BRM Reviews the 1/5/2012 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Sting comes out and tells us how Jeff has built back the bridge of trust in the lockerroom one brick at a time. Man, that sounds like a great story. If only TNA had showed it to us, instead of just having Jeff randomly feud with Jeff Jarrett for two months. Sting’s promo wasn’t bad, though.

Then Bobby Roode, Kurt Angle, & Bully Ray come out and Roode whines on their behalf. He complains that, when Kurt came to the Impact Zone last week, Sting put him in a match with RVD. So let me get this straight: The professional wrestler is unhappy because, when he showed up to the arena to work for the professional wrestling promotion that employs him, he was told that he had to have a professional wrestling match against another professional wrestler also employed by that same company.
WHAT THE F*CK DID HE EXPECT?

This is the sort of dumb sh*t that I HATE. It makes the heels look absolutely delusional and moronic. Compare that to Roode’s complaints on behalf of Bully Ray (‘why don’t I get a title shot?’). One of them seems normal One of them does not.

Then James Storm and Abyss come out (together, because I guess they were hanging out or something… because those two would ever hang out together) and Abyss acts very un-Abyss-like while Storm cuts a promo. Then Abyss cuts an Abyss-like promo, and Sting makes a 6 man tag team main event.

KNOCKOUTS’ IN THE POOL PRE-TAPED SEGMENT- Because nothing says “take our female wrestlers and their titles seriously” like having them dressed in bikinis and fighting in a pool. The person who came up with this idea should have been fired right after they pitched it.
Also, Gail tried to MURDER Traci in this segment. This fact was totally ignored by everyone.

TNA KNOCKOUTS’ TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Gail Kim & Madison Rayne(c) vs. Mickie James & Traci Brooks- 4.5/10

WILDCARD TOURNAMENT FINALS HYPE PROMOS- eh

GARRETT BISCHOFF & STING BACKSTAGE- I both like this segment and hate it. I liked that they had this official transition for Garrett. He didn’t just randomly stop being a ref and start being a wrestler because he got picked on. At the same time, Sting saying “okay, you are officially a wrestler now” seems a bit ridiculous. Whatever happened to training? Obviously Garrett has some background, but I think it would have been much better to have Sting say “I’m going to train you” then have vignettes for a few weeks and have him have his first match right after Against All Odds, (leading to something where he takes on Gunner at Victory Road then gets Eric Bischoff in the steel cage at Lockdown).

EY, GAIL, & MADISON- dumb.

ROB VAN DAM vs. GUNNER- 4/10. Why was there no official announcement of the result of the match?

AFTERMATH- okay. I really liked the way they did the whole piledriver set up, with RVD countering the first attempt. Then, when Gunner gets the chance to go for it again, the Road Agents come out and stop him. Where the hell were they the last few weeks, when Gunner was injuring guys like Doug Williams and Jesse Neal?

PROMOS TO HYPE UP THE MAIN EVENT- Storm was bad (he accidentally buried the rest of the roster… or said something that was 100% untrue). Jeff was okay. Abyss was good. The heels were all good.

AUSTIN ARIES & KID KASH vs. JESSE SORENSEN & ZEMA ION- 5/10 Good storytelling

EY & ODB- dumb.

WILD CARD TOURNAMENT FINALS: Samoa Joe & Magnus vs. AJ Styles & Kazarian- 4.75/10 WTF with this dumb overbooking.

MAGNUS & JOE CONFRONT MORGAN & CRIMSON- unnecessary, and they seemed to jump to violence WAY too quickly there.

JEFF HARDY, ABYSS, & JAMES STORM vs. KURT ANGLE, BULLY RAY, & BOBBY ROODE- 6/10. This match really didn’t feel like it deserved to be thrown out. If they had just done exactly what they did and had Bully Ray using the chain on Abyss be a DQ finish, this would have been much better.

Another bad episode of Impact, but at least it hit some of the points for the go-home show.

[Robert Randall]

I fell asleep during Gunner vs RVD. On a seperate note, you posted the whole review twice in one post.

[yourcrapsweak]

Fixed it. Reading this review pissed me off at how absolutely dumb TNA is. Why do they feel the need to overbook every other match? When's the last time the main event even ended in a clean finish?