CZW Sacrifices

DUB BOYS (Dave McCall & Nate Carter) vs. THE PRIVATE PARTY (Isaiah Kassidy & Marq Quen) - 3/10

I had a lot of trouble settling on a rating for this one because the kayfabe story going in and the story they told in the ring worked together, but more in a non-kayfabe way than anything else. The kayfabe story was that the Dub Boys had failed to capture the CZW Tag Team Titles in both of their last two CZW matches (including a TLC match at the last show) and wanted to show that they still belonged in CZW. The way they went about doing that in the match, however, was rather strange. This match was an odd kind of spotfest. Not what you'd normally think of with guys just doing flips and headdrops all the time with no real selling or attempt at a story, but rather than just spam out MOVEZ they gave each team a bit of time offense to do show us what they could do, but there was no real story being told, and there were some times where it was very obvious that someone was just standing around, waiting to get hit by a move because that was the spot to the point where it felt a bit hokey. They were rather limited by the short time they were given (about four minutes), which plays a big factor in the low rating, but also makes me lean towards giving them the benefit of the doubt that they could probably have a better match with more time. They (particularly the Dub Boys) make me think that they deserve to stay in CZW, but in a more smarky, intellectual "I'd like to see what they can do with more time" way than in any sort of kayfabe "those Dub Boys fought their hearts out and they deserve to stay, even though they lost again" type of way.

Due to this whole odd dynamic, this match also became one of the rare times where I will factor a post-match segment into the rating for the match itself (the only other instance that immediately pops into my head is Triple H vs. Shawn Michaels at SummerSlam 2002). That post-match segment saw the Dub Boys appear to be gracious losers, giving Private Party (who were nice enough to even share their alcohol with them before the match) a nice, sportsmanlike handshake, but then attacking them when their backs were turned. If the point of the previous match was to whet my appetite for a rematch- and for more Dub Boys matches in particular- then this segment feels like an extension of the match more than anything else, and the whole package worked well together (as for why I don't include post-match segments in match ratings more often, I can't really tell you why other than to say it's a very subjective thing and sometimes it just kind of feels like it should be factored in rather than evaluated as a separate piece of the overarching story).

CZW WIRED TITLE MATCH:
Johnny Yuma(c) vs. Maxwell Jacob Friedman - 6/10

They exchanged some insults before the match, culminating in MJF saying that Yuma was a bad father, to which Yuma responded by headbutting him to jump start the match. That definitely helped them, as this match was also quite short, but it was action all the way, and had a GREAT finish. MJF is an excellent heel.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT - Good. Friedman's old valet, Maria Manic, who he had called a bimbo and claimed to have dumped before this match, came out to try to get back together with him. She had clearly been crying in the back, but she managed to find a picture of them that MJF identified as being from their first date. He threw the picture on the floor and called her fat. She started to cry so he offered her one more kiss, and when he leaned in for it, she slapped him and left. MJF totally brushed this off because he's the new CZW Wired Champion. As I said above, MJF is an excellent heel.

ZACK SABRE JR. vs. DAVID STARR - 6.75/10

Excellent technical wrestling. The commentators did a wonderful job of making Zack's technical work seem even more impressive than it was, which is quite the feat. The roll-up finish sets up for a rematch, which I can't wait for!

SAMI CALLIHAN vs. SHANE STRICKLAND - 7.5/10

This was a fast-paced, hard-hitting match with lots of quick little reversals that gave the match a feeling of "don't blink or you'll miss something" without actually going at a breakneck pace. Major props are due to the CZW announcers for being the first to actually explain Shane Strickland's "King of Swerve" nickname and how it works with his in-ring style. I still think it's a dumb nickname, but at least I now understand where it's coming from.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT - WEIRD. We cut to a video of what appears to be high school students (and one teacher) all dressed up nicely, standing around in what appears to be a high school gym. We pan from face to face while the say "Ace. Austin. Shakespeare" a whole bunch of times. It eventually becomes one loud, unified chant as we pan across the whole group, then a curtain lifts to reveal a very small set with a picture of William Shakespeare on the fall and a dude in a long coat facing away from us. He turns halfway towards us, but I still don't recognize him. I wonder if these people all know Uncle John?
We then cut back to the arena, where Sami and Shane are both still in the ring, looking very confused. I'm confused, too, along with the announcers. The crowd summed up everyone's feelings by chanting "WHAT THE F*CK?!"

