Wrestlicious- The Complete Series: Part 2

EPISODE 12:

Rather than the standard opening, we immediately go into hype mode for Tyler Texas (Lorelei Lee) vs. Faith (Portia Perez).

JIMMY HART & �"OUR FAN”- bad
�"Our Fan” is the same woman from last week who was at that time merely labeled �"A Random Fan.” I’m not sure why they changed it because �"Our Fan” is not only a lot less funny than �"A Random Fan,” but saying that she is �"Our Fan” instead of �"One of Our Fans” implies that she is the only fan they have.
She asked Jimmy how she would know if she was a �"wrestling fanatic.” Jimmy told her that �"you know you’re a wrestling fanatic if you start a ‘USA!’ chant whenever you walk into a Chinese restaurant.” Apparently this was supposed to be funny. Then Our Fan started an utterly pathetic �"USA!” chant, so I guess this was being filmed in a Chinese restaurant (hey! If they don’t have to be funny, then I don’t either!)

THE BRISTOLS ARE COMING- fantastic!
They did their �"I’m *INSERT NAME HERE* and I’m Wrestlicious” rap verse, except the music wasn’t there and they didn’t rap it at all, so it just sounded like a normal conversation and I had absolutely no idea where they were going with it until they said �"we’re the Bristols and we’re Wrestlicious” in unison. F*cking brilliant!

JIMMY HART TALKS WITH �"MASKED MILLIE”- �"Mask Millie” was billed as �"the Lady of One Mask.” That made me chuckle, and it’s a good thing that that made me chuckle because their attempt at comedy here was just utterly terrible.

MASKED MILLIE vs. JEZEBEL- DUD!
Masked Millie’s gimmick is that she thinks she’s a super hero and poses a lot. Jezebel’s gimmick is apparently that she’s a stripper, although they didn’t have her do any stripping. The announcer described Masked Millie as �"she’s not a bird, she’s not a plane, and the only way she flies is as cargo.” That has got to be the meanest thing said on this show.
This match sucked. All of the comedy failed aside from one spot, and all of the wrestling they did looked terrible, aside from the finisher, which was a rather vicious looking Attitude Adjustment (which the announcer called by that name after proclaiming that he was seeing �"shades of John Cena!”)
That being said, I can’t hate this match because it did result in the announcer saying the following:
�"Is there a moral to this story? Yes: Don’t mess with anyone wearing a mask who changes clothes in a public phone booth.”

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A MALE WRESTLER- eh.
They left the logo for this segment up for a long time, which was not a good thing, as it seems designed to trigger epileptic seizures.
This time we had Lil Slamm taking on Greg Valentine. Jimmy asked The Hammer �"what you going to get in the mail on February 14th?” Greg replied �"A restraining order.” Lil Slamm then answered the question. She said she would get a valentine in the mail. Jimmy said she was correct, but I’m calling bullsh*t because no one does that by snail mail anymore.

ONE OF THE BEBOPS VISITS THE DOCTOR- terrible.

VOODOO YOU LOVE?- I chuckled at the one-liner, but White Magic’s response to this was to torture poor Johnny with a Voodoo doll while a laugh track was playing. Domestic abuse is a serious issue and should not be made light of.

COUNTRY QUICKIE WITH COUSIN CASSIE & TYLER TEXAS- as bad as always.

JIMMY HART & JV RICH- JV has a date, so he is going to make Jimmy babysit his children for him. With all of the crappy skits so far tonight, this one pushed me over the edge into that �"just end it already” mood.

TAKEDOWN SPOTLIGHT: KANDI KISSES- hot chick on a beach in a bikini, but she’s got her iPod strapped to her arm and has her earbuds in, presumably listening to her hit single, (an instrumental version of which was playing in the background). I’m pretty sure she was also doing some of the dance moves to the song. Kandi Kisses is a criminally underused character on this show.

WRESTLICIOUS HEROINES- OH SH*T THOSE ARE SOME FIGHTIN’ WORDS. Good build to the main event, and good art by the BotchedSpot.com guy.

TYLER TEXAS vs. FAITH- 4.25/10
Short, but very good for what it was. The announcer used this match as the basis for his claim that Wrestlicious has the best women’s wrestling in the world. Now THAT might have been the funniest thing ever said on this show.

Not a good show at all. There was WAY too much failed comedy. At least it reminded me how much I need to see more Kandi Kisses skits.

CORNY ANNOUNCER PUN OF THE WEEK:
(The schoolgirl-gimmicked) �"Faith may he hoping for a recess.”

PATHETICALLY LAME ANNOUNCER JOKE OF THE WEEK:
�"I’d hate to be in Faith’s shoes. Or skirt, for that matter.”

THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I’D HEAR ON A WRESTLING SHOW:
"Don’t mess with anyone wearing a mask who changes clothes in a public phone booth."

Runner up:
�"The Texan won’t be singing at the hootenanny after this one!”



EPISODE 13:
OPENING HYPE- would have been a lot more dramatic if they had cut out the announcer’s commentary, but it was still good. The main event for the season finale (and, unfortunately, series finale) of Wrestlicious will be Glory defending the Wrestlicious Title against Toni the Top in a Lumberjack Match.

OPENING BIT- more un-funny drivel.
The �"Random Fan” girl finally gets a name, and it’s… �"Ima Marck.” Yes, really. Then Jimmy Hart told a stupid �"joke” (if it can legally be called such a thing), then demanded that security remove Ima Marck from the premises.

TONI THE TOP (Nikki) BRINGS AUTUMN FROST (Jennifer Blake) TO SEE JV RICH AGAIN- once again he calls Autumn ugly, showing that he has absolutely no taste whatsoever because she looked really f*cking hot. He dismisses her with a stupid one-liner, but Autumn let out a fantastic yell of frustration which saved this whole thing.

