Michael Bennett's Bachelor Party
ROH Michael Bennett’s Bachelor Party (10/9/2014)- Chicago, IL
I made a joke on my review of last year’s â€"ROH Unauthorized†show, A Night of Hoopla, that that show might have been Michael Elgin and MsChif deciding to have the world’s strangest combined bachelor/bachelorette party. Well… this year we are, in fact actually getting a bachelor party!
We started the show off with the entrance of the official â€"Bachelor Party Host,†Adam Cole, wearing a red party hat that matched his red Kingdom t-shirt. He reminded us all to drink responsibly, especially if you are doing to drive.
Cole introduces tonight’s commentator, Steve Corino! Then he introduced the official bouncer, BJ Whitmer. Then he introduced Kingdom member Matt Taven, and finally, the bachelor himself, Michael Bennett… and during Bennett’s entrance I noticed that some terribly irresponsible parent had brought a child... who looked to be about ten years old… to THIS show!
So Bennett comes out to the ring (with the Title of Love), chugs some Jack Daniels, and gets his party hat. Then the presentation of the presents began: Bennett was presented with a crown and some gloves with flashing, light-up fingers. He then presented Cole and Taven with… SHOT GLASSES! And rather large plastic ones at that. More drinking ensued.
Now… ON WITH THE SHOW!
reDRagon vs. JAY LETHAL & TRUTH MARTINI- 6.25/10
Had some fun spots. Props to everyone involved for remembering that, even though Taven is now a heel, he and Lethal still hate each other after their recent feud.
ADAM COLE INTRODUCES A ONE NIGHT ONLY, HONORARY MEMBER OF THE KINGDOM- CHEESEBURGER!
LEAH VON DUTCH, VEDA SCOTT, & HEATHER PATERA vs. TAELER HENDRIX, MARY DOBSON, & SCARLET BORDEAUX- 5.75/10
The referee is wearing a party hat. The Romantic Touch showed up to do commentary for this match, which I thought would be good, but really wasn’t. It would have been so much better to let Corino just do his usual schtick of making inappropriate comments, but not realizing they were inappropriate until after he says them, then apologizing.
My favorite spot here saw Taven throw some singles into the ring… and the referee immediately rushed over to pick them up and put them in his pocket. So the girls wouldn’t slip on them, of course.
The last Leah Von Dutch match I saw was from 2012, and I noted that she was a pretty bad wrestler, but that her wrestling ability was inversely proportional to her cuteness. Apparently I was wrong because in the three years since then, she has certainly gotten better in the ring, and she’s still REALLY f*cking cute.
This was my first exposure to both â€"Crazy†Mary Dobson and Heather Patera, and while Patera didn’t impress me much (they didn’t do any spots to showcase her size and strength), Crazy Mary has the â€"crazy†part of gimmick down quite well. It’s not even anything in particular that she does. She just comes across as a little bit crazy.
Hendrix looked better than she did in TNA and Scarlet was her usual okay self, while Veda was, as always, a lot of fun. The match was pretty decent, though there were some moves that looked sloppy (and I’m not usually someone who comments on sloppiness. It was just REALLY noticeable here).
I felt a little bad for the ladies because they were trying to have a serious match while Cole and Taven were throwing singles into the ring, but they seemed to be fine with it, and in all honestly, they probably should have gone the comedy route that the opener did, as a serious tag match didn’t feel in-keeping with the tone of the night.
THE KINGDOM MAKES CHEESEBURGER DO SHOTS- remember kids: peer pressure is not cool!
LOSER CAN’T DRINK ALL NIGHT: Roderick Strong vs. Mark Briscoe- 6.5/10
Considering the stipulations, shouldn’t this have been the opener?
Roddy has decided to wrestle in preppy clothes and a pair of kneepads. Apparently it is his â€"favorite drinking outfit,†so there is no way he is going to lose! Bobby Fish is apparently not a fan of the term â€"moose knuckle.†He preferred to say that Roderick was sporting a â€"camel tail.â€
Not only did the Kingdom point and laugh at the loser, but they also shamed him with silly string.
BJ WHITMER CHECKS PEOPLE’S ID’S- nowhere near as funny as I was hoping it would be.
ADAM COLE BRINGS OUT MICHAEL BENNETT’S SECOND FAVORITE WRESTLER OF ALL TIME- it’s Mad Man Pondo. Yes, really. Maye two people in the crowd cheered. Cole got annoyed at Cheeseburger, so he booked…
CHEESEBURGER vs. TOMMASO CIAMPA- no rating. Eh segment.
TOMMASO CIAMPA vs. DELIRIOUS- 4.25/10
Boring
ACH vs. CEDRIC ALEXANDER- 7.25/10
This match was made because Cole asked Jimmy Jacobs who the two biggest buzzkills in the locker room were. Jimmy said it was these guys because they play Nintendo and have wives instead of living the partying lifestyle of a pro wrestler. Steve Corino wonders if you can get porn on your Nintendo DS.
MICHAEL BENNETT GETS A LAP DANCE- very funny.
