ROH Glory By Honor XV: Champions vs. All-Star

JAY WHITE vs. DONOVAN DIJAK (w/Prince Nana)- 7/10

Here are some of the things Steve Corino and Kevin Kelly ignored this match to talk about:
- Tonight's main event
- Steen and Corino trying get Cabana to come back to ROH in 2013
- Kevin Kelly's weight loss over the past two years
- 1980s WWF wrestlers

If they had been paying any sort of attention, they would have noticed that White spent the match working over Dijak's head and neck. Nana came up to distract White at a key moment but White still managed to reverse Feast Your Eyes (Dijak's atrociously-named finisher) into a cool roll-up for the win. Dijak gave him a boot after the match but he might not have realized it was over. Nana then came in and ordered Dijak to attack White some more. Dijak went to hit him with his finisher but Jay White managed to avoid it and roll to safety. One month later, these same announcers would call another match in ROH between these two men and not mention this attempted post-match assault even once.

THE TEMPURA BOYZ vs. THE ALL-NIGHT EXPRESS (w/Caprice Coleman)- 4/10

Before the match, Caprice cut the same promo he's been cutting for what feels like months. For once we actually got a twist on the usual Cabinet obnoxiousness that was both entertaining and effective. Caprice gave his speech and then Rhett and Kenny knelt down for the Code of Honor (in "protest"... of nothing specific because Delirious is a terrible booker), and upon seeing this, the Tempura Boyz became very confused because, as one of them explained about Caprice's big, grand speech, "English: don't understand." Kenny King then replied "well maybe you'll understand this," and the heels jumped the babyfaces, which is a nice departure from what usually happens with The Cabinet, which is that the babyfaces wind up jumping them, with Kevin Kelly coming across absolutely terribly in his weak-minded attempts to defend this behavior).

The commentary here was... something else. It was just plain bad on just about every level.

We started off with Kevin Kelly telling that he heard that "Kenny King almost caused an international incident" today, and he says in a way where you understand that he is trying to act outraged, but you just can't believe it because 1) he is only about a three out of ten on the outrage meter, and more importantly 2) his says it with this Mike Tenay-esque inflection in his voice that makes it feel like his real goal in telling us this is not to inform us or even to just vent his outrage in a public way, but rather that he is desperately trying to draw our attention to this thing that he wants us to pay attention to because it will show how clever/controversial/whatever this angle is. As a result, it comes across completely phony. It's just another example of Kevin Kelly's complete and total inability to connect with the viewer. The best announcers are the ones who feel like real people expressing their real emotions (Lance Russell and Jesse Ventura being particularly shining examples of this on the babyface and heel side respectively). With Kevin Kelly he feels less like a real person and more like the teacher reading kindergarteners the storybook that Creative has written.

Actually, that's exactly what this is. You ever see one of those backstage segment where rather than a segment between two characters it feels more like someone's attempt to merely turn each of the bullet points the booker gave them into a full sentence? This was like an auditory version of that, except with the amount of sh*t that Kelly and Corino talk about that is completely irrelevant to anything, it was actually more like the auditory version of clickbait, which nicely segues us to problem #2...

Kevin informed us that Steve Corino was there when the incident took place so he suggests that Steve should tell the story, but Steve says "oh no. I can't tell that story on the air!" Leaving aside the fact that this is a VOD/DVD only release so they're not actually "on the air" so there are no censorship laws governing what they can and can't talk about, there is the bigger problem that this sort of thing is SOOOOOOOOOOOO F*CKING ANNOYING! When they do this sort of thing about Vegas/Roppongi stories, that's one thing because there is the implication that the debauchery was just so wild and crazy (and perhaps some things were illegal) that it should not be discussed in public. This is not one of those situations. Not even close. If there was some sort of incident with an ROH wrestler that Kevin Kelly felt the need to bring it up, then they had better tell us what f*cking happened. Kelly and Corino do this sort of sh*t all of the time. I don't know if they think they're being funny or trying to get themselves over or something, but they've both been in the business long enough to know that their job isn't to be funny or get themselves over. It's to get the angles over, and vague bullsh*t with no details doesn't get angles over. Which brings me to problem #3.

