I realized halfway through writing this that I have no idea how to rate things, since I can't remember ever seeing a segment that was 10/10 for me, so I don't have a basis of comparison... So I guess it's just going to be positive or negative until I can decide how to rate things. Also, it was very much a stream of consciousness recording as much as a review, so I apologise if I'm a bit disjointed.
Roman opens the show- neutral
Cole reminds us of last week's attack, and Roman is very heely for a while and stands there not saying anything. I like Roman Reigns, probably better than the next person, but I actually hate seeing him on TV because of how poorly he's written. I noticed Roman smirk a little when the fans booed him. I wonder if he wants to be a heel as much as we want him to be. He talks up Joe and the Coquina Clutch, and I like this, because it makes the move, and Joe, look good going into the match with Lesnar, without really hurting Roman too much.
Anyway, Roman does something really dumb and falls for the ambulance trap, which, by this point, if you can't figure out that it was a trap, you don't deserve to be on TV.
The Hardy Boys/Finn Balor v Elias Sampson/Sheamus and Cesaro- positive, despite Sampson
This tag team is the team of my dreams. I don't even care that Sampson is here- even he can't ruin this for me.
We get a group entrance with Sampson's bad music, and they tease Sheamus and Cesaro singing. A small part of me wanted to see how bad this would have been, but the Hardys interrupt them. I wish Balor came out with the Hardys- like Sheamus and Cesaro did with Sampson- but this way I get to hear Balor's epic music (seriously, its on my top played in my iTunes). DUDE the Hardys do his little pose thing. I'm losing my mind.
Some guy is on commentary (Can you tell I don't watch movies? Who is this guy?). Oh, they're plugging another WWE movie. I like watching Sheamus because everything he does looks like it hurts. I've been getting really picky about wrestlers failing to make their moves look genuine (The Miz has been ultra annoying in this regard for me lately), and Matt's bit with the turnbuckles hits this button for me. I get that it's hard to make that look genuine, but it's hard for me to get into it when he looks like he's tapping his opponent's head. Jeff's Twist of Fate/Stunner thing looked like it hurt though. This guy on commentary knows nothing about wrestling apparently. God I love Balor so much. Everything is fun! ...Would it be dumb if in like five years I got a "Balor Club" tattoo to go with my Jeff Hardy one?
Sampson was definitely the weak link here, which isn't much of a surprise. I don't even see how this guy is on the main roster, he should still be in NXT.
GOD this end celebration is making me lose it. Jeff still looks fantastic for a 39 year old dad.
Goldust Promo/Goldust v R-Truth- positive
I usually skip these, but I'll watch them for you guys. I didn't care at all about The Golden Truth as a team, which means I care less about them feuding. But man, Goldust is good at creepy.
We get the Hollywood references that work with Goldust's "Shattered Dreams Productions" thing, which is corny, but works for him somehow. I think it went on a bit too long honestly, but was good. We get the match with Truth next. I just realized I have no idea how I'm going to rate things. Goldust has his own cameraman, which I think is a neat part of his gimmick. But he looks like he's wearing golden pajamas. I think Goldust's gear with more black is more flattering.
Oh, we don't get the bad rapping, excellent. Goldust is an excellent heel, but he did this same thing with his partner at the live event here (I don't even remember who his partner is, that's how important it was apparently). Goldust beats on Truth before the match starts. I didn't even realise until seeing him live how big Goldust is. So the match doesn't even start because Truth is too beat.
Miz TV- negative
Miz TV features some celebrities I've never heard of, apparently some basketball players. I actually even skipped most of the dialogue here because I could tell it was going to be a disaster- I'm glad I did- and this type of segment is what makes me think non-wrestlers shouldn't get live mics. That, and that guy on commentary earlier who seemed to be entirely unaware that there was a 5 count in the ropes before a disqualification. Amrbose comes out, plugs the brand t-shirt, and we get a bad segway into
Miz/Bo Dallas/Curtis Axel v Dean Ambrose/Rhyno/Heath Slater- surprisingly, positive
Miz plays the fantastic chicken sh*t heel with Ambrose, which then makes me wonder... Has Miz ever been a babyface? I can't imagine him actually doing it very well after how well he plays a heel.
Dallas actually looks like an angry, bitter man, but with the beard he looks like Bray Wyatt Lite. Unfortunately for the Jobbers to the Stars, no one cares about this match until Ambrose and the Miz are involved, so there's a lot of dead crowd. I mean, Axel, Dallas and Slater are perfectly competent guys, but they've been given so little thought that I have no reason to care about them either way. Miz makes them look like ground beef next to a AAA tenderloin. Miz is still milking this... whatever this is with Daniel Bryan, and I love it. He's such a dick!
