TNA Hard Justice 2006

TNA Hard Justice 2006 (8/13/2006)- Orlando, FL

OPENING VIDEO PACKAGE- we get a creepy tweenage girl in a white dress singing a lullaby. Well… now we know what happened to one of the three creepy little girls form those Undertaker return promos in 2000. TNA’s opening video packages are usually pretty good, but this one wasn’t. It just talked randomly about good and evil and teased that maybe Sting would somehow turn heel, which was coming entirely out of nowhere.

ERIC YOUNG vs. JOHNNY DEVINE- 3/10
A few minutes into this match, something in the rafters caught fire. This caused the fans to chant �"the roof! The roof! The roof is on fire!” It also caused the arena to fill with that dry fire extinguisher foam, making it very hard to see… to which the fans responded by chanting �"YOU CAN’T SEE US!” They were also into EY. Remember when the crowd at the Impact Zone was good? I miss those days.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Earl Hebner (who had been fired) jumps the guardrail and starts to choke Slick Johnson. Security and Larry Z came out to restrain Earl. Earl shouted at Larry that if he doesn’t get his job back, he would take Larry and Jarrett down with him. A good segment that build off of the whole �"conspiracy TNA had built up over the past year or so.

While waiting for the arena to be declared safe for reentry and things to get fixed up, they had Monty Brown, cut a promo to kill time …and he was not good. He declares himself to be �"the most dominant male on two feet,” because I guess he can’t beat up a spider or a giraffe or anything with any other number of legs. And to make things worse, he said this to hype up a match against a guy who calls himself �"Rhino.” The only part of this promo that was remotely entertaining was when he called Samoa Joe a �"hippo-phant” (half hippo and half elephant), and that would have been a lot better if he hadn’t just expressed his inability to beat up four-legged animals.
This was a just a total disaster. Monty’s version of wasting time was just repeating the same things, worded slightly differently each time. He also said that he didn’t care if anyone watched the match. And if you doubt my claim that this was just plain horrid, the following is a direct quote:
�"I am the alpha male. The alpha male is me. He is I, and I am him.”

SHANE DOUGLAS PROMO- wow.
Shane decides to piss off both sides of the political aisle here, and for no real reason. He pisses of the left by calling George Bush a great president, and pisses off the right by saying that Bush is only great because he had a war dropped in his lap. Shane then claims that he has been the Franchise of every company he has ever worked for. I’ll let you insert your own Dean Douglas joke here.
Shane then proceeds to tell the Naturals that �"you have to have eyes in the back of your head; that sixth sense that makes you the very best.” Wouldn’t having eyes in the back of your head just be sight, and therefore not be a sixth sense?
Shane’s promo then turns good and does a good job of firing up the Naturals, but the wrestling gods have already decided to punish Shane for the earlier crappiness of his promo by making the good part of his promo a complete and total waste because the Natural’s match is the one that would wind up being bumped from the show because of the fire.

JB INTERVIEWS SHELLEY, DEVINE, & NASH- dumb.

WINNER BECOMES #1 CONTENDER TO THE X-DIVISION TITLE: Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley (w/Johnny Devine & Kevin Nash)- 6/10
Shelley applied a testicular claw… and the ref counted for a break like it was any other illegal submission hold, rather than calling for a DQ. Other than that, this was a good little match.

JAMES MITCHELL PROMO- awesome!

BROTHER RUNT vs. ABYSS (w/James Mitchell)- 5.25/10
Props to Spike for taking all of those sick thumbtack bumps in this entirely meaningless match.

RHINO PROMO- he says he wants to punch Joe’s teeth out. Okay. Fine. Noting out of the ordinary there. Then he says he tells Monty Brown that he wants to �"rape your face with my fist.” WHOA! That’s a little harsh, there, don’t you think?

FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH: Samoa Joe vs. Rhino vs. �"the Alpha Male” Monty Brown- 8.25/10
Great intensity throughout the match, though there was one unintentionally hilarious spot where Joe went to hit Monty with a piece of walling that had broken off, but it was too thin and shattered in his hand before it came close to making contact. To Monty’s credit, though, he didn’t let it phase him at all. He didn’t try and sell it or anything ridiculous like that, and instead just went on the offensive on Joe. This was one of the best crowd-brawl Falls Count Anywhere matches I have ever seen, with some sick bumps at the end.
This was also a much-needed great match for TNA, as it was the best PPV match they put on since Lockdown, and the only awesome match they put on that wasn’t AMW vs. Styles & Daniels. TNA’s last three shows had been very disappointing, and losing twenty minutes to the fire made it seem like this show would wind up being a wash, too, but these guys went out and put on an awesome match that really restored some faith in TNA.

GAIL KIM vs. SIRELDA- 2.25/10
Gail beats Sirelda pretty much cleanly. Well… so much for the �"equalizer.”

SCOTT STEINER PROMO- standard Scott Steiner goofy ridiculousness.

TNA X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH: Senshi(c) vs. Petey Williams vs. Jay Lethal- 7.25/10
They did one of those spots where they go through a series of different roll-ups, but Petey was slow getting in to roll Senshi up and Lethal just didn’t kick out, so the ref just stopped counting a pin for no reason. Other than that, a great X-Division match.
Low Ki picks up the win by stealing the pin after Petey hit Lethal with a Canadian Destroyer, and they had a post-match argument about this.

KONNAN PROMO- AWESOME! He just had such a fire in him that I could definitely see a sympathetic Latino getting swept up in what he is saying. Awesome stuff by Konnan.

NWA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels(c) vs. LAX (w/Konnan)- 8/10
Just awesome tag team wrestling. Hernandez especially looked like a star in this match (though that was more the way the match was constructed than anything else, which is why him taking the pin was so baffling), but the quick high-low finish made him look weak in the ends. Still an awesome match which some of the most beautiful, crisp dives I have ever seen.

CHRISTIAN CAGE PROMO- okay

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Jeff Jarrett(c) (w/Scott Steiner) vs. Sting (w/Christian Cage)- DUD!
They had two additional referees at ringside for this match in order to �"help maintain order.” Keep that in mind as you read this so you realize just how stupid some of these spots were.
Completely unprovoked, Sting attacks Jarrett with a fan (the kind that makes a breeze, not a member of the audience). There was no DQ for this. They then brawled in the crowd forever with no count-out. While this was happening, Tenay was encouraging the referee to not enforce the rules because this match was so important, and he did this by saying that he should have a little �"levity” with the rules. I would criticize him for using entirely the wrong word, but I guess I have to let it go because the referee was certainly treating the rules of this match like a joke, so Tenay’s plea was technically answered.
I also hated the crowd-brawl portion of this match because it wasn’t organic at all. Jarrett fled into the crowd because he was scared. That is good. But then Sting just dragged Jarrett around the whole arena just for the purpose of punching him in specific places. It’s not like they just brawled around and wound up all through the crowd. Sting actually punched Jarrett then dragged him up to the top of the bleachers, punched him up at the top of the bleachers, then dragged him back down again and punched him at a different level. He just dragged him up to the stop for the bleachers for the specific purpose of delivering one punch up there before dragging him down again. It was just horribly stupid. Sting is supposed to be trying to get the title off of Jarrett. He should be trying to get him TO THE RING. Getting Jarrett to the top of the bleachers only increases the chance that the ref might actually enforce the rules and count them out.
Once they were back in the ring, Sting went to the top rope for a splash, but the referee decided to go and yell at Christian for not being on a specific side of the ring (he couldn’t have left that to the tow other referees?), so Scott Steiner hit Sting with a chair, starting the heat. Steiner then hit Christian with a Belly-to-Belly Suplex on the outside so the referee got out of the ring to go yell at him and ordered him to sit in a chair. Again, the other two referees couldn’t have done this? Or did they just figure that after the brawl through the crowd that nothing else wild could possibly in a Jeff Jarrett title defense with both Steiner and Christian at ringside, and they just decided to leave (and no one in TNA Management sent them back out)?
Later Steiner pulled the ref out of the ring to break up a nearfall, and the ref yells at Steiner to sit back in the chair he had designated for him after the crowd brawl. Christian then attacks Steiner and goes to hit him with a chair, but the ref stops Christian from doing so and threatens to eject him from ringside. So if you interfere in the match you are scolded and ordered to sit in your seat. If you do your job and stop the other guy’s second from interfering in the match, you will ejected from ringside. HUH?
Scott Steiner was grabbing all over the ref at one point and preventing him from counting a pin, and the ref did nothing about it. When Christian hit Jarrett with a chair (which the ref didn’t see because he was busy trying to escape from Steiner’s grasp), he ejects Christian from ringside merely because Scott Steiner, a heel who has been cheating all match, claimed that Christian did something wrong. The ref then ejected Steiner from ringside as well. The build-up to this match was all about Sting asking Christian to come to ringside with him counteract Steiner. Christian completely failed at this all match, which made him look completely ineffective… then the referee just ejected Steiner from ringside, completely sh*tting all over the logic for Christian being out here in the first place!