Vague bullsh*t doesn't get angles over. Because I was provided with no details here but was led to believe that this thing was important, I am now racking my brain trying to figure out what could have possibly happened that was so terrible, but I have no idea. Did he go to the nearby US-Canada border and start shouting things? We've got a Mexican and three Japanese guys on the show. Did Kenny say something to one of them? No offense to Kamaitachi, the Tempura Boyz, or Angel de Oro, but I don't think any of them are high enough on the totem pole for anything Kenny could have said to them that would come close to causing some sort of international incident short of an ethnic slur, and if he used an ethnic slur, and if that is the case then Kenny should have been fired and replaced in this match by Caprice.

Now if this was one of the big joint ROH/New Japan shows and you told me that Kenny was being disrespectful to the New Japan guys I could buy that, or even if it was just a respect veteran like Tenzan here by himself that Kenny was disrespectful to, I could buy that even though it's vague because at least there is enough detail there that I don't need to know exactly what happened to understand why I should be upset. This, of course, still runs into one of ROH's other big issues of storytelling right now, which is that they constantly violate the rule of "show, don't tell." The above case where you just tell me that Kenny was being disrespectful to the New Japan guys is effective on one level, but it still vague... and more to the point, it is certainly a lot less vague- and thus a lot less effective- than showing me backstage footage of Kenny King walking up to Okada and spitting in his face.

Kelly and Corino were then joined on commentary by Caprice Coleman. Fortunately, Caprice gave a lot more detail than his usual bullsh*t diatribe merely claiming to have been "disrespected" by ROH. Unfortunately, the things that he said (especially with the hindsight of the promo he would cut at the TV tapings two weeks later and the angle at Survival of the Fittest)- stuff like not getting promotions (read as: pushes) you deserve based on your talent while other get "pushed down your throat," were so completely clearly a worked shoot.

Ah yes, the worked shoot. That elusive brass ring that many an indy booker have sought so desperately, not realizing that in this day and age, that brass ring isn't a brass ring anymore; it's the holy grail. In other words, it's mythical, and trying to chase it is a fool's errand that inevitably ends in AT BEST a severe waste of time that could have been used for something that is actually productive.

The reason for this is simple: the most important component of a worked shoot is believability. The problem is that everyone is on the internet (especially indy fans) so they all know it's a work- and if they don't, they will by the end of the next day. Think about it for a moment. When was the last time anyone was [i]really[/i] fooled by anything? I will grant you that in the Hero-Kingston feud and the early stages of the Whitmer-Corino feud people were (and in terms of Hero-Kingston I think still are) unsure if the heat between them was real, but no one thought that anything that happened in front of them- either promos or matches- was anything but a work. Even in the ROH-CZW feud, while I don't think anyone doubts that the emotions conveyed by either the fans or many of the wrestlers were real, the the moment Bryan Danielson showed up at [i]An Afternoon of Main Events[/i]- the moment that it became clear that this was a real thing and that Hero's promo the previous month wasn't just him randomly running his mouth on ROH to get a cheap pop- everyone realized that the two companies were working together on this (rather than Danielson actually shoot invading the CZW show).

I think the last time anyone was [i]really[/i] fooled by anything, it was the Punk promo, and even then, people were only fooled for a few days at most- and if Punk had ever set foot in a WWE ring, people would have instantly known it was all a work. In terms of an actual physical altercation, there was MAYBE the time Matt Hardy jumped Edge on Raw and plugged the ROH show, and that was because WWE did absolutely everything right there, including the immediate cut to a commercial. The reason that helped it so much is because the very nature of a worked shoot requires you to be aware that wrestling is a work, and if bookers control everything, why would they not cut the mic or cut the camera away from this moment which goes against their plan? This problem is exacerbated when you do a worked shoot- especially one where you complain about "pushes" or bring given a bad gimmick (the latter of which was Caprice's complaint at the TV tapings), because why would your mic not be cut and why would security not be sent out to get you? As I said above, a worked shoot like this doesn't work because by its very nature it reminds you that wrestling a work... so why wouldn't this be a work, too. When have someone doing this DURING A MATCH, it hurt your ability to suspend your disbelief for the action going on as well. To add an ironic twist to this, Caprice said that he didn't want to take attention away from the action in the ring... and then proceeded to do exactly that.

