WWF WrestleMania
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Before we get started, I'd like to point out my favorite thing about WM1, Terrified Aflred Hayes. Whenever they cut to him to hype the next match, it appears that Vince is threatening him with bodily harm off camera and it's amazing.
Opening logo/video package: Awesome. The opponents are show on opposite sides of the screen. The highlight of which is Moolah and Lelani Kai looking like they're filming a B-movie about witches
Mean Gene sings "The Star Spangled Banner": bizarre. Gene sings it with the cadence of "Take me out to the Ball Game"
Tito Santana interview w/ Mean Gene: good. Apparently nobody knows anything about his opponent, the Executioner.
Executioner Interview w/Mean Gene: Bad. He gives away his strategy (to go after Santana's previously injured leg) he flubs his first sentence, and caps off his promo by shouting "I AM A BIG LEAGUER" which cements that he is not one. Amazing to think this was Buddy Rose under a mask
Tito Santana vs The Executioner
-Gorilla tells us that The Executioner is debuting, but hasn't been defeated since he began wrestling. Odd way to build a guy when they would tell us all night that WWF was the big leagues.
-Tito runs up the turnbuckles during a headlock to knock Executioner down for a side headlock slam, cool.
-Tito hits his signature forearm and then locks in the figure four to send a message to Intercontinental Champion Greg Valentire and win this extended squash by submission
3.75/10
Mean Gene interviews SD Jones: Good, he seems happy for a man about to die
King Kong Bundy interview (w/Jimmy Hart) with Mean Gene: Good. King Kong Bundy is shirtless and looks exponentially more terrifying.
SD Jones vs King Kong Bundy w/Jimmy Hart
Squash
Mean Gene interviews Matt Borne: Great. He says Steamboat is too nice, and that's why Borne will win.
Mean Gene interviews Ricky Steamboat: Also great, he refutes Borne and says he came to the WWF to work on his mean streak
Maniac Matt Borne vs Ricky the Dragon Steamboat
6/10 definitely would suggest looking this up.
Mean Gene interviews David and Bruno Sammartino : Meh, Bruno threatens to beat up Brutus Beefcake's manager, Johnny Valiant, if he gets involved in the David/Beefcake match
Mean Gene interviews Johnny Valiant and Brutus Beefcake : bad. Johnny rambles incoherently. Brutus blows a raspberry into the mic when Gene holds it up to him, Valiant won't let him talk, which is actually kind of awesome.
David Sammartino w/ Bruno Sammartino vs Brutus Beefcake w/Johnny Valiant
-Beefcake is listed as being from Parts Unknown, which is annoying because he doesn't have a weird cartoon gimmick, he's just a normal dude
-Bruno looks more jazzed about running to the ring than David does
-Lots of stalling
-Brutus struts away from a David lockup and people audibly laugh. Amazing
-Nothing interesting happens until the (bullshit) finish, where Valiant slams David outside the ring, and Bruno throws Valiant and the ring, and a brawl breaks out for the double DQ
0.5/10
Mean Gene Interviews Greg Valentine and Jimmy Hart. Great.
Mean Gene interviews Junkyard Dog: Less coherent as it went on, typical of every JYD appearance.
Junkyard Dog vs Greg Valentine w/ Jimmy Hart for the Intercontinental Championship
-This match has a one hour time limit. Would love to see Valentine and Dog go an hour
-"Grab Them Cakes" is awesome
- Wrestlers look much more legiimate when there's a cop leading them to the ring
-JYD punches Valentine in the side during an arm wringer. The ref admonishes him. JYD headbutts him, the ref throws his hands up as if to say "Go right ahead" This made me giggle.
-JYD cannot sell laying down. On the other hand, when he's allowed to move around and limp, there's no one better
-The crowd pops huge for Valentine accidentally hitting Jimmy Hart
-Valentine puts his feet on the ropes to pin JYD. Tito runs out and explains what happened to the ref. Valentine leaves like a good heel, but JYD doesn't go after him or anything.
5.5/10
Mean Gene interviews Nikolai Volkoff, Iron Sheik and Fred Blassie: Glorious, especially with Sheik trying to get more shit in.