Anyway, they did some more stuff and Jarrett, who had been working over Sting’s knee earlier, locked Sting in the Scorpion Deathlock, but Sting powered out of it and went for a Scorpion of his own, and apparently just the fear of this move was enough to cause Jeff Jarrett pain, because Jarrett started selling the move while Sting was still doing his taunt, BEFORE THE HOLD WAS ACTUALLY LOCKED IN!
One weak-looking Scorpion Deathlock and ropebreak later, Sting, who hadn’t really been selling his injured knee, does a perfectly normal Stinger Splash which resulted in a ref-bump, at which point Jarrett took the advantage with a low blow and the Stroke. Only AFTER Jarrett had the advantage did Scott Steiner show up at ringside with a guitar. Jarrett went to the top rope with the guitar while Steiner held Sting upright (luckily for the heels, TNA management, who had earlier wanted to ensure that order was maintained, did not assign a new referee to this match, or else they would have been DQed). Christian then came out and made the save, hitting both heels with Sting’s bat.
Sting recovers and hits a back suplex, then Christian tells Sting to do a diving splash. Sting goes to do it, and Christian decides to turn heel, hitting Sting with Jarrett’s guitar. I will give them some credit because Christian cracking the guitar over Sting’s head as Sting flew through the air looked awesome… but I have to ask why Christian did this. If he wanted Sting to lose, why not just stay in the back and not save him? What did Sting do in those thirty seconds that caused Christian to turn on him?
I feel kind of bad giving this a dud because there were some things in here I really liked, but they all wound up getting either overshadowed or made stupid in retrospect by the utterly horrible refereeing job, Sting’s lack of selling, and the fact that they totally shat on the gimmick of the match.

Overall, an okay show from TNA. It started out very mediocre and then started to go uphill, but eventually got dragged down by an atrocious main event.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Don West claims that Hernandez’s finisher got its name because Hernandez is so strong that he used get illegal immigrants into the US buy picking them up and giving them a crucifix powerbomb across the Rio Grande and over the border. I swear to God I am not making this up.

2. Once Jarrett and Sting make it back to the ring after their horrible brawl in the crowd, Tenay puts over the ref doing �"everything in his power to maintain order.”
Yeah… I’m calling bulls**t. He didn’t even try to count them out, which is what any ref with a basic knowledge of the rules of wrestling would have done.

3. To indicate that Jeff Jarrett just hit Sting with his finishing move, Tenay tells us that Sting �"just got Stroked by the champ.” I laughed uproariously at this.