Kevin Kelly responded to Caprice's supposedly shoot comments with a kayfabe answer, saying that The Cabinet haven't gotten title shots because they haven't been winning matches. This created an even deeper disconnect, because it makes either Caprice look delusional or makes Kevin look dumb for not understand what Caprice was clearly saying (or both... and the unfortunate reality is that the kayfabe evidence usually points to both of these things being true).

In the one enjoyable moment of all of this, Caprice criticized Kelly and Corino for only trying to get themselves over on commentary. Showing no awareness whatsoever, Kevin responded to this by going back to that stupid bullsh*t about Kenny's near-"international incident," which they had insisted could not be talked about on the air. The metaphorical turd-cherry on top of this sh*t sundae was Kevin Kelly accidentally calling Caprice "Kenny," and when you're doing a gimmick that you are trying to play off of racial tensions in America today, having the white middle-aged voice of corporate management accidentally call one black guy by the name of the other black guy in his group is exactly what you want to have happen when the promotion are supposed to be the babyfaces.

KAMAITACHI vs. ANGEL DE ORO- 4.75/10

Kevin Kelly and Steve Corino's commentary on this match was also horrendous, although in this case that was mostly due to Corino. All Kevin did that annoyed me (aside from indulging Corino's bullsh*t) was not know whether ROH rules mandated a DQ for removing an opponent's mask. You're the lead announcer of the promotion! How do you not know the rules?!

As for Corino... he kept up his "joke" of not being able to pronounce the names of the CMLL wrestlers or stables. They're not difficult. I have never taken Spanish in my life and I have them down pretty well. It's just Corino thinking he is being funny by being a moron on purpose. This, of course, begs the question of why ROH even kayfabe employs Steve anymore. As an announcer he is clearly ignorant to the point of being disrespectful about their new business partners, and his commentary for Mexican and Japanese wrestlers usually approaches racist at least once in every match. And no, I still have not forgotten him making a rape joke on air at Global Wars this year. He is also not an active wrestler for the company, and they already got the biggest buyrate they're ever going to get out of him and Whitmer (even in kayfabe, if we're honest)... plus there was that whole SCUM angle where he tried to destroy the company. In addition to all of that, rather than talk about the match, Steve insisted airing apparently non-kayfabe grievances he has against El Canek and Tito Santana. WHY DO THEY STILL EMPLOY HIM?!

As for the match itself... it didn't flow well at all. It just felt like there would be moves for a bit, then they'd do some big spot to the outside, then they'd wait a while, both get back into the ring, and reset. Also, someone needs to explain to Mr. de Oro that if you're going to do some spots in your match that revolve around the fact that concealing your identity is more important to you than even winning the match, you really should do something to make it look like you are trying to stop the other guy when he is unlacing your mask. He just f*cking sat there, on the ground, his arm completely free, letting Kamaitachi untie his mask.

Oh, and speaking of Angel de Oro's identity, Corino kept trying to "guess" who with idiotic guesses, including ACH. For those who don't know, Angel de Oro is a light-skinned Hispanic man while ACH is a rather dark-skinned African-American. And yes, I get that that is the "joke." My point is that it's not even close to being funny because it's just Corino being an idiot and trying to get himself over when his job is to call the match and get the competitors over.

RANDOM WOMEN OF HONOR SEGMENT - terrible
Kelly Klein comes out and gets in ring announcer Scarlett's Bordeaux's face, shouting "you know what you did last night!" Well Scarlett might know, but none of the fans in the arena knew, so they reacted to this with confusion. I, too, was confused and I am watching this months later. The really annoying part is that if this incident happened at last night's show and you're going to do an angle out of it on tonight's show, why didn't you include that match on the DVD/VOD of last night's show- which I have already seen because silly me figured that if I watched the shows all in order I wouldn't miss any important storyline points. (And if you're going to do a segment like this, it's up to the wrestlers involved to explain the situation. Kelly definitely should have said a lot more than "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!"

