Sports. (2011) Sting confronts Hulk Hogan;
Kurt Angle calls out Bobby Roode; Jeff Hardy;
Anderson & RVD vs Bully Ray & Jerry Lynn.
Kurt Angle calls out Bobby Roode; Jeff Hardy;
Anderson & RVD vs Bully Ray & Jerry Lynn.
This baby's marquee event is Sting confronting Hulk Hogan in 2011. Followed by Kurt Angle calling out Bobby Roode. Two things here. First being, their top two selling points for this wrestling show are not matches. Second, say what you will about WWE and their questionable booking. But who in the blue hell thinks STING CONFRONTING HOGAN will sell a show to a national TV audience!?
OK, it sold me I guess. But in all fairness, it's for all the wrong reasons.
Sting Confronts Hogan
Seemed like a waste of time.
Sting: "C'mon Hulk! Let's fight!"
Hogan: "Naaaah"
Sting: "Hulk! I'm gonna kick the crap out of you! Let's do it!"
Hogan: "I don't think so. I don't feel like it."
Bischoff: "Waaaah waaaah leave him alone! He's got bad knees..."
God, this felt like it took up the entire first hour. Off the bat, this has always been my personal biggest problem with the Hogan/Bischoff era in TNA. It's not because I don't care, I mean, I don't care about A LOT of things but I'll put up with them. It's that I don't understand how ANYONE could possibly care about what they are putting their time and effort into, and they try to sell it like it's the hottest angle going. It's embarrassing, and it literally went on for 15 minutes.
Backstage With The KO's
Haha, "Ho House". I've never heard it called that before. Beyond Scared Straight is airing on another channel, and those guys are talking about wanting to rape 15 year olds TO 15 year olds, and one click over on Impact we're talking about Karen Jarrett running a "Ho House". When was "Whore" blackballed?
"You know what, Jeff's Wife? I hope to God you're not charging more than fifty cents an hour, because that's all your worth..."
He was joking, right? I've heard about what the KO's make, and that sounds about right.
Queens Cup Qualifier: Tessmacher vs James
Tenay: "Are you saying she should wrestle with that jacket on?"
Taz: "No! I don't think she should wrestle with anything on... it'd be career suicide, but I'd watch it."
I really want to make fun of Taz, but I can't. I'd watch that, too.
I've officially been tainted by WWE's Diva Division. Every time Mickie or Tess went for a cover I said WTF when it was a two count. Not used to things like "near falls" and "competition" and "moves" in my women's matches.
Backstage with Jeff Hardy and Al Snow
IT'S AL SNOW!!!! They could have put that in the DVR description, but it's better spoiler free. Al's cool with Jeff coming back, but I wonder what Head thinks. Head probably doesn't like it.
Austin Aries vs Reid Sorrenson
Austin Aries reminds me of why I used to look forward to TNA every week, and I think it's refreshing to see him featured on a nationally televised program. I used to watch TNA to see guys I'd only read about, like Chris Daniels and Samoa Joe. Add Aries to that list, I'll be looking for more of him.
I thought that was Doug Williams at ringside. What happened to Kid Cash? Is he a football player now or something?
Tattoo Parlor Vignette
Hernandez and Chavo Guerrero (or whoever that is) are horrible stereotypes! Holy crap! I find these guys more offensive than an Alberto Del Rio pinata party! So, they send the girls away for (more?) Tequila, because while the Tattoo Shop might object, this is Impact Wrestling dammit and we want blood by the bucket. I found it amusing that the shop owner (Christina Von Eerie, right?) only had a problem with her shop getting trashed when the Mexicans were winning. She shut right up when Neal got the upper hand.
Backstage with Jeff Hardy and Matt Morgan
Matt says he would have been a better role model than Jeff as champion. He's right. If we're keeping score, he'd be a better role model than RVD and Kurt Angle, too.
Backstage with Jeff Hardy and Kurt Angle
Kurt tells Jeff that nobody wants him here. He should leave right now. Don't get too excited, Kurt will issue an apology to Jeff tomorrow I'm sure...