All three Kingdom members appear to be quite inebriated at the moment. Cole says that every bachelor party needs a lap dance, so now it is time for Bennett to get his. Cole has Bennett sit down in a chair in the ring, and then he calls out â€"participant #1â€â€¦ and sure enough, this woman came out from behind the curtain and the graphic labelled her as â€"participant #1.†That sort of goofy stuff always makes me laugh.
I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but was this girl really the best they could get? She wasn’t ugly or anything, but she was, like, a six. I always envisioned strippers- and especially lap dance-giving strippers at bachelor parties- as being more in the 8-10 range.
Apparently I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t fond of her, as Corino didn’t like her dancing very much. In by far the best line of the evening, Corino told us all that â€"I’m not a strip club connoisseur, but I was always upset when they couldn’t dance to the beat.â€
Cole then brought out participant #2. Unlike Participant #1, participant #2 got an actual name in the graphic… but that’s because we know participant #2 as J. Diesel. After some hilarity, we moved on to Participant #3, who was definitely hotter than Participant #1. While Bennett was getting a lap dance from #3, Maria Kanellis showed up, shoved Bennett and yelled at Adam Cole for setting this whole thing up. Then, to get her revenge on Bennett by making him jealous, Maria started to give Participant #3 a lap dance.
Bennett soon put a stop to this, ordering bouncer BJ Whitmer to eject all of the lap dance participants from the building. Maria then cut a funny promo and left the building. More hijinks ensued.
NO DISQUALIFICATIONS MATCH: Jay Briscoe vs. Rhino- no rating.
Cole wanted Rhino to use a chair but Rhino wanted to beat Jay up with his fist, so the Kingdom attacked Rhino. Jay and Mark saved Rhino, and Jay challenged the Kingdom to a six-man tag team match, so we got a…
NO DISQUALIFICATIONS MATCH: The Kingdom vs. Rhino & the Briscoes- no rating, decent segment
As Jay Lethal pointed out on commentary, this match was hardly fair because the Kingdom had been drinking all night. Because of that, the first half of the match, which was just the babyfaces beating the sh*t out of the heels was really uncomfortable to watch because it was three sober guys beating up on three drunk guys.
Once we got past that part, there was a decent heat segment and some fun antics during the comeback. Jay pinned Bennett for the win, which I should be happy about because Jay is the babyface and Bennett is a despicable heel… but it’s his bachelor party and I kind of feel sorry for him for losing.
This wasn’t a good show at all, even for what it was supposed to be. A Night of Hoopla was fun to watch. This was you sitting there and watching other people drink and have fun. I don’t recommend it.
I made a joke on my review of last year’s â€"ROH Unauthorized†show, A Night of Hoopla, that that show might have been Michael Elgin and MsChif deciding to have the world’s strangest combined bachelor/bachelorette party. Well… this year we are, in fact actually getting a bachelor party!
We started the show off with the entrance of the official â€"Bachelor Party Host,†Adam Cole, wearing a red party hat that matched his red Kingdom t-shirt. He reminded us all to drink responsibly, especially if you are doing to drive.
Cole introduces tonight’s commentator, Steve Corino! Then he introduced the official bouncer, BJ Whitmer. Then he introduced Kingdom member Matt Taven, and finally, the bachelor himself, Michael Bennett… and during Bennett’s entrance I noticed that some terribly irresponsible parent had brought a child... who looked to be about ten years old… to THIS show!
So Bennett comes out to the ring (with the Title of Love), chugs some Jack Daniels, and gets his party hat. Then the presentation of the presents began: Bennett was presented with a crown and some gloves with flashing, light-up fingers. He then presented Cole and Taven with… SHOT GLASSES! And rather large plastic ones at that. More drinking ensued.
Now… ON WITH THE SHOW!
reDRagon vs. JAY LETHAL & TRUTH MARTINI- 6.25/10
Had some fun spots. Props to everyone involved for remembering that, even though Taven is now a heel, he and Lethal still hate each other after their recent feud.
ADAM COLE INTRODUCES A ONE NIGHT ONLY, HONORARY MEMBER OF THE KINGDOM- CHEESEBURGER!
LEAH VON DUTCH, VEDA SCOTT, & HEATHER PATERA vs. TAELER HENDRIX, MARY DOBSON, & SCARLET BORDEAUX- 5.75/10
The referee is wearing a party hat. The Romantic Touch showed up to do commentary for this match, which I thought would be good, but really wasn’t. It would have been so much better to let Corino just do his usual schtick of making inappropriate comments, but not realizing they were inappropriate until after he says them, then apologizing.
My favorite spot here saw Taven throw some singles into the ring… and the referee immediately rushed over to pick them up and put them in his pocket. So the girls wouldn’t slip on them, of course.
The last Leah Von Dutch match I saw was from 2012, and I noted that she was a pretty bad wrestler, but that her wrestling ability was inversely proportional to her cuteness. Apparently I was wrong because in the three years since then, she has certainly gotten better in the ring, and she’s still REALLY f*cking cute.
