WrestleMania XXXVIII: Sunday

WrestleMania XXXVIII: SundayWrestleMania XXXVIII: Sunday

By Big Red Machine
From April 03, 2022
Discussion

TRIPLE H WELCOMED US TO THE SHOW - His song played through about eighty-four times before he started talking. After welcoming us to the show, he left his boots in the ring.

THEY SHOWED US GABLE STEVESTON IN THE FRONT ROW - Remember when he got drafted to Raw in September?

WWE RAW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:
RK-Bro(c) vs. Alpha Academy vs. Street Profits - 6.75/10


A fun action opener in which everyone got the chance to run wild. Whoever put together the finish of this match has finally caught up to about 2015 in their PWG tapes, when those springboard cutters were all the rage.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT - Meh. The Street Profits were good sports and wanted to toast RK-Bro. Gable Steveson decided to join in. Chad Gable knocked his cup out of his hand so Steveson gave Chad an overhead belly-to-belly. This sort of confrontation to set something up works much better on the Raw after Mania than it does on WrestleMania as an afterthought to a title match.

BOBBY LASHLEY vs. OMOS - 5/10


Lashley overcame the size disadvantage and beat Omos. They did a good job with the story. If they’re just done with Omos then I’m fine with Lashley beating him, but if they’re not, then someone else would have benefited from being the first one to beat Omos a lot more than Lashley.

ANYTHING GOES MATCH:
Sami Zayn vs. Johnny Knoxville - -2/10


Why are Knoxville’s friends allowed to jump the guardrail? Does that mean other fans can jump the guardrail in a No DQs match, too?

A little person came out from under the ring and beat Sami up. A bunch of stupid, goofy, sh*t happened. I don’t understand how Sami Zayn is the heel here. Throw in the botched finish, and this was absolute torture to watch. And early candidate for Worst Match of the Year.

WWE WOMEN’S TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:
Zelina Vega & Carmella vs. Liv Morgan & Rhea Ripley vs. Shayna Baszler & Natalya vs. & Sasha Banks & Naomi - 5.75/10


This match only had two legal wrestlers at a time, even though in the three-way tag we saw earlier, there were three legal wrestlers at a time. Action happened. Most of it was bland. Sasha and Naomi won. This is the kind of match where you watch it and get annoyed that they wasted so much talent on a multi-team tag match for pointless title when a singles match-up between any of two of Nattie, Sasha, Rhea or Baszler would have been much better.

AJ STYLES vs. EDGE - 8.75/10


A TREMENDOUS, dramatic match… ruined by Damian Priest randomly appearing at ringside to distract AJ. He and Edge are apparently a group now.

NEW DAY (Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods) vs. RIDGE HOLLAND & SHEAMUS (w/Butch) - 4/10


The heels jumped the bell on New Day. We were supposed to be more upset that they ripped off the Big E.-inspired jackets that New Day were wearing than about the fact that they physically assaulted them. These guys had the most exciting match they could in the TWO MINUTES they were given. Why even have this on the show if you’re only going to give it two minutes?

PAT MCAFEE vs. AUSTIN THEORY - 6.5/10


Vince McMahon came out to introduce Theory and referred to him as a future world champion. McAfee won a solid match. Why is the announcer beating the full-time wrestler?

POST-MATCH SEGMENT - Dumb. They teased a match between Vince and McAfee. Theory knocked McAfee down from behind, and the referee rang the bell for…

PAT MCAFEE vs. VINCE MCMAHON (w/Austin Theory) - no rating, TERRIBLE segment


Eighty-year-old Vince clotheslined McAfee, and McAfee had to sell for it. The referee just watched Theory attack McAfee and didn’t call for the bell. Vince then kicked a football into McAfee and pinned him. This was an idiotic and pointless waste of time. I’m sure New Day, Sheamus, and Ridge Holland feel very valued right now. Vince and Theory spent forever celebrating, and then hugged.

Then Steve Austin came out. Where were you when Pat McAfee was getting unfairly assaulted, Steve? Byron Saxton was ecstatic to see the man who assaulted him for no reason last night. Theory tried to attack Austin but ate a Stunner. Austin offered to drink beer with Vince, who fell for it. If the 50,342nd time didn’t teach him, maybe the 50,343rd will. The old man took an embarrassingly bad bump for the Stunner.

Then Austin drank beer with Pat McAfee, because we haven’t wasted enough time on this f*cking show with video packages and the like. Yup. Pat’s a dumbf*ck, too. So in a segment that started in a situation where I was supposed to be angry that someone assaulted Pat McAfee for no good reason, it now ends with someone assaulting Pat McAfee for no good reason, and I’m supposed to be happy about it.

TITLE UNIFICATION MATCH:
Brock Lesnar(WWE Universal World Heavyweight Title) vs. Roman Reigns (WWE Universal Title) (w/Paul Heyman) - 6.5/10


They hit their finishers a few times, plus a bunch of German Supelxes and Superman Punches. For “the biggest WrestleMania match of all time,” this was pretty disappointing. I’m done with Brock Lesnar and never want to see him again. Roman has had better matches with pretty much every else he has faced.

Final Thoghts
This was a very frustrating show from WWE. I enjoyed last night’s show a lot, but tonight’s four-hour slog with just one match worth seeing, with terrible booking decisions all along the way reminded me why I stopped watching main roster TV, and made me glad I have no plans to return to doing so. Everything after Edge vs. AJ was boring as hell, and the Zayn vs. Knoxville match was horrendous… and that was the second-longest match on the show. The disappointment of the main event for its billing is also a major strike against this show. Could Brock really not go twenty minutes just this once?

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