Then the guy in the video (now with some ace playing cards on the back of his coat) came. He pulled out an ace of spades and put it in his mouth. Then he got into the ring, and pushed Sami and Shane apart so that he could have room to do a flip, which ended with him making a thin black cane appear from out of nowhere like a magician would. Then Sami and Shane both kicked him in the face. Then they started dancing together. This was extremely weird.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT, PART II - Very good. Sami and Shane walked up the aisle together, but then someone's music started playing and two guys whose team name is apparently "Storm of Entrails" showed up carrying some weapons. Sami and Shane jumped into the crowd to get out of their way. They set up a table and were about to put Ace Austin Shakespeare (I assume that's his name) through what was apparently a wooden door when The Awakening showed up to brawl with them instead. The brawl was very good, and many weapons were used. Storm of Entrails appeared to have won the brawl, with SHLAK standing tall at the end.

Then MASADA showed up. He and SHLAK got nose-to-nose in the ring. MASADA said that he was back in New Jersey and challenged SHLAK to a match at Tournament of Death. I don't think he managed to go more than four words between f bombs. SHLAK seemingly accepted the challenge with a mere shove, which was kind of shocking to me because MASADA had just called him a "pussy." SHLAK calmly rolled out of the ring and he and his Storm of Entrails partner Dan O'Hare walked to the back.

CZW RULES MATCH FOR THE CZW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
Joe Gacy(c) vs. Lio Rush - 8.75/10

Isn't every CZW match contested under "CZW rules?" So apparently CZW Lio Rush is VERY different from ROH, EVOLVE, and PWG Lio Rush. He's got a big black circle of paint all the way around each eye (maybe it's eye liner or mascara or whatever. I'm not a make-up expert. Or even amateur), and he's got a similarly-dressed lackey who lit some candles on the floor in the aisle before Lio came out. He carried a lantern and was moving in a very slow and yet also almost jerky manner, and whole thing was shot in black and white instead of color. I really don't know what to make of any of this, but I will say that a woman singing a higher-pitched, slightly slower cover of Paint It Black was a pretty good fit for this entrance, so props to whoever came up with that.

Then Joe Gacy's entrance happened and it made Lio's look normal. He came out covered by a sheet, inside a cage wheeled out by guys in creepy masks. With the exception of The Undertaker, I'm really struggling to remember the last time I saw anyone do this good a job of using all of the tools available to them to create the desired atmosphere. Not Nakamura, not Bobby Roode, not Dalton Castle, not Bray Wyatt, not even early-90s Hannibal mask, tied-to-a-stretcher Sabu. MAYBE the first Finn Balor full "demon" entrance. Seriously. You don't even have to watch the match: Just watch these entrances and you'll get blown away.
Actually, you should watch the match, too. This was pretty crazy. They made great use of weapons quickly-escalating levels of violence (culminating into a powerbomb onto f*cking LEGOS, which has to be one of the most painful things I've ever seen in a wrestling ring) while also telling the story of Rush successfully managing to adapt to Gacy's environment, even as you wondered whether his anger towards the referee (stemming from a call which robbed Lio of the title at the last show) might wind up costing him in the end. Lio using the ropes for the final pin sets up a number of different places they could take that story in the rematch that, while it was already inevitable, feels even more pressingly so due to the role-up finish and the questionable use of the ropes. WATCH THIS MATCH.