Those of us watching on DVD/VOD eventually had the benefit of Kevin Kelly now explaining to us that Scarlett refused to announce Kelly as the winner of a match that Kelly won that was taped for later release on either the internet or DVD or something. This explanation makes it seem like Scarlett is totally in the wrong, so I feel no ill will towards Kelly for coming out here and screaming at her. Let me take this moment to remind you that Kelly is supposed to be the heel.

Kelly demands that Scarlett announce her as the winner so Scarlett does so. Kelly keeps demanding that Scarlett do it again until eventually Scarlett refuses, so Kelly assaults her and she has to get carried to the back. As I'm sure you've already guessed, Steve Corino reacted this by trying to be funny. F*cking idiot.

Meanwhile Kevin Kelly was screaming about how wrong this is (which was good), but never once did either announcer bring up the "Zero Tolerance Policy" that has been a major plot-point in (among others) the Whitmer-Corino feud which states that anyone who attacks a non-wrestler will be immediately suspended (and, of course, there was never any announcement on the website or anywhere else of Kelly Klein being suspended for this because Delirious is a terrible booker).

But we have a match to get to, dammit, so ROH was already playing Silas Young's music for the next match before they even finished carrying Scarlett to the back.

SILAS YOUNG PROMO - cheap heat via sexism. Cheap heat via sexism/racism/whatever else-ism always gets a DUD from me because of how f*cking LAZY it is.

SILAS YOUNG & THE BEER CITY BRUISER vs. THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS- 5/10

This match started off with Alex Shelley- the babyface- performing a testicular claw on Silas Young, with no provocation and right in front of the referee. This should have been an immediate disqualification, but wasn't because this company has gone so far downhill that they're doing stupid stops that even PWG doesn't f*cking do anymore. Shelley has been doing this for SIX MONTHS NOW! How has no one told him to knock this sh*t off yet? If I was a booker, the first time someone did this it would earn them a stern yelling and an explanation of why it is so stupid. The second time it happened they would be fired.

Silas, as you'll remember, is getting a shot at the ROH World Title. He spent the first chunk of this match being made to look like a complete and total buffoon. His team was defeated. He is the #1 contender to the ROH World Title! He should be winning matches, not being on the losing end of a mid-card tag match to a team that has nothing going on at the moment. So what if it's their home town? If the right finish for the product is for Silas to get the win then that's the finish you book! If you don't want to beat MCMG in their home market, then DON'T BOOK THEM AGAINST SOMEONE WHO NEEDS TO WIN. Delirious spent a large amount of time working for both Gabe Sapolsky and Mike Quackenbush. How has he not learned this?!

ALEX SHELLEY PROMO - OH MY G-D MAKE IT STOP!
This dragged on FOREVER! He just kept on talking about how great Detroit was and how great ROH was, to the point where even I, a huge ROH fan, got SOOOO f*cking annoyed. He hit all of the talking about ROH's history and how ROH innovates excellence and look who is on your TV on Monday night, etc. etc. He also talked about how ROH gave you an amazing show every time, which was really annoying to hear about in the middle of the mess that this show has been. He also claimed that he and Chris Sabin were the ones who invented the Superkick. Yes, really.

Buried in here was the one line in his promo that was actually related to the storyline he is supposed to be embarking on soon, which is the same line he's said at other shows about how there is a "numbers game" going on and there are only two Machine Guns as opposed to a bunch of members of the Cabinet and Bullet Club etc., so they need to find some more people. This line was very easy to miss or forget about in the midst of everything else he was saying, and also would have made a lot more sense if he had cut this promo after a loss due to being outnumbered (how hard would it have been to switch MCMG with the Tempura Boyz so that Silas can get a win while MCMG can be against someone who actually costs them a match due to superior numbers?).

BJ WHITMER & PUNISHMENT MARTINEZ vs. JIM BEARDSLEY & BLAKE ACUMEN- 0.5/10

To push this stupid Kevin Sullivan bullsh*t angle, Whitmer is being billed as residing in Singapore. The problem with this is that if you don't remember one (let's be honest, completely insignificant) detail from one of Kevin Sullivan's rambling gobbledygook promos then this won't make any sense to you at all. If you want to do this right you need to bill Whimter as now residing in "the Pyramid of Gangralor (or whatever) [i]in Singapore[/i]" so that everyone will understand it. Also, if Whitmer is living in Singapore because that's where the Pyramid is and they summoned Martinez at the pyramid or whatever, then why is Martinez being billed as being from "the Caribbean" and not Singapore?

