NJPW G1 Climax XXX: Day 7

YOTA TSUJI vs. YUYA UEMURA - 5/10

BLOCK A MATCH:
Minoru Suzuki vs. Yujiro Takahashi - DUD!

We quickly went to the outside for the usual bullsh*t including Yujiro using a weapon right in front of the referee without getting DQed. They got back into the ring, did some stuff, Suzuki got control, and then he took Yujiro to the outside he could do the usual bullsh*t, too. They’re on the outside forever without being counted out… until, of course, it’s time for the Count-Out Tease That No One Ever Buys™. New Japan Pro Wrestling: King of sport stupid bullsh*t.

They did more stuff and worked the head. No one thought Yujiro had a f*cking chance. Suzuki won. This was terrible.

BLOCK A MATCH:
Kota Ibushi vs. Jeff Cobb - 7.5/10

BLOCK A MATCH:
Taichi vs. Kazuchika Okada - 7/10

Taichi jumps the bell on Okada, and we immediately go outside for the obligatory whips into the guardrails. No count-out, of course. At least they had El Desperado distract the referee when Taichi hit Okada with a chair. Thank G-d for small mercies.

Taichi rolled Okada back into the ring and choked him (of course), the gave him a snapmare and a few kicks to the back, and now we’re back on the outside for running Okada’s back into the apron. If I wanted to watch day 5’s Okada vs. Jay White match again, I’d just go watch that. I’m tired of seeing the same sh*t all the time in this company.

Speaking of the same sh*t all the time, if you’ve seen more than three Taichi matches this year, you’ll already know that what happened next was Taichi rolling his opponent back into the ring and then doing those stupid little cocky kicks that seem to exist for no reason other than to let the babyface fire up. And you’ll also know that after that came the exchange of forearms, with Taichi cutting the babyface off with the spinning back kick to the chest. Only when the babyface is ready to get sustained offense in to we break our pattern. If the first five minutes of every Taichi match are going to be the same, why should I even watch them?

More stuff happened. Okada got to whip Taichi into the guardrail, too. I think if you don’t whip someone into the guardrail in a New Japan match, they fine you.

Don’t get me wrong: I thought the match was great. They told a good story with each guy working a body part and had good counters to each other’s moves. The issue is that the match could have been a lot better if the first five minutes of it didn’t feel like something I’ve seen a million times before.

BLOCK A MATCH:
Will Ospreay vs. Jay White (w/Gedo) - 8.25/10

White starts off by stalling. They did some stuff, leading to Ospreay getting dumped over the top rope with a suplex, setting up those damn whips into the guardrail. At least Ospreay had the sense to change things up a little bit and take them in the stomach instead of the back like everyone else does. And, of course, Red Shoes didn’t count them out until White got back in the ring and told him he wanted a count-out. I thought G1 matches were �"too important” to end by count-out. That’s the stupid excuse Kevin Kelly always gives for when a referee doesn’t count a wrestler out or disqualify him in New Japan, so if that’s the case, why are there count-outs at all, and why is the referee starting them at the instruction of one of the wrestlers?
On the bright side, aside from some dumb stuff Red Shoes did at the end, this was the only one of my �"usual” complaints about New Japan matches. This wasn’t at the level I would have hoped for given the talent involved, but it was nice to see White finally have a match that was different from the one that he has been having for what feels like a year now. Hooray for Will Ospreay!

BLOCK A MATCH:
Tomohiro Ishii vs. Shingo Takagi - 6.75/10

They hit each other for two minutes, and then it’s to the outside for Into The Guardrails™. Then they started to hit each other in the face on the outside instead of inside the ring. Red Shoes disapproved of this, but of course he didn’t start counting them out- i.e. the only weapon in his arsenal to force them to get back into the ring- because that would be logical, and Red Shoes is the opposite of logical. Eventually he starts to count them out, and look at that! They got back into the ring as soon as they were able. Maybe you should file that trick away for next time, Red Shoes.

They spent the rest of the match in the ring… and pretty much the entirety of it was spent hitting each other in the face or doing head-drops. This went twenty-six minutes and definitely dragged on for longer than it needed to. I think the problem was that it felt like they the entire match in gear 3 out of five instead of ramping up and down with the metaphorical �"peaks and valleys:” that most long matches have. There was also a DDT where it was clear that Ishii’s head came nowhere near the mat but he sold it anyway.

Final Thoughts
This was a decent show from New Japan. The dud definitely hurt it, as did the weak main event, but enough of the wrestling was good enough to make me not feel like I wasted my time watching it.