Mean Gene interviews Capt.Lou Albano, Mike Rotundo, and Barry Windham: Lou has a beer in hand. Lou cuts a great promo, Windham and Rotundo were just "eh"
The US Express (Windham and Rotundo) w/Lou Albano vs Iron Shiek and Nikolai Volkoff w/ Fred Blassie for the WWF Tag Team Titles
-Volkoff begins by singing the Soviet National Anthem. A piece of garbage bounces off the MSG logo on the microphone. They also get a crowd shot, and, when a guy in a white suit notices he's on camera, he stands up and salutes. Trolls existed in the 80s.
-They get an amazing wide shot of the ring where garbage is very clearly flying all around
7/10 best match on the card so far
Fred Blassie's team does a post interview: Glorious. Blassie denies having a cane, despite using it to hit Windham in the finish
Mean Gene interviews Big John Studd and Bobby Heenan: Great. Studd was a decent interview here, Bobby was great as usual. Gene is trying to touch the money and it's hilarious
$15,000 vs Retirement Body Slam Match: Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd w/Bobby the Brain Heenan
6/10 good match considering the ability of both men. The post match with Heenan stealing the money was great
Andre the Giant post match interview: Good. He's happy about not retiring and could care less about the money
Cyndi Lauper and Wendi Ritcher interview: Lauper was actually pretty good. Ritcher was meh
Moolah and Lelani Kai interview: Moolah was meh, Lelani Kai was awful "I'm gonna come back with my hand raised in victor."
Lelani Kai w/ Moolah vs Wendi Ritcher w/ Cyndi Lauper for the WWF Women's Title
5.5/10
Post match interview with Wendi and Cyndi: Bad. Wendi looked pissed off. Cyndi was bad
Hulk Hogan and Mr.T w/ Jimmy Snuka vs Rowdy Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff w/ "Cowboy" Bob Orton
6.5/10, really fun, wild brawl
This was a good show, really good stuff all the way through. I'd like to bring up an ironic point in closing however. Jesse Ventura kept saying that he's seen boring Super Bowls, World Series games etc, but he isn't seeing a downer Wrestlemania
Oh Mr.Ventura, if you only knew.
Opening logo/video package: Awesome. The opponents are show on opposite sides of the screen. The highlight of which is Moolah and Lelani Kai looking like they're filming a B-movie about witches
Mean Gene sings "The Star Spangled Banner": bizarre. Gene sings it with the cadence of "Take me out to the Ball Game"
Tito Santana interview w/ Mean Gene: good. Apparently nobody knows anything about his opponent, the Executioner.
Executioner Interview w/Mean Gene: Bad. He gives away his strategy (to go after Santana's previously injured leg) he flubs his first sentence, and caps off his promo by shouting "I AM A BIG LEAGUER" which cements that he is not one. Amazing to think this was Buddy Rose under a mask
Tito Santana vs The Executioner
-Gorilla tells us that The Executioner is debuting, but hasn't been defeated since he began wrestling. Odd way to build a guy when they would tell us all night that WWF was the big leagues.
-Tito runs up the turnbuckles during a headlock to knock Executioner down for a side headlock slam, cool.
-Tito hits his signature forearm and then locks in the figure four to send a message to Intercontinental Champion Greg Valentire and win this extended squash by submission
3.75/10
Mean Gene interviews SD Jones: Good, he seems happy for a man about to die
King Kong Bundy interview (w/Jimmy Hart) with Mean Gene: Good. King Kong Bundy is shirtless and looks exponentially more terrifying.
SD Jones vs King Kong Bundy w/Jimmy Hart
Squash
Mean Gene interviews Matt Borne: Great. He says Steamboat is too nice, and that's why Borne will win.
Mean Gene interviews Ricky Steamboat: Also great, he refutes Borne and says he came to the WWF to work on his mean streak
Maniac Matt Borne vs Ricky the Dragon Steamboat
6/10 definitely would suggest looking this up.