Usually these two have some sort of stupid interaction with Steve Corino on every non-TV/PPV show where they have a stare-down then almost fight but then Whitmer hands Corino a golden spike and Whitmer and Martinez just walk away while Corino teases stabbing jobbers but never does (almost always to around of boos or no reaction at all). This time Delirious decided that Corino shouldn't be at ringside for this, so Corino went to the back to "check on Scarlett" before this match started. So he just gets up and leaves his job to do something else. Again... why hasn't he been fired?

This was match was a squash that went on way too long, and then didn't even stop when it was over. Whitmer locked in some sort of chokehold and Kevin Kelly shouted "that's that Singapore Sleeper!" to which I shouted back "what Singapore Sleeper?!" I've watched every ROH show this year except for two (both of which both Whitmer and Martinez weren't on- or even Kevin Sullivan, for that matter) and I have never seen Whitmer do this move once, so Kevin Kelly shouldn't be reacting like it's something I should recognize. If he wants to say "he's locking in the Singapore Sleeper" then fine. I can pretend that Whitmer told him the name of his new move before the match, but call it "[i]that[/i] Singapore Sleeper which implies that it is something significant that we have seen before when we've never seen it before.

KEVIN KELLY INTERVIEWS BJ WHITMER - Kevin asks all of the questions that we at home would all be asking if this angle weren't so frustratingly stupid. Whitmer gives him a non-answer, saying that someone is returning and telling us that his "Army of Darkness" is almost here. I've never hoped that this would happen before, but I REALLY hope that it turns out that WWE now owns the intellectual property right for a wrestling stable called the "Army of Darkness" and they send a cease and desist letter and that makes Delirious just decide to give up on this stupid angle.

ADAM PAGE vs. ACH- 4/10

Two top up and coming stars in the company... and they get seven minutes. This match got less time than both Silas Young & the Beer City Bruiser vs. Dalton Castle's Boys and former ROH World Champion Michael Elgin vs. resident New Japan comedy loser Toru Yano... and those match WERE ON THEIR ONE-HOUR TV SHOW while this show was on a G-d damn DVD/VOD show!

JAY LETHAL vs. FRANKIE KAZARIAN (w/Christopher Daniels)- 6.5/10

Last night Kazarian wasn't cleared to wrestle but wrestled anyway... and as of tonight he is perfectly cleared? How does that make sense?
This match was perfectly fine for third on the card. Not for a semi-main event in ROH. Kaz refused a handshake after the match, but then, when Lethal turned his back, they came back and teased attacking him before offering a handshake. So at least this is an angle that is moving along.

CHAMPIONS VS. ALL-STARS EIGHT-MAN TAG TEAM ELIMINATION MATCH:
ROH Champions (Adam Cole, Bobby Fish, & the Young Bucks) vs. ROH All-Stars (The Briscoes, Dalton Castle, & Colt Cabana)- 6.5/10

What they did in the match was... fine, but not exciting, and the booking was complete uninspired, to the point of being a detriment to the match. Obviously the big topic of discussion will be the finish (or rather the lack thereof) so I'll start with that. This came down to the Young Bucks- the tag champs- against Cabana & Castle, who happen to be their #1 contenders, so Dalton challenged them to just have the tag title match right now, and after milking about three extra cheap pops out of it (and they're supposed to be the heels), the Bucks accepted. As a result, ROH's big, annual, Champions vs. All-Stars match had no finish. That is not acceptable in Ring of Honor.

