Lucha Underground S03E12: Every Woman Is Sexy, Every Woman Is A Star

Every Woman Is Sexy, Every Woman Is A Star

WHITE RABBIT TRIBE VIDEO - okay… I give up. My only guess is that this is Lucha Underground engaging in deliberate self-parody. THEY WERE FIGHTING WITH F*CKING CARROTS. But anyway, they’re here. This started the same week as the Emmalina videos, and they’re already here, which just makes Emmalina even more annoying.

LUCHA UNDERGROUND TRIOS TITLE MATCH:
Fenix, Drago, & Aerostar(c) vs. The White Rabbit Tribe (Mala Suerte, Saltador, &... PAUL LONDON?) - 5.5/10

So… is the gimmick supposed to be that they’re drug users, or was this just a Paul London thing? Striker calls this a “unique reinvention of self from Paul London.” Reinvention? Why? Because he switched from pot to a more potent hallucinogen? Vampiro also appears to be on something right now, and offered to take Striker out into the desert so that they can do drugs together. He’s very lucky that this is an underground fight club releasing DVDs on the black market rather than a TV show or else he would be in deep sh*t (that’s assuming that Joey Ryan doesn’t just arrest him anyway). And despite this being a DVD of an underground fight club, Striker still feels the need to warn anyone who may be watching that doing drugs is bad.

Moves were done. Kobra Moon came out to watch. The champions won clean to retain. Saltador’s gear made my eyes hurt. After the match, Kobra Moon told Drago that he would soon bow before her.

SEXY STAR & THE MACK BACKSTAGE - very good segment.
He wants to help prevent the Worldwide Underground from cheating to steal this title from her the way they did with the Gift of the Gods Title, but she tells him not to because she doesn’t want anyone to be able to make any claim that she doesn’t deserve the title. Obviously he is going to turn on her, but they set up very well. It’s one of those instances where doing a segment like this might be telegraphing a finish, but it’s sometimes less frustrating to have these seeds planted to help us understand the turn when it happens as opposed to having to wait a week in which it just seems like a swerve for the sake of a swerve. That being said, they probably could have laid it on a little less thick than they did here (but then again, I’ve been saying that about Ciampa and Gargano for months now and they just won the NXT Tag Team Titles, so…).

DANTE FOX vs. KILLSHOT - 6.75/10

This was pretty generic for a while, but the weird thing is that it probably wouldn’t have come across that way a few years ago, but seeing people get angry and trade strikes like that in every single PWG match for years completely sucked the meaning out of what should have felt like two guys who hated each other trying to put the other down and using that desire to fuel themselves to stay up. Things picked up after that DVD spot, though.

Also in this match… Matt Striker was absolutely intolerable. His brain seems to function like this: “These two men were in the military, therefore I will throw in every single military word or reference I know, whether or not it makes any sense whatsoever.” We’ve already killed a bunch of characters on this show, so can someone please kill Striker? Vampiro, on the other hand, did an excellent job at explaining how the wrestlers’ military experience would affect their actions in this match.

JOHNNY MUNDO & DARIO CUETO IN DARIO’S OFFICE - good stuff.
Johnny got a restraining order on Angelico so Dario had to tell Angelico to stay away from the building. What was unspoken here was the idea Johnny calling the cops about The Temple could get it shut down, so this is a bigger threat than just money or Angelico going to jail. Dario (read as: the bookers) did make it clear to Johnny (read as: us the viewers) that Angelico would eventually get a chance for revenge on Johnny.

DARIO & BLACK LOTUS - Pentagon Dark will run a gauntlet of the Black Lotus Triad next week, but win or lose, the gauntlet won’t end until he faces all of them.

LUCHA UNDERGROUND TITLE MATCH:
Sexy Star(c) vs. Johnny Mundo - 6.75/10

Remember those plants from last week? That row of women who were Sexy Star’s biggest fans? Well now that their heroine is the Lucha Underground Champion, they’re nowhere to be found. Johnny won when Taya disguised herself as a Sexy Star fan and knocked Sexy Star out with brass knuckles. Striker went on and on about how unfair this was, and then finished the show with this big grandiose speech about how this victory proves that Johnny Mundo is the best in the world. Yes, really.

An otherwise good show from LU made less enjoyable by Matt Striker.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:

1. Matt Striker- “The question on everybody’s mind is (turns to Vampiro)- A) why are you hitting me?”
Talk about a lack of self-awareness. I think the questions everyone is really asking are 1) why isn’t Vampiro hitting Striker harder? And 2) why isn’t he aiming for the head?

2. Vampiro describes a Johnny Mundo Russian Leg Sweep as “mean to hurt somebody.”
No sh*t, Sherlock! It’s a wrestling move in a wrestling match that he is trying to win!