This was my first exposure to both â€"Crazy†Mary Dobson and Heather Patera, and while Patera didn’t impress me much (they didn’t do any spots to showcase her size and strength), Crazy Mary has the â€"crazy†part of gimmick down quite well. It’s not even anything in particular that she does. She just comes across as a little bit crazy.
Hendrix looked better than she did in TNA and Scarlet was her usual okay self, while Veda was, as always, a lot of fun. The match was pretty decent, though there were some moves that looked sloppy (and I’m not usually someone who comments on sloppiness. It was just REALLY noticeable here).
I felt a little bad for the ladies because they were trying to have a serious match while Cole and Taven were throwing singles into the ring, but they seemed to be fine with it, and in all honestly, they probably should have gone the comedy route that the opener did, as a serious tag match didn’t feel in-keeping with the tone of the night.
THE KINGDOM MAKES CHEESEBURGER DO SHOTS- remember kids: peer pressure is not cool!
LOSER CAN’T DRINK ALL NIGHT: Roderick Strong vs. Mark Briscoe- 6.5/10
Considering the stipulations, shouldn’t this have been the opener?
Roddy has decided to wrestle in preppy clothes and a pair of kneepads. Apparently it is his â€"favorite drinking outfit,†so there is no way he is going to lose! Bobby Fish is apparently not a fan of the term â€"moose knuckle.†He preferred to say that Roderick was sporting a â€"camel tail.â€
Not only did the Kingdom point and laugh at the loser, but they also shamed him with silly string.
BJ WHITMER CHECKS PEOPLE’S ID’S- nowhere near as funny as I was hoping it would be.
ADAM COLE BRINGS OUT MICHAEL BENNETT’S SECOND FAVORITE WRESTLER OF ALL TIME- it’s Mad Man Pondo. Yes, really. Maye two people in the crowd cheered. Cole got annoyed at Cheeseburger, so he booked…
CHEESEBURGER vs. TOMMASO CIAMPA- no rating. Eh segment.
TOMMASO CIAMPA vs. DELIRIOUS- 4.25/10
Boring
ACH vs. CEDRIC ALEXANDER- 7.25/10
This match was made because Cole asked Jimmy Jacobs who the two biggest buzzkills in the locker room were. Jimmy said it was these guys because they play Nintendo and have wives instead of living the partying lifestyle of a pro wrestler. Steve Corino wonders if you can get porn on your Nintendo DS.
MICHAEL BENNETT GETS A LAP DANCE- very funny.
All three Kingdom members appear to be quite inebriated at the moment. Cole says that every bachelor party needs a lap dance, so now it is time for Bennett to get his. Cole has Bennett sit down in a chair in the ring, and then he calls out â€"participant #1â€â€¦ and sure enough, this woman came out from behind the curtain and the graphic labelled her as â€"participant #1.†That sort of goofy stuff always makes me laugh.
I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but was this girl really the best they could get? She wasn’t ugly or anything, but she was, like, a six. I always envisioned strippers- and especially lap dance-giving strippers at bachelor parties- as being more in the 8-10 range.
Apparently I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t fond of her, as Corino didn’t like her dancing very much. In by far the best line of the evening, Corino told us all that â€"I’m not a strip club connoisseur, but I was always upset when they couldn’t dance to the beat.â€
Cole then brought out participant #2. Unlike Participant #1, participant #2 got an actual name in the graphic… but that’s because we know participant #2 as J. Diesel. After some hilarity, we moved on to Participant #3, who was definitely hotter than Participant #1. While Bennett was getting a lap dance from #3, Maria Kanellis showed up, shoved Bennett and yelled at Adam Cole for setting this whole thing up. Then, to get her revenge on Bennett by making him jealous, Maria started to give Participant #3 a lap dance.
Bennett soon put a stop to this, ordering bouncer BJ Whitmer to eject all of the lap dance participants from the building. Maria then cut a funny promo and left the building. More hijinks ensued.
NO DISQUALIFICATIONS MATCH: Jay Briscoe vs. Rhino- no rating.
Cole wanted Rhino to use a chair but Rhino wanted to beat Jay up with his fist, so the Kingdom attacked Rhino. Jay and Mark saved Rhino, and Jay challenged the Kingdom to a six-man tag team match, so we got a…
NO DISQUALIFICATIONS MATCH: The Kingdom vs. Rhino & the Briscoes- no rating, decent segment
As Jay Lethal pointed out on commentary, this match was hardly fair because the Kingdom had been drinking all night. Because of that, the first half of the match, which was just the babyfaces beating the sh*t out of the heels was really uncomfortable to watch because it was three sober guys beating up on three drunk guys.
Once we got past that part, there was a decent heat segment and some fun antics during the comeback. Jay pinned Bennett for the win, which I should be happy about because Jay is the babyface and Bennett is a despicable heel… but it’s his bachelor party and I kind of feel sorry for him for losing.
This wasn’t a good show at all, even for what it was supposed to be. A Night of Hoopla was fun to watch. This was you sitting there and watching other people drink and have fun. I don’t recommend it.