FELONY IN JAIL- dumb predictable one-liner.

TAKEDOWN SPOTLIGHT: BANDITA- hot chick on a beach not doing much in a bikini. This was all time that could have been spent on wrestling. Or on sketches featuring Sha Na Na and the Bebops. Or Kandi Kisses. Or all of them at once! That would be SOOOOO AWESOME!

VOODOO YOU LOVE- same issue as before with domestic abuse not being funny, but at least their one-liner was. Both Johnny C and Lacey really crushed the delivery.

VIDEO PACKAGE OF ALL OF THE TALENT WRESTLICIOUS HAS �"DISCOVERED” THAT WWE AND TNA HAD �"STOLEN”-
This started off by saying �"WWE and TNA know great talent when they see it… on Wrestlicious!”
Then they listed a bunch of women who had worked for them who were working for the big name companies when this show finally got around to airing: Lacey Von Erich, Draculetta (Daffney), Sister Ophelia (Rosie Lottalove), Paige Webb (Serena Deeb), Amber Lively (Madison Rayne), and Brooke Lynn (Cookie/Becky Bayless).
Yeah… a couple of problems with that list:
Lacey Von Erich- had been under a WWE developmental contract before her time in Wrestlicious… and was cut for not being good enough in the ring. Imagine how bad she would have had to be to get cut during the Johnny Ace era, looking like she does and having Von Erich as a last name. At the time this aired, she was in TNA, proving exactly how bad she was in the ring. Not someone worth taking credit for �"discovering.”
Daffney- had been under WWE developmental contract and had worked for TNA for a while (not to mentioned her time in WCW) before she worked for Wrestlicious.
Becky Bayless- had worked for ROH for years and was already on WWE and TNA’s radar. She wasn’t signed because she had mostly transitioned to being an interviewer after a severe car accident a few years earlier.
Madison Rayne- Had already started working for TNA concurrently with the Wrestlicious tapings.
Serene Deeb- like Becky she was already well known on the indy scene and been on WWE’s radar for years because she spent a lot of time in OVW. But if they want to take credit for Deeb, then they also need to take credit for…
Rosie Lottalove- You remember her, right? She was the woman with the fat stripper gimmick who wrestled a few matches for TNA, and in one of them botched moves so badly that she ended the career of the aforementioned (and much more talented) Daffney.
So good job there, Wrestlicious!
Though let’s be honest: the only people they discovered were the models because all of the women on the show were well-known indy names, and Wrestlicious trying to take credit for this really annoyed me.

A COMMERCIAL FOR THE WRESTLICIOUS SEAOSN 1 DVD- they tried to entice us to buy this product (which I don’t think was ever produced) by advertising �"bonus footage” all of which seemed to be from a match between Maui (a model) and Malibu (also a model) taking on the tag team of Jimmy's Angels (also models). And because it’s Wrestlicious, it wouldn’t be complete without unfunny comedy involving Jimmy Hart.

WRESTLICIOUS HEROINES- lame build for the main event. I mean the dialogue was bad. The BotchedSpot.com guy’s art is almost always great.

Apparently Felony (Rain) has escaped from Jail.

LUMBERJACK MATCH FOR THE WRESTLICIOUS TITLE: Glory(c) vs. Toni The Top- 5.75/10
As the match began, the announcer took the time to thank everyone who has made this first season of Wrestlicious such a success. While he was doing this, a graphic on the screen credited him as �"Un-named Announcer.” That made me giggle.
Why was the babyface the one continuously throwing the heel out of the ring so her babyface friends could beat the sh*t out of her while the heel lumberjacks looked on helplessly? Isn’t that backwards?
There was a fan holding up a sign that read �"JV Rich>Vince.” This sign was incorrect. Unless the Vince in question was Russo. You know what… even if it was Russo, I’m still not quite sure that statement is true.
The match was good old-school southern-style stuff, aside from the lack of DQ for the blatant interference. That wasn’t good or old-school or southern-style. It didn’t matter in the end, though, as Glory won the match and retained her… um… tiara.

A disappointing final episode in many ways- both the big main event math not really delivering (despite getting a good thirteen minutes), and also with most of the jokes totally failing (and, obviously, the complete and total lack of Kandi Kisses or Sha Na Na and the Bebops. They didn’t even get to be lumberjacks).
CORNY ANNOUNCER PUN OF THE WEEK:
�"The Top is now spinning!”

PATHETICALLY LAME ANNOUNCER JOKE OF THE WEEK:
�"This is textbook wrestling! Toni the Top must have knocked over a library.”
Runner up:
�"The goddaughter wants that Wrestlicious Crown by hook or by crook… and she certainly knows a lot about crooks!”

THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I’D HEAR ON A WRESTLING SHOW:
None. Very disappointing for the final episode.

SERIES OVERVIEW:
Wrestlicious had its very fun points, but also a lot of very frustrating ones. It’s one of those shows that, when you’re not enjoying the good wrestling or laughing at the good comedy, really makes you scream because it could have been so much better if they had just cut out the unfunny stuff and gave that time to the wrestling… and wouldn’t have even been so hard because most of the unfunny stuff didn’t even come close to being funny, to the point where you’re baffled that they left it in the show in the first place. Maybe I shouldn’t have expected anything better, but I did so I was disappointed. Wrestlicious can be oodles of fun if you find the right stuff. I’d stick to the first set of tapings and not watch any of the stuff from the nightclub in Minnesota- so basically everything until episode 9. After that it gets tedious very quickly. But check it out for yourself and enjoy the fun stuff!