Just like last night, we wound up with an unannounced tag title match, so no extra tickets were sold for a match that they used a freakin' PPV spot to build up. I'm sure someone will say "but they had to get both title defenses (against The Addiction last night and against Colt & Dalton tonight) in this weekend in order to get thins set up for Final Battle at the next set of tapings because the Bucks were going to miss next weekend's shows because of the Super Junior Tag Tournament. To that I say... you're absolutely right. What didn't need to happen this weekend as Champions vs. All-Stars. That could have happened on the UK tour in November or back in Baltimore in July or the post- All-Star Extravaganza TV tapings, or any other number of times throughout the year. There is no rule that says it needs to be Glory By Honor weekend, or even that it needs to be in the fall at all. The inaugural one was in January. And don't tell me that that would "screw up the booking" because I think the booking of this match proves that the way Delirious books Champions vs. All-Stars is just a match for the sake of a match rather than as some intricately-booked, Quackenbushian monstrosity that will set up matches for months to come.

In a couple of different places over the past year I've written about Delirious' booking on the house shows being WAY too focused on the pop hear and now rather than what is best for the booking in the long term, and this match was a perfect example of that.

Jay Briscoe is eliminated first, being rolled up by Bobby Fish because that will get the big surprise pop because no one is expecting Jay to be eliminate first. Then Fish, the TV Champion, is eliminated by Mark Briscoe. We already saw Mark get a TV Title shot this year and lose, and now that he and Jay have been focused on more as a tag team in the past few months, no one will buy him winning the TV Title when (or even if) he finally gets his shot next year. Plus, if they plan on keeping beating Jay a rarity, it means that Mark will be taking the falls in any losses the Briscoes suffer, which will hardly help to build him up for his title shot. I think it would have been much more productive to have Fish eliminate Mark and then have Jay eliminate Fish. This way, Jay won't be taking any falls when the Briscoes fail to win their title shot at Final Battle, and this sets Jay up for a TV Title shot next year that- while I don't think anyone will think he will win, the victory over Jay would to a tremendous job of putting Marty Scurll over as a top guy right away.

I do like Castle eliminating Cole, but the lack of follow-up on that was a huge misstep. That title shot should have happened the next weekend in Ft. Lauderdale instead of Castle jobbing to Adam Page, as Castle losing there would have been more evidence to Cabana that he won't be able to go anywhere with Dalton as his tag partner, factoring into his decision to dump Dalton at the TV tapings on 10/29.

But instead Delirious had some falls that won't ever matter, all to set up the cheap pop that comes from asking the people of Dearborn is they want to see a title shot tonight unexpectedly, instead of doing Champions vs. All-Stars and this tag title shot as separate shows, drawing two houses (and selling two DVD/VODs) instead of one, which would be best for the product.

So we got Dalton challenging the Bucks to make just have their tag title match right here, right now, instead of continuing the scheduled main event. The Young Bucks, who are supposed to be heels, accept the match, which I would normally be fine with, except that last month we saw Adam Cole refuse to give Jay Lethal his rematch when Lethal wanted it, even when Cole was entirely fresh while Lethal had just wrestled for forty-five minutes and had an injured knee... so in situations where it would make perfect sense for the heel to refuse the match, they don't, but when it makes no sense for them to refuse the match, they do. Characters should behave according to their character, not according to the needs of the plot.

ROH WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:
The Young Bucks(c) vs. Dalton Castle & Colt Cabana)- 7/10

The reason I decided to rate this as a separate match was because 1) it ceased being elimination format, so it really wasn't a continuation of the previous match, and 2) by the time the talking was done, it felt like an entirely different match.

They packed a lot of excitement into ten minutes, but all of my above criticisms about the booking still stand. In fact, that they were able to have this great a match in just ten minutes makes me quite sad that they weren't booed in a spot where they could have been given twenty.

This was one of the worst ROH shows in a long time, and possibly the single most miserable ROH show I've ever had to sit through. The booking, the announcing, the random bullsh*t, Page and ACH getting no time... this show sucked. This whole weekend- GLORY BY HONOR weekend, no less- tells you everything you need to know about how ROH has fallen from being the best indy/non-mainstream/whatever company in the world to being the stale cesspool of mediocrity that we have just seen before us, and all in less than two years. Atrocious booking, pointlessly dirty finishes, finishes not being followed up on, plot holes all over the place, guys who should be top up-and-comers not being given anywhere near enough time, completely random Women of Honor crap that no one cares about because ROH has done nothing to make them care by the way they have separated that product out, atrocious announcing, guys who should be rising stars mired in mid-card hell forever, a "believe what I tell you to believe, not what I show you" mentality... it has got to stop or else this company will be in deep trouble. The buzz is already gone, and once you lose the buzz it's extremely hard to get it back, and without the buzz, you don't grow.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:

1. Kevin Kelly- "What Hangman Page did last night- if the victory over Jay Briscoe wasn't enough- if the moments in time (awkward pause) that we have seen haven't been enough to prove that Hangman Page is a main event star- just watch what he did against Bobby Fish and Kyle O'Reilly teaming with Adam Cole last night."