I'm with Red, why is RAW promoting Smackdown and vice versa when they're meant to be competing?
Graves is a fantastic heel announcer. He's so outlandish in defending the heels, but still somehow walks the line between being believable and ridiculous.
Wow, Dallas and Axel actually got a win! I wonder if this is the start of some kind of stable. It might be what they need to get these guys over- Miz is so good at being a heel that his heat will have to rub off on them eventually, right?
Enzo and Big Cass Break-Up- execution, positive, but concept, negative
How in the world are they going to make Enzo work on his own, and who in the world is going to talk for Cass? I don't agree with breaking them up at all, especially since they were so over. Enzo's face looks like his heart just split straight in two. Oh my gosh, he was actually crying! I missed that last week. And Enzo just lets Cass murder him, like he doesn't even care about the physical pain because his heart is broken. I actually feel bad for the guy. How much does he weigh? Can he go be a cruiserweight?
Enzo tries real hard to get into his entrance solo. I might not be a big fan of the guy, but he's a fantastic actor, honestly. He's still wearing an Enzo + Cass shirt, and says he's been trying to talk to Cass, so they're gonna talk now. I wonder what generic music they gave Cass. Oh nevermind, he's using the same music. Are they going to have a petty breakup fight over shared belongings? Is there going to be a custody battle over the theme music? Cass' shirt doesn't even have a design on it. Why wear that at all?
I wonder how much of that "bling" on Enzo came from a pawn shop.
Enzo cuts a very heartfelt, emotional promo, and he basically says he forgives Cass for all of this and wants him back. I even want to take Cass back after this promo, and I don't even know the guy. Cass' expression is hard to read at first, but then he looks like he might cry. He's probably leading Enzo on. Oh, he says he's ashamed of his actions. Where's the swerve? I'm waiting. Oh, he's apologising... I'm still waiting. He's baiting Enzo I bet. He's gonna shake his hand and Cass is gonna wreck Enzo... Or did someone get cold feet in pulling the trigger on the breakup? If that is what happened, this is extremely, supremely lame and poorly played. Now if I was Enzo, I would never trust Cass again, and I would always be watching my back.
There it is. Cass floors Enzo on the stage, then throws him down the ramp. Enzo takes a bump like a freaking rag doll, how is he not broken. I will admit, I was hopeful that they would get back together because I think both of these guys are gonna get lost in the shuffle as singles competitors.
After the break, Cass comes out to threaten Graves for outing him... I wonder if all this stuff with Graves is actually going to go anywhere or just peter off into nothing. My bet is on the latter.
Rollins v Curt Hawkins- negative
Hawkins taunts Rollins (badly) a bit before the match. I feel like some of these matches are attempts to build up lower card guys, but it's either half-hearted, or half-baked. Maybe both. Hawkins actually opens fairly strong in this match. Again, Hawkins, a perfectly competent competitor, has literally no credibility anymore because he's been so poorly written. I suppose there have to be generic jobbers for purposes like this. After the match we get Wyatt on the Tron, spouting more nonsense. Wyatt is a charismatic dude with a talent for delivery, but man, his content is garbage at this point. It's the same garbage in every single program he's part of. He needs to be less "Resident Evil: Biohazard" and more "Criminal Minds" in his gimmick, in my opinion. He also looks like he hasn't slept in a week. I wonder if his bad dreadlocks are too tight.
Heyman Promo & Joe/Lesnar Segment- execution, positive but concept, negative
I like how Heyman has been talking up Joe since this program started, but now he's sh*ttalking Joe for cheapshotting Lesnar, and calling him an idiot for not being afraid of Lesnar. To be fair, since Lesnar made his return to WWE after his MMA stint, I haven't been afraid of him either. In his first run he looked like he would eat a baby, now he looks like a balloon animal propped up on sticks.
Joe cheapshots Lesnar again and locks the clutch- I feel like this was premature, and the story of the PPV match should have been the story of Joe trying to lock the clutch and Lesnar fighting it off. Lesnar tries to fight Joe off but Joe is stuck like glue. Lesnar is actually really purple- is he holding his breath? Some guys come out to restrain Joe, who honestly doesn't look like he's fighting them much. Lesnar is actually incapacitated. Interesting. I'm not a Lesnar fan in the slightest but the way they are building this fight so far is actually intriguing to me.
