BRM Reviews the 5/3/2012 Impact (atrocious)
Posted: May 3rd, '12, 22:03
OPENING SEGMENT- Flair rambles on, then calls out Hogan, and they ramble some more. The end result of this was Hogan asking Flair to be one of the Gut Check judges to evaluate the talent that TNA brings in for Open Fight Night. So they did the first Gut Check segment… WITHOUT HAVING PICKED THE JUDGES YET?
VELVET & TESSMACHER PROMOS- Velvet says that Gail is a cheater and has always cheated to beat her, but some day, she will overcome the odds and beat Gail. Then Tessmacher cut a promo about how no one thought she had a snowball’s chance of beating Gail but she did. Both were good promos but when cut together, they made Velvet look bad.
VELVET SKY & BROOKE TESSMACHER vs. MADISON RAYNE & GAIL KIM- 3/10
The heels jump the babyfaces at the beginning of the match. Taz and Tenay completely ignore this. Dull and formulaic.
RVD & BOBBY ROODE SEGMENT- RVD’s promo was horrible. He started off cutting a promo whose words were very heelish, then finished it by saying that he was going to take the TNA Title from Bobby Roode… and the whole entire time he sounded like he just didn’t give a damn about anything. It was the most half-assed sounding promo I have ever heard. As a contrast to this Bobby Roode’s promo was very good.
TNA TV TITLE MATCH: Devon(c) vs. ROB TERRY (w/Robbie E.)- 2/10
A few minutes of wrestling followed by a DQ finish designed to continue Robbie E’s feud for the title.
AL SNOW, RIC FLAIR, & BRUCE PRICHARD EVALUATE ALEX SILVA- I really didn’t like this segment. First, it was boring. It was a bunch of guys talking. This shouldn’t have taken place on TV. Secondly, and more importantly, while they were debating about whether or not Silva had potential, and how well he had done “in other enviorments,” I am sitting here, screaming at the TV “WHO CARES? HE LOST IN THREE MINUTES! TO A GUY WHO USUALLY DOESN’T LAST MORE THAN THAT HIMSELF! THIS GUY JOBBED TO A JOBBER… AND THEY ARE CONSIDERING HIRING HIM?”
HOGAN & ANDERSON BACKSTAGE- dumb. Tenay pointed out that this gave Anderson an advantage… which is just plain bad booking. A heel GM stacks the deck in favor of the heels. A babyface GM does things in the interests of justice and fairness. Why is Hogan acting like a heel GM?
ROB VAN DAM vs. JEFF HARDY- 5.5/10
Jeff gets pinned after a shot to the back with the title belt, and a kick to the head. Weak.
Bobby Roode comes out and costs the #1 contender a match to escalate their feu… nope. Sorry. That would be a sensible thing to do. Instead, Roode costs his hand-picked challenger the match, and then Taz, Tenay, and Roode himself some how try to play it off as an accident. HE CAME OUT TO THE RINGAND HIT JEFF IN THE BACK AS JEFF WAS BEING WHIPPED TOWARDS THE ROPES! That is about as inadvertent as Booth shooting Lincoln.
JOSEPH PARK & BULLY RAY SEGMENT-bad. Bully Ray says something that really should make the police come investigate him. Speaking of which, why hasn’t Joseph Park, the lawyer, called the cops yet? Abyss has been missing for almost four months now.
AUSTIN ARIES & BULLY RAY SEGMENT- for someone who was fired and whose last name is supposed to be censored, TNA has sure spent a whole lot of time talking about Eric Bischoff in the past few weeks. Aries tries to be a tweener by saying that he doesn’t care about JB, but he gets cheered anyway. When security pulls Aries off of Bully Ray, Bully kicks Aries in the nuts. Instead of trying to stop Bully Ray from possibly trying to hit Aries again, they all stand around trying to care for Aries. He got kicked in the nuts! He doesn’t need any sort of care like someone with an injury that will keep than out of action will! Do your damn jobs!
KURT ANGLE, CHRISTOPHER DANIELS, & KAZARIAN vs. AJ STYLES, SAMOA JOE, & MAGNUS- 4.75/10
Ridiculously short. They are trying to slowly turn Kurt babyface, which is a mistake, IMO, because there are so many top babyfaces right now. The only male heels even close to main event level that I can think of are Roode, Daniels, Bully Ray, and Kaz. Turning Kurt face is a bad idea.
ALEX SILVA EVALUATION PART 2- shouldn’t they have given him the chance to cut a promo BEFORE two of the judges voted? To cap this stupidity off, he starts cutting a promo talking about how his dream was to be a wrestler and he grew up poor and how his dead father always believed in him. Then Flair grabbed the mic away and said “don’t talk to the marks. Talk to us.” So Silva then says THE SAME EXACT THING… except he yells this time… and apparently that is enough to make Flair, who had been crapping on him for the entirety of the other segment, change his mind. So Alex Silva, who LOST TO A COMEDY JOBBER IN THREE MINUTES… is given a contract in a company where (supposedly) “wrestling matters.”
NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH: Mr. Anderson vs. Bobby Roode- 5.25/10
A horribly, pointlessly over-booked and way too short main event.
Yet another atrocious episode of Impact.
VELVET & TESSMACHER PROMOS- Velvet says that Gail is a cheater and has always cheated to beat her, but some day, she will overcome the odds and beat Gail. Then Tessmacher cut a promo about how no one thought she had a snowball’s chance of beating Gail but she did. Both were good promos but when cut together, they made Velvet look bad.
VELVET SKY & BROOKE TESSMACHER vs. MADISON RAYNE & GAIL KIM- 3/10
The heels jump the babyfaces at the beginning of the match. Taz and Tenay completely ignore this. Dull and formulaic.
RVD & BOBBY ROODE SEGMENT- RVD’s promo was horrible. He started off cutting a promo whose words were very heelish, then finished it by saying that he was going to take the TNA Title from Bobby Roode… and the whole entire time he sounded like he just didn’t give a damn about anything. It was the most half-assed sounding promo I have ever heard. As a contrast to this Bobby Roode’s promo was very good.
TNA TV TITLE MATCH: Devon(c) vs. ROB TERRY (w/Robbie E.)- 2/10
A few minutes of wrestling followed by a DQ finish designed to continue Robbie E’s feud for the title.
AL SNOW, RIC FLAIR, & BRUCE PRICHARD EVALUATE ALEX SILVA- I really didn’t like this segment. First, it was boring. It was a bunch of guys talking. This shouldn’t have taken place on TV. Secondly, and more importantly, while they were debating about whether or not Silva had potential, and how well he had done “in other enviorments,” I am sitting here, screaming at the TV “WHO CARES? HE LOST IN THREE MINUTES! TO A GUY WHO USUALLY DOESN’T LAST MORE THAN THAT HIMSELF! THIS GUY JOBBED TO A JOBBER… AND THEY ARE CONSIDERING HIRING HIM?”
HOGAN & ANDERSON BACKSTAGE- dumb. Tenay pointed out that this gave Anderson an advantage… which is just plain bad booking. A heel GM stacks the deck in favor of the heels. A babyface GM does things in the interests of justice and fairness. Why is Hogan acting like a heel GM?
ROB VAN DAM vs. JEFF HARDY- 5.5/10
Jeff gets pinned after a shot to the back with the title belt, and a kick to the head. Weak.
Bobby Roode comes out and costs the #1 contender a match to escalate their feu… nope. Sorry. That would be a sensible thing to do. Instead, Roode costs his hand-picked challenger the match, and then Taz, Tenay, and Roode himself some how try to play it off as an accident. HE CAME OUT TO THE RINGAND HIT JEFF IN THE BACK AS JEFF WAS BEING WHIPPED TOWARDS THE ROPES! That is about as inadvertent as Booth shooting Lincoln.
JOSEPH PARK & BULLY RAY SEGMENT-bad. Bully Ray says something that really should make the police come investigate him. Speaking of which, why hasn’t Joseph Park, the lawyer, called the cops yet? Abyss has been missing for almost four months now.
AUSTIN ARIES & BULLY RAY SEGMENT- for someone who was fired and whose last name is supposed to be censored, TNA has sure spent a whole lot of time talking about Eric Bischoff in the past few weeks. Aries tries to be a tweener by saying that he doesn’t care about JB, but he gets cheered anyway. When security pulls Aries off of Bully Ray, Bully kicks Aries in the nuts. Instead of trying to stop Bully Ray from possibly trying to hit Aries again, they all stand around trying to care for Aries. He got kicked in the nuts! He doesn’t need any sort of care like someone with an injury that will keep than out of action will! Do your damn jobs!
KURT ANGLE, CHRISTOPHER DANIELS, & KAZARIAN vs. AJ STYLES, SAMOA JOE, & MAGNUS- 4.75/10
Ridiculously short. They are trying to slowly turn Kurt babyface, which is a mistake, IMO, because there are so many top babyfaces right now. The only male heels even close to main event level that I can think of are Roode, Daniels, Bully Ray, and Kaz. Turning Kurt face is a bad idea.
ALEX SILVA EVALUATION PART 2- shouldn’t they have given him the chance to cut a promo BEFORE two of the judges voted? To cap this stupidity off, he starts cutting a promo talking about how his dream was to be a wrestler and he grew up poor and how his dead father always believed in him. Then Flair grabbed the mic away and said “don’t talk to the marks. Talk to us.” So Silva then says THE SAME EXACT THING… except he yells this time… and apparently that is enough to make Flair, who had been crapping on him for the entirety of the other segment, change his mind. So Alex Silva, who LOST TO A COMEDY JOBBER IN THREE MINUTES… is given a contract in a company where (supposedly) “wrestling matters.”
NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH: Mr. Anderson vs. Bobby Roode- 5.25/10
A horribly, pointlessly over-booked and way too short main event.
Yet another atrocious episode of Impact.