BRM Reviews the 2/17/2023 Rampage (terrible)

[Big Red Machine]

AEW WORLD TRIOS TITLE MATCH: The Elite(c) (w/Brandon Cutler & Michael Nakazawa) vs. A.R. Fox & Top Flight- -4/10 (yes, negative)
Don Callis was on commentary for this match. The challengers came out wearing shirts plugging the NBA All-Star game on TNT, and A.R. Foz was carrying a basketball, just in case the logo of the guy dribbling the basket didn’t tell you what sport that was. The Elite also had the shirts on, and all three of them had basketballs, too.
IF AEW did this on their own, they’re idiots, because it made them look pathetically second-rate, and like shills. If TNT mandated this, they’re idiots. Do they really think anyone watching AEW doesn’t know about the NBA All-Star game after all the commercials they have run for it during AEW programming over the past few weeks? I’d be shocked if it wasn’t one every single commercial break.
And yet somehow, the person who came out of this entrance looking the dumbest was Jim Ross, who for no intelligent reason decided to try to add his own spoken-word version of the beginning of the Elite’s entrance theme in, and wound up bungling the most well-known part of a well-known song.
Schiavone said that the Elite didn’t want this to be a title match but Fox “goaded them into it.” Ross said it should have been one in order to “give the fans something.” If the point of this was to make the Elite look like heels, it’s failing miserably because Fox & Top Flight HAVEN’T DONE A SINGLE THING TO EARN THIS TITLE SHOT!
The match started with them throwing basketballs at each other.
1) Why did the ref call for the opening bell when one of the wrestlers was holding a foreign object?
2) Why was throwing a basketball at your opponent and it hitting him not a disqualification?
And now they’re doing a jump ball here in this championship wrestling match that Excalibur just old me “means so much” to them. And referee even has a whistle, like in basketball. Unfortunately, the ball did not go careening into the stands and concuss a fan who would go on to sue AEW to teach Tony Khan a lesson about putting dumb sh*t on his TV show.
Now they’re throwing the balls at each other again. If you’re wondering why this company’s numbers have been going down year after year, it’s because they keep doing sh*t like this.
Fox did a dive while holding a basketball, because he wants to win these titles so much that he did a high-risk move in a way that made it a lot more difficult. More dumb sh*t happened. After doing all of this dumb sh*t making it clear that none of this was to be taken seriously, they then started to do moves and expected me to care. F*CK OFF!
There was a point where the Elite were setting up a move on both members of Top Flight and the referee was giving them the count to get the illegal wrestlers out of the ring… in a match where he was content to let them chuck basketballs at each other.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- snore
The King of the Black Throne used their magic to turn off the lights, then appear on the stage when the lights came back on. Then they used said powers to turn the lights back off, and then teleport away. You’ll notice that I said “Kings of the Black Throne” rather than House of Black, and that’s because only two of them were there to make this implicit challenge to the AEW World Trios Champions. But no matter whether it’s them and Buddy Murphy or them and someone else, they still haven’t done sh*t to earn a title shot. If only the booker had spent the past month building them up for this title shot instead of engaging in that stupid feud with Eddie Kingston and Ortiz.

LEXI NAIR INTERVIEWS GUNN CLUB- snore
They’re clowns. They said that the Acclaimed were lazy.

MARK HENRY’S INTERVIEW WITH ORANGE CASSIDY IS INTERRUPTED BY WHEELER YUTA- terrible
Wheeler interrupts the interview like a total dick to brag to Orange Cassidy about how successful he has been since leaving him. Nothing he said was wrong, but so much of his bragging was about the crew he now runs with rather than about himself, so even while holding a title belt that he won fair and square, he came off like someone who was far too proud of accomplishments that were not his own. He even managed to come off like a dick while yelling at OC for “letting Trent bully me.”
OC says that Wheeler is right that OC didn’t teach him what the Blackpool Combat Club could because “I wasn’t there to teach. I was there to be your best friend.” Well some “best friend” you are, letting your other two friends mistreat him! And OC’s supposed “best friend” left their stable, and he didn’t care? Really?
OC’s solution is to offer Wheeler YUTA a shot at the All-Atlantic Title. Whatever.

RICKY STARKS vs. DANIEL GARCIA- 6.75/10
Sammy Guevara got involved on the heel side, so Action Andretti came out to stop him. Starks won cleanly.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- fine
Sammy Guevara grabbed a mic and demanded that Tony Khan book him against Action Andretti.

EVIL UNO VS. JON MOXLEY VIDEO PACKAGE/PROMO- as good as it could be
Uno was actually the only one talking. He cut a good promo, but it doesn’t come anywhere close to undoing three years of being a clown.

AEW TBS TITLE MATCH: Jade Cargill(c) (w/Leila Grey) vs. Vertvixen- DUD!
They advertised this match earlier as “Jade Cargill in action,” like they do for all of their squashes, even though this is a title match. And wouldn’t you know it, this one title match turned out to be a squash. Vertvixen’s hair and gear are purple and blue, so I guess she doesn’t know what “vert” means.
The match was short, boring and pointless.

MARK HENRY INTERVIEWS THE PEOPLE IN THE MAIN EVENT- fine
Swerve was good. I liked that they addressed that the other guy was missing. His name is apparently “Trench.” Swerve thinks that Dustin is behind the disappearance, but I assume it was actually Keith Lee. Dustin was once again a little too crazy for someone who merely had his family insulted a bit.

DUSTIN RHODES vs. SHANE “SWERVE” STRICKLAND (w/Parker Boudreaux)- 7.75/10
Tony Schiavone, who gets so upset whenever MJF or Gunn Club or the JAS cheat, shrugged off Swerve cheating with “whatever works.”
This was an excellent match, with Dustin showing that he really can still go every once in a while… and then it ended in a DQ when Dustin had the match won but Parker attacked him.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- too contrived
The heels kept attacking Dustin. Swerve cut him with some sort of weapon. Security came out to try to stop the heels, but Boudreaux took them out. Have security in AEW ever come out and not gotten tossed around by whatever monster they’re trying to get over? Boudreaux got a cinderblock and they were going to murder Dustin with it in a similar way to how they injured Keith Lee… and wouldn’t you know it, this is the moment Keith Lee comes back to make his big return.
But of course he didn’t run down the ramp to make the save. No. His music played…but he came out form the crowd, behind them. He’s hair is very gray now. He beat up the heels.
It just so happens that the first time that Swerve is using a cinderblock after injuring Keith Lee with one is the week Keith Lee is ready to make his big return? This is the sort of thing that wouldn’t bother me so much if there weren’t so many other contrivances in this company on a weekly basis.
And then there is the fact that no babyfaces other than Lee came out to help Dustin, even though Dustin came out to help people against these same heels just last week.
Oh. And why did they even do a DQ here? Why not just have Swerve beat Dustin and then try to injure afterwards? Why are we protecting Dustin Rhodes in 2023?


Despite a great main event (albeit with an annoying finish), this was a TERRIBLE episode of Rampage. Most of the card were pointless rematches, and so much of what went on felt like it was specifically intended to get me annoyed. Believe it or not, I was in a really good mood before I sat down to watch this show. Now... not so much. And I was really looking forward to watching wXw after this, but instead I’ going to embrace my inner Vince Verhei and take a nice long walk to calm down.