NATION OF INTOXICATION/NOTORIOUS INC. SEGMENT - AWESOME! Danny Havoc called out former best friend now turned enemy Devon Moore and they get nose-to-nose. Moore's Notorious Inc. partner Drew Blood coma out and distracted Havoc so Moore could jump him but Danny's sole remaining Nation of Intoxication partner Connor Claxton came out (armed with a wrench) to make the save. Havoc then said he was tired of this bullsh*t and that their war must end, and the best place to end it would be next month at Tournament of Death! Notorious Inc. gladly accepted the challenge… but Connor Claxton shot the idea down!

He said he would be happy to help Danny hurt Notorious Inc. any other time, but he really wants to focus on winning Tournament of Death. As he told Danny "how many TODs have you won? Because I haven't won any." Danny starts to lecture Connor about loyalty and priorities, saying "after everything I've done for you?!" But Connor replies that Danny owes him his support in this endeavor after everything he has done for Danny. This was all made even better by Devon Moore's taunts from aisle, which the babyfaces would shout down by telling him to "sh*t the f*ck up!" then turn that anger right back on each other. Danny shoved Connor, so Connor walked out on him (shouting "f*ck you!" at Drew Blood as he passed him on the ramp).

Then Drew Blood grabbed a mic and threw Danny Havoc's challenge back in his face: "Notorious Inc. vs. Dannoy Havoc at TOD? You're f*cking on! Hahaha." And Danny responded by saying "Whatever. Notorious Inc. vs. Danny Havoc at TOD? I don't care if I have a partner or not; I'm f*cking you up!"

STEEL CAGE MATCH:
"Father" Matthew Tremont vs. Joey Janela - 8.25/10

As the ring announcer made sure to tell us, exiting the cage doesn't make you the winner. "The only three ways to win this match are by pinfall, submission, or death." Yes. "DEATH." And then the fans started chanting "DEATH! DEATH! DEATH!" while the announcers try to play death up as a legitimately potential outcome. There's the CZW I knew and purposely avoided.

And why is death even on the list? If the guy is already dead won't the referee just declare him non-responsive to any sort of submission hold? And he certainly won't be kicking out of any pin attempts, either. And even if the opponent doesn't go for either of those the just starts stomping on the corpse, it's not like we have sportsmanlike notions of excessive punishment to be worried about because the guy can't feel any more pain because he's already dead.

The ring had about eight chairs in it, but apparently in a CZW cage match the wrestlers are allowed to ask for various weapons to be brought out from the back, which are the handed through the opened cage door. I don't have a problem with this in theory if you're framing the need for the cage in a very CZW "IT'S MORE DANGEROUS AND EXTREME!" way rather than the usual "no one gets in; no one gets out" kind of way (which works here because I don't see the heel Tremont as the type of guy who would run from a fight), but they also mentioned that having this match in a cage was done to prevent Tremont's allies in The Awakening from interfering (the "no one gets in" part)… so why don't they just run through the cage door when it's opened?

Well, they did come out, but they just stood around the cage rather than actually trying to get inside. Storm of Entrails and Cannonball came out to stop them. The stuff these guys did on the outside took way too long to set up, and very much distracted from the match.

Other than that this was a great weapons match. Just about the only thing that I thought didn't work was Janela doing the kick out at one and fighting spirit roar of imperviousness to pain… while simultaneously brushing the thumbtacks out of his back. Either you're blocking out the pain and you don't care about them, or you're not blocking out the pain in which case you shouldn't be roaring in fighting spirit. You've got to pick one.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT - Joey Janela's girlfriend Penelope Ford came out to check on him after his loss. He grabbed a mic and said he was quitting CZW, then shouted at Penelope a bit before leaving. A sad Penelope headed backstage, and we followed her just inside the curtain, where she was met by Maxwell Jacob Friedman, who whispered something in her ear, then winked at the camera. Huh.

Final Thoughts
An awesome show from CZW, with good booking, great wrestling, and excellent hardcore action. I never thought I'd say this about CZW, but I might check out the next show (well… not if it's Tournament of Death, but maybe I'll check out the one after that).