Oooh oooh, if Joe wins, can we have Joe v Balor on the main roster please?
Lince Dorado v Neville- neutral
I actually thought this was Kalisto in a weird new outfit. Akira Tozawa is ringside, and looks like he's in his best Hitman cosplay. I love Neville as a heel- he wrestled Tozawa at the live event here recently- and his performance as a heel was exceptional. And in the Cruiserweight Division, Neville looks like a monster, he's so jacked, so he seems more intimidating. He makes Dorado look like a kid. I don't watch 205Live, because I can barely keep up with RAW and Smackdown most of the time, but Dorado looks fun. Dorado taps to the Rings of Saturn- I love that he has a submission finisher now instead of the Red Arrow. Post-match, Neville antagonises Tozawa, but O'Neil steps in to stop it- presumably because "we don't give this fight away on free tv". Yup, there it is. Oh, we get a title match at the PPV- probably on the preshow. How does Titus have his own brand, when he's had like, no singles success in the WWE. I wouldn't trust Titus with my career if I was a trash man.
Heyman's Post Confrontation Interview- positive
Heyman insults Joe for being a coward, because he won't fight Lesnar to his face, says he's not a Samoan warrior because he won't fight Lesnar face to face. Hah, the back against the wall bit was great. Heyman is stoking me up for this match actually. I'm having a rough time typing fast enough to keep up with the show and my thoughts at the same time. Oh, there's the bad PPV pun.
Alexa Bliss/Nia Jax Segment and Number One Contender Gauntlet Match- positive
Bliss now tries to buddy up with Jax. She's trying to play to Jax's sympathy, but this week we get Smart Nia who knows that Bliss is playing her.
Bayley is #1, which makes me sad. I love Bayley, she's my favourite. I can't help but get excited with her- it's infectious! Jax is #2... Good luck Bayley. Jax has a pretty face, but she always looks like she's smelled something foul. I think it's cool that the women's division has a monster heel, but watching Jax live, she's clumsy and still relatively inexperienced. All the same, it would hurt Jax terribly here for Bayley to knock Jax out early, and it would be the same situation in reverse. This was a bad starting pair, in my opinion. Jax has a fantastic personality as a heel, I'm finding. Shouting at the ref "I know how to count" when he's counting her in the ropes, and flicking Bayley's lost ponytail at her when she's down are great little things to do as a heel. Bayley has a good strategy here, trying to take out the leg- typical strategy to take out a larger opponent. Jax still eliminates Bayley, and the Bayley Burial continues. James is next, and I feel like she has the experience edge here on Jax and might be able to get her out. James looks strange in green, doesn't she usually wear blue? Jax throws James around like she's nothing, and then chips the ref like she hasn't even lost her breath. James just slapped Jax silly, and she picks up were Bayley left off at the legs. Holy, James kicks hard, but gets eliminated all the same. Dana Brooke is next, and honestly, when more experienced women can't get Jax, I'm not optimistic for Brooke. I think she might be stronger than the other two girls though, so it might be more even in that department. There goes Brooke in short order, and Emma is next. Credit to all the ladies so far, no one seems to be intimidated by Jax yet, but Jax overpowers her easily. So it's just Banks left right? I love Sasha (I think she's hotter than Alexa- sorry Red), but Jax has been dominant so far and I feel like she's the favourite. Sasha has a game plan this time, and has done better than anyone else so far. Jeez, this part of my video is much higher framerate than the rest of it and its jarring. Sasha barely beats a countout. Jax throws some sloppy headbutts, but honestly, it's the first time so far I've noticed her not actually making contact with her offence, which is surprising. Sasha is doing a good job selling the knee injury- you can tell this was the match they wanted from the start, because this is the segment of the match that is actually telling a story... So why not have a contender's tournament over a few weeks and have these two in a Number One Contender's match? I think Cole miscalled the knee as an elbow. The standing Bank Statement looked super awkward. WOW Jax tapped out to that awesome submission spot. I don't know if it was a Bank Statement exactly, but how she was able to work Jax down from her feet to her knees, with the arms locked with her legs, was super awesome. Jax looks strong coming out of that, having dominated all the other women up to Sasha, and Sasha obviously looks strong with this win.
My overall impression of this RAW was positive, but I don't agree with a lot of the storytelling that happened here. The Six Man Tag made my life complete, and the main event was actually really entertaining.