Mean Gene interviews David and Bruno Sammartino : Meh, Bruno threatens to beat up Brutus Beefcake's manager, Johnny Valiant, if he gets involved in the David/Beefcake match
Mean Gene interviews Johnny Valiant and Brutus Beefcake : bad. Johnny rambles incoherently. Brutus blows a raspberry into the mic when Gene holds it up to him, Valiant won't let him talk, which is actually kind of awesome.
David Sammartino w/ Bruno Sammartino vs Brutus Beefcake w/Johnny Valiant
-Beefcake is listed as being from Parts Unknown, which is annoying because he doesn't have a weird cartoon gimmick, he's just a normal dude
-Bruno looks more jazzed about running to the ring than David does
-Lots of stalling
-Brutus struts away from a David lockup and people audibly laugh. Amazing
-Nothing interesting happens until the (bullshit) finish, where Valiant slams David outside the ring, and Bruno throws Valiant and the ring, and a brawl breaks out for the double DQ
0.5/10
Mean Gene Interviews Greg Valentine and Jimmy Hart. Great.
Mean Gene interviews Junkyard Dog: Less coherent as it went on, typical of every JYD appearance.
Junkyard Dog vs Greg Valentine w/ Jimmy Hart for the Intercontinental Championship
-This match has a one hour time limit. Would love to see Valentine and Dog go an hour
-"Grab Them Cakes" is awesome
- Wrestlers look much more legiimate when there's a cop leading them to the ring
-JYD punches Valentine in the side during an arm wringer. The ref admonishes him. JYD headbutts him, the ref throws his hands up as if to say "Go right ahead" This made me giggle.
-JYD cannot sell laying down. On the other hand, when he's allowed to move around and limp, there's no one better
-The crowd pops huge for Valentine accidentally hitting Jimmy Hart
-Valentine puts his feet on the ropes to pin JYD. Tito runs out and explains what happened to the ref. Valentine leaves like a good heel, but JYD doesn't go after him or anything.
5.5/10
Mean Gene interviews Nikolai Volkoff, Iron Sheik and Fred Blassie: Glorious, especially with Sheik trying to get more shit in.
Mean Gene interviews Capt.Lou Albano, Mike Rotundo, and Barry Windham: Lou has a beer in hand. Lou cuts a great promo, Windham and Rotundo were just "eh"
The US Express (Windham and Rotundo) w/Lou Albano vs Iron Shiek and Nikolai Volkoff w/ Fred Blassie for the WWF Tag Team Titles
-Volkoff begins by singing the Soviet National Anthem. A piece of garbage bounces off the MSG logo on the microphone. They also get a crowd shot, and, when a guy in a white suit notices he's on camera, he stands up and salutes. Trolls existed in the 80s.
-They get an amazing wide shot of the ring where garbage is very clearly flying all around
7/10 best match on the card so far
Fred Blassie's team does a post interview: Glorious. Blassie denies having a cane, despite using it to hit Windham in the finish
Mean Gene interviews Big John Studd and Bobby Heenan: Great. Studd was a decent interview here, Bobby was great as usual. Gene is trying to touch the money and it's hilarious
$15,000 vs Retirement Body Slam Match: Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd w/Bobby the Brain Heenan
6/10 good match considering the ability of both men. The post match with Heenan stealing the money was great
Andre the Giant post match interview: Good. He's happy about not retiring and could care less about the money
Cyndi Lauper and Wendi Ritcher interview: Lauper was actually pretty good. Ritcher was meh
Moolah and Lelani Kai interview: Moolah was meh, Lelani Kai was awful "I'm gonna come back with my hand raised in victor."
Lelani Kai w/ Moolah vs Wendi Ritcher w/ Cyndi Lauper for the WWF Women's Title
5.5/10
Post match interview with Wendi and Cyndi: Bad. Wendi looked pissed off. Cyndi was bad
Hulk Hogan and Mr.T w/ Jimmy Snuka vs Rowdy Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff w/ "Cowboy" Bob Orton
6.5/10, really fun, wild brawl
This was a good show, really good stuff all the way through. I'd like to bring up an ironic point in closing however. Jesse Ventura kept saying that he's seen boring Super Bowls, World Series games etc, but he isn't seeing a downer Wrestlemania
Oh Mr.Ventura, if you only knew.