Normally when I've been ripping the announcing apart the way I have for this show, I feel that a "Stupid Announcer Quotes" section is unnecessary and I skip it, but this one pissed me off to the point where I feel the need to start one.

Okay, first... stop calling him "Hangman Page" in the US. It works in Japan because that's how things work over there, but it in the US it sounds ridiculously f*cking lame. New Japan isn't watching everything you do to make sure you only use the names they want (if they were, then surely either this partnership would be long gone or Corino would be fired), so just go back to calling him "Adam Page" when you're in the US.
Secondly... "if all of the moments in time (awkward pause) that we have seen... haven't been enough to prove that Hangman Page is a main event star?" Dude... if you are trying to put over big things the guy has done and you can't come up with any, then you have totally failed at making him a main eventer. Delirious is a sh*tty booker, and Kevin Kelly is a sh*tty announcer for even going down this path when it would have been much smoother and made a lot more sense to only mention the win over Jay Briscoe (i.e. the only big thing Page has ever done).

And now for the part that REALLY set me off: Does anyone know "what he did against Bobby Fish and Kyle O'Reilly teaming with Adam Cole last night?" Well if you follow Kevin Kelly's advice and go watch, you'll see that HE DID A CLEAN JOB! To a guy he's supposed to be challenging for the TV Title in two weeks! And that's all that EVER happens every time they tell us they're "pushing" Adam Page. They turn him face and give him the big win to end his feud against BJ Whitmer... then they turn him right back heel and stick him in Bullet Club where he loses every single match he's in (and usually eats the pin, too) aside from one short match against Jonathan Gresham, who was basically being used as enhancement talent in ROH at that point.

Oh. But then they give him the big win over Jay Briscoe... and since then he has been on the losing side of every single match he was in aside from one eight-man tag at Field of Honor where he had the Young Bucks on his team. There is a big difference between being a main event-level guy and being booked in main events. If you're booked in main events but always lose them, then you're not a main event-level guy because you're clearly not as good as the main event-level stars!

2. Kevin Kelly says that Adam Page "has been telling everyone that will listen that he wants to be in the G1 Tag League."
That's nice and all, except for the part where that tour conflicts with ROH's biggest show of the year. So Adam Page would rather work New Japan's least important tour of the year than be on ROH's WrestleMania. Way to bury the company, Kevin.

3. Kevin Kelly compliments Dalton for using a "cleaner" term, saying he is going to kick his opponents "butts" instead of a cruder term like "asses." He can't possibly think that this makes the product come off as anything but lame, can he?

4. Kevin Kelly (congratulating Bobby Fish on beating Jay Briscoe)- "The number of men who can count pinfall victory over Jay Briscoe in the past five years can be counted on one hand."

DUDE... I can think of five guys have pinned Jay Briscoe in ROH in the past year alone (Lethal, Elgin, Roddy, Page, and now Fish), so I'm willing to bet that Kevin Kelly's statement is untrue, because I'm almost certain that Eddie Edwards beat both Briscoes in SOTF one year, and I know his team lost the elimination match ROH ran in Greensboro, and neither of those matches had bullsh*t in them. Plus, this would assume that Mark Briscoe lost EVERY SINGLE FALL THE BRISCOES LOST in the year and a half before this grand streak of Jay's started, which I highly doubt.

It is extremely frustrating to me that whenever Kevin Kelly is given the choice between saying two things that are equally complimentary, but one is less specific and certainly true while the second one is much more specific and less likely to be true due to Kevin's tendency to just throw numbers out at random, Kevin always chooses the option less likely to be true (and ninety-nine times out of a hundred, it isn't true).