley Boys vs. two members of the Sadicalz.
THE DUDLEY BOYS (w/Flo Rida) vs. BO DALLAS & CURTIS AXEL (w/Heath Slater & Adam Rose)- 1.25/10
Stupid Bo actually went out and got special Social Outcasts ring gear made, as if this gimmick will help him get over.
Oh. And they’re now calling Heath Slater “Red Dragon.”
RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS AJ STYLES- AJ doesn’t get far before he is interrupted by Jericho.
More importantly… OMFG THE MATCH IS NEXT!
AJ STYLES vs. CHRIS JERICHO- 7.75/10
I’m marking out like… like… like… like BRM watching Daniel Bryan, Kane, and Alexa Bliss team up to win the six-person tag team titles!
They didn’t even give them fourteen minutes, but they still had an awesome match. Do you think they’re going to hold off on the Styles Clash until WrestleMania?
JBL keeps bringing up how Jericho worked for WAR in Japan, and says that AJ has taken a very similar career path, which is completely laughable.
Has Jericho always had those ugly tattoos up his arm or are those new?
They had a great post-match bit, too, which really felt like a stare-down between two megastars.
SASHA BANKS vs. BECKY LYNCH- 5.5/10
Sasha is out here, without Naomi or Tamina in sight! Team B.A.D. has been destroyed and the accursed Divas Revolution is finally dead! HOORAY!
Sasha was about to get the win with the Banks Statement when Charlotte ran in for the DQ and beat them both up, laying Sasha out with Bow to the Queen. This got GREAT heat.
DUMB BACKSTAGE SH*T WITH GOLDUST & TRUTH- Dumb.
Goldust is back to his atrocious 2003 self.
KANE vs. BRAY WYATT (w/the Wyatt Family)- 3.5/10
The crowd reacts to these two stars by chanting “WE WANT TAKER!” They also chant for Randy Savage. Sorry, guys, but I don’t think you’re going to get him.
Strowman chokes Kane out with the World’s Worst Chokehold, then Harper and Rowan give him a double chokeslam… and we didn’t even get a Brock Lesnar appearance out of this.
WHO IS IN THE LIMO- the fans think it’s The Rock… but it’s really The Miz. That was a great bit. Then The Rock showed up. He was a dick to Miz, but also gave Miz the keys to his truck with orders to park it… so I’d be shocked if The Rock doesn’t get the car back in sixty-three pieces.
Then The Rock is a huge asshole to Big Show. Even worse, he is making fun of Big Show for not winning the 2000 Royal Rumble, not giving a sh*t that Big Show had PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE that Rock should have lost.
And now he’s hitting on Lana, who is another man’s fiancée. WHAT A F*CKING ASSHOLE!
And here’s Rusev… hopefully to murder The Rock dead.
Oh. And Rock doesn’t even pay enough attention to the product to know that Rusev and Lana got back together again.
The only enjoyable part of this was Pat Patterson being in the background.
.
So now that The Rock has been a complete and total douchebag to everyone he has come into contact with, they want me to cheer him while he cuts a promo.
ROCK PROMO-
I love how he is trying to make himself part of the attendance record that will be broken when he isn’t even going to be wrestling on the show.
Now Rock is getting interrupted by “Randy Savage!” chants. I giggled.
Now he’s hanging out with the cosplayers. Snore. This Randy Savage cosplayer has way too much hair and too much of a beard. He looks like what Randy Savage would look like if he was a pirate.
New Day interrupted him and they basically gave my feelings on The Rock.
The Rock identifies the New Day’s unicorn horns as “llama penises,” which makes one wonder how Rocky knows so much about llama dicks.
The New Day didn’t want to fight, so Rock made them do so via the Usos.
Could we maybe have given like fifteen of these minutes to Jericho & AJ?
I don’t know about anyone else, but I never want to see The Rock again unless it leads to him wrestling a match.
BRIE BELLA & ALICIA FOX vs. NATALYA & PAIGE- DUD!
Nattie’s toe-tapping while stuck in that submission to try to get the crowd to clap made me giggle.
So short it was pointless and not good, either.
THE MIZ PROMO- as soon as he said he was sick of being interrupted, you knew what was going to happen.
THE MIZ vs. KALISTO- 5/10
ROMAN REIGNS & DEAN AMBROSE vs. THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS (Rusev & Sheamus) (w/Alberto Del Rio & Wade Barrett)- 6/10
This “main event” was never mentioned at all until right before commercial break before it aired. Lana isn’t out here with Rusev even though she was seen backstage earlier.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- the babyfaces break some announce tables to get revenge on the heels for what they did to Roman last night. And HOLY SH*T did that look nasty when Rusev went through that table.
Lots of work on poor Dean’s back. Hot tag to Roman who gets the win soon thereafter. Let’s be honest here: Jericho vs. AJ was the real main event, and should have been the main event.
Also, there is a douchebag in the third row with a sign telling us we should all be Vegan. F*ck off, asshole. This is not the place to preach your beliefs.
STEPH ANNOUNCES THE FAST LANE MAIN EVENT: Roman vs. Dean vs. Lesnar.
A decent show from WWE. I was actually enjoying this for most of the show, and by the end, the stuff I didn’t wasn’t enough to make me say that I didn’t enjoy this show overall.