"Dear Twitter Followers. I'd like to publicly appologize to Jeff Hardy for the tasteless things I said to him on last night's Impact. I had a lot on my mind, OK. I drank, like, 5 beers at lunch and I was still a little buzzed, I forgot where I parked my car, and in all honesty at the time I thought I was talking to @matthardybrand..."
Kurt Angle/Bobby Roode/James Storm Segment
This segment left me confused. There must be some sort of back story, but I don't understand why I was supposed to buy that Storm would turn on Roode. I don't follow this show, and I saw this swerve coming. It's also left me wondering why Robert Roode has gone back to Bobby, but James Storm is still James and not Jimmy. Jimmy Storm. It's got a nice ring to.... no it doesn't. I can't even type that with a strait face.
I did realize something during this segment that I never noticed before. I think James Storm might live across the street from me. No, really! He pisses off his front porch and I can hear him yelling at either his wife or the TV from my place almost nightly. He has a motorcycle that he revs up at 2:00 am, that to this day I've never seen him take a ride on. I said 'Hi' to him once and his idea of an appropriate reply was a burp and a two fingered flick of his wrist. Yeah... that's him.
Once again, I don't typically watch this show, but why should World Heavyweight Champion and Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle, whom is also backed by a strong stable, be the LEAST BIT worried about a match with James Storm? Storm's own tag team partner JUST called Kurt the "Best Wrestler To EVER LIVE"! Kurt looking all worried and Storm apologizing for Angle's damn luck does not make me think Storm has a snowball's chance in hell against Angle. As a matter of fact, I'll mark out like CRAZY if Angle does that thing Razor Ramone used to do where he stands on his back and slaps him in the back of the head. OOOOH! I could totally see Angle making Storm say "Uncle" as well. We'll see...
Mr. Anderson vs Jerry Lynn and Bully Ray
So, Van Dam was Anderson's scheduled tag team partner. Van Dam gets "taken out" and now Anderson has to wrestle a handicap match? How's that work? There wasn't ~anyone~ in the back that could sub for RVD!? How many people did TNA cut!? I thought they were overstaffed...
Also, when did Jerry Lynn start looking like crap? His ring work was sloppy as hell, and he's easily put on 50 pounds since the last time I saw him. I'm sorry, he looks bad. Like, Greg Valentine bad. He did, however, introduce me to a new move tonight: The Rolling Thumb to the Eye. Dude does a somersault and pokes Anderson in the eye. You're a heel, Jerry. We get it.
Christopher Daniels / AJ Styles Segment
We've done this before, right? The most original thing they can come up with for these guys is, "Hey! How 'bout this, how about we have Daniels actually win one? "
WAIT!!! The Tattoo Parlor was bad enough, what the hell is this? Direct Auto Loans has an office behind the bleachers at the Impact Zone!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I don't care how low WWE stock goes, you will never ever ever see anything CLOSE to this on one of their shows. Although, in all fairness, with Kurt Angle on the roster they probably prefer to have a car insurance rep on hand at all times. But c'mon...
"...yes Mr. Baily, one second while I pull up your information-er... hold on ~ooone~ second, AJ Styles is on my screen. No no, literally on it. Yeah, this happens all the time. Here we go, our records show that after your deductible you... once again Mr. Baily I do apologize, any chance I can call you back? Christopher Daniels just got power bombed on my desk. What a mess. I... wait, you CAN'T cancel your policy! No, seriously, I'm going to need my computer for that, and it was on my desk, and my desk is.... hello? Hello?"
Don't even get me started on that commercial. Yeah, the one where their World Champion is endorsing car insurance that I've never heard of.
James Storm vs Kurt Angle
Sorry James Storm fans, nothing about this said "Main Event" to me except that it was the last match of the night. Nothing about it made me think that Roode is World Championship material. And, nothing about this show gave me that "Can't Miss Next Week" feeling. Same old TNA, I don't think I've missed a thing.
Final Thoughts: I remember why I don't go out of my way to watch this show. Aside from Austin Aries, there's really nothing for me. Where's Pope? Where's SAMOA JOE!? The LAST thing we need to see from AJ Styles and Chris Daniels is a segment that involves TALKING and BRAWLING. It's almost like they DON'T want viewers.
Thanks for reading! I'll see you in the threads!
Bob-O
